The crisis actor/performance art that is Rebel News.

As I posted yesterday, Rebel News in-house professional victim and high school student Alexa Lavoie gave another delightful performance for the cameras when she was ordered to fuck off from some sort of press conference, which reminded me that, some time ago, one of my confidential informants enlightened me as to how Rebel News trains its hacks in very specific ways to disrupt events like that; in fact, there is reportedly a detailed recipe as to how to milk the confrontation for maximum PR, so follow along and I'll tell you what my CI told me. (And as you follow along, if you can't help but think, "Man, this is so David Menzies," I will understand. Keean Bexte should also leap to mind.)

The first Rebel News rule of confrontation is to not register ahead of time, as it's important to show up unannounced in order to sow the seeds of chaos at the registration table. Eventually, of course, it will become obvious to all that the person trying to crash the event is an unethical, unprincipled hack like Rebel's Lavoie, at which time one moves to step two.

Once said hack is informed that they were not invited and that they must leave, step two involves trying to debate the rationale for the expulsion. Even though, at any private function, if you are told by the organizers to leave, you are legally required to leave, step two involves arguing along the lines of, "Well, we're accredited media, even the United Nations recognizes us, and that guy over there is getting in so why aren't we allowed to get in?" In short, demand that the organizers engage in a debate with you (again, all for the cameras). And when you are finally ordered to leave -- possibly by a burly security officer or a member of the police -- it's time for the all-important step three.

Step three takes only seconds, and involves saying, "OK, we're leaving." And it makes no difference whether you start to leave or not -- the utterance of those few words is entirely for the sake of the camera so that, later, if there is any sort of legal issue, one can go to the videotape and insist, "See? Right there. We said we were leaving!" Despite the fact that you haven't actually started to leave at all, it's all just for the video record. However, at some point, you will have to start leaving, whereupon ...

... we move on to step four, during which you start to leave but you do it maddeningly slowly, the purpose being to deliberately provoke the organizers and/or security to want to hurry you along. Again, this is all for the sake of the camera, so that you can later say, "Look! We were clearly leaving! There was no need for what happened next!" So you're finally leaving, but at a excruciatingly glacial pace solely for the purpose of provoking a possible confrontation, and that's when the critically important (and final) step five comes into play ...

... step five being that you are on your way out, but moving so agonizingly slowly that someone loses patience and perhaps puts a hand on your back or shoulder to speed up the process, at which time you burst into hysterical screaming about how no one is allowed to touch you and that that's assault and so on, SSHHHRRRIIIEEEEKKKKKK!!!. Think I'm kidding?

It's all childish performance art, and it follows a well-defined script perfected by the likes of David Menzies and perpetual victim Keean "Tomorrow Belongs To Me" Bexte, who took wailing, "YOU'RE TOUCHING ME! YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME!!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH MEEEEEEE!!!!" to hitherto undiscovered levels of whiny victimhood.

In any event, now you know, and if you want to cross-correlate this against the two-plus minutes of Lavoie's eye-rollingly childish drama queenitude, tell me I'm wrong.

Thanks for stopping by.

BY THE WAY, in case you didn't know, Lavoie had no right to ask for anyone's badge number, and the police had no obligation to provide any of that information, as this was a private event, which means no one had any obligation to tell Lavoie sweet fuck all other than that she had been told to leave and she was now trespassing. Just so you know.

BONUS TRACK: That this is all performance art is painfully obvious, given that Lavoie could have avoided all this by simply trying to pre-register for the event, to see if she would have been allowed entrance. But that wouldn't have generated all of the above histrionics, which is what this was all about from the beginning.