Thursday, August 31, 2006

Unbounded hypocrisy, thy name is Shaidle.

Following a link from this piece by Robert McClelland, we have unhinged Catholic Kathy Shaidle howling on about tax dollars:

If it turns out that this movie was filmed here, and received any of my tax dollars to do so...

Damn right, Kathy. And the day you take a principled stand against the Catholic Church picking my pockets, that's the day I'll give a fuck what you think. Does that work for you?

Northern California, Day 6.

Mmmmmmmm ... Dungeness crab cioppino. Suddenly, that Big Mac of yours doesn't look so appealing does it? Hee hee.

And Anchor Steam Beer. That, too.

"Oh, look! Bright shiny thing!"

"We here at Proud to be Utterly Irrelevant would love to discuss the $450 million softwood lumber slush fund, but that would just get in the way of covering real news, ya know."

P.S. Shorter Ann Coulter: "Can we just kill someone else I don't like? Please?"

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Blogging Tories: When you absolutely, positively need to be as dumb as a sack of hammers.

It's fascinating to see what you'd learn if you got your news from just the Blogging Tories and nowhere else. For instance, consider today's exploding story -- the $450 million softwood lumber "slush fund" ripoff.

Progressive Bloggers of Canada? All over it. Canadian Blog Exchange? Ditto. Blogging Tories? Good luck.

It almost makes you wonder what it would be like if they had any grown-ups over there.

Softwood slush fund making big news down south.

Some Americans are just so shrill.

When parody fails utterly.

It is physically not possible for me to ingest enough hallucinogens to comment intelligently on this:

By far one of my favorite political personalities is United States Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld. The old warhorse is revered by US military personnel, ...

And no, I didn't read any further. Believe me, that was enough.

AFTERTHOUGHT: It is possible that I've been punk'd again and that that article is pure parody. That would make a lot more sense than trying to believe that someone wrote it in all seriousness.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Blogging Tories Short Takes, Aug 29, 2006.

Shorter Strong Conservative: "See, there's the political party that currently controls the House, the Senate, the White House and the Supreme Court. Then there's the party that I'm going to blame."

Shorter Damian Penny: "Whew. All that Jon Benet stuff was so yesterday."

Shorter Celestial Junk: "Why can't people understand how important it is for folks other than me to stay the course?"

Al Franken rocks.


Wait for it ... you know it's coming ...

"And given that the case against confessed JonBenet Ramsey murderer John Mark Karr has collapsed entirely, it seems fair to ask: Is today's media ridiculously obsessed with hyping non-news to the point of absurdity, with no idea of when to just let it go? Today, on CNN, we begin a week-long series ..."

Blogging Tory reality, as it were.

Pete writes:

Bush is an idiot.

"You might hear that from lefties, and others in a bar conversation."

Yeah, Pete. And you might even hear it from hard-core, right-wing attack poodles these days, too. Oh, I'm sorry ... did that mess up your convenient little talking point? My bad.

Dear Dianne: About those precious taxes of yours ...

Every so often, you read something so irritating that you just want to chew on a ball of tin-foil to take your mind off of how hacked off you are. Like over here, where we have commenter Dianne Wood who writes of the recent suggestion to defund the Status of Women Canada:

Why are you intolerant to another women's point of view? We can live together, as we have been. I just object to my tax money being used to support something I do not believe in.

Yes, Dianne, let's talk about tax money being spent to support things I don't believe in. Like, say, the fact that religion in Canada is tax-exempt. That kind of pisses me off -- that my tax dollars are going to prop up the churches. Why the fuck should I have to work so that those parasites can get a free ride?

And as I've written before, if you live in Ontario, it's a double boot to the nads since taxpayers also pay for the publicly-funded Catholic school system, and you have no idea how much I'd like not to have to shell out cash to keep subsidizing that rubbish.

Of course, the most amusing part of all of this is that, if you follow the links, you can end up at Dianne's blog where you learn she lives in Newmarket, Ontario and writes about Opus Dei. Yes, it takes a really breathtaking level of assholitude to be a Catholic living in Ontario and still complain about how your tax dollars are being used for things you disapprove of.

I'm betting Dianne doesn't even recognize the irony.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Northern California, Day 3.

So the hotel room has a flat screen, plasma TV and HBO, there's a hot tub next to the swimming pool, you can buy fresh organic figs at the roadside, and the rental car has a sunroof.

Yee ha. Don't wait up.

Hi, Polly. Long time, no bitch.

Ooooooh ... now there's a blast from the past. Over in the comments section of the PB piece on the recent freeping of their online poll on SWC, we have commenter Polly Jones taking it to the general population of progressive dudes, to wit:

And, to be frank, I have seen that the many of the male "progressive" bloggers have very little appreciation for women's views - we are eqaul so long as we are in line with liberal mandates. No thanks.

Polly has a good point. Let's ignore my numerous posts on topics like abortion, contraception, "pro-life" pharmacists and the like with which I'm sure my regular readers are familiar. See, I don't get any credit for stuff like that from Ms. Jones 'cuz, well, I use bad words.

Which is neither nor there but it does suggest that, the next time Ms. Jones wants to whine and moan about the lack of progressive male bloggers who take an interest in womens' rights, she might not want to thoroughly piss off the alleged few of us who do. I'm just sayin', ya know.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Northern California, day 2.

Shark tacos. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

And the "freeping" of that poll surprises you HOW exactly?

I don't quite get the outrage (or, at least, visible annoyance) of some of Canada's progressives now that it's obvious that their recent poll on the Status of Women Canada was being "freeped."

What did you expect, guys? Did you seriously think to run an online survey that would generate meaningful results? Jesus, what colour is the sky on your planet?

Of course
it was going to be manipulated. And it was going to be manipulated by the Right to skew the results in one direction, in exactly the same fashion that it was going to be manipulated by you folks by posting that survey on a progressive blog in the first place which would tend the skew the results the other way.

And are you surprised that the manipulation was egged on by Canada's own Crazy-Assed Racist Redneck? Oh, please -- she has a talent for that sort of thing, as you can see here, where she not only encourages readers to specifically vote for that dimwit Preston Manning, but even encourages them to vote once a day, within the technical bounds of the voting process.

So what's the problem? Both of those are online polls; therefore, they're both equally worthless. Accept it and move on. Whining about it is really quite unbecoming, you know.

Northern California snark -- whoa ... chill out, dude.

Nothing meaningful to say this morning, so some humour from Mom, since everyone deserves to get dissed every so often, even the French.

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." -- Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." -- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- General Norman Schwarzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." -- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -- Jacques Chirac, President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." -- Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." -- Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." -- P.J. O'Rourke

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." -- U.S. Senator John McCain

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." -- Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq after all. The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." -- David Letterman

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." -- Ted Nugent

"War without France would be like, well, World War II." -- Unknown

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" -- Tom Brokaw

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" -- Dennis Miller

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." -- Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qaida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." -- Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day - the description was, 'Never shot, Dropped once.'" -- Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." -- Dennis Miller

"Raise your right hand if you like the French, raise both hands if you are French." -- Unknown

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000, m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? No one knows, it's never been tried." -- Rep. R. Blount, MO

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003. The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France, either." -- Jay Leno

Saturday, August 26, 2006

"Mommy, can I hear the story about right-wing accountability again?"

Cathie reminds us of the awe-inspiring depth of some folks' total dumbassitude:

Mark Steyn, May 2003:

. . . It takes two to quagmire. In Vietnam, America had an enemy that enjoyed significant popular support and effective supply lines. Neither is true in Iraq. Isolated atrocities will continue to happen in the days ahead, as dwindling numbers of the more depraved Ba'athists confront the totality of their irrelevance. But these are the death throes: the regime was decapitated two weeks ago, and what we've witnessed is the last random thrashing of the snake's body . . .

Let me (once again) suggest the only appropriate response:

... Screw them. Tie Bush around their necks, tie Iraq around their necks, like a fucking millstone, and let's watch the whole conservative, paleo or neo, sink deep into the ocean trenches. You failed, boys. Failed badly.

And one of the consequences of failing this badly is that you have to shut up and let actual adults take charge and clean this shit up. I don't give a rat's ass whether you're ready to live with it. Sit down, and don't raise your hand again until you have something useful to say.

Because, really, there's not much point in trying to have an intelligent discussion with these folks anymore. Telling them to just sit down and shut the fuck up is no less than they deserve.

AH, HOW CONVENIENT: Glenn Greenwald carefully reaches into his bag and selects a 5-iron, then goes to work on Steyn.

Friday, August 25, 2006

"Getting ready for the road" open thread.

In which your humble correspondent is getting ready for 10 days of California, which means blogging will be a bit erratic for the next little while so I'm expecting you slackers to pick up the ... uh ... slack.

Except for you, Jinx. You can still just fuck off.

"He did an excellent job."

There's a terrific scene in the movie "Twelve Angry Men" where Henry Fonda, in order to demonstrate that someone yelling "I'm gonna kill you!" may not really mean it, goads the character played by Lee J. Cobb until Cobb explodes in anger and has to be restrained by two of the other jurors, all the while yelling "I'm gonna kill him!", until he finally realizes that he's just proved Fonda's point.

Later, at the water cooler, Cobb tries to shrug it off, telling the juror played by E. G. Marshall, "Ah, that didn't mean nothing. He was just trying to bait me, that's all." To which Marshall, in a delicious deadpan, replies, "He did an excellent job."

Which, naturally, brings us to The 101st Chairborne, who never seem to tire of wetting themselves in fear over each and every mention of dark-skinned people with funny names doing anything untoward. And given that the entire purpose of terrorism is to terrify, one can safely say of the terrorists, they're doing an excellent job, aren't they?

Having a bad day, Joel?

I'm betting Joel Johannesen over at "Proud to be Epsilon-Minuses" is going to have one unhappy, little wingnut on his hands, as one of his star bloggers and world-renowned screech harpy Ann Coulter had her bony, little ass handed to her on "Hannity and Colmes."

Hey, Ann -- why the long face? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Life is like a box of stupid.

Alternative Kathleen Parker: "Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot."

Really, really stupid people -- part deux.

"Fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again."

Honestly, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can fool any right-wing dimwit with a ball and a blanket whenever you want.

Causality for conservatives.

Consider the following reports. First, there's this:

[The U.S.] Congress appears ready to slash funding for the research and treatment of brain injuries caused by bomb blasts, an injury that military scientists describe as a signature wound of the Iraq war.

House and Senate versions of the 2007 Defense appropriation bill contain $7 million for the Defense and Veterans Brain Injury Center — half of what the center received last fiscal year...

"Honestly, they would have loved to have funded it, but there were just so many priorities," says Jenny Manley, spokeswoman for the Senate Appropriations Committee. "They didn't have any flexibility in such a tight fiscal year."...

Zitnay asked for $19 million, and 34 Democratic and six Republican members of Congress signed a letter endorsing the budget request.

Then there's this:

“The [U.S.] government awarded 70 percent of its contracts for Hurricane Katrina work without full competition, wasting hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars in the process,” according to a new report from the House Committee on Government Reform’s minority office.

For full marks, discuss the possible connection between these two incidents.

For bonus marks, suggest which sorry piece of shit should spend the rest of his life at hard labour breaking rocks over this breathtaking corruption. It is not necessary to single out a specific individual -- identifying a political party in general will be sufficient.

Some people have a real problem with irony.

And over at "Proud to be Hermetically Sealed," we have Joel Johannesen working himself into a high dudgeon over baseless left-wing media fabrications:

In another amazing liberal media feat, a “news” story picked-up by the Vancouver Sun (Canwest Global) has managed to base a story on Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai on gaseous nothingness or what we in the Non-Liberal-Left Total BS-Spotting trade call, ”ether“. This is in contradistinction to the Liberal-left’s other sources for stories, which is described as ”wishful thinking based on our severely liberal-left world view“.

Uh huh. The day I take advice from Canada's conservatives on the dangers of weaving entire stories out of thin air is the day I take lessons in civility and multiculturalism from Kate McMillan.

Dear prog-o-sphere: don't get so cocky.

And while those of us progressives can make fun of the current ideological purity test within the Conservative Party of Canada:

The former riding president for Conservative MP Rob Anders has been disqualified in his bid to challenge the controversial politician for the Calgary West nomination.

that sort of sleazy nonsense is definitely not limited to those on the Right:

A Democratic Party committee has disqualified an openly gay candidate for the Alabama Legislature and the woman she defeated in the primary runoff.

Committee members ruled tonight that both women violated a party rule that party officials say no other candidate has obeyed since 1988.

The committee voted 5-0 to disqualify Patricia Todd and Gaynell Hendricks. Todd was attempting to become the the state's first openly gay legislator.

Stones and glass houses and all that, know what I mean?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Oh, THIS is promising.

The enlightenment -- it burns, it burns!!

A Colorado geography teacher “was placed on paid administrative on the second day of school for hanging several flags from other countries [China and Mexico] in his classroom.” The teacher said he hung the flags “as reference tools for world geography,” but under Colorado law it is illegal to permanently display foreign flags in public schools.

Not to worry. It's Colorado -- they make up for their ignorance in world geography with their ignorance in biological evolution.

"A CU grad, huh? Cool. Yeah, I'll have fries with that, thanks."

Hoist. Petard. Etc.

Fucking A. Now if we could just get some video of Minister of the Environment Rona Ambrose chowing down on some spotted owl kebab, we could get rid of that worthless airhead as well.

: Not surprisingly, the Blogging Tory soft-pedaling has already started, with commenter Jeff writing:

But surely you're not suggesting that this is on par with Nash and the Lib guy who resigned, are you?

I think there might be a little bit of difference between a guy who was duped into talking to an organization going under a false name and a couple of MPs traveling halfway across the world to organize a Hezbollah pep rally.

Yes, by God, how dare you compare those two situations, which are totally different. Totally.

THE FUN NEVER ENDS, DOES IT? And over at Assclown Central, Matt McGuire tries his hand at damage control:

Jason Kenney is now under fire for unknowingly ...

Yeah, that's where I stopped reading. Next.

CC Atom feed not working?

A recent email suggests that the Atom feed for this blog is not working anymore. I haven't changed anything lately so I have no idea what might be happening. As an experiment, I reconfigured the feed from "Short" to "Full" to see if that makes any difference (besides the obvious, that is).

Thoughts? Observations?

And for the missus, the Chicken Pol Pot Pie.

Ah, yes, the local Chamber of Commerce should be positively thrilled with this new development:

Mumbai eatery named for Hitler angers Indian Jews

A new restaurant in India's financial hub, named after Adolf Hitler and promoted with posters showing the German leader and Nazi swastikas, has infuriated the country's small Jewish community.

The only possible reaction to this is, of course, carefully-calibrated outrage, followed by seething self-righteousness, then ... oh, fuck it.

Everything old is new again.

Can you still get paid by the word if they're the same words as last time?

Some in G.O.P. Say Iraq Iran Threat Is Played Down

Some senior Bush administration officials and top Republican lawmakers are voicing anger that American spy agencies have not issued more ominous warnings about the threats that they say Iraq Iran presents to the United States.

Some policy makers have accused intelligence agencies of playing down Iraq's Iran’s role in al-Qaeda's Hezbollah’s recent attacks against the U.S. Israel and overestimating the time it would take for Iraq Iran to build a nuclear weapon...

The New York Times: Because there's a fine line between plagiarism and effective time management.

If only there was another way.

And once again, church and state get entangled in awkward and uncomfortable ways:

Christian mission statement at Winkler public schools questioned

A public school division in Winkler, Man., will have to review its mission statement, following a request from the Manitoba Human Rights Commission to change its Christian-themed declaration.

The Garden Valley School Division's mission statement says schools operate "in partnership with the home, church and community" based on Christian principles, among other things.

In its letter of May 31, the commission said it was concerned with the division's statement of partnership with the church and its reference to education based on Christian principles.

OK, so there's a "mission statement" but it's not like there's anything religiously untoward happening, right?

"We don't have any religious instruction in our schools, either before or after school hours," he said.

See? Not an issue whatsoever. No religious instruction in the school. Not before. Not after. Case closed. End of discussion. Problem solved.

"We do have religious exercises at the request of parents, outside of the instruction of the day. They would take the form of three- to five-minute devotionals which would probably be a Bible reading and the Lord's Prayer."

Well ... alright, maybe just a teeny, weeny bit. But, as we all know, those Mennonites are busy folks, and sometimes it's tough to find 3 to 5 minutes of down time to do that sort of thing off of school property.

I have an idea, though. It occurs to me that all of this could be resolved if, somehow, the folks who wanted to be religious could, perhaps, arrange a location off of public property to hold their religious devotionals. Maybe somewhere they could meet on a regular basis that has nothing to do with the public school system, where they could worship as they wanted, free from any possible entanglement with a taxpayer-funded, educational system, and which would solve any potential conflicts between religion and government.

It's just a wild and crazy idea. I'm sure it'll never fly.

The gorge also rises.

Help me out here -- what's another word for "sycophant?"

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Joe.

Having been such a thoroughly unprincipled, treasonous, back-stabbing, lying sack of weasel feces, ex-Democrat Joe Lieberman is apparently finding out just how unpopular he really is.

(This has been an unpaid political announcement for the Lieberman for Douchebaggery Party.)

Hell, no! We won't go!

OK, this is just plain weird -- an Israeli family living in Canada is refusing to be deported ... back to Israel? What's up with that?

Immigration authorities say they are still determined to deport an Israeli family who have sought sanctuary in a Newfoundland church basement.

So what's the problem? Some sort of threat to life or well-being if they return to Israel?

A humanitarian application filed on behalf of the Portnoy family was rejected this week, just days after Angela Portnoy gave birth to the family's fifth child.

"Humanitarian?" OK, so no life-threatening issues here. Then what?

A key element of the Portnoys' appeal is the future of the five children. Three of them were born in Canada, although Cohen emphasizes that three of the children require medical attention — including one for cystic fibrosis and another for language therapy.

I'm sorry -- they want to stay because they'll get better medical care? What, they don't have doctors and health care and language therapists in Israel? Here, let me give you Israelis some advice -- stop spending so much fucking money every year on tanks and guns and missiles and bullets and fighter jets and attack helicopters, and invest more of it in a decent health care system, and stop leaching off of ours.

I love the irony: "Support Israel," but not to the extent of actually, you know, wanting to live there.

. I figured it wouldn't take long before someone picked up on that "kids were born in Canada" meme, but I thought I'd be polite and wait for it to surface first.

I haven't seen any mention of this story over at Assclown Central yet but, if any of them try that rationalization for fighting the deportation, that will be irony of the highest order.

See, if you read the article, you'll notice that the family has been resisting the deportation since 2004, but the mother just gave birth to a son. So, to begin with, one can fairly ask what kind of mother decides to get pregnant and have yet another child in the midst of fighting a deportation order? But that's not the best part.

The idea of non-citizens coming into the country and having children just for the sake of the subsequent citizenship is absolutely infuriating to right-wing Americans, to the extent that they've coined a derogatory phrase for such children -- "anchor babies." And from that article, you can tell that America's wankers are none too happy with what they see as a gaping loophole in the citizenship laws.

So it's going to be entertaining to see if Canada's wankers pick up on this story and actually take advantage of this feature to criticize the deportation order. After all, you know as well as I do that, if the mother in question had been Nicaraguan or Guatemalan or Vietnamese, all of those same Blogging Tories would be fighting for the chance to personally drive that woman and her squalling brats to the airport for the first flight out. But since she's Israeli ... now what? Oh, man, you can just smell the cognitive dissonance from here, can't you?

How about we all just grab a coffee, pull up a chair, lean back and, with any luck, watch the BTs tie themselves in knots arguing against their normal, anti-immigrant tendencies. Where else are you going to get that kind of entertainment without having to pay for it?

It's always a context thing, isn't it?

A Canadian Wankerville discourse in two acts:

Appeasing the terrorists?
Despicable and shameful.

Appeasing those thieving, American fuckers?
Good business practices.

Class dismissed.

Dear Jason Cherniak: What the FUCK is wrong with you?

You know, I really had no interest in getting into the middle of this dick-slapping contest but, seriously, there comes a time when one must take a stand. Over here, Jason is just being a dishonest wank when he writes of Robert McClelland:

Suffice it to say that I am not too concerned when a man who wrote "fuck the Jews" on his website accuses me of being anti-Semitic because of some misleading wordplay on his part:

So did Robert really write "Fuck the Jews" on his web site? Why, yes -- yes, he did. So let's look at the context, shall we?

I just took a can of spraypaint and wrote that message on the side of a building (not owned by Jews). Have I committed an act of antisemitism and if so why? Answers of "yes, just because it is" are not acceptable.

Can anyone answer this question or has everyone been so conditioned to accept, without explanation as to why, that whatever you're told is antisemitic must be antisemitic.

Well, how about that? As anyone with a functioning brain stem can see, Robert is presenting that expression in the context of a thought experiment and challenging his readers to address a reasonably meaningful issue without descending into moronic, sophomoric, right-wing talking points, if that's even possible these days.

Thusly, therefore and to wit, Robert is asking an uncomfortable but important question and Jason is being a total prat. Q.E.D.

P.S. If I accuse the Jewish Alan Dershowitz of being an amoral, conscienceless monster, does that make me anti-Semitic? Discuss. Be concise. Give examples. Show your work.

Blogging Tories Short Takes, Aug 23, 2006.

Shorter MK Braaten: "I'm sure you'll agree that one billion dollars is a small price to pay so that I can write a snarky, sanctimonious blog post."

Shorter Stephen Taylor: "And then there was the time I forced the National Post to back down from its story on Iran and Jews and badges. God, those were heady times."

Shorter Blonde Conservative: "So, like, I'm talking with Marcia and we're all like, this Israel stuff is so gross and, like, hey, let's talk about makeup and everything ..."

Racial profiling: An idea whose time has come.

It's way past time to finally confront reality, and start weeding out Muslims for special treatment.

(This message brought to you by the Association of Upstanding, God-Fearing, Law-Abiding White Folks.)

That goddamned liberal media.

Your party of "accountability" and "personal responsibility" in action.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Support the troops, bitches.

OK, first, there's this (all emphasis added):

[The U.S.] Congress appears ready to slash funding for the research and treatment of brain injuries caused by bomb blasts, an injury that military scientists describe as a signature wound of the Iraq war.

House and Senate versions of the 2007 Defense appropriation bill contain $7 million for the Defense and Veterans Brain Injury Center — half of what the center received last fiscal year...

"Honestly, they would have loved to have funded it, but there were just so many priorities," says Jenny Manley, spokeswoman for the Senate Appropriations Committee. "They didn't have any flexibility in such a tight fiscal year."...

Zitnay asked for $19 million, and 34 Democratic and six Republican members of Congress signed a letter endorsing the budget request.

In other words, the Republican-controlled Congress somehow couldn't squeeze out another $12 million for brain-damaged Iraq war veterans 'cuz, you know, money's tight and all. So what is at the top of their agenda these days? Ah, here we go:

Republican senators have failed to secure enough votes to back a bill that would have permanently repealed estate taxes in the US...

Estate taxes are dubbed an unfair "death tax" by Republicans.

Democrats counter that the tax is fair and that a repeal would cost $1 trillion (£542bn) over 10 years.

The GOP: Because you can never be too rich. Or too fucking callous for words.

"Jawohl, mein Furrier."

And in honour of the most recent episode of Canada's right wing comparing someone to the Nazis, I give you cats who look like Hitler.

Because, sometimes, someone's public position is just too fucking stupid to even waste keystrokes on anymore.

Canada's right-wingers: A little slow on the uptake.

Stealing shamelessly from Dave over at TGB, we have the American neo-con circle jerk finally asking the pertinent question -- "Is Bush an Idiot?" (direct YouTube video link)-- a question that, we should point out, was asked and answered by Francoise Ducros back in 2002.

The conservative movement: Finally coming around to left-wing thinking -- it just takes them a bit longer.

Don't flatter yourself, dude.

Apparently, right-wing wannabe pundit Xavier feels under attack:

Well lo and behold, I’m under fire from the left!

Um, no, Xavier, my boy. There's a serious difference between marshalling our arguments and proceeding to intellectually eviscerate your claims, and pointing at you in wide-eyed amazement and snorting in disbelief while Diet Coke streams out of our noses and we gasp for breath in between howls of hysterical laughter.

Trust me, dude -- we're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you.

You keep using that phrase "double standard" ...

Apparently, Blogging Tory Brandon Langhjelm is a bit miffed by the practise of characterizing conservatives by their most extreme, racist, homophobic and, in general, totally dingbat representatives.

This is a good point since, as we all know, the Conservative Party of Canada has been historically very careful to weed out the most hopelessly wingnut of their party members.

Because, of course, that's just the right thing to do.

Because context is everything.

Via PZ, we have the following bit of religiously-inspired silliness (emphasis added):

The carpeted room is full of children in skullcaps crouched on prayer mats, reciting verses from a holy text. Some mumble the words under their breath; others sing them out. They rock back and forth as they chant, their disparate voices blending into an ethereal melody.

The children, ages 7 to 14, are full-time students, in class 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday, even in the summer. But they are not studying math, science or English. Instead, they are memorizing all 6,200 verses in the Koran, a task that usually takes two to three years...

Making the work even more difficult, the students, for the most part, do not understand what they are reciting. Muslims believe the Koran was spoken to the prophet Muhammad by the angel Gabriel in Arabic. Because it is seen as the literal word of God, the use of translations is frowned upon. Students know how to pronounce the words but mostly do not know what they mean.

At which point, I'm sure we can all appreciate the howling amusement value in students mindlessly repeating sounds of which they have no comprehension whatsoever.

Now, speaking in tongues -- that's different.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Only if you have a strong stomach.

[More dueling snark below.]

I defy you to get through this piece of neo-con swill without hurling.

. It's not like you need to invest any time disemboweling the utter rubbish in the article above but, what the fuck, let's pick on a single claim and tear it a new orifice, shall we? How about this one:

Moreover, President Bush’s five-year $15 billion commitment under the Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief is the largest commitment by a single nation toward an international health initiative - ever - working in over 100 (mostly African) countries.

And then there's the reality.

Honestly, every time you think you've met the absolutely dumbest right-wing wank imaginable, it turns out you have to re-calibrate your wank-o-meter. It never fails, does it?

OH NO ... AH BEEN DISSED. Awwwwww ... isn't that adorable? Over at his blog, Xavier's first comment is ... Xavier, commenting on my comment on his original commentary.

Tell you what, X -- if you can put that devilishly-clever snark back in its holster for just a minute, what say you address the issue I raised about how the U.S.'s vaunted $15 billion commitment to African AIDS is a pile of crap? Or does that run perilously close to doing actual research on your part?

We wouldn't want you to strain yourself intellectually.

BY THE WAY, XAVIER, I love your idea of the U.S. going all isolationist on everyone to teach them a lesson. So how exactly would you suggest they address this issue?

The United States imports 58 percent of the oil it consumes. Federal officials project that by 2025, the country will have to import 68 percent of its oil to meet demand. At best, analysts say, the energy legislation would slightly slow that rate of growth of dependence.

Yeah, X -- the U.S. is a net importer of oil, and in a major way. How do you figure they're suddenly going to make up for a 58 percent shortfall in oil?

Or had you not thought that far ahead?

Your life is SO fucked now, dude.

This would be annoying enough:

A Winnipeg doctor is demanding an official apology and compensation from United Airlines after being kicked off a flight in the U.S. this week, an incident he has characterized as "institutionalized discrimination." Dr. Ahmed Farooq, a Muslim, was escorted off an airplane in Denver on Tuesday. According to Farooq, reciting his evening prayers was interpreted by one passenger as an activity that was suspicious...

Farooq said the allegation came from a passenger who appeared drunk and had previously threatened him during the trip.

When flight personnel were alerted, the 27-year-old radiology resident and two colleagues — a man and a woman — were taken off their flight. They had been returning from a conference in San Francisco.

Farooq said that even officials from the Transportation Security Administration soon realized the flight crew had overreacted, but by the time that conclusion had been reached the trio were forced to stay in Denver for the night and catch a flight the next day — at their own expense.

But it's not just that one-time inconvenience that would concern me. Because I'm betting that Farooq's name is now on a no-fly, extra-security, treat-with-caution list off of which it will never, ever, ever be removed, regardless of how much United Airlines apologizes.

At this point, "sorry" doesn't even begin to make up for this kind of idiocy.

The Angry, Angry ... oh, hell, you know how that ends.

Welcome to George Bush's America, bitch.

Civil rights? Fuck you and your civil rights.

Gosh, it sounded like such a great idea on paper.

The theory:

According to Canada's wingnut-o-sphere, private medical care is a peachy keen idea because there are horrendous wait times for some procedures and private clinics would take some of the pressure off public facilities and, after all, reducing wait times was one of the CPoC's "five priorities" (that is, until it disappeared down the memory hole) and, naturally, in order to be fair, the costs of those private treatments would still be covered by Canada's heathcare system, so it's a win-win for everyone and, by gosh, aren't we thinking outside the box for clever and innovative solutions to the current healthcare crisis?

The implementation

Tax-payer funded death

Province to refund abortions

Why this news should worry both the left and the right:

It should worry the left because this ruling sets a precedent that the government must pay for people's use of private clinics.

It should worry the right because this ruling sets a precedent that the government must pay for people's use of private clinics.

For $@%t sake. It's one thing to support abortion. It's an entirely differnt thing to take someone else's money and use it for your own abortion because you don't feel like paying for it yourself. It's especially a sham since there's such strong disagreement over abortion.

Canada's conservatives: Guaranteeing your right to timely, publicly-funded medical care, one carefully-selected, right wing-approved procedure at a time.

AFTERSNARK: Make sure you read the comments section at that article, in which commenter "Gayle" stands out as a paragon of logic and clear thought in a lagoon of addle-brained stupidity. I'm thinking a few years in Gitmo might straighten her out.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Sometimes, this job is too easy.

Crazy-Assed Racist Redneck supplies the setup:

"Time for my own poll. Is there any question so wacky that one-third of the population will not answer it in the affirmative?

Hey, here's one: How many Americans think Commander Chimpy is doing a good job?

An Associated Press-Ipsos poll conducted this week found the president's approval rating has dropped to 33 percent, matching his low in May. His handling of nearly every issue, from the
Iraq war to foreign policy, contributed to the president's decline around the nation, even in the Republican-friendly South.

Sometimes, you have to go looking for a straight line. And sometimes the straight line comes to you.

You've read the rants -- now buy the album.

I'm guessing this is the perfect gift for the Blogging Tory on your Christmas shopping list.

THE "B" SIDE: At no extra charge.

Intelligent Design can blow me.


Sure, I can play that game.

The joy of PhotoShop and digital manipulation:

When PhotoShop isn't even necessary:

I'm CC, and I approved this smackdown.

"You raise an interesting point ... now you must be killed."

It's always moderately amusing (in a bloody train wreck kind of way) to watch what happens when folks in the wanker echo chamber are presented with a slightly different perspective. Over here at Crazy-Assed Racist Redneck's place, we have a piece on witches and witch-hunters which would seem to be at least superficially relevant these days. However, Kate's commenters are having none of this treasonous shit.

Commenter Mark from Ottawa writes, in part:

And dear Mr Harris, as so often, cannot get basic facts right...

And the Rosenbergs were convicted in 1951, not 1950.

Yes, by God, how on earth can you take seriously the shrieking, leftist, moonbat rantings of someone who can't even get something as simple as that correct? Because, as we all know, a factual error of that magnitude would naturally cast doubt on absolutely everything else such a person might write. With some exceptions, of course.

Commenter "Maple stump," on the other hand, prefers the succinct approach:

The author is obviously perturbed, hence potentially dangerous. Maybe 3-5 years at Gitmo Spa & Resort would make him understand a thing or two...

Guantanamo Bay: Because if we allow differences of opinion, the terrorists will have won.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Just because I'm feeling bitchy this morning.

As a parting shot to the earlier post on Bush's wiretapping, we have both Jonathan Strong and commenter "Matt" agreeing on one simple idea:

"More importantly, I hope the ACLU and Judge Taylor are willing to take responsibility should another terrorist attack occur on American soil"

hear, hear!

Good point, guys. So who takes responsibility for those 3,000 deaths back on Sept. 11, 2001? Who do we blame for that? Come on ... you obviously can't wait to find a scapegoat for some future, hypothetical terrorist-inflicted deaths, so you shouldn't have any problem figuring out who's ass should be on the line for all those murders that already happened, right?

Who might be responsible for those? Could it be the people who were actually in charge of the country at the time? Could it be the man who was handed a Presidential Daily Briefing entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the U.S.", and immediately went on a month-long vacation?

Come on, boys. You're so fucking stoked to be ready to do some finger pointing based on what might happen in the future, so let's hear it -- who's to blame for 3,000 Americans that are already dead?

Or does that question make you just a wee bit uncomfortable?

, all of those wankers who can't seem to talk about terrorism without hyper-ventilating themselves into a coma should be asked the following simple question: "What is it that the Bush administration could do before the recent court ruling that they're not allowed to do now?"

It is a simple question, isn't it? But I'm willing to bet that not one of those hysterical airheads can come up with an actual, meaningful answer.

"Set hypocrisy deflector shield to maximum, Mr. Sulu!"

Oh, man ... I can't wait to see how this plays out:

Lieberman North?

Garth Turner to run as an independent if he loses the Halton nomination to the "Righteous Right"?

So, to recap (and according to the Canadian wingnut-o-sphere), when Belinda Stronach leaves the CPC and crosses the floor, she's a trashy, politically opportunistic whore while, on the other hand, when David Emerson bolts to the CPC the day after winning his seat, he's nobly answering the call to public service.

Similarly, while that same wingnut-o-sphere has no problem with Joe Lieberman losing his Connecticut Democratic primary and then choosing to run as an independent, if Garth Turner does the same thing ... well, fill in the blanks.

Like I said, I can't wait for the historical revisionism to hit the fan on this one.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Moderate THIS, pussies.

Back here, commenter Simon points out that blogger Glenn Greenwald already has a lengthy post that disembowels the gamut of asinine, ignorant, illogical and stupefyingly uninformed right-wing talking points related to the recent smackdown of Commander Chimpy's unconstitutional snooping program.

In fact, I knew about Greenwald's blog entry when I posted that earlier piece but I thought I'd hold onto that gem as part of a little experiment in conservative bubblethink.

Only minutes after I linked to Strong Conservative's piece, I also submitted a short comment to that same article under the name "Anonymous" -- a comment which consisted of nothing more than the words "No, they didn't," where the last two words were a link to Greenwald's posting. I was informed that comments at Mr. Strong's site are moderated, so I thought it would be amusing to sit back and see how long it took before Mr. Strong finally released my comment.

As you can see, there's nothing vulgar, profane or inflammatory about my little comment, so there's little reason why any moderator wouldn't accept it. And yet, here we are, some 20 hours later, and still no comment. Am I surprised? Not really.

I will, of course, be chided by folks complaining that, hey, give the man time, he probably has better things to do. I'm sure he does, but I consider that a particularly flimsy excuse. If you have a blog, and you offer a public comments section, then there's at least a small moral obligation to allow people to comment there (within reason, of course).

If you allow open comments, terrific. But if you choose to manually moderate your comments, then I think you have a responsibility to be timely in reviewing and accepting or rejecting submissions. Things happen so quickly in the blogosphere that it's unacceptable to allow quick-reaction comments to languish in a queue somewhere while the news cycle moves on and the story drops off the front page.

As it is, Mr. Strong has had his piece up since yesterday, accompanied by two complimentary comments, while anyone who might have submitted a dissenting view has been put on hold. How convenient. And how totally goddamned gutless.

To Mr. Strong (and other right-wing bloggers like, oh, Adam Daifallah who are such fucking pussies that they can't handle a little give-and-take in their comments section), let me suggest that you either grow a pair and accept what comes (again, within some reasonable boundaries of civility), or just remove your comments sections entirely.

With some exceptions, having a moderated comments section is just another way of saying you're too much of a fucking coward to deal with other folks' opinions. But I guess that's the whole point of the wanker echo chamber, isn't it?

AFTERSNARK: As "canucklehead" points out, a flurry of comments was suddenly approved at SC's site, including mine which is the third one. Why I bothered to comment is a mystery since not a single person after that addressed the claims in Greenwald's piece to which I linked.

As the saying goes, trying to educate a wanker is like trying to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of time and it annoys the pig.

The relativism of terrorism.

"Now imagine he's white."

The unintended consequences of logic.

Follow me on this one.

Premise 1: "They hate us for our freedoms."

Premise 2
: "The best way to defeat this enemy in the long run is to spread liberty, is to give people the hope of freedom."

Conclusion: As soon as democracy and freedom are established in the Middle East, they will all be attacked by terrorists.

I'm pretty sure that wasn't the original game plan.

A curious sense of priorities.

Shorter Steve Janke: "And that rumoured U.S. invasion of Iran? Yeah, I guess that's kind of an interesting story, too."

Still a bit unclear on the concept.

Shorter Canadian Air Transport Security Authority: "Dear terrorists: Attached please find an explanation of our new security restrictions, including a detailed list of what is still acceptable to bring on board and in precisely what types of containers. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter."

Blogging Tories Short Takes, August 18, 2006.

Shorter Crazy-Assed Racist Redneck: "And after the ballot stuffing is over, we can sit around and celebrate as if the result meant something."

Shorter Sham the Tory Man: "Did you hear that Israel might boycott the BBC because of their biased, slanted and unfair coverage? You can read about it at Fox News."

Shorter Uncommon Truths: "How dare anyone take political advantage of people who aren't dead yet?"

Shorter Mathew Siscoe: "Isn't it just like those French to act like the cowardly, cheese-eating surrender monkeys we've accused them of being all these years?"

Your daily soil.

"OHMI ... never mind." My God, but this is losing its novelty value.

Problem? What problem?

The Rona Ambrose methodology for classifying endangered species based on population count: "Well, there's one, two, three ... uh, lots. We're good, then."

Thursday, August 17, 2006

"Hey, when I said 'accountability,' I didn't mean for ME."

Shorter Strong Conservative: "It's critically important to be able to assign blame for all terrorist-inflicted deaths, except for, of course, those that have already happened."

Hey, shit happens, right?

[Bonus idiocy below.]

As a demonstration of how he's just a fair-and-balanced kind of guy, Mike sucks it up and takes GOP Sen. George Allen to task for his recent racist comments since, as Mike writes, "I've attacked the left for various examples of racism they've displayed recently, so it's only fair I hold one of my own accountable to [sic], in order to be fair."

Good for you, Mike. So I can't wait to read what you have to say about this. Last time I looked, while those of us on the Left might make the occasional tacky or tasteless remark, we generally draw the line at assaulting people with pool cues, throwing them through glass doors and breaking their bones. It's just the way we are.

: Today's WaPo has a number of letters regarding Allen's racial insult, my favourite being this one in his defense from Sophia A. Nelson of Brambleton:

Mr. Allen is a good man who made a mistake in rendering someone's name wrong.

Sure. The young man's name is "Sidarth" and Allen referred to him as "Macaca." I make that mistake all the time, but normally it takes a few drinks.

JESUS CHRIST, is this kind of stupidity contagious? Do you get it from shaking hands at GOP conventions or something? Go read.


To paraphrase Kate McMillan, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Seriously.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Is Bush an idiot?

Are you shitting me? This must be the trick question of all time.

OHMIGOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA ... never mind, carry on.

Shorter Hot Air: "No WMDs in Iraq after all? Yeah, whatever."

The Angry, Angry ... uh, wait a minute.

After you process this, I'm sure you'll agree that the Blogging Tories desperately need to produce another spate of articles on the shrieking, lunatic, moonbat Left. After all, that's what being "fair and balanced" is all about.

It's called an "analogy," Gerry.

Can I get me some outrage in the house?

Somewhere in NDP leader Jack Layton’s closet hangs a $287 leather jacket that’s a symbol of what’s wrong with this country’s labour laws.

The jacket was a gift to Layton from union bosses during the last federal election.

So what’s so symbolic about that?

Just this: the jacket was purchased with the dues of unionized employees, who didn’t have any say as to whether or not Layton deserved such a gift.

And they don’t have any say thanks to Canada’s labour laws which permit union bosses to take dues – dues which unionized employees must pay – and use them to finance their own political agendas.

If unionized employees don’t happen to support their union bosses’ political agenda, well that’s just too bad.

Clearly, something is wrong with the system.

So it's sort of like the forced, public taxpayer-funded Catholic school system in Ontario, except on a much, much, much, much, much, much smaller scale. Sort of like that.

Fucking CBC.

Why does the CBC hate Israel? And you just know that, somewhere, a Blogging Tory is watching that video and thinking, "I don't get it ... what's the problem?".

OH, DEAR. I'm pretty sure somebody's going to have some 'splainin to do.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

These are not the droids you're looking for.

You say "historical revisionism" like it's a bad thing:

This moment of neo-conservative pseudo-triumphalism is brought to you by George W. Bush, the Republican Party and Adobe Photoshop.

Adobe Photoshop: Because we've always been at war with Eurasia.

(Major props to Alison at Creekside for the artwork.)

Pay no attention to that propaganda behind the curtain.

Writing for The Daily Show must be the world's easiest job.

You keep using that word "loyalty" ...

Well, there's the party line (all emphasis added):

Forget "compassionate conservatism." While you're at it, toss the "reformer with results." Education, taxes, welfare reform -- none of those things really matter. For George W. Bush, one issue matters: loyalty. You're with him or you're not. There's no in-between...

Loyalty has been a recurring theme of Bush's campaign for the White House

Then there's loyalty, Admiral Bunnypants-style:

Q Does the President support the Republican candidate for Senate in Connecticut?

MR. SNOW: The President supports the democratic process in the state of Connecticut, and wishes them a successful election in November.

Q Wait a minute. I realize he supports democracy, but I'm wondering, does he actually support his own party's candidate?

MR. SNOW: I know that's not news --

Q Why aren't you committing -- why wouldn't the President commit support for the Republican candidate in that --

MR. SNOW: I don't know. Why do you ask? Is there something about the candidate that I should know about that would lead to judgments?

Q I'm just asking you --

MR. SNOW: No, that's just a --

Q -- it seems like a very natural thing, why wouldn't he support a member of his own party? Is it because he's well behind in the polls? Is it because the President likes Joe Lieberman? What's -- why not?

MR. SNOW: There may be -- there are a whole host of reasons the President -- I'm just not going to play.

I see an unfortunate accident in someone's future. I'm thinking of starting a pool.

All the news that's fit to ignore.

A liberal blogger producing a caricature of Joe Lieberman in blackface? Blogging Tories go batshit fucking crazy with outrage.

Republican George Allen referring to an Indian-American as a "macaca?"


CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE: Damian Penny comes through and, for that, a tip of the hat. Sadly though, a couple of his commenters insist on being walking advertisements for Soylent Green.

Support the troops, baby! Yeah!

Welcome home -- don't bother to unpack:

About 300 Alaska-based soldiers sent home from Iraq just before their unit's deployment was extended last month must now go back, the Army said Monday, setting up a wrenching departure for troops and families who thought their service there was finished.

As George W. Bush likes to say, "We will not cut and run." And by "we," he means "you." But you knew that already, right?

With allies like this ...

Let the finger-pointing begin:

Amid the political and diplomatic fallout from Israel’s faltering invasion of Lebanon, some Israeli officials are privately blaming President George W. Bush for egging Prime Minister Ehud Olmert into the ill-conceived military adventure against the Hezbollah militia in south Lebanon.

Taking military advice from George W. Bush. What can possibly go wrong?

"OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMI ... um ... never mind, carry on."

Phase one: The hyper-ventilating gullibility:

Three Palestinian men were arrested by the FBI with assistance from Detroit and other local law enforcement. They were suspected of planning to attack the Mackinac Bridge in norther Michigan which links the upper and lower penninsulas and is one of the largest bridges in North America.

Phase two: Reality sets in:

Meanwhile, Michigan officials kept three Texans locked up even after Michigan state police and FBI officials said they were apparently wide-eyed tourists rather than would-be terrorists when they photographed the Mackinac Bridge.

The men -- brothers Adham Othman, 21, of Dallas and Louai Othman, 23, of Mesquite, and their cousin Awad Muhareb, 18, of Mesquite -- were stopped by police Friday outside a Wal-Mart store in Caro with about 1,000 cellphones in their van.

Local prosecutors charged them with collecting or providing materials for terrorist acts and surveillance of a vulnerable target for terrorist purposes.

The FBI questioned them for several hours after their arrest, then released a statement saying that "there is no imminent threat" to the bridge, which links Michigan's Upper and Lower peninsulas.

State Police Director Col. Peter Munoz said Monday that the men "may have been involved in some other fraudulent activities, but there is no nexus to terrorism or a terrorist threat."

Authorities in both states feared the cell phones could be used in terrorism attacks -- such phones were used in 2004 to detonate terrorist bombs in Madrid. But relatives and friends of the men called them innocent entrepreneurs buying cheap phones for marked-up resale. They were targeted, supporters said, because of their Arab heritage.

Phase three: The sheepish retraction.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! You were actually waiting for phase three, weren't you? Suckers.

"Words mean what I decide they mean."

Submitted without comment.

OK, I LIED. It's amusing to watch Mehlman re-invent history since, if you Google on the combination of "Iraq" and "stay the course," you get over a million hits. Naturally, many of those won't be directly applicable here, but it shows how prevalent that expression has been.

Now Mehlman is tossing out the new right-wing mantra, "Win by adapting." And just how long has that expression been around? I thought as much.

It's a perspective thing, I guess.

On the one hand:

Israel, the United States and allied Western states accuse Syria and Iran of supporting Hezbollah with arms and cash.

On the other hand:

The Bush administration is rushing a delivery of precision-guided bombs to Israel, which requested the expedited shipment last week after beginning its air campaign against Hezbollah targets in Lebanon, American officials said Friday.

I'm sure any snark here would be utterly superfluous.

Monday, August 14, 2006

"Shut up," he explained.

Shorter General Peter Pace: "When I said I wanted to take your questions, apparently you thought I meant it."

Blowback can be a real bitch, can't it?

Oh, dear ... and who didn't see this coming?

NEW YORK --It takes at least 10 minutes and a large glass of orange juice to wash down all the pills -- morphine, methadone, a muscle relaxant, an antidepressant, a stool softener. Viagra for sexual dysfunction. Valium for his nerves.

Four hours later, Herbert Reed will swallow another 15 mg of morphine to cut the pain clenching every part of his body. He will do it twice more before the day is done.

Since he left a bombed-out train depot in Iraq, his gums bleed. There is more blood in his urine, and still more in his stool. Bright light hurts his eyes. A tumor has been removed from his thyroid. Rashes erupt everywhere, itching so badly they seem to live inside his skin. Migraines cleave his skull. His joints ache, grating like door hinges in need of oil.

So what's the problem, Herb?

Reed believes depleted uranium has contaminated him and his life. He now walks point in a vitriolic war over the Pentagon's arsenal of it -- thousands of shells and hundreds of tanks coated with the metal that is radioactive, chemically toxic, and nearly twice as dense as lead.

And where did all this nasty shit come from? Oh, right:

Colonel James Naughton of US Army Materiel Command said Iraqi complaints about depleted uranium (DU) shells had no medical basis.

"They want it to go away because we kicked the crap out of them," he told a Pentagon briefing.

If war starts, tonnes of depleted uranium (DU) weapons are likely to be used by British and American tanks and by ground attack aircraft.

There's a certain savage irony to the U.S. having howled ceaselessly about the danger of Saddam Hussein's biological and chemical weapons programs, then contaminating their own troops with massive amounts of DU.

Look on the bright side, though. Depleted uranium and these folks. Yeah, that combination works for me nicely.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

"Money laundering" by any other name.

Oh, those wacky Conservatives and their anti-Kyoto money shuffle. (I see Declan is all over this as well, as is BigCityLib.) If only some PhotoShopping was involved, by God, we'd have them.

Dear Blogging Tories: Photoshop this.

Given the extended ragegasm of the Blogging Tories over the recent "More-smoke-gate" Photoshop controversy, one can only imagine their imminent, seething fury over this. By God, the furor should begin any minute now. Yessir, any minute now ... here it comes ... wait for it ... any minute now ...

Ehud Olmert: Dead man walking.

I thought that went well, don't you?

Let's all pitch in -- Steve Janke needs our help.

There comes a time when we must set aside our ideological differences and help the less fortunate and less intellectually-endowed:

I have never banned anyone from Angry in the Great White North. I take pride in that. I have had comments that were dead right, dead wrong, and some that were so long that I couldn't be bothered to read them to find out one way or the other. Some people are unfailingly polite, and some amusingly coarse, and some just plain nasty.

But until this comment by Deb Frisch, I have never had one that was calculatingly deceptive and designed to cause hurt to someone else.

So do I ban her IP address? I'm not sure. Post your vote. Know that this blog isn't a democracy, and that I'll take the final decision myself.

There are a couple responses to this. One is from Steve's own Blogging Tory colleague, Stephen Taylor:

Lately we've been hearing a lot about the disgraceful and questionable acts of a very small (and extreme) minority that unfortunately end up tarnishing the good standing of a community at large.

To attribute the actions of a handful of radicals to the behaviour of an entire group of people is, by definition, prejudice, stereotyping, and unbecoming of the liberal society in which we find ourselves...

... I encourage all members of the community (and the broader society) to applaud individuals when they make well-reasoned arguments and to criticize them when they don't. We must marginalize extreme opinion where we can, but we must also engage it as fellow conservatives (and Canadians) that disagree.

Let me respond more succinctly. Dear Mr. Janke: Jesus, Mary, Mother of God, shut the hell up and quit your childish whining. Either ban her, or don't ban her, but make a decision and move on, and stop being such a pathetic, whiny-ass titty baby who's simply trying to milk this issue down to the last drop. In short, grow the fuck up.

Now, where was I? Oh, right, bladder control undergarments ...

DEAR GOD, THE WANKERY CONTINUES as someone has clearly slipped half a kilo of pure Colombian estrogen into the punch bowl and Steve Janke HQ has morphed into a thoroughly gorge-rising episode of "The View": "Don't worry, Steve, it's all right, we're here for you if you need to cry. I love you, man. Group hug, everybody."

Then they all went out for coolers and Zimas.

Hey! Being fair and balanced is, like, hard work.

Shorter Joanne's Journey: "I am positively outraged with the slanted, biased reporting at the CBC. And to show that I can be objective, there was also that appallingly dishonest story in the National Post about Iran and Jews and badges and ... whoops, I see we're out of time, thanks for dropping by."

"OHMIGOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA ... hang on, what's this?"

Uh oh ... it's possible that the "101st Pants-Wetting Brigade" might have soiled themselves for nothing (all emphasis added):

NBC News has learned that U.S. and British authorities had a significant disagreement over when to move in on the suspects in the alleged plot to bring down trans-Atlantic airliners bound for the United States.

A senior British official knowledgeable about the case said British police were planning to continue to run surveillance for at least another week to try to obtain more evidence, while American officials pressured them to arrest the suspects sooner.

Because, when it comes to dealing with terrorism, the proper strategy is to rush in prematurely and perhaps jeopardize the entire investigation. But an attack was imminent, right? Right?

In contrast to previous reports, the official suggested an attack was not imminent, saying the suspects had not yet purchased any airline tickets. In fact, some did not even have passports.

This news flash brought to you by Depends, the official bladder control undergarments of the Blogging Tories. Depends -- when it's never too early to crap your pants in sheer terror.


On the one hand, it has to be embarrassing to realize that you're too stupid to be a successful troll. On the other hand, we may still have an opening for you.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

"Timely" does not even BEGIN to describe this.

As a warmup, feel free to waste some time over at Assclown Central, watching people soil themselves in stark terror. Done? Now read the antidote from someone who isn't a member of the stupidest demographic on the goddamned planet.

Ah, sweet release, is it not?

Almost famous.

Apparently, I'm hot and I'm on the web. That and $1.29 will get me a double-double at Timmy's, I'm sure.

Wherein reality deals Wankerville a mighty blow.

Well, given the current, thoroughly predictable ragegasm from the "I Just Wet My Pants" contingent over the latest terrorist hysteria, what have we here (all emphasis added):

While the British terror suspects were hatching their plot, the Bush administration was quietly seeking permission to divert $6 million that was supposed to be spent this year developing new homeland explosives detection technology.

Darn -- just the sort of thing that would be handy to, you know, detect explosives. But wait. It gets so much better:

The most frightening thing about the foiled plot to use liquid explosives to blow up airplanes over the Atlantic is that both the government and the aviation industry have been aware of the liquid bomb threat for years but have done little to prepare for it. What saved everyone was apparently superb intelligence work by the British, who apprehended the terrorists before they could carry out their scheme. It is unlikely that any of the scanning machines or screening personnel deployed at airports would have detected the potentially destructive materials before they could be carried aboard.

The Wankerville Department of Homeland Security: Protecting the general public, one terrorist tube of toothpaste at a time.

SNARK AT NO EXTRA CHARGE: Perhaps the funniest part of that NYT editorial is the following (emphasis added):

The plot apparently called for the terrorists to carry explosive ingredients disguised as beverages, and detonators made from common electronic devices like cellphones or music players. One theory is that they planned to use chemicals that are innocuous when carried separately but could be combined into an explosive mixture on board.

By God -- using ingredients that, separately, are completely harmless and only turn into a lethal explosive when mixed. Those tricky, tricky bastards. So how would one properly dispose of such dangerous chemicals in a crowded airport terminal building?

At this point, snark just plain eludes me.

Wanker of the week.

Damian Penny, whose infantile "Me too, me too!" cheerleading is so thoroughly eviscerated by the Zerb, who removes Damian's wee-wee and hands it back to him on a plate. And, one suspects, not for the first time.

You call THAT a bitch slap?

"That's not a bitch slap. THIS is a bitch slap."

Uh oh ... the natives are getting a mite uppity.

In which our intrepid neo-con adventurer (whose blog motto is "Where left is never right") pokes his head out of the hermetically-sealed Blogging Tory echo chamber and gets bitch-slapped soundly by reality.

The death of innocence is always painful. Funny, but painful.

Because it's all about the hits, baby.

Via Canada's Crazy-Assed Racist Redneck:

Blogging Tories have launched Terror Watch. Be sure to add it to your blogroll.

Because, as we all know, if you don't link to the Blogging Tories, the terrorists will have won.

Killing two birds with one ... OK, maybe not the best analogy.

I'd never thought of this, but that's only because I'm not mentally retarded:

Airport security screeners scrambled to implement a new ban on all liquids and gels -- from lip gloss and toothpaste to perfume and tequila -- in carry-on luggage after British authorities announced Thursday the arrest of 24 people in an alleged plot to blow up U.S.-bound planes. Baby formula, prescription medication and essential nonprescription medication are still allowed...

Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport planned to give 11 boxes of surrendered items to the city's human services department, which will give the unopened bottles of shampoo, toothpaste and other items to homeless shelters, airport spokeswoman Lexie Van Haren said.

Your U.S. Department of Homeland Security: Confiscating potentially lethal explosives and solving the homeless problem at the same time.

(H/T AmericaBlog.)

"Daily Show" brilliance.

Oh, yeah, this one's a keeper.

Wretchedly dishonest or breathtakingly stupid?

We link, you decide.

P.S. And that's "Cerberus," not "Cerebrus." Or just "Skippy" to his friends.

Friday, August 11, 2006

There's a fine line between brilliance and madness ...

... but this piece on fighting terrorism seems to strike that perfect balance. No, seriously, it's awesome.

There's rules for YOU, and there's rules for ME.

From the comments section back here, we have some people being vewwwy, vewwwy careful to not over-generalize:

I agree with Lanny that we cannot assume ANYTHING about this person that posted on Rose's blog, except that they are severely disturbed. This is the ONLY proof we have from the few hateful words they left on Rose's post.

because damning an entire demographic based on the behaviour of a single whack job would be a bad thing.

OK, so maybe it's not always a bad thing:

A member in good standing of the Angry Left, Deb Frisch, ...

I'm guessing it's a context thing.

Apparently, consistency is hard work.

Kate McMillan, August 7: "Reuters are a bunch of lying, dishonest, terrorist-loving hacks."

Kate McMillan, August 11: "Hey, everybody! Good news, and you know it's for real 'cuz it's from Reuters." (See link regarding "reaching recruiting goals.")

Canada's Crazy-Assed Racist Redneck: When you refuse to let shrieking, maniacal mood swings get in the way of your right-wing news coverage.

: Do I even have to mention that the U.S. Army is meeting its quotas only because it's lowering its standards? Which leads to, well, this sort of thing.

Think of it as the Kate McMillan fan club. With automatic weapons.

A few actual casualties and we are SO in business.

Well, sure, it was a massive, massive terrorist plot to kill an unimaginable number of people but, hey, let's look on the bright side:

"Weeks before September 11th, this is going to play big," said another White House official, who also spoke on condition of not being named, adding that some Democratic candidates won't "look as appealing" under the circumstances.

The right wing: when you need to combine unimaginable mass murder and the word "appealing" in the same sentence.