Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The hunt for Patrick Ross: Yeah, it's on.

(UPDATE, Saturday, Feb 25: Even though Patrick Ross has publicly announced (probably stupidly, but that's par for the course) that he is "looking forward" to his March 6 court date in Calgary, he appears to think this will be the appropriate venue to "report a crime." If Patrick thinks this required appearance will be the appropriate forum to air a laundry list of old and irrelevant grievances, I suspect he will be sorely disappointed.

Oh, and given that he has now openly and publicly bragged about how much he anticipates this court appearance, if he mysteriously doesn't show, things are going to go very badly for him indeed. If you run into him before March 6, you might want to point that out.

I realize this might be getting repetitive but, as hard as it might be to believe, my lawyers are still looking for malicious defamer Patrick Ross, who by now is into me for over $90,000, and that number continues to climb.

(Aside: Currently, this is the state of things -- Patrick Ross has been told to appear in a Calgary court on Tuesday, March 6. And he apparently has a very bizarre idea of what will happen there, as you can read below.)

Patrick Ross continues to be elusive, apparently simply because he is such a vacuous, unaccomplished nobody that he's never really left his mark anywhere, and probably just drifts from one frat brother's basement to another, slamming back Coors Light and shrieking at the television whenever professional wrestling comes on.

In any event, since all of the sordid details of this case have been covered in earlier posts, I'm going to keep it short, and tell you everything I can about Patrick Ross, and you will in turn drop me an e-mail at canadiancynic@yahoo.ca and tell me where he lives. Yeah, that's how it's going to play out.

So without further ado, what we think we know about Patrick Ross:

And, finally, here's an undated photo of Patrick Ross, accompanied by someone I can only guess is his date:

Getting an actual residence address for Patrick Ross would be splendid, but even if you don't know that, there are a few things that would be useful to know:

  • Is Patrick Ross still a student at the University of Alberta? Have you seen him around there recently? Where? (His Facebook page suggests he goes to the gym regularly. The campus gym?)

  • If he is still a student, what is his field of study? What year is he in? What courses is he taking?

  • Is he a member of any organization that meets on a regular basis at which he can be served legally?

  • Do you know what he does for a living? Does he currently have a job? Where?

I think you get the idea. Even if you can't pinpoint Patrick Ross for us, the more we know about him, the better. And feel free to check back here on a regular basis over the next couple of weeks. As I get more information, I'll post it here to help you along.

P.S. I just got off the phone with a private investigator who's ready and willing to smoke Patrick Ross out of whatever spidey hole he's hiding in. But I figure I'll take a few days and crowdsource this first to see what happens. Don't let me down.

UPPITY DATE: In a recent comment on his own blog, fugitive Patrick Ross seems to suggest he is totally ready for his court date in Calgary on March 6:

However, it's not at all clear he knows what he should be preparing for. Patrick appears to be under the delusion that he will, in some bizarre way, be given free rein to expound on my general badness as a person, or something equally baffling.

This would be a mistake.

As you can probably read from the linked-to legal documents above, Patrick Ross is being ordered to appear because he's been ignoring properly-served legal documents for some months now. And if he thinks this upcoming court date is his opportunity to get up on a soapbox and wax indignant over the way he thinks he's been treated, I suspect he is in for a very unpleasant time. But that's just a guess.

P.P.S. If you know Patrick Ross personally and happen to run into him in the next few days, you should tell him that he really needs to get a lawyer. A good deal of Patrick's current trouble stems from the fact that he believed he could handle all of this on his own (being the self-taught legal beagle that he thinks he is), and we can see just where that got him.

So if you bump into Patrick, for the love of God, advise him that he needs help. In more ways than one.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The beginning of the end for Patrick Ross.

To truly appreciate what's about to go down here, you need to spend a few minutes reading the multi-part leadup to this in the earlier posts on this blog. So just kick back, crack open a cold one, and bring yourself up to speed, because you really need that background for what's about to happen, and there will be homework when this is over. Yes, you're going to work for your entertainment value.

Time passes ...

Disclaimer: I'm going to repeat as faithfully as possible what my Alberta lawyer told me but, in some places, I'll just speculate as to what things mean and people who know more about the legal system in Alberta are welcome to leave comments filling in the blanks. And now, to business.

As you now understand, one Patrick Ross of both Lloydminster and Edmonton currently owes me well over $85,000 for having maliciously defamed me online, and also for being too stupid and arrogant to even attempt to defend himself in court against a properly served Statement of Claim. You rarely see that level of dumbassitude, so appreciate the opportunity.

In any event, as you should have read, Patrick Ross has, for the last several months -- even after being personally served with a default judgment against him and a demand to turn in a completed Statement of Debtor Form listing his assets -- been dodging and weaving from his legal obligations, to the point where he recently actually started bragging online about how clever he is at having outwitted the legal system (as well as your humble scribe).

That was a mistake.

For someone who constantly presented himself as a super-duper, crack legal wizard, Patrick Ross never seemed to understand that this was seriously grown-up stuff he was screwing with, and that I had hired seriously grown-up people to handle it for me. Patrick's legal advice, on the other hand, appeared to come from the frat bois he watched Oilers games and professional wresting with. But that's neither here nor there.

What's important is that I have patiently bided my time to let Patrick Ross dig himself the deepest hole imaginable. And now I'm going to bury him in it, but not before taking his stuff first. Possibly all of it.

Behold, I give you: the smackdown.

I will make a long story short -- the court has had quite enough of Patrick Ross' smirking arrogance and contemptuous disdain and would appreciate it if he showed up in court to explain himself. And, oh, he can bring that completed Statement of Debtor Form with him while he's at it.

You will notice that the first date listed is March 6, at which point it would really be in Patrick Ross' best interests for him (or whatever lawyer he manages to sweet talk into representing him) to show up in Calgary at the appointed time and place. (Remember the date of March 6 -- you'll need it later.)

And here's where I have to speculate just a bit.

There are a number of possibilities for what might happen on March 6. The first is that Patrick Ross takes a day off and, at his own expense, drags his flabby ass from Edmonton down to Calgary, at which point I am told that a judge will be more than happy to have a chat with him. And it will not be a pleasant chat for Patrick.

As I understand it, this will not be a two-way dialogue. Oh, no, it will be very much unidirectional, where the judge will talk and Patrick Ross will listen. And if Patrick tries to interrupt, he will be told in no uncertain terms that no one gives a shit what he thinks. In any case, if Patrick shows up, it will be more than a little unpleasant for him.

The second option is that Patrick has the brains God gave a urinal deodorizer disc and (finally) gets himself a lawyer to represent him. This will save him the trouble of having to appear in person, but the end result won't be a whole lot different. His lawyer will be told in plain language just how fucked Patrick is and, by the way, where's that Statement of Debtor Form? In both of these cases, Patrick is now going to be on a tight, court-ordered schedule. And the third option?

Oh, dear.

Given Patrick Ross' history, it would surprise no one if he didn't take this substitutional service seriously and blew off his requested court appearance for an evening sucking back beers with his frat buddies. And here's how I believe that would play out. (I'm willing to be corrected -- that's what the comments section is for.)

If my lawyer shows up in court on March 6, and there is no sniff of Patrick Ross or a corresponding lawyer, we will file to hold him in contempt of court. And depending on how things play out, if Patrick Ross continues to not take this seriously, well, the phrase "warrant for his arrest" came up in the conversation with my lawyer earlier today. At which point, being arrested would probably curtail a bucketload of career opportunities for boy lawyer Patrick Ross. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Getting back to the service, the next magic date is March 6, at which point it would be spectacularly unwise of Patrick Ross to make no appearance whatever in Calgary. And if he doesn't, we'll be going after that contempt of court charge. But to guarantee that application, we'll probably have to serve him personally, and that's where you, my adoring fans, come in.

I want to know where Patrick Ross lives, and I want to know by March 6, when my lawyer shows up in court.

Knowing where to lay actual hands on defendant Patrick Ross will make serving him with contempt of court charges a trivial no-brainer, so that's your first homework task -- bring me the meatspace co-ordinates of yammering wingnut and defendant Patrick Ross. But wait -- there's more.

We want to make sure that Patrick Ross can't possibly claim that he's unaware of what's happening, so in addition to the recently-granted substitutional service, I am going to crowdsource notifying him of it. That's right, I would like as many people as possible to casually drop Patrick Ross a note, or e-mail, or tweet, or Facebook message, and leave a link to this blog post, to the point where he can barely move under the weight of people laughing at him and pointing him to this post.

When March 6 comes and my lawyer appears in a Calgary courtroom, I want him to be able to say that no human being alive could have missed the coast-to-coast ridicule of Patrick Ross, based on how many folks gleefully pointed out to him how thoroughly fucked he is. And here are your options:

  • Email him at his well-known email address, ddp316@hotmail.com

  • Drop him a tweet at his (new and) gloriously appropriate Twitter handle, "@OutlawTory"

  • Hop over to his (new) blog, http://badcompanycanada.blogspot.com, and leave a comment for him

  • Write on the wall of his Facebook page

Yes, the possibilities are (almost) endless -- the point is that, between now and March 6, we want incontrovertible proof that Patrick Ross could not possibly be unaware of what's happening to him. But don't stop there.

Since Patrick has a childish tendency of pretending none of this is happening, if you do something like send him a Tweet and he responds to it, or you leave a comment at his blog and he replies to it, take a screenshot. We'll want proof. I hear judges love proof.

Anyway, I think you have a pretty good idea of what I'm after. First, I want to know where a process server can physically lay hands on evasive defendant Patrick Ross for the purpose of serving him with contempt of court if it comes to that. And in the meantime, take a minute and drop him a note. Point him to this blog post. Take a screenshot and, for now, hang onto it and if I need it, I'll let you know.

That should do for now. I'm sure there's so much I'm forgetting, but have fun in the comments section and if I need to clarify anything, I can do that.

And ... go.

(Aside: Any delightful hints as to where to find Patrick Ross can be sent to me at canadiancynic@yahoo.ca)

UPDATE THE FIRST: Some folks might be curious about the claim that Patrick Ross owes me "well over" $85,000 by now. Let me explain.

In addition to that symbolic 2 per cent per annum that's been accumulating since November of 2010, I have been assured by my lawyer that I have the right to claim all of my additional legal costs involved with chasing Patrick Ross, particularly including my lawyer's time in working with Google/Blogger to cleanse Patrick's sewer pipe of a blog of the defamation that was the entire basis of this suit. So it's safe to say we're looking at a total bill that is noticeably north of $90,000 by now, and it's just going up with every passing day.

And if Patrick thinks he's been devilishly clever in having avoided the process server all this time, well, any money I've spent running after him is going to be added to his bill in the final reckoning. Not looking so clever anymore, is he?

UPDATE THE SECOND: Occasionally, someone asks how it can be so hard simply locating a loud-mouthed, self-absorbed wanker like U of Alberta frat boi Patrick Ross. An excellent question. After all, he's certainly not shy about blogging and tweeting and in general yapping up a storm online these days, where he is apparently always the smartest guy in the room and everyone else is a LOL, OMFG, ROTFLMAO idiot. But I digress. Onward.

The problem appears to be that, apart from Patrick Ross' monumentally offensive and demeaning presence online, he has, at the atypically advanced age of 30 for a university undergrad, accomplished absolutely nothing in his life of any significance whatsoever.

If one had, say, started a business, or owned a home, or was deeply involved in community events of some kind, it would normally be pathetically easy to track them down. Once someone's put down roots in society, they become fairly easy to locate, don't you think?

In Patrick's case, however, it would appear that he has drifted through 30 years on this planet, and has absolutely nothing to show for it. Apart from a totally worthless blog and a monumentally vacuous Twitter account, Patrick Ross has left no traces. He is, quite simply, the intangible man, whose absence would cause barely a ripple in anyone's pond.

And there's the difficulty -- it's not easy to find someone whose total effect on society in general is pretty much zero. But we're trying. So feel free to help out. I recommend Oilers games and any sports bar that broadcasts professional wrestling.

UPDATE THE THIRD: And speaking of law enforcement ...

At the moment, as you can see, Patrick Ross is still not technically in contempt of court and there is not yet a warrant for his arrest, so there's no reason for the law to get involved.

But it occurs to me that if you happen to be, say, a member of the RCMP in Alberta, or the provincial police, or Edmonton city police, and you feel like helping out, and just happen to be near a computer with a few minutes to kill, and you just happen to slip and type the name "Patrick Ross" and accidentally see where he lives, well, far be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"But wait," you wail girlishly like Ezra Levant, "that's ... that's ... UNETHICAL!"

Like I give a crap.

Appreciate the irony of the Harper Government currently wanting to spy on you without a warrant, then feel free to lecture me on my lack of ethics. Go ahead. I'm waiting to be judged.

In the meantime, if you're sitting next to one of those handy police computers and it just happens to give you some terrifically useful information about Patrick Ross, well, I won't tell anyone if you won't.

UPDATE THE FOURTH: While this update has no effect on the eventual enforcement of the judgment, its entertainment value is off the charts. (And while you're keeping up with regular developments, never forget that the goal here is to determine the physical location of one Patrick Ross before March 6. Just a friendly reminder. Now, back to business.)

As you're now aware (or at least should be), U of Alberta frat boi and perpetual yammering Internet troll Patrick Ross was dumb enough to maliciously defame me, ignore repeated requests to stop, mock a Notice of Libel, then blow off a properly-served Statement of Claim, at which point my lawyer quite reasonably filed to put him in default, at which point Patrick Ross was not invited to the rest of the legal proceedings where my lawyer presented my case, whereupon the judge decided that the level of aforementioned malicious defamation entitled me to $75,000 in damages and another $10,000 in court costs. But here comes the entertainment value.

There is absolutely no doubt that Patrick Ross was aware of this judgment almost immediately after it was awarded back on November 23, 2010. However, rather than frantically try to salvage the situation, Patrick made the bizarre decision to go underground, apparently believing that if I couldn't see him, I would forget about him.

Um ... not likely.

Eventually, however, it must have dawned on Patrick that he was only delaying the inevitable nad-crushing legal smackdown, and decided that the proper strategy was to (wait for it) counter-sue! For defamation! Yes, that was the best idea to percolate in the brain of boy lawyer Patrick Ross, who must have thought that if he could somehow even things out, he'd be off the hook. Whereupon Patrick Ross came up with ... this.

I am not joking.

After deranged Internet loon Patrick Ross had published well over 200 blog posts attacking your humble scribe, he apparently believed that what was contained in that attempt at a defamation counter-suit was going to even the score. (I direct your attention to the kind of monster I am, where I would go out of my way to insult Patrick Ross on his birthday -- an interesting claim since I had no idea when that was.)

To the everlasting regret of the Canadian legal system, this document was never actually filed. It was, in fact, sent electronically to my Alberta lawyer, who took such pity on it that (with my blessing) it was returned to Patrick with the explanation that it was utterly unfit for filing but my lawyer was willing to help Patrick whip it into shape. Unsurprisingly, that was the last we saw of that "filing."

In any event, the clock is ticking, March 6 is coming up fast, and my lawyer and I are still hunting for Patrick Ross. Whether we find him or not will make absolutely no difference to the proceedings of March 6, but it will speed things up afterwards when we apply to have Patrick Ross, you know, arrested.

As always, stay tuned ... there's more to come.

P.S. Given how casually Patrick Ross describes almost everything he doesn't like as "malicious," I suspect he doesn't really understand the legal meaning of that word. But that's just a guess.

UPDATE THE FIFTH: Let's talk about default judgments.

To make a long story viciously short, I won what is referred to as a "default" judgment because defendant and convicted defamer Patrick Ross was too cement-headed to even file a defence after being served with a Statement of Claim. Given 40 days to respond to legal service, Patrick Ross apparently decided that he was too busy polishing his WWE collector replica championship belts to be distracted by something as tawdry as someone suing his ass off. But, as always, here comes the entertainment value.

Even after a default judgment has gone against you, it's entirely possible that it's because you were completely unaware of it. Didn't have a clue it was going on. It's happened. And there is, in fact, legal recourse for that. What you can do is, upon learning of your legal ass-kicking, file as quickly as possible to overturn the judgment. That's not an appeal; you can't do that. What you can do is simply ask to have the judgment set aside so you can jump back in and defend. You might still get your ass kicked, but at least you'll get the chance to tell your side of the story.

Ah, but there's a catch. There are conditions that need to be satisfied for a judge to look kindly on your request to overturn. Behold. As you can see, what is required is that once you learn of the judgment against you, you cannot waste any time and must hie thee hence to a judge with all possible speed. You must also have a good reason for not having defended and, finally, you have to show that you could at least put up a good defence.

And how does all this apply to Patrick Ross? I'm so glad you asked.

Having completely disappeared for months after the judgment was announced, Patrick Ross burst back onto the scene with a depressingly typical "LOL, OMFG, ROTFL" blog post, of which I reproduce the part so pants-pissingly relevant to this discussion:

I believe you see Patrick's problem here.

After hilariously admitting (publicly, I remind you) that he's been aware of the judgment all this time, Patrick goes on to minimize the damage as being only "a default judgement", claims that his filing a defence failed miserably due to his own incompetence, then mind-numbingly goes on to brag about how all that time hiding out and being patient is suddenly going to work in his favour.

The legal system will never realize what uproarious amusement it missed when Patrick Ross chose not to pursue this legal strategy, particularly since he would almost certainly have tried to represent himself in court.

Anyway, stay tuned as I'm sure there will be more.

UPDATE THE SIXTH: From the same March 30, 2011 blog post of Patrick Ross where he bafflingly brags about having avoided dealing with a default judgment for months, we have the following intellectual rabbit dropping:

For someone who puts on airs of being a self-made legal beagle, Patrick Ross seems utterly unfamiliar with the concept of "malicious prosecution." See, the way it works is that you might have grounds for suing someone for malicious prosecution if you yourself were sued, and you won. That last part is kind of important.

Let's let Wikipedia sum it up:

Malicious prosecution is a common law intentional tort, while like the tort of abuse of process, its elements include (1) intentionally (and maliciously) instituting and pursuing (or causing to be instituted or pursued) a legal action (civil or criminal) that is (2) brought without probable cause and (3) dismissed in favor of the victim of the malicious prosecution.

Yeah, it's that last part that's pretty important (and the other parts too, of course). And this is the stand Patrick Ross is going to make?

I don't think so.

Given that the suit against him was more than adequately merited, that he chose to not file a defence and that, yes, he had his ass handed to him on a hubcap to the tune of $85,000, it's not at all clear where he thinks he's going to get a malicious prosecution case out of this.

Ah, but this is boy lawyer Patrick Ross, for which the law apparently works totally differently on his home planet. Good luck with that.

As always, stay tuned as the entertainment never ends ...

UPDATE THE SEVENTH: Still working from that same March 30, 2011 blog post, here's convicted malicious defamer Patrick Ross, weirdly suggesting that he's finally ready, willing and able to go to the mat:

Now, here's the problem with that.

Apparently, at that time, no one had properly explained to Patrick Ross that the case was over, and he lost. Reading the above, one gets the distinct impression that Patrick Ross has been biding his time and carefully preparing his rebuttal, for when he can spring it on me savagely and humiliate me in a court of law. A splendid idea ... if it weren't for the awkward detail that the case was decided months before in an Ottawa courtroom, where defaulted defendant Patrick Ross received a massive, legal boot to the nads and I was awarded a judgment large enough to stun a wildebeest. At that point, it was over, so it's not at all clear what Patrick Ross thinks he's preparing for.

As you, gentle reader, are now aware, Patrick Ross has been ordered by The Court, in no uncertain terms, to be present or be represented in a Calgary courtroom this coming March 6. And if Patrick Ross thinks this is his time to shine, and to retry this case in a legal setting where he can finally present his side of it, he is in for a world of ass-kicking discomfort. No one will be interested in his opinion so he should, as quickly as possible, disabuse himself of that notion.

On the other hand, the entertainment value would be incalculable. There's that, too.

UPDATE THE EIGHTH: Those of you with a legal background might be amused to learn that, to the best of my knowledge, at no time during these proceedings over the past two years has Patrick Ross ever retained a lawyer.

Feel free to let us know what you think about that in the comments section.

P.S. Just to make sure you appreciate how all this has played out, convicted defamer and soon-to-be indentured servant Patrick Ross 1) was served with a Notice of Libel (which he mocked), 2) was served with a Statement of Claim (which he ignored until reminded of it), 3) failed to properly file a statement of defence (later claiming he tried, then admitting that it was rejected due to his own incompetence), 4) learned of the default judgment, at which point, he went underground to escape accountability for his actions, 5) surfaced months later, bragging about how his disappearance somehow worked in his favour, 6) threatened all and sundry with legal actions months after it was too late, and 7) in general made such a contemptuous ass of himself that a judge was more than happy to allow us to serve him substitutionally for his upcoming March 6 court appearance in Calgary.

And in all this time, he never hired a lawyer. Feel free to opine on the wisdom of this strategy in the comments section.

UPDATE THE NINTH: In case you're a bit confused as to Patrick Ross' legal obligations right this minute, let me explain the concept of substitutional service, and why Patrick Ross might want to get himself a really good lawyer really quickly.

Normally, when one is serving a defendant with legal papers (as we are doing right this minute, compelling Patrick to appear in a Calgary courtroom at 10 AM on March 6), it's typically necessary to do that service in person, so that the court can be assured the defendant received the documents. Perfectly reasonable.

However, in this case, a judge in Calgary was recently convinced that Patrick Ross is such a weaselly douchebag (I'm paraphrasing here) that we were going to be allowed to serve him substitutionally. In Patrick's case, we have been told that emailing him a copy of the Notice of Application, plus leaving a physical copy at his parents' residence in Lloydminster, is entirely sufficient, and this is the part Patrick might want to pay close attention to since I'm fairly sure he's reading all this and not taking it all that seriously.

For quite some time, self-described legal wonder bunny Patrick Ross has believed that as long as he stays out of sight hiding in someone's basement, he's all right and can't possibly be held to account for his defamation. Which means that the concept of substitutional service is going to come to him as an exceedingly unpleasant surprise.

We want Patrick's meatspace co-ordinates by March 6 so that, if he fails to show, we can then serve him personally with a contempt of court order (or whatever the legal name is). We absolutely do not need his address for this current service. Once the Notice is 1) emailed, and 2) left at his parents' house, he's been served. Period. At which point he has been ordered to appear.

I direct your attention to the linked-to document above, page 6 (whose date has been revised to March 6) and to the following text:


This application is made against you. You are a respondent.

You have the right to state your side of this matter before the Justice.

To do so, you must be in Court when the application is heard as shown below:

So understand that, at this point, Patrick Ross has been served. Which is why I'm suggesting he chat with a lawyer ASAP, so that a lawyer can explain that to him in no uncertain terms. (You can read the WARNING at the end of that document on p. 9 as well, to truly appreciate how the Court is not fucking around here and is really out of patience.)

Once again, we don't need to find Patrick Ross for this service. He (or his lawyer) must appear in court in Calgary on March 6. If he does not, we will apply to have him held in contempt, whereupon if Patrick Ross thinks things weren't going well for him thus far, well, he has no idea how much worse it's about to get.

So if you're bored on the morning of March 6 and hanging out in Calgary, you're free to pop down to the courthouse. Regardless of whether or not Patrick shows up, it should be worth the time.