I think we're gonna need a bigger pan.

 

And there you go ...

I'd say that worked out.

Pretty sure they would never find the body.

And in the ongoing series of "I'm 24 years old, a single mother of 6 with a Ph.D in theoretical astrophysics and the CEO of a multi-billion dollar embedded Linux company specializing in deep-sea robotics who spends her spare time running an animal shelter in Bora Bora and being a Victoria's Secret model and I think Trudeau Must Go," here's Captain "Pure Blood Sperm" Alberta, bragging about his participation in Ottawa's trucker occupation:

Here's a thought, Cap'n Sperm ... come on back to Ottawa for a visit. Really, pop on out here, and drop into any of the bars on Elgin Street or in the Byward Market that were hammered financially by your convoy, and belly up to the bar and announce to all how you were here in February, doing your part to support all those truckers and Nazis and white nationalists to the extent of actually chauffeuring fuel to them every day, but make sure you mention that it was just because you wanted to support everyone else's "freedom."

Let us know how that turns out. And where to send your remains.

I'm sorry ... wut?

 And here's Jason Kenney:

Yeah, about that:

I'm sorry, Jason, where were we? Ah, yes, the inherent civility of conservatism. Continue.

Jesus Christ ...

... can we have a single day without Rebel News being this fucking racist?

OFFS ...

... do we really need to be giving the Conservative Party of Canada any ideas?

How to deal with hysterical performative art asshats like Garnett Genuis (without shooting him).

To no one's surprise, the right-wing, pearl-clutching, fainting couch hysteria is in full swing as countless Canadian asshats deliberately misrepresent the moderately amusing "They shoot horses, don't they?" metaphor from journalist Dale Smith:

And, Lord, it's everywhere as each of those asshats tries to outdo the other in shrieky, deranged hyperbole: "Prominent PPG reporter publicly calls for savage, brutal murder of CPC Member of Parliament, blah blah blah ...". And you wonder if there's any way to shame those twatwaffles into silence, and you realize there isn't.

In fact, there is, and it's so simple, even a child or Melissa Lanstman can understand it.

The trick is to wait for one of those asshats (let's assume it's Genuis, just for fun) to spew something like, "It's horrific and appalling that the Parliamentary Press Gallery would continue to tolerate a so-called journalist that openly called for me to be murdered!" And you wait for the chance to interview Genuis, and the question you ask is precisely this:

 

"Let's be absolutely clear -- is it your honest and sincere belief that Dale Smith was calling for you to be killed?"

Now Genuis -- not being the sharpest sandwich in the picnic basket -- will undoubtedly fall back on his vacuous pearl-clutching,

"Well, Vassy, I think everyone here would agree with me that it's shocking that a mainstream reporter and a member of the PPG would make such an appalling statement and ..."

"I'm sorry, you're not answering the question. I'm not asking how childishly hysterical you can get; I'm asking you whether you actually believe that Mr. Smith was calling for you to be killed. Are you saying you honestly believe that he was calling for your violent death? Yes or no."

At this point, even someone as intellectually limited as Genuis might realize that he's painted himself into an awkward corner, since how does he properly answer this? You see, everyone -- absolutely everyone -- understands this is performance art, it's childish, it's a game ... but how do you prove that? And you prove it by asking precisely the question I suggested above: whether Genuis truly believes what he's saying. And now he's in a bit of a pickle.

You see, in order to continue his pathetic performance art, he'd have to say "yes," at which point he would be a total laughingstock. Because we all know this outrage is totally contrived, but by asking the above question, you're forcing someone like Genuis to take ownership of it, whereupon he really ends up looking like a doofus.

On the other hand, if he doesn't want to look like a shrieky, hysterical dumbass and reluctantly admits that, no, he doesn't actually believe it, well, "Then why the fuck are you wasting my time, you pandering, manipulative colostomy bag?"

That's it, that's how you deal with this idiocy. Ask that pointed question, and insist on an answer. And watch the instant awkwardness as someone realizes they're now being asked to take full and complete ownership of their ridiculous and contrived performance art.

You're welcome.

BREAKING! TUPOC finally POCed off.

All quiet on the wingnut front this morning, as the parking lot at St. Brigid's as vacant as Brian Lilley's moral compass:

What's left are those tacky TUPOC banners still hanging outside the front door so if you're bored and in the neighbourhood and you need some rags for that occasional motorcycle repair, well, you didn't hear it from me.

Oh, wait, you did.

The company you keep.

Rebel News favourites "Viva Frei" and Mike Cernovich leaping to the defense of Rebel News favourite Alex Jones:

All we need is Rebel News favourite Gavin McInnes screaming incoherently about "goddamn motherfucking Jews" to complete the picture.

SHOCKING! SHOCKING, I TELL YOU!!

Rather than explain from scratch this current shriek-saturated bloviating from Canada's right-wing fascist white nationalist, neo-Nazi segment, I will first send you here as a warmup. When you finish, come on back and we'll put that in context.

La dee da ...

So what's my point? Simple. The current rage farm sweeping Canada's conservatives is not even remotely grassroots or spontaneous; rather, it is carefully provoked, and is initiated with the public announcement that something is, well, shocking, or appalling, or disgaceful, or ... you get the idea.

What we are seeing is a significant portion of Canadians who are so simple that they need to be told when to be angry. None of this is spontaneous -- this is a very carefully-choreographed program of rage generation using the appropriate adjectives to trigger the right people.

If you think I'm kidding, let's put this to the test. Consider that recent news "event" involving Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in a piano bar. Consider further if the headline had read, say, "In London for Queen's funeral, PM Justin Trudeau joins other Canadians at hotel piano bar for singalong."

Now, if that's all that it said, almost everyone would have thought, "Yeah, OK, whatever, what's the big deal?" Instead, without exception, Canada's inter-related right-wing rage badgers immediately started slapping on adjectives, "DISGRACEFUL!!!! SHOCKING!!! APPALLING!!! PM Justin Trudeau joins other Canadians at hotel piano bar for singalong!!!"

It doesn't even matter if most of the words are identical -- what matters is that the accompanying adjective is the signal for people to be immediately and publicly angry. Livid. Outraged. Appalled. Besides themselves with apoplexy.

Quite simply, we are talking about people who are so intellectually limited that they need to be ordered to be shocked and outraged on demand. Which they do, right on cue. It doesn't matter the innocuousness of the event -- slap an adjective or two on the description, and it's now pretty much a dog whistle for the appropriate people to feign completely contrived outrage as if this is, you know, something meaningful.

And now that you know, you'll never read the news again the same way, will you?

P.S. If someone could feed Garnett Genuis through a woodchipper, that'd be great, thanks.

I already see my next toy.

I'm sure the cat will not object.

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever stop being funny.

 

Yup, I called it. (Well, I was planning to.)

As soon as I saw journalist Dale Smith's tweet about the indescribable lameness of a CPC MP's performance in QP, and Smith's quip of, if a horse was that lame, they'd shoot it, my absolutely first reaction was that it was only a matter of time before the entire Canadian Rage-o-Sphere exploded in, well, Patrick Ross-level bad faith and rage, shrieking something like:

"SHOCKING!!! Woke, intolerant Liberal shill publicly calls for savage, brutal murder of Conservative politician!!!"

Sadly, I got distracted before I could post that, which is a shame since, well:

P.S. That last tweet was from the new leader of the CPC, who publicly supported the white nationalist "Freedom Convoy" that descended on Ottawa for three weeks and really did call for the murder of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. But, hey, let's not quibble over consistency.

P.P.S. If we want to argue about shooting-level lameness, we can start with House of Commons Speaker Anthony Rota. Fight me on that.

Still funny as hell.

Oh, my ...

Dear Chrystia Freeland: Some free advice.

Just watched Chrystia Freeland tearing CPC leader Crypto McBitcoin a new one here, and it's appalling that she has to shout to be heard over the CPC hecklers across the floor, so I will make the same suggestion I made some time back.

When responding to the trained (or mostly untrained and un-housebroken) barking seal white nationalist asshats in the CPC, do not raise your voice. Even amid the din, answer in a totally conversational style, and if no one can hear it, well, too fucking bad. And keep doing this -- speaking normally even though you're being drowned out.

What is Skippy going to do? His only recourse is to bitch and whine that he didn't hear the answer, at which point, one responds that he could if his fellow CPCers weren't such disrespectful assholes.

Give it a try. See what happens.

P.S.

A modest proposal.

When the federal government announces an intention to combat online disinformation, racism, bigotry and hate speech, it's worth keeping track of the people who get upset by that idea.

BREAKING!

Canadian right-wingers who despise transgender people shocked to learn that Jamie Sale's original name was "Theo Fleury."

JUXTAPOSE!

Man who aggressively and relentlessly promoted "#TrudeauMustGo" hashtag to boost its prominence on social media now insists that the hashtag's current prominence on social media cannot be ignored.

Remember when I talked about knowing where the stupid comes from?

Jesus, Mary, Mother of God, buckle up ... remember this dimwit?

And look where she ends up:

That would be Rachel, doing freelance work for "Disinformation Caillou" -- white nationalist memorabilia expert and creepy hotel hallway stalker Keean Bexte. And what a pile of rubbish.

Now, it appears that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau did in fact join some Canadians in a hotel bar in London, England this last Saturday and decided to join in the singing, to which one can safely respond ... so fucking what? But note sweet Rachel's blatant lie above -- that Trudeau sang "at" the funeral.

And how do you deal with that level of sleazy misinformation? Actually, I have ideas about that, but it will take a day or two to flesh out. In the meantime, appreciate the rancid dishonesty of Rachel Emmanuel and Keean Bexte. Same as it ever was.

P.S. In case you still had any delusions about the remaining relevance of Andrew Coyne ...

Apparently, TUPOC has finally POCed off.

As of 1:56 a.m. this morning, little evidence remained of William Komer's merry band of grifters and Pierre Poilievre campaign staffers other than those two lonely banners:

 

That is the emptiest I've seen the St. Brigid's parking lot since Griftapalooza rolled into town and tried to occupy a church with hot dogs and water cannons.

JUXTAPOSE!

Canadian right-wingers who absolutely exploded into a crusty sock over the death of Jack Layton ...

 ... will now excoriate Prime Minister Justin Trudeau over (*checks notes*) not being sufficiently mournful.

OK, then.

Brian Lilley: Lying piece of shit.

 

Should we start a pool on when Brian apologizes for lying this blatantly?

P.S. Oh, look ... here's lying piece of shit Lorrie Goldstein, being a lying piece of shit just like his fellow hack lying piece of shit Brian Lilley:

I should just map "lying piece of shit" to a hot key to save time.

JUXTAPOSE!

Canadian right-wingers, who can't wait for subsidies to Canadian media outlets to end so they all collapse like a flan in a cupboard:

still curiously fine with all those federal CERB cheques and massive annual subsidies to Western Canada's petroleum industry.

Chronicles of Twatrick: Happy interestversary!

And with surprising regularity, the 19th of the month rolls around again -- another monthly interestversary for Lloydminster's Patrick "Kid Cash Nexus Thunderbolt Quintuple Threat Bikini Designer MMA Cosplay Erotica Author Boy Lawyer Super Mullet UFC Fan Boi Street Fighter" Ross, who is now exactly 13 months into his interest-accruing debt to me:

Interestingly, Saskatchewan is a province relatively friendly to debtors, as it limits normal garnishment to 30% of one's monthly wages (not sure if that's net or gross). The downside to that is that, given that Patrick's debt to me is increasing at approximately $650 per month due to accruing interest and ongoing sheriff's fees pursuant to my collection and garnishment proceedings against him, it is entirely likely that Patrick is losing an uncomfortable chunk of every paycheque from his minimum wage, menial job to me, even as what he owes me in increasing. That's gotta hurt.

In any event, check back in a month for another interestversary. There might be cake.

BONUS TRACK: I've uploaded a complete copy of the transcript of the August 30 hearing in Grande Prairie, AB, wherein Patrick Ross very unwisely filed to strike Peter Skinner's Statement of Defence ["SoD"] and was absolutely disemboweled by the judge for his efforts. I've posted snippets previously, but this is the full and unabridged version, for which I will make a number of observations.

First, it is moderately amusing that, for someone who loves to play boy lawyer on the Intertoobz and insists on claiming that he is so much smarter than all else, when Patrick gets into a courtroom, he turns into a blithering, inarticulate asshat. Witness the few occasions where he is permitted to ramble on, and succeeds only in spewing incomprehensible and meaningless nonsense, unable to focus on the task at hand, until the judge mercifully cuts him off and drags him back to reality. I can assure you, it has always been thus, as far back as his first court appearance related to me in 2012.

Next, Patrick howled with glee on Twitter as to how the judge told Peter his SoD was junk. But that's not what happened, is it? Rather, the judge made a far more general statement as to how the Court typically allows pleadings -- even sub-standard ones -- to move forward, regardless of their quality. While this may or may not refer to Peter's specific SoD, the judge was clearly making that observation in a much larger context.

Following, Patrick similarly gloated as to how the judge told Peter not to speak; again, a hopeless misrepresentation as to what happened, as in the first instance of that, the judge simply wanted to allow Patrick to finish making an ass of himself, and in the second instance, the judge simply told Peter that Patrick's filing was so utterly meritless, Peter would not even be required to speak. But I've saved the best for last.

As is obvious to anyone who reads that transcript in its entirety, there is no question that Patrick is deliberately misleading the court. When asked on two occasions if he had run this by his trustee, Patrick simply said he didn't, rather than admit that he does not in fact have a trustee. This is an absolutely glaring omission, and is obviously deliberate on Patrick's part. It's not clear whether one can claim that Patrick is "lying" to the Court on those occasions, but those misrepresentations certainly fly in the face of someone telling "the whole truth", rather than refusing to disclose inconvenient parts of it.

From my perspective, the major takeaway from this transcript is that Patrick has now been told, bluntly and directly by a Court Of Kings Bench judge, that an undischarged bankrupt is supposed to ask for permission from his trustee before initiating any legal action. It's in writing. You can see that. So if anyone is on the receiving end of any more legal threats or actions from Kid Cash of Lloydminster, you now have some pretty hefty ammunition to wipe him out via a Motion to Dismiss, and you're free to use that transcript to do it.

You're welcome.

P.S. Demand costs.