The last few days have been exceptionally high in Teh Suck factor so there was much rejoicing in LuLu-land upon reading the following news from that bastion of wingnutty goodness known as CPAC (emphasis gleefully added):
Republican Mike Huckabee on Saturday said he won't quit the presidential race and rejected suggestions John McCain is the party's inevitable nominee, saying the voters in remaining states deserve an election, not a coronation.
"I didn't major in math," the former Arkansas governor told a cheering crowd at the Conservative Political Action Conference meeting. "I majored in miracles, and I still believe in them."
Can I get an “amen”, brothers and sisters? Put your hand against the TV screen and you. Shall. Be. Healed!!
BTW, are “miracles” an internationally recognized university major or does one have to be recertified upon moving to another country? What? It’s a legitimate question.
7 comments:
I believe in miracles, not just not the way the Christocrazies imagine them. Some miracles are:
1. Massachussetts having the second-lowest divorce rate in the US and the Red States scoring high on that metric and teenage pregnancy;
2. Natural disasters in Red States;
3. Pastor Haggard, meth and a male hooker...ditto Larry "Wide Stance" Craig (God really was listening to me those times);
4. Jerry Fallwell being deprived of the Rapture;
5. The catastrophe that is the Bush administration.
...I could go on. Praise Jaysus!...but God does indeed work in mysterious ways, doesn't He?
Indeed He does, brother Ti-Guy ... hallelujah!
The jurisdiction of miracles is a tricky question, and depends on the denomination which proclaims them. Once must always examine any miracle very seriously to determine its provencance and scope.
The advantage of Catholic miracles is that they are truly universal, as befits a Church that prides itself on its - well, its catholicity. However, the same degree of transferability is NOT characteristic of many Protestant miracles, especially among the smaller denominations in the US.
I had an aunt who was cured of blindness AND an embarassing disorder of the lower bowel at a revival meeting of the Third Reformed Evangelical Baptist Temple of Christ in Tennessee. All was well until she crossed the state line back into Mississippi, which, of course, has been the jurisdiction of the FOURTH Reformed Evangelical Baptist Temple of Christ since the Schism of 1922. Poor woman went instantly blind driving across the state line, farted, and drove off the bridge into the Blacksnake Creek. Sad business. And the funny thing was, she was actually Anglican. Just goes to show, doesn't it?
"are “miracles” an internationally recognized university major or does one have to be recertified upon moving to another country?"
i'm pretty sure it's the only degree bob jones u offers....
KEVron
What doth it profit a man who wins the whole Kingdom but suffers the loss of his soul?
He majored in Miracles? Wow that's impressive. I guess that means he's a Real Christian®. You know, the kind that can cast out devils, speak in tongues, heal the sick and step on scorpions and stuff.
and if he can't, then he's FULL OF SHIT.
And for those wingers who are gonna ask for biblical citations because they're too freaking lazy to read their own bible...
"And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." -- Mark 16:17-18
"Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." -- Luke 10:19
From Sadly No!: Ouichita Baptist University may well have such an option for their hillbilly hell-shouters, but none of them are likely to become president...
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