Closing the book on Dickie "NAMBLA" Evans.

[UPDATED, Mar 7. See bottom.]

For the last many months, your humble scribe (that would be me) has had to put up with a constant stream of infantile accusations from Calgary blogger, failed politician and "NAMBLA" devotee Richard Evans. And, sadly, I've allowed myself to get caught up in this cross-blogosphere sniping. However, I'm finally going to take the advice of some friends and resolve this once and for all. Quite simply, I am going to hold Dick up for display, emasculate him thoroughly and move on. And the world will be a better place. At least for me.

As a quick refresher, let's all recall that, at one time or another, Dick has accused me of "outing" him or his family, threatening his kids and being a pedophile (or, at the very least, "enabling" pedophiles, whatever the fuck that means.) Let us now deal with each of Dick's accusations in turn, after which we will toss what's left of Dick's eviscerated carcass back into his front yard for the vultures to pick over.

First, the charge of "outing." As I have explained countless times, the only information I have ever published about Dick or his family is that information which was already easily available in the public domain, almost all of it put there by Dick himself. I could prove that but, conveniently, I don't have to since Dick has done that for me:

I've not complained that my personal information was posted. CC's correct in his assertion that I posted my children's names myself. I don't have a problem with that.

Excellent. And if you don't appreciate what just happened, go back and read that again -- Dick has openly admitted that he was the one who posted his kids' names publicly, and that I was "correct" when I stated that numerous times, and he even admits that he "doesn't have a problem with that."

Are we good here? Do we all now understand that I will never respond to that bogus, idiotic accusation again since Dick himself has admitted that it has no merit. One down. See how this works? We're making progress.

Sadly, though, in that same comment, Dick proceeds to make an ass of himself when he continues:

Where I do have a problem is when he threatens to track my kids down and cause them harm.

All right, then, let's deal with the above in two parts, shall we? Dick accuses me of "threatening to track [his] kids down." Um ... this is a singularly retarded accusation since I don't need to "threaten" to do such a thing for a simple reason -- I already know where they live. And assuming that they, in fact, live with Dick, his address is readily available to anyone with access to the Internet. For example, one can do a "Whois" query on Dick's look-alike domain "somenamedia.com" to learn what is available to every human being on the planet:

Registrant:
Richard, Evans
107 Beddington Cres. NE
Calgary, AB T3K 1N4
CA

Domain name: SOMENAMEDIA.COM

Administrative Contact:
Evans, Richard safework@telus.net
107 Beddington Cres. NE
Calgary, AB T3K 1N4
CA
+1.4033337035
Technical Contact:
Evans, Richard safework@telus.net
107 Beddington Cres. NE
Calgary, AB T3K 1N4
CA
+1.4033337035

Ergo, it is impossible for me to "threaten to track down Dick's kids" since pretty much everyone already knows where they live, again thanks to Dick. Two down. Movin' on.

Next, Dick accuses me of threatening to do harm to his precious young'uns. Now, I'm going to be generous and give Dick some leeway here. Dick apparently thought that my simply publishing their address was somehow putting their health and well-being in danger but -- as we have already established -- that is clearly not possible since Dick already advertised to the world where they live. Therefore, simply publishing their address has no relevance, but I'll understand if Dick was too fucking stupid to figure that out. Sadly, it appears to be one of his character flaws. But let's not stop there. Let's drive some nails into the coffin of this accusation.

For the record (and let me perfectly unambiguous about this), I am absolutely opposed to anyone doing any harm to Richard's kids by any means for any reason! Period. Full stop. No qualifiers or weaseling. In fact, I'll go one step further and state that, if I learn of anyone who abuses Dick's kids in any way just because their father is a ignorant, festering sack of right-wing stupidity, I will make my blog available to track down said perpetrators and make their lives unspeakably uncomfortable. That's a promise. And what does that mean?

It means that I have effectively emasculated Dick even more than he is already, because if he has the nerve to try to file a charge against me on behalf of his kids, I will simply pull up this blog post and make him look like the insufferable retard that he is. Which won't be hard, of course, but you knew that, right? However, this does put me in an awkward position.

While I wish no harm whatsoever on Courtney and Tyler, I fervently pray for all sorts of hellish misfortune to befall Richard, and it's not hard to imagine that happening. Since Richard apparently makes a living as a self-employed consultant in Calgary, it's quite possible that his public association (and, dare we say it, fixation?) with NAMBLA might damage his career. And, frankly, that just gives me the warm fuzzies -- the thought that Richard is so radioactive that no one will hire him anymore.

The downside to that, of course, is that Dick's kids would probably suffer as a result so, as I said, I'm torn. While I'd love it for Dick to end up sleeping in a large cardboard box somewhere above a grate on 7th Ave, I wouldn't enjoy it if his kids suffered because of it. (Of course, the ideal situation would be if Dick's wife had an attack of sanity, grabbed the kids, grabbed the car and headed out, while Dick sunk slowly into his own personal abyss of surfing NAMBLA and Stormfront, eventually drinking Lysol straight out of the bottle. But I digress. Onward.)

Finally, there is Dick's accusation that I am a pedophile, or an enabler of same. I have no idea what this even means, since I have never written anything promoting pedophilia, and have never allowed this blog to be used in that way. Not to mention that Dick has, to this day, never provided a shred of evidence for that charge.

On the other hand, it's easy enough to check the Interwebz to see that Dick himself has a domain (canadiancynic.net) which he explicitly redirects to NAMBLA, thereby promoting them and giving them buckets of free publicity. One is therefore free to wonder -- which of the two of us can't get enough of web sites that promote child rape? (Hint: It's not me.)

In any event, I believe we're done here. Quite simply, I have addressed each of Dick's accusations and demonstrated how they are utter crap. And if he seriously wants to file a police report against me for allegedly threatening his kids, he's more than welcome. It might even be fun to have this go to court, where I could humiliate Dick to the point where his wife finally leaves him in disgust.

But I'm going to take the high road. I won't be publishing any more articles about Dick, I won't be linking to him anymore and if he's clueless enough to try to comment on this blog anymore, I'm just going to delete the comments. (Ergo, if he does comment, please just ignore it and I'll get around to removing it eventually, OK? Do you folks have that kind of willpower? Well, I can always dream, can't I?)

And in exchange, what do I expect from Dick? Nothing. He's free to do whatever he wants with canadiancynic.net, just as he's free to continue to make unfounded accusations against me, and just as he's free to continue to offer a $750 bounty for my identity. And good for him. I'll just take comfort in the fact that, whenever anyone is curious enough to google Richard (perhaps as preparation for a job interview), well, I think you know the result.

So have fun, Dick. I'm sure you and NAMBLA will be terrifically happy together. It seems to have worked out pretty well so far.

BY THE WAY, I just realized I'd forgotten one of the most amusing aspects of this entire clusterfuck. Dick is now blustering about how he's filed a police report about me and my behaviour. Well, I can't wait for them to call me up, at which time I will be happy to point out Dick's suicidally self-destructive behaviour here:

[CC] So here's the deal -- as long as Dick insists on redirecting that look-alike domain to NAMBLA, I will continue to post increasingly personal information about his family. See how that works? In short, what happens from here on out is entirely in Dick's hands. All that remains to be seen is whether it's more important for Dick to protect his family's privacy, or for him to score points being an irresponsible dipshit.

The domain stays up...

Do your best CC...

That's right -- that's Dick, explicitly and unambiguously inviting me to "do my best." Think about that for a moment.

Dick wants everyone to believe that he's purely terrified about what I might do to his children. And yet, when push comes to shove and I openly offer Dick a way out, he's imprudent enough to publicly invite me to have at them. I'm guessing that, in a court of law, that would be enough for any sane judge to take one look at Dick, declare him mentally unfit to raise children, and have the state take them away from him.

So why don't you press those charges, Dick? And, in response, I'll quietly and politely point out how you publicly, in my comments section, threw down a challenge and invited me to harass your kids. And won't that make for amusing legal proceedings?

I hope you folks appreciate the entertainment value in all of this. I swear, if this were any funnier, I'd be charging for it.

P.S. Dear Corinne Evans. Some friendly advice. Because when your hubby starts inviting anonymous bloggers to attack your kids, it's time to start looking for a way out.