Monday, July 23, 2007

Gordon O'Connor's big adventure!

After shopping at the talking point show and sale, big, dumb Gordie decides to try on his new purchases. CTV reports as he spins the hem of the emperor's second hand clothes.

Allow me to translate...

"If all goes according to plan, Canada could begin backing away from its heavy combat role in the south of Afghanistan in about six months as the Afghan National Army matures -- something it is showing signs of doing, said Defence Minister Gordon O'Connor."

If we don't fuck up some more, we can pretend something good will happen in a Friedeman on account of the brown folk standing up so we can stand down. Look a pony! A breathtaking display of bullshittery. If...about...showing signs, can you smell the leadership? Don't step in it.

"O'Connor was responding to new poll numbers that suggest support within Canada for the deployment is dropping while opposition is rising."

Look at the pony! Don't you never mind those tanking poll numbers.

"During an appearance on CTV's Question Period that aired Sunday, O'Connor said those numbers are largely due to Canadians' lack of clear understanding of Canada's successes in Afghanistan, as well as the challenges faced there."

After half a freaking decade of action, as the mission steadily deteriorates and the liberation slowly decays into ineffectual occupation, as the will and patience of both the Afghan and Canadian populations erode, we just don't understand that our troops have Tim Horton's coffee. And according to big Steve our military just keeps getting better and better with every flag at half mast. Shame that Gordon O'Lobby can't seem to present a clearly understandable picture of our "success". So buck up anyway, whiners.

"He said there is reason to believe that the situation in Afghanistan is improving, and Canada's frontline role will soon be reduced."

There is reason to believe that there will soon be ponies! Honest. This time for sure, ponies and rainbows. The good rainbows, not those fag rainbows.

"O'Connor said Canadian troops recently sponsored an Afghan infantry battalion, providing intense mentorship and training, and as a result the battalion is now out conducting its own operations."

Sponsored and mentored, now with added intensity! Victory! Why all across the middle east units and battalions are conducting their very own operations. They have shirts and hats and they love us, they really do.

"He described it as a success that will be used as a model for training other battalions, and will eventually take pressure off the Canadians. "Over the next four or five months were going to be picking up four or five additional Afghan battalions to train and mentor and get them out into the field," O'Connor said."

That scraping noise? Pay no mind, that's just the sound of goal posts moving. Unless it takes, oh, about a month to train an Afghani battalion. You know, a battalion here, a battalion there, a bit of training and then we're out of there. That's like a fucking plan or something. Four maybe five battalions. In the field. Good as new. Hearts and Minds.

"We're hoping by the end of this rotation that's going in now, the so called Van Doos rotation, we'll have about 3,000 Afghan army operating within the Kandahar province, and as we train more and more of the Aghan army to carry out their own operations we'll continue to withdraw, put more emphasis on training, and at some stage basically be in reserve." The Van Doos rotation in Afghanistan will last six months."

And given how popular the Van Doos rotation was with the folks in Quebec, I'm sure that they'll be thrilled to know that. Hey, if all goes according to wishful thinking, er, plan, one of those so called Van Doos soldiers might get to be the last to be blown to rat shit in a Gator. And we can all look forward to the future, in reserve, at some fucking stage.

"O'Connor also renewed his call for other NATO nations to step up their involvement and allow their troops to take part in combat operations in the more volatile regions of the country. At the moment, most of the heavy lifting is being done by Canada, the U.K., the Netherlands and the U.S. "It would help the situation if more NATO nations sent troops to the south and the east but we can't put all our eggs in one basket. We have to train the Afghan army as quickly as possible and that's what we're doing," O'Connor said."

So all we need is one more little Friedman for the brown fellas to stand up so we can stand down and bask in all of the successes that we can't clearly understand once we can get some of those other NATO guys to help us get out of this quagmire. I guess Gord is just a-sitting in his office waiting for his red NATO phone to ring and find out who is going to volunteer their soldiers to spell us. Easy. Thanks Gord, I feel so much better now.


Ti-Guy said...

As the Afghanis stand up so we can stand down, NATO needs to stand up so we stand down...some more. All of this stuff reminds me of Church...stand up, stand down, stand up, stand down...

All the heavy-lifting and serial Friedmans and O'Connor sounding like a muzak recording of Bush's greatest hits, and this bozo wonders why we don't understand the mission?

It's clear the government doesn't understand the mission either. And it's been like from the beginning.

thwap said...

Yeah, 5 fucking years, and "Canadians don't understand the mission."

Well, either that's the government's of Martin and Harper who are to blame, or it's the Canadian people who are too stupid to pick it up after 5 years of media boosterism punctuated by unavoidable reportage of soldiers' deaths.

Stephen Harper knows the answer. It's because we're stupid and he's smart:

Mansbridge: “How do you explain, to yourself, the apparent lack of knowledge on the part of a good number of Canadians as to what we are doing in Afghanistan…?”

Harper: “You know, Peter, I don’t know if I am shocked by that. I’m not sure if it’s different on Afghanistan than on any other area of public policy."


But now even the Harperites are pathetically talking about "Friedmans" now.

The Seer said...

It seems to me, in deference to the Canadian Forces, one should not use an American term to describe thelength of time to victory. I think, in the Canadian/Afghan context, it would be more appropriate to call it a "Gordie unit," or, "one more Gordie."

Wear cammo!

I have been accustomed, at these points, to say "Wear red!." But someone pointed out to me some time ago that in Canada, red is the Liberals color, Viewed in this light, the "Wear red" campaign is an attempt to dilute the Liberal brand. If we want to support the Canadian Forces, we need another color. I suggest cammo — the color of their uniforms — to signal support for the troops without either (a) diluting the Liberal brand, or (b) showing support for the Steve & Gordie show.

Red Tory said...

Did they mention the desertion rate in the Afghan army? No, I didn't think so...

Dave said...

Hmmm... I did in my latest post. In fact, I mentioned a lot and I didn't even scratch the icing on the cake.

Lindsay Stewart said...

Okay folks. I sit here and I have my opinions but when it comes to an informed opinion on matters military, well, go read what Dave at the Galloping Beaver has to say.