Friday, March 04, 2022

Chronicles of Twatrick: The prodigious son returneth.

According to my crack, secret, elite, secret and crack source from the environs of Lloydminster, Saskatchewan, it seems that that town's renowned village idiot, undischarged bankrupt Patrick "Kid Cash Thunderbolt Nexus of Assholery Quintuple Threat High Noon Bad Company MMA Cosplay Street Fighting Man" Ross has returned from the wilds of Clairmont, Alberta to take up residence in his mom's basement once again. According to my source (who shall remain nameless but whose identity would undoubtedly come as a stroke-inducing shock to Lord Baron Twatrick von Loadenhosen), Patrick gallumphed back into town back on February 7, and has remained in town ever since, which raises a number of interesting possibilities.

First, it suggests that perhaps, just perhaps, the aforementioned rumour was true, in that Patrick was fired from his Alberta gig for insisting on being paid under the table, the sole purpose of that being to protect his income from collection proceedings initiated by your humble scribe. To this day, there is no evidence of that, but it does make one wonder why Patrick is no longer employed.

Further, Patrick once again taking up residence in his mom's basement suggests there may not be much in the way of assets for sheriffs to seize for the foreseeable future, in that Lord Twatrick is clearly no longer employed in the wilds of Alberta, and the consensus around Lloyd is that, no matter how desperate an employer might be, no one in town would touch Patrick with Sheila Gunn Reid's dick. However, even if there is little to pilfer from Patrick's bank account going forward, all that means is that his debt to me:

will continue to increase at five per cent per year and, since I am a patient man, I will simply hang around until the issue of inheritance comes up, then move in and take everything that would have gone to Patrick (including, I'm guessing, the Lloydminster property). And depending on how long that takes and the relentlessly accruing interest, even that may not be enough to cancel out his debt, but I guess we'll see when it happens.

Finally (and most amusingly), my crack, secret and elite source assures me that Patrick is currently doing the rounds around town, bragging about the aforementioned Netflix documentary wherein the original claim was that Netflix Canada was bankrolling a special on the life of one Patrick Ross and his decade-long legal spat with me, a claim which fell apart almost immediately when exposed to the light of day, but it is apparently not stopping Patrick from bragging to his drinking buds in the Lloyd that it is, in fact, happening, and that both Peter Skinner and I are "cowards" for not wanting anything to do with it.

Oh, and the best part? My source assured me that Patrick -- having bragged for months about the joy of physically-challenging outdoor manual labour -- returned to town several stone overweight with his gut spilling over his WWE replica championship belt, I'm guessing from a regular diet of $21 specialty burgers and extra-spicy Doritos slathered in ranch dressing.

In any event, now that Patrick has slithered back into Lloydminster, this will at least make it easier for sheriffs, Canada's Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy, and various process servers to find him, and I will make sure all of those parties know where he is. After all, given that he loves attention, I would hate to deprive him of same.

P.S. We're not quite done here.

P.P.S. I have been assured that, if Patrick (by some miracle) finds further employment, I will be notified of the details in short order, whereupon there will be garnishment. But feel free to play along and keep me posted on Patrick's travels.


Anonymous said...

I don't understand why no one in Patrick's family, especially his father, sees the value in trying to come to some sort of settlement with you. Do all of them just not care? Have they just washed their hands of Patrick and accept that he'll be a debtor for the rest of his life?

Anonymous said...

I've wondered the same thing. What is Patrick waiting for? He's bankrupt, he has no trustee, the interest is piling up, he's unemployed and living at home again, the sheriffs are coming by regularly to empty his bank account, there's no way he can inherit anything without you taking it, how much worse does it have to get before he sucks it up and admits he's in over his head?

Personally, I blame his parents for enabling him all these years. All they did was wreck his life for good.

MgS said...

Both Anonymous (@628, @757):

Based on what we’ve seen of Patrick’s behaviour in general (which is toxic AF on so many levels), I would wager that his family is probably pretty dysfunctional in some key respects.

Patrick’s behaviours are probably based on whatever he learned growing up, and he’s simply taken things to new depths since the beginning of his legal fight with CC. His family probably don’t see a problem because it’s consistent with their general thinking / behaviour.

(And, in fairness to his parents - there are limits to how much parents can influence an adult child. The time when they could adjust Patrick’s attitude in all of this has long since passed by.)

Anonymous said...

I live on the AB side of Lloyd, I know Patrick's address from previous posts or maybe from some of the legal filings, I don't remember but I know what it is. I can drive by his place on occasion and check if he's there by what's in the driveway. I seem to recall he drives a Ford Escape, right?

CC said...

That would be useful -- the occasional confirmation that Patrick is still in town in case a process server becomes necessary. And if anyone sees him around town, it's always useful to know where he hangs out, trying to impress the college kids and high school students. So, yes, you're more than invited to do the occasional drive-by and see if Patrick is, at the age of almost 41, still living at home and collecting WWE replica belts in his now copious free time.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 2:28

I seem to recall that he works out at the Motion Fitness in Lloydminster. Might be a good starting place if not his parents house where he currently lives?

CC said...

Yeah, I know about Motion Fitness and the sheriffs have been notified of this. My next step will be to file to lock up whatever assets are being used to fund Patrick's gratuitous expenses, like gym memberships. If someone else is subsidizing Patrick's lifestyle, they're going to have some explaining to do as well. Stay tuned, as things are about to get way more interesting for Patrick, and I mean that in a very bad way.