Saturday, March 12, 2022

Chronicles of Twatrick: On the cutting off of one's nose.

A rather weird rumour coming from one of my anonymous tipster sources in the vicinity of Lloydminster, SK about the current plans of one Patrick "Lord Baron Twatrick von Loadenhosen" to deal with his relentlessly increasing (now over $105,000) debt to me and, while I have no hard evidence to substantiate this rumour, frankly, it would not surprise me in the least.

Reportedly, as Patrick has been back in the Lloyd and bunking in his old room at Casa Twatrick, he's been making the rounds and (among other things) bragging about how the plan for a Netflix Canada documentary on his scintillating life and times is still on. But it doesn't end there.

From what I've been told, Patrick has also been gloating about his devilishly clever new strategy to get out from under his debt to me, and you need to read this twice to understand its potential brilliance. Apparently (and, again, I can only report what I hear third-hand), Patrick's plan to deprive me of any of his assets is to ... wait for it, wait for it ... remain unemployed and penniless for the foreseeable future.

That's it; that's the plan. In order to prevent me from taking any more of his assets, Patrick will simply ... never have any assets to take.

OK, then.

Now, before you give your head a smack and wonder if you read that correctly, that is in fact a viable strategy, as a number of people with abundant legal experience have confirmed that there is no way to seize assets from someone who has no assets. And that makes perfect sense to me, and if that's Patrick's plan, I will openly admit that, yup, that will certainly put a kink in my collection enforcement. But it also once again suggests that Patrick really has no ability to take the long view.

Sure, he can divest himself of his current possessions, and blow what little is left of his savings, and not get a job but rather just lie on the couch in his mother's basement watching WWE and eating Doritos straight out of the bag, and that will certainly teach me a lesson, you betcha. But this does not strike me as a sustainable life goal.

Perhaps Patrick thinks defamation judgments have a statute of limitations, or if he's stubborn enough to stick this out, the legal system will tire of him, or whatever. I'm pretty sure none of that is true and, in the meantime, yes, he can deprive me of any payments for year after year, but all that time, what he owes me will be increasing at 5 per cent per year and, really, someday he will have to deal with this, because if he thinks he can just wait for his remaining parent to pass on and quietly inherit his current residence, oh, man, I have such bad news for him.

So, again, this is just a rumour but, given Patrick's history and his total inability to think about the long-term consequences of his truly, truly bad decisions, would it surprise anyone if this is his plan? Honestly, at this point, one can only shrug and wonder if there is any way for Patrick to fuck up his life any further.

One suspects not.


MgS said...

…wonder if there is any way for Patrick to fuck up his life any further

Never underestimate an idiot’s ability to find new ways to make a bad situation worse for themselves or those around them.

He can certainly keep whatever assets he has stuffed in a mattress from you, but that’s hardly a practical solution in today’s world, and it only works as a solution as long as his father remains alive and willing to allow Patrick to live with him. Denizens of Lloydminster can expect to see Patrick pushing a shopping cart full of scavenged pop cans down the streets at some point in the future.

It’s “fiendishly clever” the same way that “stop or the dummy gets it” is.

RossOwesDay said...

Given his history, these Twatrick rumors are plausible.

At some point, won't the Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy track the Twatster down and be very, very unhappy with him? We'll guess that Twatrick continues to evade service and communications from the OSB. If you can track down his (if rumors are true) former Grande Prairie employer, who says he quit his job because they wouldn't pay him under the table, that seems like something that would really, really piss off the OSB.

It also sounds like Twatsy won't dare to try to collect EI, but you never know with hypocritical, dimwitted conservatives like him.

Presumably Ken (or someone) is siphoning money to Twatsy to cover his basic expenses: restaurant burgers, Edmonton Oilers paraphernalia, comic books, pornhub subscription, etc.? Wonder if Chris, Penny and Jennifer have signed off on this latest 4-dimensional chess strategy from their idiot brother.

Anonymous said...

At this point, Patrick is best off learning to walk the left hand path; perhaps becoming a real criminal. Only then can he hide and maintain wealth. Otherwise he will be paying the piper (aka CC) for a long, long time to come.

CC said...

ROD: Funny you should mention the OSB, since it appears that the OSB is on its last nerve with respect to Patrick, and is about to step in, which means I won't have to do much other than keep collecting from him, while the OSB kicks his pasty, Tyler-beaten ass from one side of the road to the other. And part of that beating should involve requiring him to submit to an official interview, where he has to answer questions about years worth of his finances ***under oath*** (a prospect which should terrify any members of his family that have, in any way, been subsidizing him all this time).

It would seem that, after all these years, Patrick has finally run out of road. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to ponder when to tell the SK sheriffs to make another collection attempt on Twatsy's bank account.