Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Dear Five Feet of Crazy™:

Your oh-so-inappropriate, slavering man-crush on Canada’s Leading Assholeaka Mark Steyn has finally devolved into complete and utter hilarity. The fact that you would so blatantly hump his leg while still managing to get in a gratuitous, misogynistic swipe at women in general is too, too precious ... even for you.

I have an idea, you worthless shriek harpy, why don’t you take a page from Dr. Laura’s book and shut. The. Fuck. Up.

P.S. Money quote.

Don't question your intellectual betters, dear. "You're too short for that gesture..."

No, I’m not kidding.


Ti-Guy said...

God, why do members of Canada's elite Establishment insist on soiling themselves in public like this?

Because they know it pisses Kathy Shaidle off? I'd like to think so, but I'm not sure that many people actually know who she is.

You can just picture Batty Kathy screaming at her monitor: "Shut up, Ruth Selwyn, you career-possessing bitch...JUST SHUT UP!!! *Shrieeeeek!*

¢rÄßG®äŠŠ said...

It looks to me like ol' Five Foot Poo has decided that if she's hateful enough, the world will have no choice but to pay attention to her, even if it is only in morbid fascination.

Chimera said...

She quoted Joseph Mankiewicz? That explains the tornado activity that's building out in the Hudson Valley...

Ti-Guy said...

...the world will have no choice but to pay attention to her, even if it is only in morbid fascination.

The only way this drama can get interesting for me is if the CBC were to produce a reality series and put all these wingnut welfare cases and raging mediocrities on a island somewhere (with their guns) and see how they'd fare.

Frank Frink said...

We can dream, Ti-Guy, we can only dream that they would finally pick each other off. Only thing certain in the whole exercise is that KKKate would be hawt!.

Anonymous said...

To give my comment a sense of continuity, I do not have cable, or satellite. Whatever TV I get is via antenna, and it seems to me that the whole North American continent has gone nuts about so called reality shows which I refuse to watch. Thank the noodly appeandage for BBC 7, otherwise I would be totally, instead of partially, insane.
TiGuy, that is a brilliant idea, picture a house with Steyn, MacMillan, Shaidle, Frum, Rex Murphy and a few other lesser luminaries. Picture the fun that 21st century conservatism (which isn't really conservatism) would produce. How right wing can one be? Watch and find out. Who would be the first one voted out of the house? Who would be the first to be found wanting? That is a reality show that I might actually watch....well probably not, but it would be fun to watch them eat their own.

Ti-Guy said...

We can dream, Ti-Guy, we can only dream that they would finally pick each other off.

I suggest that partly out of my concern for the welfare-addicted wingnuts. There is legitimate market value in their ability to become parodies of themselves, and the first to realise that will make a killing.

¢rÄßG®äŠŠ said...

Okay, I have an idea. I'll just bounce this off you here...

The show is called "So You Think You Can Swim".

Eh? Eh?

God, I am so hateful.

Rag Machine said...

Dear Lulu,

As an attorney acting on behalf of Canada's GENUINE leading asshole, Stevie "noWonder" Harper, I would like to ask you to cease and desist from using my honestly (well, mostly) earned right to that title, by virtue of my election as Prime Minister of Canada (minority or not). If being Prime Minister does not entitle me to be called Canada's Leading Asshole, please advise as to what I need do to deserve that honorific.

But to sum up my legal argument-

1. My client is an Asshole

2. My client "leads" the minority "NEW" government of Canada, thus can be said to "lead" Canada.

3. Mark Steyn can be second in command, maybe - unless he wants to contest the leadership of the PsuedoConservative Party of Canada.

Thank you,

Fast Eddy GreenSponserGate Q(ueer) C(ounsel) at Slaw.

Southern Quebec said...

I would prefer "...and Then There Were None..." (ala Agatha Christie)

Anonymous said...

Oh, SQ, only if the last man standing was.....who?
Not Rex, not Stevo, not Kathy or KKKate
then who?
Where is Phillip Lombard when you need him?
SQ, one of my favourite of all time movies - "Those whom the Gods would destroy".

Ti-Guy said...

I think that show would result in yet another re-lapsing on the part of Kathy Shaidle, when she looks around at all the skinny wingnuts and realises they're picturing her well-marbled self turning slowly on a spit over a mesquite fire.

LuLu said...

Dear Fast Eddy GreenSponserGate Q(ueer) C(ounsel) at Slaw:

Have you seen my boots ... which are mine?


Anonymous said...

Lulu, you made me go to the link. Curse you. "Intellectual betters"? My goodness, my brother has a mensa plus IQ. he's a stockboy at the A&P and has been for 20 years. Mensa is full of gas station attendants.
What does intellectual mean these days. Does one attribute intellectual status to Frum and Steyn, merely because of their position, which in both cases was not gained on their own efforts, but because of who they were related to or knew. I'd rather listen to my brother. At least he has common sense and his IQ could blow away people like Steyn, Frum, Shaidle, MacMillan et al - me too but I don't envy him. Unfortunately, in my experience, true brilliance comes with a downside. Some folks with true brilliance seem to burn brightly for a short period of time,then flame out, usually due to a wish to end their existence. Others, like Timothy Findlay, Margaret Attwood et al, work through their issues and fight for the rights of others. Then we have pseudo-intellectuals... and there are too many of those running around today.
Intellectual is only as good as what one does with it. If one uses one's intellect to increase one's power and monetary ability at the expense of those considered less intellectual, then is that person really an intellectual. Damned if I know, but if these folks are examples of intellectuals, then....contain them where they can't do any more harm. Maybe summer camps, as cleaners ofthe kybous?

Rag Machine said...

Jeepers Lulu,

I have some cowboy boots, handmade in Texas. How about meeting in July 20 miles south of Regina Saskatchewan, both of us wearing only our boots. Then we can get down to resolving our outstanding legal issues (unless my client no longer is entitled to the title of "Leading Asshole of Canada," by far the most desirable resolution of this embarrassing issue.

Well except for the meeting on the bald prairie part, of course!

Frank Frink said...

"So You Think You Can Swim"

Geebus, Crabby. Don't you realize that would make Rachel Marsden ineligible.

Why don't we go with "So You Think You Can Fly".

LuLu said...

How about meeting in July 20 miles south of Regina Saskatchewan, both of us wearing only our boots.

Rag, are you flirting with me?

kerry said...

"Your oh-so-inappropriate, slavering man-crush..."

Man-crush? By a woman?

Dr.Dawg said...

Why don't we go with "So You Think You Can Fly".

Thanks for my first decent laugh of the day.

LuLu said...

Man-crush? By a woman?

We are talking about Five Feet, KEv.

KEvron said...

"We are talking about Five Feet, KEv."



LuLu said...

This is sooo not a schoolgirl crush she's got going on for Steyn - it's a full-blown mancrush.

¢rÄßG®äŠŠ said...

I thought the funny part was "CRUSH". I so don't get humour.

Anyway, "So You Think You Can Fly" would also satisfy me. But now I feel lke I'm being incivil.


LuLu said...

Well, you know what they say, Crabby - if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.

Rag Machine said...

Jeez, Lulu, maybe. It's difficult to even imagine other parts of the wardrobe ensemble when confronted with "the boots."

The sun can be warm on the skin in Southern Sask in July, and the prairie breeze, oh so refreshing. But then it's nice here in the mountains in July, as well!

LuLu said...

They are quite spectacular, if I do say so myself ... they go nicely with my shoes.

Rag Machine said...

I must say Lulu, that it appears that when you aren't barefoot, you tend to be "armed and dangerous."

Maybe we should set up a meet in a nice Japanese household, where shoes are not allowed.

¢rÄßG®äŠŠ said...

LuLu: "if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me."

WOOT. You show up with one foot bare and the other in one of them there boots, and you just name the place & time.

I'll wear the Judo getup from last time, if that suits.

mikmik said...

Five Feet of Feces, LOL