Punk'd.

It seemed like a moderately funny gag with minor potential entertainment value: Write a horrifically tasteless post, wait for the inevitable fuming, sputtering, frothing outrage from whatever members of Canada's Idiot-sphere were sufficiently clueless to fall for it, then quietly point out that I had done nothing more than emulate their current hero, Ann Coulter:

John Hawkins: You've caught a lot of heat for a couple of quotes you made. In your column three days after 9/11, you said, "We know who the homicidal maniacs are.They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." You also said in an interview with the New York Observer, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Do you stand by those quotes or do you think that perhaps you should have phrased them differently?

Ann Coulter: Ozzy Osbourne has his bats, and I have that darn "convert them to Christianity" quote. (Thank you for giving the full quote. I have the touch, don't I?) Some may not like what I said, but I'm still waiting to hear a better suggestion.

RE: McVeigh quote. Of course I regret it. I should have added, "after everyone had left the building except the editors and reporters."

(I even e-mailed the rest of the contingent here at CC HQ, warning them not to take offense to that post as I was going somewhere with it so just be patient.)

Yes, it would have been amusing to catalog the outrage, only to point out the raving hypocrisy contained therein. But, in retrospect, that gag seemed destined for failure. It was simply too obvious.

Why would I, after railing against eliminationist rhetoric all these many months, suddenly jump into it waist-deep myself? You'd think that would make someone suspicious. Then there was my blatant taunting at the end of that post -- kind of a dead giveaway, wouldn't you say? You'd have to be fairly stupid to have missed that. And then there were the commenters.

I had to frantically delete the first comment from a regular commenter, who perkily congratulated me on how well I reproduced Coulter's death-speak. Grrrrrrrr. But when Niles followed up, I figured, fine, there's no way I'm going to be able to ride herd on that thing so, screw it, I'll let commenters give the game away entirely and see what happens.

Which brings us to the obvious question -- who in the Canadian Idiot-sphere, given every possible clue that this was a prank, and with even my commenters explaining it to them, would still have the required level of screaming, cementheaded retardedness to fall for this, hook, line, sinker, tackle box and copy of Angling Times? Ladies and gentlemen, behold:



That's right, kids -- even when the entirety of Stephen Taylor's Special Education class had the sense to smell a prank when someone clubs them over the head with it, Canada's favourite mullet walked face-first into the woodchipper.

That comment was deleted but, surprisingly, I wasn't the one who deleted it. Fuck, no, I wanted the evidence of Twatsy's douchebagitude, so one of my trusty co-bloggers must have done it. Luckily, I'd already taken a screenshot since I assumed that, in an increasingly rare moment of lucidity, the Twatster would suddenly wake up sweating, realized he'd just made a planet-wide ass of himself, and dash back to delete the proof. Too late, though. And, for the true amusement value, I left the remaining comments up there but, yes, I will delete any more from Kid Thunderbolt Cash Assholery Twatsitude Mulletbrain.

The only remaining entertainment value will come from Twatsy desperately trying to salvage his dignity while people from coast to coast are laughing hysterically at him. But he can do that on his own blog. I'm already going to have to fumigate here.