When unctuous ratbags patronize.

There's a precious scene in the Family Guy Star Wars spoof "Blue Harvest", during which Luke (Chris Griffin) Skywalker is practising his new Force powers on the Millennium Falcon under the tutelage of Obi Wan (Creepy Old Man Herbert) Kenobi, until Han (Peter Griffin) Solo breaks in, "You know, you guys seem like a couple of morons to me."

With just a touch of condescension, Chris responds, "You don't believe in the Force, do you, Han?" To which Peter drolly snaps back, "Oh, you mean that thing you just found out about, like, three hours ago and are now judging me for not believing in?"

Snap.

Which brings us, of course, to the plethora of wanky Blogging Tories who, having bragged about the CPoC legislation that brought us "fixed" election dates, now sanctimoniously lecture us on the loopholes contained therein as if they'd known about them all along. You know ... smug douchebags like Stephen Harper adoring groupie and loyal fellatrix Sandy Crux, with her:



You know what, Sandy? No, until recently, I didn't know that. Just like you didn't, either. Because all of us, when we listened to your Glorious Fascistic Leader Il Douche yammer on and on and ceaselessly on about fixed election dates and their benefits to democracy and shit like that, we all (reasonably) assumed that, when he referred to "fixed" election dates, he actually meant, you know, "fixed" election dates.

We never suspected that he had his fingers crossed behind his back the whole time, just as we never suspected that, when the truth came out and sane people everywhere realized that Harper was a sleazy little scumbag, that his loyal blackshirt flying monkeys would suddenly get all pedantic and begin lecturing us on the intricacies of the legislation as if they knew this all along, rather than having had to scramble to figure it out along with the rest of us.

So, Sandy, feel free to take your unctuous sermonizing, and cram it in the orifice that Stephen Harper probably doesn't use. All of this after-the-fact rationalizing is really unbecoming for a grown-up. Although, now that I think about it, it's perfectly predictable for a Blogging Tory.

JUST TO DRIVE IT HOME, read that May, 2007 CBC news piece above, particularly the deliciously inconvenient parts like, oh, these:

The Senate has passed a bill that will require federal elections to be held every four years...

Once the bill becomes law, Prime Minister Stephen Harper will not be able to call an election on his own...

"Fixed election dates will improve the fairness of Canada's electoral system by eliminating the ability of governing parties to manipulate the timing of elections for partisan advantage," [Rob Nicholson] said in a news release on May 30, 2006.

Under current rules, the prime minister has the power to select a date for a general election and to advise the governor general to dissolve Parliament.

According to the Harper government, this power allows the governing party to set the time of the election to its own advantage.

"Establishing fixed election dates fulfils one of this government's key campaign commitments. It is an important step in improving and modernizing Canada's democratic institutions and practices," Nicholson said in the release.

You know, I'm reading all that carefully, and I don't see any mention of loopholes or exceptions if, you know, Stephen's in a pissy mood. Or he's not getting his way. Or it's that time of the month for him.

Do you, Sandy?