Saturday, March 22, 2008
Dear Five Feet of Crazy™:
This may come as a bit of a shock but I’m a little worried about you. Usually, you put just the tiniest bit more effort into hiding the fact that you’re really a drooling, barking mad, dyed-in-the-wool, racist fucktard. Lately — I don’t know — it’s like you’re not even trying anymore.
I realize that your pathological narcissism makes it nearly impossible for you to see things from anyone else’s perspective but can’t you just for once think of me and my readers? How am I supposed to entertain them with my snarkalicious wonder when you’re not even pretending you’re sane? I guess it really is all about you.
Maybe you just need someone to talk to. After all, it’s not like you haven’t availed yourself of Canada’s free socialist health care system before like the whining, me, me, me hypocrite you really are ... ooops. Was that supposed to be a secret? My bad.
P.S. And the pimpalicious cheesecake shots you keep putting up to entice and/or placate your basement-dwelling, cheeto®-stained, mouthbreathing “readers”? Kind of high on the ick factor. I’m just sayin’.
P.P.S. Look out for the scary brown people. They’re everywhere.