"Well, howdy there, li'l darlin' ... I'm a 40-year-old who's into the Edmonton Oilers, MMA cosplay, $21 burgers dripping with grease and hashtagging everything I tweet so I look important.
"I'm an undischarged bankrupt who still lives at home and, these days, my favourite hobby is hiding in the basement to avoid the process server, so if you come by to pick me up, knock twice, pause, then three more times so I know it's you.
"Oh, and we're splitting the bill, so if you order the oysters appetizer, that's on you."
19 comments:
I'm not sure how it gets sadder than this, but Patrick is currently going on at his Twitter dragonfireideas account about his opinion of the entrance music of pro wrestlers. What is wrong with a 40 year old that that's something that occupies his waking hours?
"And ladies, please don't ever ask me to remove my cowboy hat, or one of my 92 different Edmonton Oilers baseball caps. You don't want to see the grotesque impact of male pattern baldness on my leonine hairline. Or, I don't want to show you."
Awe.. his Mom kept his little hand print on the wall behind him.
I believe that's the first time I've seen something from Patrick that's finished. University = nope. Bankruptcy = nope. Adulting = Nope.
Remember that little video of his where he says he almost got into a tussle at the gym over stacking weights properly? A little birdy has told me it's 100% fabricated.
Seems this little birdie informed Motion Fitness that Patrick has been posting videos online about altercations that happened within their premises.
Now, it seems if two members get into an altercation, especially one that reached the height of Patrick fantasizing about ripping someone's fingers off, the staff would have noted it (We all saw his fight; we know it's all fantasy on his part).
The way he talks is like a professional wrestler. He literally told an RCMP officer that if him and I were to ever fight, his "victory would be ultimate and guaranteed". Who the living fuck talks like that? Even the Officer said Patrick spoke weird and he saw the fight video since Patrick brought it up. He said the same thing I did. Patrick didn't win that fight. Not even close.
If you all remember, that was when the RCMP weren't calling to investigate me, but to tell me the file numbers so I had them for my records AGAINST Patrick.
Gotta admit, he makes friends every where he goes.
I know wrestling may not be your thing but if you have a couple of minutes to spare go to any recent episode of The "Jim Cornette Experience" podcast and listen to the closing song.
You will swear it's Patrick singing about his life. As it is.
Trust me on this.
OMG.
I will refrain from asking how you discovered this.
No big secret ... it's his new profile pic on his "dragonfireideas" Twitter account. He's quite proud of it.
https://twitter.com/DragonFireIdeas/status/1461139297889705989
I was actually referring to the horrible song at end of the two hour wrestling podcast which does, indeed, sound very much like Patrick's life.
Ah ... noted.
Even if you hate wrestling Cornettes two podcasts, the Drive Thru and The Experience, where the song is, are pretty good.
Up to this point in my life, I blush to confess that I have never read a complete novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, successfully made tempura, learned to play any reed instrument, been to Paris, mastered an Indigenous language, or contemplated Mt. Fuji from ANY angle. In light of those lamentable lacunae, I am unlikely to seek out Mr. Cornette's no doubt admirable works, although I promise you that when I get around Wrestling Podcasts, they will be at the top of the list.
Someone should send Jim Cornette an email about the story of Twatsy Ross. Corny would have an aneurysm cutting a promo about Twatrick:
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE LEARNED ABOUT SOMEBODY STUPIDER - THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID STUPIDER - THAN THAT SHITSTAIN VINCE RUSSO. YOU FUCKING DEFAME SOMEONE, DON'T APOLOGIZE, DECLARE BANKRUPTCY AND LEAVE YOUR HILLBILLY FAMILY SIX FIGURES IN DEBT. JESUS FUCK. EVEN WORKING THE TERRITORIES IN ALABAMA IN THE 1980'S - WHERE THE SPORT OF WRESTLING WAS AT ITS GREATEST - I'VE NEVER MET ANY FUCKING PEOPLE AS FUCKING STUPID AS PATRICK FUCKING ROSS..."
Here's the lyrics to the Cornette Experience Outro. While there's some smarky wrestling in-jokes in here, it totally describes Patrick Ross's loser Lloydminster life:
Wednesday nights I get to stay up late
Watch Kenny Omega while I masturbate
Hey Mom, I need to watch this show
Meltzer says i'm in the Key Demo
In my Mom's basement
I steal her WiFi and I pay no rent
AEW's cool
We've got Indie stars; drop-outs from wrestling school
Like Jo Janela at the top of the card
He trained himself in his own back yard
This is shit everyone should get
Well, everyone except Jim Cornette
Wednesday nights I get to stay up late
Watch Kenny Omega while I masturbate
Who needs women or hanging round in bars
When you can watch The Bucks earn Seven Stars?
I'd rather watch The Bucks get Seven Stars
Dynamite's the word
Best ever tag team division
Haven't you heard?
We've got Jericho, Orange Cassidy
And my girl Riho
Like Tony I do fantasy booking
A title tournament
Now we're cooking
And I can't wait to hear what Corny has to say
When Marko Stunt goes all the way
Wednesday nights I get to stay up late
Watch Kenny Omega while I masturbate
Hey Mama, don't come in
Go away, i'm watching wres-tle-ing!
Go away, i'm watching wres-tle-ing!
Ah! This is wrestling heaven
Don't listen to Corny, he hasn't been relevant since '87
He thinks that Luchasaurus can't work a lick
That Bobby Eaton could hold a candle to Matt or Nick
He wants to cut up our heroes with a rusty fishing knife
Or get them in the hot tub to play spot the submarine with his wife
And no, Mom, i'm not bitter
It's nothing to do with Jim blocking me on Twitter
And now here comes Miro
Wearing pyjamas, he's my hero
The Young Bucks could shoot on Buzz Sawyer
Make Brock Lesnar take a Canadian Destroyer
Bang bang bang
Don't come in, Mom!
Bang, bang, bang
Don't come in!
"Are you touching yourself again?"
Err, no
"I'm changing the Wi-Fi password"
Mom, noooooo!
Wednesday nights I get to stay up late
Watch Kenny Omega while I masturbate
Hey, Mom I need to watch this show
Meltzer says i'm in the Key Demo
I am thirty-nine
I'm in the Key Demo
I'm a single male
I'm in the Key Demo
Whoa oh
Meltzer says I'm in the Key Demo
Meltzer says i'm in the Key Demo
Yup.
Good job with the transcription.
And with the promo.
You nailed Cornette.
Oh, Lord ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWBVfZy7OjM
For those wanting to watch when Patrick will finally pick up my documents after two delivery attempts were done, here's the link for easy access:
https://www.canadapost-postescanada.ca/track-reperage/en#/details/RN476535528CA
Here's my statement of defense as promised:
https://h3y.top/sod
RN1: That is a strong statement of defense.
Do you know when the court date in Grande Prairie will be?
I don't. Nothing will be scheduled until I can serve him, which he's making difficult. I'm not shocked and I've prepared for it.
I'll be filing a motion for alternative service on Tuesday. That will be 1 week since Canada Post has been trying to deliver or have him pick it up. I'd imagine the Justice will find it weird Patrick's taken the steps to hide where he is rather than deal with the action he wasn't able to legally file.
For what it's worth, I'll keep making sure I keep immaculate records, I file everything Robert's given me as evidence of his past issues, and moving towards getting him labelled as a vexatious litigant so no one else has to deal with this bullshit.
Patrick is a child who's hiding in his closet so he doesn't have to stand in the corner for the next 20 years paying Robert like he's his pimp.
RNO: You think Patrick is going to pay me off in only 20 years? I suspect his heirs will still be sending monthly payment to my heirs.
Depends how much the pimp can get his girl to work during that time. :)
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