HAHAHAHAHA OMFG HAHAHAHA!!!1!11!

Yes, Virginia, there is a God.

Happy New Year, darlings.

Here’s a little something to get you in the mood.



Don’t wait up – I’ve got brand new shoes, a dress made for trouble and definite plans to find it.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Shorter pro-life mouthbreather extraordinaire "Karol": Now that you’ve made the choice to continue your pregnancy and raise your child alone, you’ve got a fuck of a lot nerve expecting support, understanding and/or sympathy, you dirty slut.

You only wish I was kidding.

I'm sorry ... come again?

Brought to you by main page advertising at the Western Stunned Herd:


So that whole "starlight tour" thing was a total fabrication? I don't think so.

I think you’re confused.

Dear Alberto Gonzales:

After forcing myself to read your endless evasions, "me, me, me" whinging and doublespeak masquerading as an interview with the Wall Street Journal, I must admit that one of your too-precious statements made quite the impression (emphasis all mine).

"… for some reason, I am portrayed as the one who is evil in formulating policies that people disagree with. I consider myself a casualty, one of the many casualties of the war on terror."

You’ll forgive me if I can’t allow this to go unremarked. This is a "casualty of the war on terror".


You ... not so much.

Yours in complete and utter disgust,
LuLu

P.S. I'm glad I could clear that up for you -- now go fuck off and await your pending indictment.

The PPLC: Names, dammit! We want names!

As do a number of other bloggers, we here at CC HQ would dearly love the membership list of the vaunted, super-duper, top secret "Parliamentary Pro-Life Caucus (PPLC)", and for a very simple reason.

If this had been nothing more than an unofficial coffee club of right-wing dingbats and Bible-whomping yokels who got together in someone's rec room on a regular basis, no one would give a shit. But that's not what's happening here, is it?

No, it isn't, because if newly-elected PPLC Grand Poohbah and wielder of the royal PPLC toilet brush Rod Bruinooge insists on describing that collection of retarded misfits as a "Parliamentary Caucus," then we the taxpayers have every right to know who's in it, and what they're doing as our duly-elected MPs.

More to the point, we have the right to know what taxpayer-funded facilities they're abusing, including room-booking privileges and the like. So I'm sure they would like to keep everything on the QT over at the Li'l Misogynists Tree House and Woman Haters' Club, but if those folks want to hang a label of "Parliamentary Caucus" on themselves, then we -- the long-suffering taxpayers -- have every right to have that list of names.

And being the accountability and transparency folks they are, I'm sure Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories are right there with me. Right, kids? Accountability? Transparency? Fiscal responsibility toward the Canadian taxpayer?

Oh, wait ... I almost forgot. This is different. My bad.

P.S. And as I've mentioned before, it wasn't that long ago that clandestine, multi-party coalitions meeting in back rooms was, somehow, a terrible, terrible thing. Apparently, things have changed since then.

AFTERSNARK: You have to love the first comment at that Western Stunned Herd post, written apparently without a trace of irony:

At 35 Rob is certainly one of the up and coming MPs in the House. His willingness to stand up and be counted is very refreshing compared to the hundreds of others who will stand for nothing unless they have done a poll first.

Rob's comments indicate to me that he understands the term "Serving in Public office" There is hope.

Posted by: Servant | 2008-12-12 2:13:39 PM

If by "willingness to stand up and be counted" and "Serving in Public Office," you mean "hunkered down in his magic PPLC tree fort and refusing to tell us what other elected MPs are secret little misogynists." Or something like that.

Details, details.

Shorter Blogging Tard Tory Joanne: Has anyone noticed how nasty the coverage of that cute and cuddly Mike Duffy’s Senate appointment has become? Obviously, the reporters are just jealous hypocrites.

The breathtaking hypocrisy of Big Daddy making history by stacking the Senate with 18 of his cronies in one shot after forever shrieking about "Senate Reform" is, of course, completely lost on JoJo and her mouthbreathing commenters.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

God Almighty, how the stupid continues to burn.

Caption contest!

'We're staying over there until 2011? What's with this "we," doughboy?'

AFTERSNARK: Hey, kids ... remember this one?

For all his posturing about "supporting our troops" Prime Minister Harper shows disregard for them. Last September he implied the deaths of Canadian soldiers was good for the military, telling the CBC: "I can tell you [the Afghan mission] has certainly engaged our military. It's, I think, made them a better military notwithstanding -- and maybe in some way because of -- the casualties."

So you there in the front row? Yeah, you. Apparently, offing you with a roadside bomb has its upside. Stephen says so. I hope your family appreciates that.

That knee-jerk, mindless support for Israel comes with a price, you know.

A few years old, but still an interesting read.

It's because they lie.

All the time. It's all they know.

Let me help you with that one, Jonathan.

Blogging Tory Jonathan Strong tries desperately to puzzle this one out:

What Does Disproportionate Mean?

A common argument is made among left-leaning media, politicians, and academics that Israel’s response to Hamas’ terror is “disproportionate” and that “no military solution” exists to the problem of Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Oooooh, oooooh ... pick me, Jonathan, pick me (emphasis tail-waggingly added):

So far, a reported 375 Palestinians have been killed and upwards of 1,400 injured in the densely-populated area, while four Israelis have died.

375 to four. Is that "disproportionate" enough for you, Jonathan? No, really, does that answer your question?

You're welcome.

And if you get a few minutes, Fred, maybe a little something about the gays?

Blogging Tory "Gay and Right" Fred is getting some publicity:

Right-wing gay website hopes to win over Tories

By Andrew Mayeda
December 30, 2008 3:02 AM

When Fred Litwin started a blog called "Gay and Right" a few years ago, he got three kinds of e-mail.

There were the gays who were ticked off that he was conservative, conservatives who were ticked off that he was gay and gay conservatives who were elated to have found a kindred spirit.

And while we might make occasional fun of Fred for his intellectual schizophrenia, we can at least give him credit for addressing issues so critically important to today's gays, such as (in reverse chronological order) ... um ... recycling, Hamas, Israel, Hamas, Israel, Israel, Israel, Hamas, Muslims, Hamas, Israel, Jews, global warming, Hamas, Israel, Hamas, global warming, Israel, ... You know, Fred, maybe it's just me, but you seem to be fixating here.

Join Fred next week when he once again addresses Canada's gay community on the subject of ... um, well, bombs and killing people. Apparently, there's something terribly gay about all that. Or something.

When TV was good.

And I now own the complete set on DVD. Feel free to be jealous. No, no, even more jealous than that.

Yeah, that's better.

Holy fuck, the burning stupid!

Apparently, there's something about being named "Kate" that turns you into a racist douchebag.

I believe the word you're looking for here is "bastard."

And a new bundle of squalling, illegitimate excitement enters the world:

Bristol Palin gives birth to healthy son

Daily News staff

Published: December 29th, 2008 10:45 PM
Last Modified: December 29th, 2008 10:49 PM

Gov. Sarah Palin is a grandmother. The baby's name is Tripp, and he was born early Sunday morning, People magazine is reporting.

Rumour has it that the proud parents plan on getting married any day now. Yessir ... any day now.

Your right-wing family values. Well, that and the OxyContin.

I'm curious ...

I can’t decide if Rod "Massive Poll" Bruinooge and his super-secret, double-probation Pro-Life caucus are completely off the reservation with his too-precious shrieky comparison of fetuses and kidneys for sale on eBay!!!!11!!!!!1!.

Or has he been sent out with a backdoor, Big Daddy seal of approval to test the waters? Your thoughts/opinions in the comments if you please.

CC MUSES ... You know, I can remember when secret, back-room, multi-party coalitions were a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing. Oh, wait ... that was last week, wasn't it?

Heh.

Indeed. I'd suggest you read that to your Conservative acquaintances but you'd probably have to explain who King Canute was.

It's hard to respect the constabulary when they're such fucking retards.

Via PZ, we learn ... well, we learn that police are idiots:

Teen with Home Chemistry Lab Arrested for Meth, Bombs

A Canadian college student majoring in chemistry built himself a home lab - and discovered that trying to do science in your own home quickly leads to accusations of drug-making and terrorism.

Lewis Casey, an 18-year-old in Saskatchewan, had built a small chemistry lab in his family's garage near the university where he studies. Then two weeks ago, police arrived at his home with a search warrant and based on a quick survey of his lab determined that it was a meth lab. They pulled Casey out of the shower to interrogate him, and then arrested him.

Wait, wait ... here's the bestest part:

A few days later, police admitted that Casey's chemistry lab wasn't a meth lab - but they kept him in jail, claiming that he had some of the materials necessary to produce explosives.

Dear Law Enforcement People:

The last time I checked my Fruit of the Looms, I personally have the equipment "necessary" to sexually assault women. Please don't draw the inevitable conclusions here.

Ah, the SUZANNE-flavoured hilarity of it all.

From Suzie's combox to your eyeballs:


It really is the best entertainment you can get in that price range.

When really stupid Blogging Tories blog.

BT Chucker Canuck finally decides that appearing sane and logical is just too much effort:

Best Moment of 2008

In both leaders debates this year, Stephen Harper made the only conciliatory gesture between Conservatives what we would now call the coalition-in-waiting. He gestured to all four leaders of the coalition and said, "I believe you are all sincere in what you want to do." (or something like that)

Distrust is the default position in Canadian politics. Firewalling hidden agendas and cash stuffed envelopes are easy grist for the rhetorical mill. Stephen Harper - virtually alone in politics - has made the basic gesture to recognize the sincerity of their opponent's intentions. One small step for a politician, one giant step for politics.

Where to begin, oh Lord, where to begin? First, Chucker, my retarded little chew toy, there aren't "four" leaders of the coalition, there are only two: the Bloc is not (and never has been) a member of the Coalition, and the Green Party has no seats to offer so they can't possibly count.

Second, Chucker, my revisionist friend, Stephen Harper never gestured to "all four leaders of the coalition" since the coalition did not even exist at the time, but I'll understand if you enjoy rewriting history for your benefit.

And finally, Chucker, using the word "conciliatory" for someone whose first budget gesture was to slash funding to the opposition, prorogue Parliament so he couldn't be held accountable, then pack the Senate with Conservative suckups, cronies, bagmen and failed politicians doesn't strike me as particularly conciliatory.

But let's face it, Chucker's a Blogging Tory -- ergo, bullshit is what he does. It kind of goes with the territory.

Holy Ker Jeebus!

Why I am shocked, just SHOCKED ...

Except for the part where I’m sooooooooooo not.

The new chairman of a secretive pro-life Parliamentary caucus is pledging to rekindle the abortion debate in Canada and bring "more value" to the lives of unborn children.

Although Prime Minister Stephen Harper has said he's not interested in reopening the divisive issue, Winnipeg MP Rod Bruinooge told The Canadian Press people need to be better educated about Canada's abortion stance, which he says puts the country in a "class of its own."

That’s right, boys and girls – Rod "Massive Poll" Bruinooge is back and things are about to get very interesting.

Frank speak.

You listen.

You know, maybe that's not such a good thing after all.

Canada's Pathologicalest Blogger gets all moist over a sea change in how people get misinformed these days:



Admittedly, this is an important development since, without the Intertoobz, we might never have learned about Jews in Iran being forced to wear badges ... oh, wait ... or democracy coming to Fallujah by way of American fast food ... um, hang on, scratch that. Oh, well ... it was an amusing sentiment while it lasted.

The Internet: Enabling you to be as hysterically ignorant and douchebaggy as Kate McMillan. Offer valid wherever high-speed access is available.

Sunday Funnies.

I really do love Lucy.

Your daily Blogging Tory stupid.

It's a day that ends in "y" so, as sure as Dick Evans gets a little woody when the new "Gap for Kids" catalogue shows up in his mailbox, a Blogging Tory somewhere is being a retarded dumbshit this morning. Oh, look ... it's Paul:

Michelle Obama: What Have You Been Up To?

Just let your imagination go for a bit, and dream about what would happen were the Wife of The Big O a Republican ... my oh my, how the official media of the DNC (formerly known as the MSM) would howl:

"sounds more to me like she was drummed right out of the practice of law. I am just dying to know what she did... she ran to have a court ordered inactive status done...and then no malpractice report needed to be provided.

And then there are those who aren't insufferable morons and imbeciles:

Prior to November 1, 1999, former Supreme Court Rule 770 provided for a proceeding in the Court for any voluntary transfer to inactive status, whether because of some incapacitating condition or solely as a matter of the lawyer’s preference because the lawyer would not be practicing law.

In other words, prior to 1999, all voluntary decisions to go inactive were “court-ordered.”

Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories: Because you always need someone to make you feel clever.

P.S. The true hilarity is that, if you steel yourself and wander over to Atlas' Juggs and take a close look at the alleged smoking gun of a document, you can read the very words "Voluntarily inactive." God Almighty, but these people are dangerously stupid. They really should not be allowed to play with sharp objects, or babysit anyone else's kids.

P.P.S. If, every time I read one of Stephen Taylor's stable of pathological dimwits, the phrase "re-education camp" leaps to mind, does that make me a bad person?

"This is not going away."

Change we can believe in – unless you’re gay.



And furthermore ... Was anyone else waiting for Pastor Cliche McVictim to say that "some of his best friends are gay"?

... and sometimes, God gives you the mother of all straight lines.

Over at Blogging Tory MisterPotatoHead West, Frank lets us all know what he thinks of, well, competence and expertise:

One of the basic beliefs of the Progressive movement is that Experts should lead and the masses should follow. This is the opposite of Liberal Democracy (conservatism) which believes in the power of the individual.

Even really, really stupid, uneducated individuals. It's kind of like elitism, but totally the opposite.

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

"What’s up, sir doc?"
"Forsooth, varlet, thou hast insulted me."
"Oh yeah? Well, forsooth, boiler boy -- thou hast insulted me, forsooth."



More coffee, please -- more, more, more. Now I'm off to deal with all the emails I didn't read yesterday.

It's funny until the mentally handicapped get beaten to death ...

... then it's fucken hilarious:



And what's not to love about Sheriff Joe Arpaio? Oh, I'm sorry ... let me introduce you.

Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories: Because, God knows, someone has to cream themselves when wheelchair-bound paraplegics get their necks broken.

Mark Steyn: The doucheitude rolls on.

Canada's Leading Asshole Mark Steyn shows why he won't be giving up that title any time soon. Kate McMillan will just have to be patient.

Yo, Kate!

Whassup, bitch? Suck on this, muthafucka.

Ladies and gentlemen, your compassionate conservatism in action.

Blogging Tory "Gay and Right" Fred has a quick and dirty solution for all that Mideast bad craziness:

Why does Israel feed its enemies????

Isn't it time to say enough is enough???

And then there’s the issue relating to Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians in Gaza. Lauren Booth, sister-in-law of former British premier Tony Blair, recently entered Gaza aboard a protest boat on August 23 and told Ynet News in Israel that Gaza was "the largest concentration camp in the world today" and a "humanitarian crisis on the scale of Darfur." She was later photographed at a seemingly well-stocked grocery store in the so-called "concentration camp." So, let’s consider how these Israeli “monsters” have behaved. Hamas has declared its intention to destroy Israel and murder every Jew residing there, and has fired over 7,000 missiles at southern Israel. In return, Israel is providing 70% of Gaza’s electrical power and, each week sends tons of food, fuel and humanitarian aid to an enemy whose entire rationale for existence is the extermination or subjugation of every Jew in Israel. During World War II, the Allies firebombed Dresden, obliterated German cities, and dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Israel feeds its enemies!

Mercifully, Fred's first commenter points out a couple awkward details:

People are still starving in Gaza, don't have electricity, but that's another point.

The people in Gaza, have nowhere to go, they are trapped like animals, maybe Israel should just starve all those woman and children to death, not like it would be genocide or anything...

Israel has created it's own enemy in the Palestinian people, it's taken its land, and homes.

Maybe we should praise Israel for providing some Palestinians with the basics to live, kudos. That's very big of them.

Israel is helping the humanitarian crisis it's created.

Oh, and Fred? There's another reason that Israel continues to supply food to the Palestinians. Because not doing so would be kind of a war crime:

Collective punishments

Article 33. No protected person may be punished for an offence he or she has not personally committed. Collective penalties and likewise all measures of intimidation or of terrorism are prohibited.

In all fairness, Fred can be forgiven for not knowing that. After all, he's a Blogging Tory, which means he's a moron. It kind of goes with the territory.

An extra-special flavour of crazy - Part 1.

Shorter Clown Hall columnist Dennis Prager: A real wife gives it up to her husband whenever and wherever he says, whether she wants to or not. This is important because men only understand love when it’s expressed via sex – the nastier, the better. Thankfully women don’t have this problem.

And furthermore ... how does any man (besides Ken, of course) read this mouthbreathing insanity and not be insulted by it?

Seriously.

RIP Eartha Kitt

In today's onslaught of media vixens it is too easy to gain attention simply by exposing one's self to the lens. Once upon a time there was a woman whose smouldering sensuality, singular growl and remarkable honesty and wit ignited the tinder in more than one generation of men's hearts. The incendiary brilliance of Eartha Kitt leaves a legacy of film and song, evidence of the doors she kicked open for women and for persons of colour. Truly one of a kind.

Suzanne, Suzanne, SUZANNE ...

I’ve always known you were an ignorant, mouthbreathing, hypocritical misogynist. The fact that you’ve allowed a flaming psycho like Ken to expound on his obvious hatred for women in your comments for days on end just proves it.

Don't worry -- I made sure to take a screen cap just in case you decide it might be good idea to start disappearing his ravings. See?


Now go fuck off, you ignorant bitch.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

You and your Bible are free to piss off any time you feel like it.

How utterly, utterly predictable.

Stop it! You're killing me!

An irony-drenched two-fer from Li'l Miss Douchebag herself:



Dear Kate:

1) Obama won so no one gives a fuck what you think about him anymore, and

2) A Blogging Tory whining about someone else's bias and incompetence should be a jailable offense.

So fuck off. Oh, wait ... Merry Christmas. Now fuck off.

The only Christmas movie worth watching.

Yes, it has some rather trite moments but it’s still delightfully bent.



Now I'm off to my parents' place for brunch and presents, presents, presents -- if I happen to run into Ezra Levant, I'll be sure to wish him a "Happy Holidays".

Would someone please punch Ezra Levant in the face?

To absolutely no one's surprise, perpetual whiny douchebag Ezra Levant manages to make an even whinier douchebag of himself here:

Merry Christmas to all of my readers and supporters. Allow me to share my Christmas column that I wrote for the Calgary Sun back in 2004. With a few tweaks (I think my theological language about Jesus's birth is slightly inaccurate), I think it could run today:

Allow me to be the first Jew to say to you "Merry Christmas."

Yes, Ezra, that's terribly, terribly brave of you -- saying "Merry Christmas" in the midst of 50 bazillion, skillion other people saying exactly the same thing. One purely wonders where Ezra gets the courage. But the douchebagitude continues apace:

Once, not so long ago, the chief challenge for Christians at this time of year was putting Christ back into Christmas -- reminding the faithful that Christmas isn't just about egg nog and presents, but that it was a celebration of the Christian God and His birth.

Today, the battle isn't to keep Christ in Christmas -- it's to keep Christmas at all.

Quite right, Ezra ... because if it wasn't for Christmasy soldiers like yourself on the front line, why, I'll bet we wouldn't even know it was Christmas time at all. You stud, you. But skipping over the rest of Ezra's tampon-tugging pissing and mewling, we come to Ezra's coup de stupid -- his raison d'dumbfuck as it were:

There are many solutions needed. But the simplest is to start saying "Merry Christmas," and correcting those who don't.

I'm sorry, Ezra, come again? Did you really just say you were going to "correct" people?

There are many solutions needed. But the simplest is to start saying "Merry Christmas," and correcting those who don't.

Why, yes ... yes, he did. Free speech warrior and loud-mouthed, perpetual agent of tolerance Ezra Levant has just publicly announced that if you, for whatever reason, happen to (in the spirit of the season) wish him "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings," he will, rather than accept that in good faith and with grace, condescendingly and patronizingly "correct" you to supply the official and proper Ezra Levant-approved salutation.

Normally, we here at CC HQ don't condone physical violence but if you chance to give a winter salute to Ezra and he admonishes you that you haven't done it properly, would you please punch him in the mouth? Just once. God knows, someone should have done it a long time ago.

"Excuse me, dear, but I'm taking the kids to stay with Mom for a while."

Suzie All-Caps commenter Ken wants you all to know how close he is to getting it on with a tall bell tower and a high-powered rifle:

Most of our moral laws are based on bible teaching. If I didn't believe in God I would have no problem taking from others everything I could, including their lives so that I could enjoy this temporary life of about 70 summers. You don't need a conscience if life ends at death.

One hopes fervently that Ken never has a crisis of faith, and that Mrs. Ken has the local womens' shelter on speed dial, if you catch my drift.

Your Zombie Lord Commands You To Watch

When ignorant, deranged wingnuts gibber.

Document the dumbassitude.

P.S. My personal favourite is Frank's contention that salting the roads is no big deal environmentally speaking since:

... any salt runoff would wind up in the salty ocean. It's another example of how Progressives screw up life because they don't understand it.

This would be the same imbecile who once wrote of the potential for a worldwide water shortage:

The truth is, of course, the amount of water in the world is the same as it's always been. The oceans, the water aloft and the icecaps; all there. The rain will continue, the rivers will flow, the snow will fall. No matter what the loony environmentalists have to say, and no matter how long they say it, the cycle will continue.

Some day, we will get around to writing Blogging Tory co-founder Stephen Taylor's "legacy." And it will not be pretty.

Happy Christmahanukwanzaakkah, darlings.

I’m off to Christmas Eve dinner with my insane Italian relatives so I think Etta should sing me on my way.

Kisses,
LuLu



Oh, this is one of absolute favourites ... and now I'm going to be totally late.

Apparently, freeping is only cool when they do it.

Not surprisingly, the amoral hacks and vandals who get their kicks out of freeping everyone else's polls and surveys really don't take kindly when they're on the receiving end. In fact, they simply reset the counters and start over. Because that's the kind of pants-pissing whiners they are.

Like you needed me to explain that.

P.S. Yes, of course you should head over there and vote for Pam Oshry of "Atlas' Juggs." Why?



Don't worry, I know you didn't make it through the whole thing. No one ever does.

We're done here.

Shorter Blogging Tory and CBA silver medalist "I’m no feminist" Sara: Now that my husband has explained everything to me, I feel sooooooooo much better about myself.

You only wish I was kidding.

SHRIEEEEKKKKK!

SHRIEK! SHRIEEEKK!!! SHRIEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!

Um ... whoops, never mind. Carry on.

AFTERSNARK: Ah, the folksy racism and bigotry of "SDA Nation" ... the seething hatred, the homophobia, the drooling, religious wingnuttery ... that's why SDA is, once again, Canada's best conservative blog.

And to think the rest of them are even worse. It purely gives one pause, don't it?

Vote early. Vote often.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

In philosophy, that's what we call an "axiom."

Fetus fetishist and intellectual cripple SUZANNE defines the boundaries of the discussion:

Natural Law is contingent on some of these notions:

* God exists and created the universe. He created human beings to happy [sic] in union with him.

Similarly, I would now like to demonstrate that all Blogging Tories are morons. Let us first assume, for the sake of argument, that all Blogging Tories are morons. The rest of the proof kind of follows from that in an obvious way.

Go.

Read.

"Keep 'em stupid. Keep 'em scared. Feed 'em lies."

Your Blogging Tories, in a nutshell. Especially the "stupid" part.

Yo, Adam! How's that hero worship working out for you?

Blogging Tory and fashion plate Adam Daifallah has always had a little woody for Lord Palpatine:

One of the reasons I've always liked Dick Cheney is that he doesn't beat around the bush.

Ya got that right, Adam:



Highest moment in the last eight years? 9/11. It's a freaking wonder he didn't say shooting a friend in the face.

There you go, Adam. I hope you and your hero worship will be very happy together.

Because reality has always had a liberal bias.

Shorter Blogging Tory BBS: "Hey, who you gonna believe? Stephen Harper or your lying eyes?"

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, your new BT talking point:

According to an article published on Canada.com, despite today's 18 Senate appointments, PM Harper is still committed.

That's right, it's the new BT meme: Stephen the Corpulent is still all about Senate reform and pay no attention to that recent complete and total abandonment of his long-held principles because that doesn't count.

Remember -- you read it here first.

Praise the Tentacles!

Celebrate Tarvu the religion that's SO easy to join.


It's So Easy To Join. from Torvakian on Vimeo.

Enlightenment discovered at Boing & Boing Inc.

That was then ... this is now.

1984: "You had a choice, sir."

2008: "Harper was given no choice."

IOKIYAC. It always is.

It's funny until you're punished for the way you chose to exercise your constitutional right to vote.

Then, apparently, it's hilarious.

You keep using that word "withdrawal."

I do not think it means what you think it means.

There’s petty ...

And then there’s Big Daddy.

The recent election of a Bloc Quebecois MP may have cost the Quebec town of Trois-Rivieres a $2-million federal subsidy for its 375th anniversary celebrations, Trois-Rivieres Le Nouvelliste has reported.
[…]
On a campaign stop in Trois-Rivieres during the elections, Mr. Harper told Le Nouvelliste that the grant money had already been allocated and that he “was looking forward to working with a Conservative MP.” Mr. Durand had also promised to get the $2-million subsidy if elected.

Trois-Rivieres Mayor Yves Levesque is now accusing the Harper government of being partisan. “So because we voted for the wrong side, because the population voted for the Bloc Quebecois, we won't receive anything for four years,” Mr. Levesque told Radio-Canada. “Tell us that and we'll stop paying taxes.”

Leadership! Accountability! Fuck you!

Yeah, the kids are alright.

Once upon a time, there was a snivelling little git of a high-school student in Hamilton who went by the pretentious title of "Mr. Erl," who joined the Blogging Tories and spouted vapid right-wing silliness and who received his proper share of CC-flavoured beatdowns here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

And then, curiously, Mr. Erl suddenly renounced his staunchly-held wankitude, apologized profusely for having been such a twatwaffle all that time, and vanished. But now he's back. And, by the look of things, all grown up and someone to be reckoned with intellectually.



This is a good thing, and Mr. Erl should be celebrated as dramatic proof that some people truly can outgrow their wankitude. Well, not these insufferable cementheads, but you know what I mean.

Just 'cuz …

They seem to suit my mood.

Dear Michael:

We don't think much of you either.

(Wag of the tail to Bouquets.)

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Kill me now, Lord.

"Traditional" marriage, as it were.

Yeah, let's go with these:

Marriage Violations

13 If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her 14 and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," 15 then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the town elders at the gate. 16 The girl's father will say to the elders, "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. 17 Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, 18 and the elders shall take the man and punish him. 19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver [b] and give them to the girl's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.

20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you.

22 If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.

23 If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, 24 you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

25 But if out in the country a man happens to meet a girl pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. 26 Do nothing to the girl; she has committed no sin deserving death. This case is like that of someone who attacks and murders his neighbor, 27 for the man found the girl out in the country, and though the betrothed girl screamed, there was no one to rescue her.

28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. [c] He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

What's the current exchange rate for shekels?

Heh.

Indeed.

Oh for fuck’s sake ...

Shorter co-dependent whiners CBA organizers NBC Dipper and Saskboy: "Why do girrrrlllllzzz have to be so unreasonable?"

I’m all out of patience with this.

Dear [insert deity of choice]:

I’m so not talking to you.

Tempestuously yours,
LuLu

P.S. Someone call the St. Bernard patrol – I’m out of Grey Goose!!1!!!11!!!1!!

Yes, this does qualify as an emergency. Sheesh.

Sunday Funnies.

In case you're wondering, I adore Dean Martin.

PIMP UR BLOG!!!

There is only one hard and fast rule here, so pay the fuck attention. This is your chance to pimp your leftard, moonbat, "progressive" Canadian blog, with the single proviso: You cannot already be a player in the Canadian blogosphere. This is for the little folks, the ones currently flying underneath the radar who want a shout-out and a little attention.

Oh, and the other rule: You need to leave a hyperlink. If you haven't figured out hyperlinks, you shouldn't be blogging.

Go wild.

Sunday morning Sedaris.

This one's for the Rev, for obvious reasons.

Awwwwwwwkward.

Douchebaggery then:

Liberals will produce $12B deficit: Harper
Last Updated: Saturday, September 27, 2008 | 4:59 PM ET

Liberal plans will create a deficit "to the tune of at least $12 billion," Conservative Leader Stephen Harper said Saturday.

Douchebaggery now:

OTTAWA — Stephen Harper describes Canada's historic return to deficit as a bitter pill for him to swallow, but as a necessary remedy for the ailing economy...

A 12-year-era of surpluses will give way to a deficit of up to $30 billion - perhaps more - as the government introduces a series of economic stimulus measures in the 2009-10 budget.

In short, if Canadians had voted for the Liberals, we'd be up to $18 billion to the good right now. Stephen Harper said so.

It's because they're lying, cocksucking douchebags. All the time.

Shorter Conservative Party of Canada: "Now that we've driven the Canadian economy into a ditch, we're outraged that someone is suggesting we pay for a tow truck to get it out."

Crisis? What crisis?

Shorter Doughy Pantload: "A monumental, worldwide, catastrophic economic meltdown is no time to consider doing things differently."

The first rule of holes.

Dear Canadian Blog Awards:

At the risk of repeating myself, you really need to stop fucking up so spectacularly.

Yours in amused exasperation,
LuLu

P.S. Just in case you're wondering, NBC Dipper is sooooooo not helping with his adorable "Oh those silly grrrlllllz" attitude.

No, really.

How soon they forget.

Stephen Harper, 2004:

Excellency,

As leaders of the opposition parties, we are well aware that, given the Liberal minority government, you could be asked by the Prime Minister to dissolve the 38th Parliament at any time should the House of Commons fail to support some part of the government’s program.

We respectfully point out that the opposition parties, who together constitute a majority in the House, have been in close consultation. We believe that, should a request for dissolution arise this should give you cause, as constitutional practice has determined, to consult the opposition leaders and consider all of your options before exercising your constitutional authority.

Stephen Harper, 2008:

Harper warned that, should the opposition vote down the government's budget when it is tabled on Jan. 27, he will press Gov. Gen. Michaelle Jean to call an election rather than leaving her in the position where she could ask Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff to lead a Liberal-NDP coalition government.

"I will have no choice but to ask for an election. Canadians certainly did not elect a coalition under which the Bloc Quebecois would have a veto to govern the country. If anyone wants to put a coalition government in office, I think they have to get a democratic mandate to do so," Harper said in the Ottawa interview. "If the decision of Parliament is that they don't support the government people elected, then I think the only constitutionally, politically, morally, the only reasonable thing to do at that point is for some other government to get a mandate from the Canadian people."

When asked about this apparent complete reversal of fundamental principles, Blogging Tory co-founder and Fellow at the Manning Centre for Wingnut Welfare Stephen Taylor replied, "I think this shows, beyond any doubt, our Prime Minister's capacity for bold, dynamic leadership *click* leadership *click* leadership *click* bzzzzzzzzz ..."

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Isn’t that lovely?



More coffee, please ... better just give me the whole pot. It was my company Christmas party last night and LuLu's head is just the tiniest bit fragile this morning, boys and girls.

RNC to members: Yeah, we suck.

You only wish Canada's wingnuts had this kind of self-awareness:

In Private Memo, RNC Chief Concedes That GOP Is Bereft Of Ideas, Vows Change Of Direction
By Greg Sargent - December 19, 2008, 5:51PM

In a frank and private memo sent today to Republican National Commitee members, the RNC chairman acknowledges that the GOP has grown too addicted to ideology, places politics before policy, and is bereft of ideas -- and that it's imperative that the party shift towards a genuine effort to develop concrete policy solutions to people's problems in order to rescue itself.

The memo, which we obtained from a Republican operative. was written by RNC chief Mike Duncan to explain the RNC's decision -- first reported by Politico -- to create a new in-house think tank called the "Center for Republican Renewal," which is devoted to coming up with new policies and ideas to chart a new direction for the party after November's devastating losses.

By way of rebuttal, Canada's wingnuts promised that this would never happen to them, and that they would redouble their efforts to protect the unborn and keep those filthy gays from getting married.

One of these things is not like the other.

There's this (all emphasis tail-waggingly added):

Prime Minister Stephen Harper is planning a massive stimulus package to rescue the economy that will produce a budget deficit of about $20 billion to $30 billion next year.

As opposed to this:

Are there no fiscal conservatives left in Canada? Evidently not: The allegedly Conservative federal government is set to post a deficit of up to $30 billion over the next four years, rather than addressing the issues raised for government by the recession through reduced spending.

Um ... those are two very different claims, are they not?

Deep, disturbing questions, Blogging Tory style.

Blogging Tory co-founder and Wingnut Welfarist Stephen Taylor desperately wants your opinion:



Tune in next week when Stephen asks, "Given that, only two months ago, Stephen Harper ridiculed the idea of deficit spending as 'stupid' and 'dangerous' and is now predicting a deficit of up to $30 billion for next year alone, will there be a single member of my Blogging Tories who will suddenly get a perplexed look on his or her face and mutter, 'Hang on, this can't be right ... I could have sworn ...'"

Yeah, that'll happen. When Richard Evans cancels his subscription to "Little Leaguers in Their Underwear," that'll happen.

Happy holidays from Santa and his homeys.

Santa! Drugs! Black men! What?

OHMIGOD, no motherfucking way!!

Blogging Tory co-founder and fellow of the Manning Centre for Democracy and Wingnut Welfare Stephen Taylor has ... a bombshell!!!



Or it would be a bombshell for those who can't read:

Liberals help GST cut pass but may hike tax in future
Juliet O'Neill, CanWest News Service
Published: Thursday, November 01, 2007

OTTAWA -- The Liberals gave the green light to the government's GST cut by abstaining on a vote Wednesday, just hours after leader Stephane Dion said his party may rescind the tax cut if they regain power.

Stephen Taylor: Because some "bombshells" just get better with age.

A bold stroke, I tells ya!

Only two months after describing a budget deficit as "stupid and dangerous," Canadian PM Stephen the Corpulent is predicting a deficit of up to $30 billion next year alone.

In response, Canada's Blogging Tories immediately rushed to describe how this demonstrated bold, manly, decisive leadership, and wasn't Stephen Harper just the dreamiest? In particular, Blogging Tory Sandy Crux needed a dry pair of underwear and a cigarette.

HEH. Indeed.

Morals! Values! Crystal meth!

Well, that's one way to move the story of being a knocked-up, single teen off the front page.

Sometimes, the stupid is overwhelming.

Just when you think she can't possibly get any more retarded:

Astronomer Guillermo Gonzalez, an expert in exoplanets (planets orbiting stars other than our sun), advances a related privileged planet hypothesis: Taking aim at the late Carl Sagan, he argues that Earth is a very unusual planet, situated in a very fortunate position for astronomy, as well as for life - and that that is design, not chance.

Yes, Denyse ... the fact that the vast majority of the universe outside of our little enclave is viciously and horrifically hostile to human life is clear evidence of supernatural design favourable to human life.

Seriously, I feel stupider for just having read that.

CSIS and lawyer-client confidentiality: Credit where credit is due.

I threw down a challenge, and Mr. Alcock rose to the occasion. Any other BTs who want to register their unqualified outrage are welcome to leave a link in the comments section.

Fat nigger jokes, SDA-style.

Play to your base, Kate -- it's what you do best.

BONUS SDA WINGNUTTERY: Oh, irony of ironies, as one of Kate's flying monkeys gets all "democracy this" and "fairness that" over the ongoing Coleman/Franken Minnesota Senate race:

Count the votes. All of them. The candidate with the most votes wins. But you have to count ALL the votes.

Posted by: djb at December 19, 2008 12:50 AM

Yes, djb, darling ... as a right-wing sock puppet, you're just the one to lecture the rest of us on counting all the votes.

If reading SDA invariably makes me long for internment camps, does that make me a bad person?

I LOVE THE SMELL OF EXPLODING WINGNUT HEADS IN THE MORNING. If you have the stomach, read that entire SDA comments section as the denizens of Batshit Crazy Central freak out over how Al Franken is somehow trying to subvert democracy and steal the election, or something equally inane.

Mercifully, commenter "harumph" pops by with a futile attempt to restore sanity:

"Coleman's lead eroded all day Thursday as the Canvassing Board considered a pile of challenges brought entirely by the Coleman campaign."

apparently frivolous challenges. In one case he challened a ballot simply because the person who cast it wrote "thanks for counting my vote" on it.

The fun part is, Coleman's about to be indicted for corruption anyway...the even better part is, coleman and his "wife" are getting seperate lawyers...can you say Holy Divergent Interests?

I knew you could!
Posted by: harumph at December 19, 2008 3:17 AM

Yup, that's exactly what happened. It's not over yet, of course, but one can only hope. For more exploding wingnut heads, that is.

PSA and I agree for once …

Kate Bush is kind of awesome.



Just 'cause Kelseigh asked ... and it's another one of my favourites.

Yeah, about that "law and order" obsession ...

Whoopsie:

CSIS taping conversations between lawyers, terrorism suspects, judge says

Canada's spy agency is taping conversations between men held as terrorism suspects and their defence lawyers, according to a Federal Court Judge, who suggests state agents cease such wiretaps and delete the tapes.

Should we even bother taking bets as to whether a single Blogging Tory will protest? Come on ... I'll give you odds.

Because "predictable" is their middle name.

Via BCL, we learn of snow in Vegas, which will naturally inspire truly stupid people who don't understand that "climate change" means extreme weather changes in both directions to conclude that global warming is a laughable hoax.

Ah, right on cue.

Yeah, about that economics degree, Stephen, ...

Calgary Grit does the heavy lifting. We are currently a country run by retards.

Yeah, sticking to your beliefs. As if.

Shorter Blogging Tory "Secrets of Vancouver": "Oh, man, did you catch this? The progressive netroots are going to -- ha ha!! -- stand by their principles!! You'd never catch us conservatives doing that."

And if you don't like JR's principles, well, he's got others.

Shorter Blogging Tory "JR", Nov 30: "While it might be clearly constitutional, I will denigrate it as sleazy, secret, disgraceful, backroom banana republic politics."

Shorter Blogging Tory "JR", Dec 17: "While it might be sleazy, secret, disgraceful, backroom banana republic politics, I will defend it as clearly constitutional."

Blogging Tories Short Takes: Dec 18, 2008.

Shorter Secrets of Vancouver: "I'm a funny guy. Really, people tell me I'm the funniest guy at the office. Holy shit, but I'm funny."

Shorter Neo Conservative: "<Something about death and foreigners.>"

Shorter Hunter: "Politically speaking, I'm still as ignorant as ever. Really, you can look it up."

Shorter Sandy Crux: "Why, yes, I do think quite highly of myself and my opinion. Why do you ask?"

Does being entertained by this make me a bad person?

WTF?

The natural law are those universal moral precepts knowable through reason alone.

In the political realm, this translates into a regime of natural rights.

To not know of the natural law is to [sic] ignorant of the history of Western ideas.

Shorter Suzie All-Caps: "If you don't know why I'm mad, I'm not going to tell you."

Really, why do you people bother with that cementhead? All you're doing is taking up Suzie's time that could be better spent by her emotionally and intellectually scarring her children for life.

BONUS TRACK: Commenter "mahmood" (who seems to frequent right-wing womens' blogs, defending them and hoping for a mercy fuck in exchange some day) has trouble with big numbers:

Hanging around, such as yourself [JJ], or posting umpteen insane/profane threads on SUZANNE, such as your buddy the Cesspool Boy, seems...well...Wow, sad really.

Apparently, anything over single digits to poor mahmood is "umpteen." Some advice, mahmood -- arithmetic is so not the career for you, so you might just go back to supersizing those fries and praying for that mercy fuck. I'm just trying to be helpful.

BONUS MAHMOOD: Seriously, it's like hunting fish with high explosives.

Mahmood today: "so(JJ)that's you...this is your playmate da Cesspool Boy... "mealy-mouthed douchebag, horrible, duplicitous c**t"..."

Mahmood two days ago: "James Bow, you mealy-mouthed douchebag c**t, you bring up some valid points."

Honestly, this is the easiest job in the world sometimes.

Just cuz.

At this point, "batshit crazy" doesn't begin to do her justice.

Just when you think Suzie All-Caps can't get any more deranged, well, she gets more deranged:

"When I speak of traditional values, I speak of natural law."

Why the fuck do you people even try to have a conversation with that loon? Just call Social Services, have her kids taken somewhere safe, and move on.

STOP, YOU'RE KILLING ME! Why are you still torturing yourselves this way?



Please tell me SUZANNE's kids aren't being home-schooled. Nobody deserves that.

Journamalism, as it is praktissed.

Blogging Tory "the silent platform" has an absolute woody for right-wing milblogger Michael Yon:

I have been reading Michael Yon's reports from Afghanistan and Iraq for quite a while now. I'll spare you his entire biography, suffice to say he is independent, well worth checking out, and a trillion times more honest and useful than anyone in the mainstream media.

He recently returned from the Middle East and did a quick interview with Kathryn Jean Lopez at National Review, here it is: ...

Yon ... Yon ... oh, right ... that Michael Yon. Apparently, these are whole new definitions for the words "honest" and "useful" with which I am unfamiliar.

A Blogging Tory, Michael Yon and NRO's K-Lo. God Almighty, but that is one impressive trifecta of duh.

Is it too late to sterilize them?

Via PZ Myers, we learn of two parents who should not be allowed to have any more children. When asked whether they would consider naming their next daughter "Kate McMillan Campbell," both replied in a shocked tone of voice, "Are you kidding? We might be racists, bigots, white supremacists and neo-Nazi sympathizers, but we're not crazy!"

'Tis The Season...

Bitches!

Um, yeah, whatever.

When parody is hopelessly inadequate:

"I've abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system," Bush told CNN television, saying he had made the decision "to make sure the economy doesn't collapse."

In unrelated news, it's critically important to murder abortion providers because, well, all life is sacred. Or something like that.

It would be embarrassing, if Adam had any shame.

Via JJ@UOH, we learn that Lord Palpatine Dick Cheney is really all about the torture after all. This will undoubtedly come as an awkward revelation to Blogging Tory Adam Daifallah, who will now have to audition someone else for his he-man, stand-up, straight-talkin' "tell it like it is" stud muffin right-wing idol.

I hear Stephen Harper is available.

Somehow, the word "lunatic" seems inadequate.

As LuLu would say, as God is my witness, I have no idea where to go with this, except to suggest that that's the sort of mentality that eventually plants bombs in abortion clinics because, in the "battle between good and evil", "good" always needs a little help.

When you finally see it on the six o'clock news, remember, you read it here first.

P.S.: Quoth the ALL-CAPS one:

I don't call individual bloggers a host of curse words and treat them as if they had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

This from someone who described an entire government department of people she's never met as "sows" and "piggies with their snouts in the trough." Yeah, feel free to try to engage that ignorant, hypocritical shrew intellectually. I think I'll go do something more satisfying, like running my dick over a cheese grater.

Hope For Our Little Godsend

This is almost enough to give one hope for Wayne and his, um, ilk. Oh if only his brain were larger than a lentil.

Apparently, civility is context-dependent.

Shorter Suzie All-Caps: "I will not tolerate name calling or incivility in my comments section, unless it's to refer to women I don't like as 'sows' or 'feminazis.' Then we're good."

BY THE WAY, has anyone else noticed that the very folks who demand the right to interfere in other peoples' lives and control their reproductive choices are the same ones who cannot abide you disrupting their blog comments section in any way whatsoever?

It's just an observation.

On the other hand ...

Stephen Harper then. Stephen Harper now.

Don't try this at home, kids -- Stephen's an economist.

We'll get along just fine if you see things my way.

You keep using that word "compromise" ... I'm fairly sure that's because you're an idiot.

Hmmmmm ... curiouser and curiouser ...

Hello, what's this? Canadian public tenders for ballot boxes? Whatever might that mean?

DEEP AFTERTHOUGHT: Perhaps someone with access to the deep, dark internals of the federal government procurement system might dig a bit deeper and see what else is attached to this.

One of these things is not like the others.

On the one hand, when we leftard moonbats decide to can someone's sorry ass from our comments section, why, we're a bunch of free speech-hating clowns.

On the other hand, when one of Canada's wingnuts does it, that's cool because it's her blog and her rules.

Don't make me have to explain this to you.

That’s not what I said.

Dear Big Daddy:

Shut the fuck up, you ignorant, double-dealing, clueless hypocrite.

No, really.

Thanks bunches,
LuLu

It's why we mock them.

If anyone wants to know why we here at CC HQ rarely engage the wingnuts but simply dismiss them as illiterate, mouth-breathing, brain-damaged, drooling trogs, well, behold the comments section.

I trust that requires no further explanation from me.

It's nice to know some folks have their priorities straight.

Whereas a disturbing number of sanctimonious, Bible-whomping dingbats are complete smegheads ...

Yes!

A Brilliant Animation!

This is a final project from a student at the University of Hertfordshire, I believe the creator passed.


World War - 3D Animation @ University Of Hertfordshire 2008 from Digital Animation Herts Uni UK on Vimeo.