Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The hoisting and petarding of Damian Penny.

Once upon a time, a group of neo-cons with visions of global imperialism (or "NAMBLA") insisted on invading Iraq because Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. They didn't just think he had them -- they knew, oh yes, there was absolutely no doubt. And he was getting yellowcake from Niger, too. I mean, if that don't just beat all.

So the neo-cons invaded and ... well, funny story ... no WMDs. Anywhere. Hmmmph. Bummer. But not to worry. See, even if normal people with a moderately-developed sense of shame might feel a bit embarrassed about that kind of clusterfuck, well, not these neo-cons or their supporters.

"Be patient," they said. "We're still looking and, by God, when we find them, well, then you're going to look silly, aren't you? You bet you will, yes sir, you'll be eating some serious crow then, damn straight." The lesson here was, as you can see -- you can't rush these things. When you make a spectacular, unambiguous claim with global consequences that results in the deaths of some 2,500 Americans, some tens of thousands of Iraqis, costs hundreds of billions of dollars and threatens to destabilize the entire Middle East, well, it might take a while to see if those original claims actually pan out so everyone can just sit tight and we'll get back to you. Feel free to check back next year, we'll let you know if anything's turned up.

Of course, it's different when someone claims that a weaselly, unprincipled little fuck that's been under investigation for two years has actually and finally been indicted by a grand jury because, if you can't back up that kind of shit now -- and I mean right fucking now, this goddamned instant -- then you're just a hypocritical hack. And no, you don't get a week or two to see how it might play out, what the fuck do you think this is, some kind of motherfucking charity, fer Chrissake!? And we want that Karl Rove apology and retraction this instant, you asshole motherfuckers! I mean, right now, do you hear me!?!?

And no, we don't want to talk about WMDs. Fuck off.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Cynic,

I see how popular your blog is by the vast number of comments on it.

It seems to me that a great many people believed that Iraq had WMD before the war - including Hussein's top generals before he disabused them of this in late 2002 - hell, even Susan Sarandon believed it; if you remember, she was the presenter on a `public interest' spot that warned of the consequences of going to war in Iraq (ie. mushroom clouds).

As I recall, being old enough to remember 2003 and before, that even the peaceniks (bless their little pointed heads) were saying that, even if Hussein had weapons of mass. det., that the solution wasn't war (never war! except upon Serbia, and oh yeah, upon the Jumbleweed or whatever in Sudan) but `containment.' It worked, after all, through the Cold War, didn't it?

As to the Niger yellowcake business, well this was two years ago and again I'm old enough to have an opinion on that matter, but wasn't this confirmed both by a Senate committee and by the Butler report from the U.K.? Didn't read that on the news, which as we both know is in the control of the neo-con (ahem, ahem) CABAL that is forcing us to go to war and oppress the Palestinians, all for the benefit of our masters, the ZOG (you know, THOSE people)...

But I forgot again: the neo-con cabalistic media has been too busy making a hero out of Joseph Wilson III and his `secret' agent wife, Valerie (they so secret, they appeared together in `Vanity Fair', another product of the neo-con dominated media...

Can't forget Iran: Good ole innocent Iran - the clerics who rule that country and who seized a Canadian citizen from the streets and beat her, raped her killed her must be very frightened to know that Enlightened, liberal people like the Canadian Cynic are there to jump to their defence when they are threatened by that nasty neo-con (ahem, ahem) cabal.

(...I expect this message to last about sixteen seconds before it is deleted - tp make room for the rush of messages here...)