Thursday, May 25, 2006

Dear Damian: Put up, or shut the fuck up.

There's an old saying that goes, "Never miss a good opportunity to shut up," some valuable, folksy wisdom that is, sadly, lost on right-wing Canadian wanker and total dumbass Damian Penny.

Now, look, I'm not deliberately trying to pick on Penny these days but, let's face it -- when you want to slap around some Canadian neo-con stupidity, you don't even need to make a casting call. You need only wander over to Daimnation to check out Damian's latest example of utter assholitude. And this one's a beaut.

This particular example starts off with such promise:

The Post backs down

The National Post has apologized for its Iranian-dress-code story:

God in Heaven, Damian's actually going to do it. He's actually going to retract and accept that that story was pure swill from beginning to end. And then ... the crushing disappointment as you realize that that's just not going to happen:

Unless Amir Taheri can convincingly back up his assertions, this story is dead.

Memo to Damian: it is dead, OK? There is no "unless" about it by this point. Seriously. It's not just resting, or pining for the fjords. It's passed on, it is no more, it has ceased to be, it's expired and gone to meet its maker, it's a stiff, bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! This is an ex-story!!

But that's when Damian goes for the full tin-foil hat Monty:

Unfortunately, the sneering left now has just the excuse it needs to dismiss any news about Iran's repressive government, its nuclear program and support for terrorism, and Iranians' desire for change as "neoconservative propaganda".

Really? I don't recall doing that. Do you recall doing that? Of course not. This is just Damian being Damian, making shit up. But rather than dissect his idiocy logically, I'm going to make Damian an offer.

If Damian can produce a single example of someone in the blogosphere acting the way he just described, I will donate, to the charity of his choice, fifty dollars. No, make it a hundred. Oh, all right, then, two hundred dollars. Two hundred big ones to whatever charity Damian selects if he can produce just one example of a blogger that used the collapse of the Post story as total vindication of the Iranian regime. Some slightly restrictive rules first.

Just because it makes it slightly more entertaining, I'm going to limit Damian's submissions to Canadian bloggers who have at least a minimal track record and are well-known to be, at a minimum, left of centre. I don't think that's an unreasonable restriction. Also, potential submissions must have been published before midnight of Wednesday, May 25 (so that someone can't suddenly throw up a piece now in order for Damian to win this challenge.) But here's the tricky part. Who gets to decide if Damian has won?

Well, yes, that is, of course, a subjective measure, but Damian himself has made life easier by making such an all-encompassing accusation as "the sneering left now has just the excuse it needs to dismiss any news about Iran's repressive government, ..." [emphasis on "any" in original]. In short, since Damian himself made such a grandiose claim, he can't really get away with pointing at possible submissions that involve nuance, qualification or stuff like that there, can he? (Answer: no, he can't.)

And if it really comes down to a judgment decision, I will leave it to my regular readers to make the call, expecting them to be brutally honest and even-handed. I expect no less.

So, Damian, there you go. You made the claim, now you can back it up. My money's on the table. Time to fish or cut bait, as they say.

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