Friday, April 28, 2006

Dear Dems: Just this once, pay attention.

As the American midterm elections approach, there's more and more chatter about the possibility of a Republican-inspired "October surprise" -- some momentous event that will suddenly drive the votes in favour of the GOP. By way of explanation, here's John W. Dean:

As the 2006 midterm elections approach, this active/negative president can be expected to take further risks. If anyone doubts that Bush, Cheney, Rove and their confidants are planning an "October Surprise" to prevent the Republicans from losing control of Congress, then he or she has not been observing this presidency very closely.

What will that surprise be? It's the most closely held secret of the Administration.

Well, of course it is, else it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? And the possibilities?

One possibility is that Dick Cheney will resign as Vice President for "health reasons," and become a senior counselor to the president. And Bush will name a new vice president - a choice geared to increase his popularity, as well as someone electable in 2008. It would give his sinking administration a new face, and new life...

But more likely, Bush may mount a unilateral attack on Iran's nuclear facilities - hoping to rev up his popularity.

So what steps should be taken to cope with the eventual surprise by the Democratic leadership? (And by "Democratic leadership," I refer of course to those folks running the Democratic Party who were chosen based on their utter lack of leadership skills of any kind.) Personally, I think the only effective way to prepare for what's coming is to turn it into a game.

If the Dems had any sense whatsoever (a delusion of the highest order), they would start an online poll in which they would list possible October surprises and let readers vote on what they think will happen. Rather than hunker down in their cubicles desperately preparing for who-knows-what, they should go totally public with the notion that they know something's coming, and they want to make as much fun of it as possible.

Post a list, invite respondents, offer prizes. In short, make it entertaining so that, once the surprise finally hits, the Dems can yawn loudly, point at their list, announce winners and so on. At the same time, the GOP will be exposed for the crassly predictable, opportunistic hacks that they are.

What a brilliant idea. What cleverness. What pure fucking genius! Which is why you can rest assured that it will never, ever, ever happen. Remember, these are the Democrats we're talking about.


M@ said...

What was the October surprise in 04 though? Or was Kerry just so pathetic that the GOP just didn't need one?

I wonder if an attack on Iran would really boost their popularity, too. What are they going to say to justify that that they didn't say before Iraq? We know the UN Security Council won't risk giving the Americans a resolution to work with. Ever again.

Simon said...

I think the 04 October surprise was that Bin Laden video (after a long hiatus) where he talked about the upcoming election and said something that allowed the GOP to claim that Bin Laden supported Kerry (and therefore if you support Kerry you also support Bin Laden). I'm a bit hazy on the details, but there was definitely a video that got a ton of airplay.

Cathie from Canada said...

Great idea. I think the democrats in Washington are incapable of having "fun" these days -- but I do think you should send this to Howard Dean, he gets it.