Thursday, April 30, 2009

I could milk this baby once a week and never get tired.

Blogging Tory Jabba the Roy, who got all panty-bunchy over Antonia Zerbisias' joke, once again oozes man-crush all over Ann Coulter, who thinks murdering journalists and Supreme Court Justices is just The Awesome.

And just so you know, Dr. Roy isn't being hypocritical -- he really is too stupid to recognize the double standard in his thinking.

How mudfortunate.

American conservatism: Slip-sliding away.

Go. Read. And then ponder this -- the Obama budget passed the U.S. House of Representatives without a single GOP vote. Not one. And if the Arlen Specter switch sticks and Al Franken is finally seated, the Democrats will have a filibuster-proof 60 seats in the Senate and the ability to completely, totally and utterly ignore the Republicans.

At which point, Canada's wanks -- who have been salivating over the prospect of a Stephen Harper majority and the unrestricted legislative control it would give them -- will suddenly decry the danger to democracy that comes with the lack of a viable opposition for checks and balances on unlimited power.

Remember, you read it here first.

Graduating from stupid, and moving on to dishonest.

Taking it to the next step, members of Canada's Sleaze-o-sphere are now being conveniently selective in their quotations as right-wing loon Weiner Pratfall does some careful snipping.

Wow, that's harsh. And curiously incomplete:

And that's why no one with the sense of a box of cat litter takes Weiner seriously. But I'm pretty sure you knew that already.

OH, DEAR. It should come as no surprise that Twatsy is already over there in the comments section, suffering from "CC Derangement Syndrome" and quietly stroking Weiner's brow, whispering sweet lies into his ear the whole time. That would be the same Twatsy who publicly threatened to physically assault me. Not quite the moral high ground you'd be expecting.

Socialists! Separatists!

Conservatives! Wait a minute ... that last part didn't sound right.

We'll have to start handing out rifles like Tic Tacs.

Apparently, American bloggy humourist TBogg wants to murder Rush Limbaugh in cold blood. I'd call that a "hate crime." I'm thinking torture should still be on the table as an option, right?

UM ... so if I understand this correctly, Canada's "free speech warriors" and enemies of Human Rights Commissions everywhere think someone should be legally charged with hate speech?

That's just weird.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Would someone please explain the concepts of "supply and demand" and "let the market decide" to Blogging Tory Russ Campbell?

Living in a perfect world, torture-wise.

Unable to distinguish between reality and a TV show, Blogging Tory Paul E. Marek hypothesizes the most amazing hypotheses:

A child porn ring abducts your 5 year old daughter.

The police catch one of the abductors, who refuses to give up his fellow members. The police intend on using "enhanced" interrogation techniques to discover the whereabouts of your little girl.

But, in a fit of "progressive" high dudgeon you insist that the police do no such thing. Your child, as a result, becomes a rape victim and is never found again except as a star in kiddie porn videos, even though "enhanced" techniques may have saved her.

Wow, that is some kind of impressive. I am always amazed by how much is known with absolute certainly in these fictional scenarios:

  • You know your daughter's been abducted.

  • You know it was by a child porn ring.

  • You know the person you have in custody is one of the abductors.

  • You know your daughter's still alive.

  • Finally, you know that your only recourse is torture, despite the fact that offering someone a sweetheart deal to cut his sentence is sometimes an amazingly persuasive thing to do.

And yet, with all that absolutely undebatable knowledge at hand, you curiously have no idea where your daughter might be. None whatsoever. That's always struck me as a little odd but, what the heck, inventing wildly improbable scenarios seems to be the only stunt left in the torture apologist's bag of rationalizations.

Is anyone surprised?

BY THE WAY, has anyone else ever noticed that the people who are perfectly fine with torture because nothing could ever conceivably go wrong are the same ones who are furious with Canada's Human Rights Commission because the CHRC represents an out-of-control, unaccountable government bureaucracy whose arbitrary and unfounded accusations have the power to utterly ruin the lives of innocent citizens?

Really, the cognitive dissonance must be staggering.

WTF? Apparently, Mr. Marek understands full well the underlying fatal flaw in the justification of torture:

Enhanced interrogation works when the subject has important information to divulge. Enhance interrogation doesn't work when the subject has no important information to divulge.

And yet, after openly admitting that "enhanced interrogation" has no value when there is no information to be obtained, Marek still has no issue with torture.

The mind reels. Truly, it reels. I don't know what to say.

Dear Stephen: Let me make sure I understand you.

With regard to the Antonia Zerbisias tempest in a baklava, Blogging Tory co-founder Stephen Taylor gets all cranked up:

Stephen Taylor
56 minutes ago

There's a difference between whipping someone up in a frenzy (that in turn becomes murder) and calling for murder.

My calling for the elimination of the capital gains tax could set you off in a murderous rage though I would not be responsible. If I said that X should shoot Y, yes, the criminal code covers that.

I have a very simple but significant question for you, Mr Taylor: Do you actually believe that Star columnist Antonia Zerbisias was calling for the murder of Michelle Malkin?

You see, Mr. Taylor, one explanation is that Zerbisias was just going for the funny, and failed. Poor taste, regrettable language, probably worth a short apology and we all move on. Another interpretation is that Zerb really was encouraging the literal murder of Michelle Malkin, which is a different thing entirely.

So which of those do you sincerely believe happened, Stephen? Because as I read it, your comment above describes Zerb's actions as "calling for murder." Is that your interpretation, Stephen? Be honest now -- when one can interpret Zerb's tweet as simply a joke gone bad, are you really accusing her of promoting the literal, physical murder of Michelle Malkin?

I desperately would like to know the answer to that one.

Dear God ...

... the thermonuclear stupid.

P.S. It occurs to me that Blogging Tory "Hunter" is our version of Michele Bachmann. Really, is the parallel perfect or what?

And the utterly contrived outrage rolls on ...

Oh, you're going to love this as Blogging Tory Jabba the Roy jumps on the Stephen Taylor-powered outrage bandwagon:

Ugly on the inside

Dear antonia z has decided to call for the assassination of Michelle Malkin. Now she says its a joke... she finds advocating murder funny. Well it is now out there for the world to see. her black little soul on display.

Damn straight, and where does anyone get the right to spew eliminationist rhetoric like that and try to blow it off as a joke later? Where, indeed?

Say, Doc, how's that Ann Coulter man-crush you have going on? And, more specifically, her occasional "jokes" to, well, kill journalists at the New York Times? Or murder a U.S. Supreme Court justice?

I guess eliminationist rhetoric is only a "joke" if you're a whinger, is that it, Doc?

I need a word beyond "hypocrisy." Seriously.

OH, DEAR LORD: Rancid bigot, racist and Nazi sympathizer Kate McMillan gets all bent out of shape. I have no comeback for that.

Transparency! Accountability! Oopsie!

Shorter Big Daddy and his merry band of economic geniuses: No big deal -- we're happy to be screwed by such a nice company. But if we don't get our helicopters by the new and improved, absolutely non-negotiable, no take-backs times infinity delivery date, you're going to get such a pinch.

If you live in Alberta, you have the right to be a retard.

When "freedom of thought" becomes "freedom of ignorance":

Frank Bruseker, president of the Alberta Teachers’ Association, said parents have long been able to pull their kids from health classes dealing with sexuality. “However, the section on religion is potentially very difficult.”

Evolution, lessons about where oil comes from, astronomy and even the Holocaust suddenly become challenging topics to broach in the classroom, Bruseker said. “When those come up, how do I keep track, as a teacher, of which parents object to what things?”

Premier Ed Stelmach said the parental rights issue came from government MLAs.

“They wanted it in the bill, and it’s something there that’s supported very strongly in the legislation,” he said. “Caucus members brought it forward and wanted protection for parents.”

If passed, parents will be able to pull their children from lessons on evolution, Stelmach confirmed.

“The parents would have the opportunity to make that choice,” he said. “The parents, it’s their children, so they would make the decision, in keeping with the best interests of the child that they are raising.”

And stars? Nothing but holes in the firmament. Any other suggestion else might upset some people.

SURE, LET'S TALK ABOUT "SPECIAL RIGHTS": For quite some time, we've been listening to the batshit crazy right-wing demographic describe the fight for things like same-sex marriage as trying to give "special rights" to a group of people. And yet, in the example above, we have the ultimate example of a given group whining for the ultimate in special rights -- the right to be ignorant and not have to be held accountable for it.

I might be wrong but, as I read it, the new legislation gives parents the right to yank their kids from any class (or portion of class) with which they disagree. OK, let's follow that inanity and see where it takes us.

Let's assume that any student now has the right to blow off, say, the part of science class that deals with biological evolution. If that's true, then it wouldn't really make any sense to test them on that topic on the final exam, would it? Which means that those selective students would now have the right to get high school credit for a class for which they had the ability to skip any part that offended them, while their non-batshit-crazy classmates were still forced to learn all of the material and be tested on it. Does that seem fair to you?

Frankly, that strikes me as a pretty cool "special right" -- the right to say, "Thanks, I'll pass," to arbitrary portions of classes while one's classmates are still obligated to cover all of the material. "Special right?" No shit.

And what's worse is if none of this selective academic effort even goes on one's high school record, but if it did, then I'd actually be OK with that since it could (and should) be used to determine admission to post-secondary education: "A good transcript, Mr. Ross, but I see you opted out of evolution, geology and astronomy so, really, we can't admit you here since you're a scientific ignoramus. Next!" See, I'd be good with that. Personally, I'd be fine if you chose to be terminally stupid, as long as you paid a price for that. Then we're cool. But that's not the biggest problem here.

I'm guessing that the majority of cases submitted under that new legislation will be religiously-based since, let's face it, it really does take devout religious belief to be that criminally dense. But why should religious folks have all the fun? And the rights?

If one is allowed to withdraw from certain fields of study on religious grounds, then -- in the interests of fairness -- one should be allowed to do the same for any reason. Requiring an objection based only on religious belief is, once again, giving the God Squad a special right denied to the rest of us and, frankly, I'm getting seriously tired of discussions that run something like this:

A: "You have an obligation to do X, just like everyone else does."
B: "I don't need to -- I'm religious."
A: "Oh, well then, we're good, carry on."

I'm kind of tired of whiners who justify every damned thing with no one being allowed to offend their religious beliefs, when no one else gets the same freedom. To be fair, anyone should now be allowed to skip, say, calculus because ... well, they shouldn't need a "because", should they? Why should anyone need a reason? The reason should be no more complicated than, "Because I don't feel like it," because anything more complicated than that is gifting the devout with a right denied to everyone else. And that's just not fair, is it?

Yeah, I'm going to enjoy watching this play out. And I dearly want to see someone in Alberta test this new legislation by asking to have their kid excused from chemistry class because, well, just because. And when that excuse is refused, I so see a lawsuit in someone's near future.

Let the fake outrage commence in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

  • Blogging Tory co-founder and wingnut welfare wunderkind Stephen Taylor: Outraged.

  • Blogging Tory co-founder and wingnut welfare wunderkind Stephen Taylor: Eh, not so much.

Feel free to continue to lecture us on civility, Stephen. Seriously. I need the entertainment value.

AFTERSNARK: I love the idea of Taylor implicitly defending right-wing screech harpy and rabid eliminationist Michelle Malkin. That would, of course, be this Michelle Malkin (emphasis tail-waggingly added):

After nationally syndicated columnist and blogger Michelle Malkin posted the e-mail addresses and phone numbers of three members of Students Against War, they received a flood of obscene and harassing messages from around the country, including death threats. When a liberal Web site, in retaliation, published Malkin's cell phone number and home address, a full-blown blog war ensued.

"I am now forced to remove one of my children from school and move my family," Malkin wrote Thursday in an e-mail to the Sentinel.

Malkin, author and Fox News Channel contributor, runs one of the most popular right-wing sites on the Web, attracting 145,000 hits daily, according to Web log rankings on

On April 11, Students Against War flushed military recruiters out of a campus job fair.

The next day, Malkin copied the cell phone numbers and e-mail addresses of three student activists at the demonstration from a news release intended for journalists and pasted them in her online column titled "Seditious Santa Cruz vs. America."

"I woke up in the morning and my cell had 14 new messages, 25 missed calls and it kept going on," said SAW member David Zlutnick, estimating the group's three media contacts have already sifted through 500 e-mails, more than 100 with death threats.

When students called Malkin to request she remove the student information, Malkin reposted the names and numbers several more times. She defended the decision, blaming SAW for posting a link to the news release on its Web site.

Here's a thought, Stephen. It's hard to take you seriously when you get your panties in a bunch over a single hyperbolic and meaningless Twitter post, when the lady you're indirectly defending deliberately went out of her way to direct violence and death threats against a bunch of harmless college students.

Then again, Stephen, it was always hard to take you seriously. So I guess nothing's really changed. Here's hoping you and Preston Manning's family jewels have a long and happy life together.

OH, SWEET JESUS, THE IRONY. You'll never guess who just got the memo to get all a-twitter over this. No, seriously, you'll never guess.

All we need is for Blogging Tory and violent crime groupie "Neo Conservative" to clutch his pearls over this and my head will probably just explode from hypocrisy overload.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It's because I'm cruel, that's why.

Whenever I'm feeling mean, I know I can always hop in the wayback machine and find something retarded that Blogging Tory "Hunter" once posted that, in hindsight, looks just, well, retarded. Oh, look:

Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Mucker's Off Dion!
I can see the Liberals drooling over this news.

Alberta posts a 4.6 billion surplus.

Record high oil prices and a booming population pushed Alberta’s budget surplus to $4.6 billion in the 2007-08 fiscal year — despite record spending.

The financial report for the year ended March 31 shows that resource revenues shot well past early predictions and reached $11 billion — the third-highest in Alberta history.

Government officials concede that with oil now trading at more than US$130 a barrel another windfall of resource revenues is in the offing.

Oh, I know us selfish, rednecked Albertans aren't willing to share with poor, soon to be have not, Ontario. Hey Ontario, who do you think is buying all those big honking trucks you produce?

So, Hunter ... how's that booming Alberta economy working out for you? Oh, dear:

Feb 27, 2009

Alberta's deficit grows deeper
Province in the hole for $1.4B
The Edmonton Sun

EDMONTON -- Alberta's financial situation is even bleaker than reported just a week ago and next year is going to be even worse.

That's the message from Alberta Finance Minister Iris Evans yesterday who gave an official third-quarter update for fiscal year 2008-09. The fiscal year ends March 31.

A new budget comes down April 7.

One week ago, the finance minister revealed the province would be in the hole $1 billion this year.

But that's now grown to $1.4 billion. The bulk of the cash to cover the deficit is available because the government isn't topping up the Heritage Fund with money the rainy-day fund lost recently.

"Yes, we have a deficit," Evans told reporters, "and we will have a deficit next year."

It's not like I want to generalize but what is it about Albertans and their economic retarditude? It really is a disturbing pattern.

Everything you ever needed to know about the stupid.

Oh, look ... wingnut whining:

And if you really want to appreciate the best part, it's not that Arlen Specter switched from the GOP to the Democrats, and it's not that finally seating Al Franken will give the Dems a filibuster-proof 60 seats in the Senate.

No, it's that, while these stories were all over every news outlet on the continent today, Lance had to learn about it from the Drudge Report.

The prosecution rests.

P.S. If you can handle it, you have to check out the screeching, drooling, batshit crazy commenters over there. I like this one:

Let the debt party roll on . . . the USA is in for a huge loss of freedoms, a huge growth in government and a massive increase in debt.

Hoe many people work in Government ?

About half.

Posted by: Fred at April 28, 2009 3:24 PM

Yeah, Fred ... now that Obama's taken over, we will now see a sudden loss of freedom and a massive increase in debt down south.

Seriously, how do these people even remember to breathe?

Stand By Me

While the dunderheads are dundering, here is what the artists did instead. A little beauty for your Tuesday from all around the world.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

Tip of the brainpail to Kung Fu Monkey.

CPC boondoggle du jour

So the top-secret Arctic Breeze surveillance program, one so secret that DND refused to acknowledge its existence until the NDP found 50 pages of documentation on it through an FOI request, is over budget by 30% and counting.

It goes without saying that military programs can remain secret, and their existence denied. The reasons DND is so secretive about this program in particular are obscure at best; RevDave points out that other, similar Arctic surveillance programs are not kept at the same level of secrecy.

However, if you're going to keep a program secret, you have even more responsibility to manage it well, because you have no accountability to the taxpayer. Having such a significant budget overrun is completely irresponsible. The government should be forced at this point to come clean and at least explain what's going on with this project that cost an extra $30 million.

But accountability is just some word you say to get elected, you know. You don't have to actually do anything.

(h/t Terrible Depths and Accidental Deliberations)

Sometimes, even wingnuts have a good idea.

Blogging Tory "Hunter" is tired of all this pussy-footing around:

What I have noticed is that the CPC thinks it needs to tiptoe around and not offend anyone by showing their actual support of Conservative ideas. You are the Conservative Party of Canada, shout it out!

Now there's a political strategy -- enough of this masquerading as sane, rational human beings. Let's have the Stephen Harper Party of Canada open the barn door and let the underlying batshit crazy run completely loose in public.

That idea is all kinds of awesome.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Yeah, the timing on that could have been better.

Oops. Oops again.

Never mind, that was just dumb.

How about we forget that recent Stephen Taylor post, it was just silly and pointless. And, as others have pointed out to me on the side, I can do better.

Mea culpa.

Monday morning smackdown, JR-style.

Let us briefly revisit Blogging Tory "JR" and his Newt Gingrich-sized man-crush here. Then let's watch Henry Waxman take Newt Gingrich out back and whack his pee-pee here.

You're welcome. Except for you, JR. You're just an idiot.

"Blowback?" I know not of what you speak.

Shorter Blogging Tory Paul E. Marek: "I am so all about the torture, even though I have a son serving in the military who might be captured and similarly tortured, but it's never occurred to me that those two things might possibly be connected because I'm, well, an idiot."

Sunday, April 26, 2009

They might be cruel but, apparently, they're punctual.

Over at Kate McMillan's Delisle Pool Hall and World of Warcraft Convention, some of the dimmer bulbs in the string are hypothesizing all kinds of hypotheses:

Um ... "and when they're going to get started?" I had no idea homicidal Islamojihadifarian terrorists were so obsessed with a schedule. Apparently, they might be savages, but they're timely.

BONUS TRACK: The cock-slapping contest continues with NAMBLA Dick Evans whipping out his wang and whomping it down on the bar:

At which point, NAMBLA Dick bellowed for another Zima and returned to a careful, manly analysis of the Sears catalogue boys' underwear section. I'm guessing grease of some kind was involved.

Apparently, critical thinking is hard werk.

Shorter Blogging Tory Richard Ball: "And have you ever looked at your hand, dude? I mean, really looked at it?"

To Bea ...

... an absolutely fearless woman who was always ahead of her time.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Accountability! Transparency! Oopsie.

You know, that whole "Western separatism" thing is looking better all the time:

Stelmach apologizes for minister's actions

Premier Ed Stelmach has issued an apology to provincial opposition parties after their leaders were barred from a news conference at an Alberta government building.

On Thursday, both Liberal Leader David Swann and NDP Leader Brian Mason were not allowed into Government House in Edmonton while Health Minister Ron Liepert was holding a news conference to unveil a new prescription drug coverage plan for seniors.

A security guard told the politicians they were not allowed inside at the order of the minister.

In related news, Blogging Tory co-founder and Fellow at the Manning Centre for Building Democracy Stephen Taylor was absolutely furious at this blatant contempt for democracy.

Well, OK, he actually didn't say anything about it, but you have to think he was pretty miffed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm embarrassed to admit I missed this entirely, but Red caught it. Thanks for playing, Stephen. You can now return to cradling Preston Manning's nutsack for him.

Well, this sucks.

Sometimes, life just isn't fair.

Just brimming over with wrongability, as they say.

Blogging Tory "JR" has a really unbecoming man-crush on climate change denialist "Lord Monckton", which leads one to suspect that said Lord Monckton is almost certainly a monstrous fraud and pathological liar.

Oh, look.

Degree of difficulty: Not.

AH, THE DOUCHEBAGITUDE OF IT ALL: Commenter lenny draws our attention to this fabulous exchange of e-mails with Lord Douchebag of Douchebag. Here's the best part:

Email from George Monbiot to Lord Monckton, 30th August 2007.

Dear Lord Monckton,

I hope this finds you well. I am puzzled to hear that someone who identifies himself as you has been claiming on Wikipedia that the Guardian has paid you £50,000 in damages as a result of an article I wrote. Could you please let me know whether or not it was you who made this claim, and if so what the meaning of it is.

Yours Sincerely, George Monbiot

Email from Lord Monckton to George Monbiot, 30th August 2007

I’ve been trying to get Wikipedia to take down the biog. page about me. People on both sides of the debate have used it as a playground, much to my detriment. I don’t warrant the accuracy of anything on that page unless it’s independently verified elsewhere. - M of B

Email from George Monbiot to Lord Monckton, 31st August 2007.

Dear Lord Monckton,

many thanks for your reply. Unfortunately you have not answered my question. Was it you who made the claim that the Guardian has paid you £50,000 in damages as a result of an article I wrote?

Thank you,

Yours Sincerely,

George Monbiot

Email from Lord Monckton to George Monbiot, 31st August 2007

No. And I am puzzled - the Wikipedia page shows no reference to this. - M of B

Note carefully what happened above. When first questioned about a dubious claim on his Wikipedia page, Monckton implicitly acknowledges the claim's existence but disavows any responsibility for it. When pressed on the claim after it's been deleted from that page, Monckton responds, "Claim? What claim?"

Here's a thought, Monckton, my little douche: Once you've already admitted the existence of the claim, deleting it from the Wikipedia page doesn't force everyone to stop talking about it. A deep thought, I know, but that's how things work.

Selective much, Hugh?

Blogging Tory Hugh MacIntyre is all about MPs trying to help their constituents (emphasis leg-humpingly added):

Ottawa Citizen attacks MP trying to help Revenue Canada victims

As my fellow Western Standard bloggers posted here and here, an innocent family has been made victims of a Revenue Canada tax error.

There is another interesting twist on this story. The family’s MP is a Conservative named Dick Harris. He doing what he can to help the family by using what political leverage he has to support the family’s case. This is exactly what a Member of Parliament is supposed to be doing and I congratulate Mr. Harris for attacking the problem with such energy.

Curiously, Mr. MacIntyre didn't have much to say when Brenda Martin was looking for help. But Conservative MP Rick Norlock certainly had an opinion or two on the matter:

Norlock is the MP for Northumberland Quinte West, which includes Trenton.

When he was approached by a Canwest News Service reporter in February 2007 for the first story about Martin’s imprisonment, he told the reporter he had reviewed her file and said she belonged in prison.

He then abruptly hung up and did not return subsequent calls.

I await Mr. MacIntyre's scathing denunciation of Mr. Norlock any minute now.

Just when you think organized religion can't get any dumber, ...

... along comes the Catholic Church. All we need to maximize the entertainment value is for Patrick Ross to stop by there and try to correct PZ Myers. Yeah, that would be some serious pants-pissing good times.

Dear lefties: Fuck off and die.

You know, all this eliminationist rhetoric is getting kind of old. Time for these folks to finally step up and start wasting a few liberals with high-powered rifles, no?

Walk the walk, that's what I always say.

The incivility of the Le... um, hang on.

Via AmericaBlog, we learn that some on the Right aren't ready to embrace that "Live and let live" idea:

FBI Arrests Oklahoma Teabagger For Twitter Threats

An Oklahoma City man who announced on Twitter that he would turn an April 15 tax protest into a bloodbath was hit with a federal charge of making interstate threats last week, in what appears to be first criminal prosecution to stem from posts on the microblogging site.

Daniel Knight Hayden, 52, was arrested by FBI agents who identified him as the Twitter user CitizenQuasar. In a series of tweets beginning April 11, CitizenQuasar vowed to start a "war" against the government on the steps of the Oklahoma City Capitol building, the site of that city's version of the national "Tea Party" protests promoted by the conservative-leaning Fox News.

"START THE KILLING NOW! I am willing to be the FIRST DEATH!," read a tweet at 8:01 PM that day. "After I am killed on the Capitol Steps, like a REAL man, the rest of you will REMEMBER ME!!!," he added five minutes later. Then: "Send the cops around. I will cut their heads off the heads and throw the[m] on the State Capitol steps."

Man, that kind of ideologically-inspired rage has to be awkward, wouldn't you say, Darcey? Hitting a bit close to home?

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Ack-ack-ack-ack-ack -- I pierce you with the ack-ack of love, flowerpot.

Friday, April 24, 2009

"Serious charges" *bleep* "serious charges" *bleep* "serious charges" ...

Shorter Harper-bots: "Omar Khadr is facing serious charges."

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've heard that mechanically regurgitated rationale before. One wonders if anyone in that party is actually capable of original thought.

Come on, Red, the parallel was obvious.

Red Tory makes gentle mockery of one Scott Hennig thusly:

That’s right; the animated spokesbot persistently speaking out to any camera with an operating battery in it, supposedly on behalf of the little guy, the “average” taxpayer and the hardscrabble small businessman (or woman), appears to have gone pretty much on a smooth glide-path from the Halls of Academe (well, the home of the aptly-named “Butterdome” and leafy grounds of the University of Alberta anyway) to a well-appointed, air-conditioned sinecure located in the heart of Edmonton’s rather antiseptic corridor of hideous architectural travesties known as “the government district.”

Ah, but that doesn't begin to compare with Texas politician Phil Gramm, who takes sucking off the government tit to hilarious extremes, according to the late Molly Ivins:

Gramm, the great crusader against government spending, has spent his entire life on the government tit. He was born at a military hospital, raised on his father’s Army pay, went to private school at Georgia Military Academy on military insurance after his father died, paid for his college tuition with same, got a National Defense Fellowship to graduate school, taught at a state-supported school, and made generous use of his Senate expense account.

It is curious, is it not, how all these crusaders for fiscal restraint, smaller government and self-reliance somehow seem to survive quite nicely without ever getting, you know, real jobs. And if you want to know what that's like, I suggest asking Stephen Taylor. I'm sure he'd be delighted to explain it to you.

And when I say "die," don't think "metaphor."

Shorter Blogging Tory Darcey Jerrom: "Hope you die you bastards, hope you die."

Oh, wait, I'm sorry, that was actually verbatim. My bad.

AFTERSNARK: I will leave it to my readers to imagine the relentless, hysterical shrieking from the Right if a "progressive" had written something similarly hard-hearted and uncompassionate.

Stephen Harper's Blogging Tories: Always happy to lecture you on bloggy etiquette and civility, when they're not hoping that you die.

BY THE WAY, I'd take a screen cap of that post of Darcey's if I were you, since his blog has a tendency to "disappear" embarrassing posts that were produced in the heat of the moment. Remember this? Yeah, I'm sure you do.

And yet, if you follow that link to the original piece over at "Dust My Broom," well, whoops:

Yeah, that's the sort of thing that happens when you think you're being witty and clever, until people point out that, actually, you're kinda promoting beating the living shit out of women.

P.S. If I was a member of Darcey's family, I might keep the number of the local domestic violence shelter on speed dial. I'm just sayin'.

Blogging Tory co-founder Stephen Taylor must be so terribly, terribly proud.

Yeah, yeah, another dead Canadian soldier, whatever.

And while her family and friends might mourn the loss of Maj. Michelle Mendes, Blogging Tory "Neo Conservative" respectfully wishes that you'd put a fucking sock in it. That is, when he's not telling a grieving community to put a fucking sock in it. Or when he's telling the loved ones of Taser deaths to put a fucking sock in it.

Hmmmmm ... we seem to be running out of socks.

AFTERSNARK: From that last link, we have Neo's delightful rationalization:

What Mr. Kosteckyj fails to mention... is that [Robert Dziekanski] wouldn't have been tasered at all if he hadn't been wandering aimlessly in a daze for hours, before finally going apeshit and throwing furniture and computers around in a very public venue.

If by "wandering aimlessly in a daze for hours, before finally going apeshit and throwing furniture and computers around in a very public venue," Neo means, "having been abandoned in a secure area for hours and not throwing furniture or computers in an enclosed area in which he was alone," well, I can see his point.

Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories: Because someone has to be cripplingly dishonest just to make the rest of us look good.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Yeah, yeah, law and order, whatever.

Shorter Stephen Harper: "As a conservative who firmly believes in justice and the rule of law, the judiciary can just kiss my ass."

I swear to God, ...

... I have no idea how to respond intelligently to this. I'm going to try, but you'll forgive me if I simply descend into calling someone an idiot.

P.S. It's about same-sex marriage. Go read it. Seriously. You'll thank me. Or hunt me down and feed my nads through a wood-chipper. Whatever.

My ears are burning.

Oh, wait ... it's just Ruffles:

This kind of intellectual dishonesty is worst coming from cretins like Baglow and Canadian Cynic, because they form their opinions first, and then work around how one might be able to shoe horn a situation into that preconceived notion.

As opposed to Ruffles, the poster boy for careful and meticulous research. Oh, wait, sorry -- I must have been thinking of someone else. Carry on.

Apparently, education is the work of the devil.

Take me now, Lord:

Bill Nye "The Science Guy" was booed in Waco, Texas for suggesting the Moon did not generate its own light, but reflected light from the sun.

Trouble started when the children's entertainer brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: "God made two great lights -- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars," and pointed out that the lesser light was actually a reflector.

At this point, several people in the audience stormed out, including woman with three small children who shouted, "We believe in God!" and left.

The Rapture can't come soon enough for me. Seriously.

Oooooh, Neo's not going to like this.

Well, some interesting developments here:

Crime in Canada 'less serious' than 10 years ago
Updated: Tue Apr. 21 2009 11:55:28 AM

Toronto may be Canada's biggest urban centre but new statistics show crime is a lot less serious in this city than in the country's other major metropolitan areas.

In analyzing crime rates and the severity of the crimes in Canada's urban centres, the report concludes that crime was less serious overall in Toronto in 2007 than it was in the country's other major cities, Montreal and Vancouver.

This will, I'm sure, come as a major disappointment to Blogging Tory "Neo Conservative," who uses violent crime reports the way the rest of us use "Girls Gone Wild" videos and a large box of Kleenex.

Don't make me have to explain that.

Just Friggin' Cool

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Oh, Lord, the burning stupid.

Too dumb to know how dumb you are. If that suddenly made you think of Patrick Ross, well, that's understandable.

The Ejankulator janks one again.

Blogging Tory and Premature eJankulator Steve Janke has his panties in a bunch:

Janet Napolitano, Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, has proven herself to be unfit for the job, displaying ignorance of the most basic facts concerning one of the most serious threats facing the United States, as summarized in this widely read editorial from the National Post:

Can someone please tell us how U. S. Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano got her job? She appears to be about as knowledgeable about border issues as a late-night radio call-in yahoo.

Informed of her error [in claiming that the 9/11 terrorists slipped in the United States via Canada], Ms. Napolitano blustered: "I can't talk to that. I can talk about the future. And here's the future. The future is we have borders."

Just what does that mean, exactly?

You know, Steve, as someone who's a staunch defender of a political party whose federal Science Minister doesn't believe in evolution, you might want to reconsider insulting the intelligence of another country's political appointments, know what I mean?

Oh, and there's this from Steve:

This is one of those editorials that makes me proud to be associated with the National Post.

And no one would ever doubt that you two deserve each other.

It's not that she's a bigot, it's that she's a moron.

And while the residents of Wankerville fall over themselves, gushing over Carrie Prejean, it apparently falls to us here at CC HQ to point out what a lot of people seem to be missing -- that Miss Prejean is an idiot:

The biggest controversy occurred when blogger Perez Hilton asked Miss California, Carrie Prejean, if every state should legalize same-sex marriage.

Her answer: "I think it's great Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, in my country, in my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody there, but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be, between a man and a woman."

Perezito seemed taken aback. In a video blog, he called Miss Prejean "a dumb bitch," though he later apologized.

Granted, it's a little odd Prejean would think we "live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage" given that Perez just pointed out to her that Vermont was just the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage.

Let's deconstruct that line by line, shall we?

"I think it's great Americans are able to choose one or the other."

No, they can't.

"We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage."

No, you can't (with the exception of four states). Which is why the rest of Prejean's ignorant rambling is really quite irrelevant. Sure, she's a bigot. But, really, it's more painful to realize she's an imbecile.

I see a right-wing think tank internship in her future.

What a difference a twatwaffle makes.

When you're a Blogging Tory like Jojo, having a split personality comes in really handy.

April 18: "Stephen Harper is travelling abroad. Isn't he just the dreamiest? Sigh."

April 22: "Michael Ignatieff is travelling abroad. What a stupid, pompous fucking douchebag."

(You'll have to scroll down a bit for that first one.)

If you use the phrase "free speech," I'm going to slap you.


Miss California is now hitting the TV circuit, trying to blame "the gays" for her loss at the all-important Miss USA competition. You see, she was one of the top five finalists, and she was asked a question about gay marriage. She said she's against it. She ended up not wining. And now, she's all over TV whining about how her bigotry cost her the crown.

Understand something right now -- this is not a "free speech" issue, no matter how hard the troglodytes on the Right try to spin this.

Currently, there is much pissing and moaning about how Carrie Prejean, by dissing same-sex marriage, cost herself a shot at the Miss USA title, and how this just proves how those intolerant Lefties are all about censorship and yap yap yap.

Far from it.

Personally, I'm a huge fan of free speech, especially when it comes to allowing morons like Prejean to say the most inane, asinine, dumbass, airheaded things that pop into their microcephalic minds. I couldn't be happier when that happens so, really, this isn't about free speech, is it? Why, no, it isn't. So what's it's about, then?

It's about accountability.

While Prejean's slack-jawed, mouth-breathing defenders yammer on about her right to "free speech," what they're really pissed about is the fact that she's being held accountable for what she said.

These are the same yobs who harp on tediously about "accountability" and how "actions have consequences." And yet, when Prejean exposes her bigotry (among other things) to a national audience, these people are outraged -- outraged, I tell you -- that that bigotry might have consequences, such as crushing her Miss USA aspirations, poor baby.

This isn't about free speech. Prejean has every right to promote her ignorant homophobia, which she is apparently doing as we speak. And the rest of us have every right to make sure she pays a price for that.

Accountability. Actions have consequences. That's how it works.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Swiped from Boing & Boing

What Dave said.


P.S. Dear Michael Coren:

You're beyond pathetic, you disrespectful, cowardly misogynist.

Yours in endless disgust,

P.P.S. I'm not fit for human company today -- I just thought you needed to know that. I managed to make it through the entire winter, working my ass into the ground, without getting sick and now that it's spring and things have calmed down somewhat ... I'm sick. FML.

Now I'm going back to bed and pulling the duvet over my head because I'm kind of tired of everything.

Um ... what?

Apparently, the rules of Parliament changed while I wasn't looking (emphasis head-scratchingly added):

Funny how the current deficit budget is now universally referred to as “The Conservative Deficit”, even after this current budget was forced upon us by the Liberals, NDPers and the bloc-heads after a mid-winter stand-off on the Governour General’s front stoop.

Why, that dastardly coalition -- using their evil mind-control rays in such a nefarious fashion. Have they no shame?

Bigotry ... it just brings a tear to one's eye, doesn't it?

Shorter Blogging Tory Mark Peters: "I always get all misty-eyed over drooling, ignorant homophobes. Can someone pass me a Kleenex?"

You keep using the word "civility," Matthew ...

Over at The Politic He-Man Sandbox and Woman Hater's Club, Blogging Tory Matthew Campbell gets all morally upstandy:

Not a few of us within the conservative movement take notice at the severe lack of civility from liberals when it comes to engaging in discourse. I’m not speaking here of the liberal tendency to confine one’s diction to George Carlin’s words one cannot speak on TV, or the condescending behaviour shown to opponents (admittedly something us conservatives have failed at too often ourselves!), but rather the panicked, violently angry reaction liberals are demonstrating more and more whenever someone violates their sacred rule of challenging their monopoly on ideas anytime, anywhere and under any circumstance.

This would, of course, be the same Matthew Campbell who fears the nefarious gay agenda, and got his ass handed to him by pretty much the entire educated free world on the topic of Charles Darwin.

Some free advice, Matthew -- try to avoid using the word "ideas" in the near future. It doesn't work for you.

Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories: Because even people who don't believe in evolution deserve a social circle.

Monday, April 20, 2009

More Better Musics

For those without enough stupid in their lives, ...

... let me help.

It's because they're idiots, that's why.

Shorter Blogging Tories: "As mindless Stephen Harper groupies that praised his decision to give everyone a 7-week paid vacation when we really could have used some leadership, we're now all terribly, terribly, terribly concerned about the Liberals' voting record. That's because we're all retards. No, really, we're all unbelievably fucking stupid. Seriously, it's a wonder we can put on our bra and panties the right way in the morning."

Any Way The Wind Blows...

Stephen Taylor, meet the New York Times.

New York Times, Stephen Taylor.

I live for associating Stephen Taylor with oral satisfaction in the mainstream media. Really.

Dear tea-baggers:

Matt has some questions for you. And make sure you read the comments.

I'll be ordering my copy this afternoon.


I'm waiting for the Canadian version: "Idiot Canada: How Stephen Taylor Made Stupidity and Racism Cool and Hip Again."

(Wag of the tail to TBogg.)

RIP J.G. Ballard

One of my favourite authors James Graham Ballard passed away after a long battle with cancer. His uncompromising and brilliant work helped frame the new wave of science fiction and elevate it from mere pulp to the potential of true literature. We who are left in this Atrocity Exhibition called life are poorer for the loss.

Apparently, medical degree does not equal intelligence.

As is his custom, Stephen Taylor Blogging Tory dr. roy oils up and gets intimate with yet another climate change denialist:

Prof Ian Pilmer [sic]

One of Australia's great climate realists has a new book out. He will help stop the chicken littles. Buy the Book. It is well researched and researched.

Luckily, there are people who aren't as thigh-suckingly ignorant as the good doctor. Actually, that's pretty much everyone, isn't it?

Except for Hunter. She's really fucking stupid.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

When it comes to snark, patience is a virtue.

Way back in December of 2007, Canada's Mostest Bestest Self-Absorbed Blogger was quite full of ... herself:

The Baghdad Fictionalist, Updated

In a 10 page mea culpa The New Republic finally cuts Scott Beauchamp loose; ...

So, Kate, how's that insufferable smugness these days? Uh oh ...

Sergeant Who Smeared Fellow Soldier, New Republic Writer Executed Four Iraqi Men

I wouldn't feel too badly for Kate McMillan -- I'm sure she's used to being perpetually wrong. About everything.

It goes with being a Blogging Tory.

Stupid? Ignorant? Treasonous?

You be the judge.

ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES: It was less than five years ago that George W. Bush, with a historically slim 51-49 victory in the popular vote, claimed an overwhelming "mandate," which led mouthbreathing wanks everywhere to pop their corks, blow their wads, and promise to use that "mandate" to slap the living shit out of anyone who disagreed with their political ideology. Oh, man, they were in charge now and you just stay out of the way, motherfucker, cuz the people had spoken and things were going to change.

Fast forward to 2008, when Barack Obama wins by a noticeably larger popular vote margin of 53-46, inspiring those very same wanks to bitch, whine, piss, moan and gripe that they weren't going to put up with this and they were going to pack up their shit and leave, and fuck this whole democracy nonsense.

No inconsistency there, no sirree bob.

There's reality, and then there's Hunter.

Here's Blogging Tory "Hunter":

The TEA parties worked ...

And here's not batshit crazy, deranged, drooling, retarded wingnut:

Turnout tepid in U.S. for modern-era 'tea parties'
Anti-tax protests elicit few 'tea-baggers'

A Fox News-hyped U.S. anti-tax movement has failed to bring about the "popular uprising" its creators had hoped for.

You know, I'm thinking that, if I didn't give a shit about reality, blogging would be a lot easier. Sort of like Stephen Taylor. Yeah, sort of like that.

THE SCREECHING DUMBFUCKITUDE: Really, picking on "Hunter" is like kicking a quadraplegic out of their wheelchair:

If you want to successfully protest, make sure hits home with the silent majority, and is easy for everyone to participate in, without having to go out and march in the streets...

Bank fees - pick one day for everyone to stop using their credit and debit cards. If you need money, actually go into the bank to get it. Using an ATM machine is a big no no. Can you imagine how our banking system would react?

Sure, Hunter ... with monumental indifference. But feel free to give it a shot and let us know how quickly they call you up to beg your forgiveness and ask what they can do to improve your banking experience.

What an unbelievable twatwaffle.


You keep using that word.

Shorter Susie All-Caps: Everyone who disagrees with me is a complete hypocrite because I say so. Seriously.

Here's what I find hypocritical ... the fact that SUZANNE always feels the need to edit only certain comments (here and here) but lets “ken” say whatever he wants, no matter how misogynistic it might be. Don't believe me? Behold, “ken” and his oh-so deep thoughts on the plight of Afghani women.

I understand that most of the women over there are quite happy in their role as a female. It's only a handful of frustrated feminists who are making the headlines.
Hmmm. It sounds like what happened in Canada.

As God is my witness, I have no idea where to go with that.

Breakfast with the arts.

Aren’t they wonderful?

A Canadian citizen? Marooned overseas? When the hell did that happen?

Shorter Blogging Tory "Raphael Alexander": "Have you heard about this Abousfian Abdelrazik situation? It's awful. Someone should do something about this!"

: An amusing comment on the piece above:

I have no information about this affair, but it seems to me that Mr. Abdelrazik is guilty of something.

No, no, no, too wordy -- let me tighten that up a bit:

"My admittedly appalling ignorance will not stop me from pontificating on this matter."

Yeah, that reads much better, wouldn't you say?

The lack of awareness is truly breathtaking.

Blogging Tory Brian Lemon continues to write really, really uninformed idiocy:

Does Obama Have Any Idea What He Is Doing Here?

Could you imagine Bush (either) smiling with Saddam, Clinton with Milosovic, Reagan with Khomeini, Carter with Arafat (okay they were buddies), Kennedy with Castro, Eisenhower with Kruschchev, Truman with Toto [sic], Roosevelt with Hitler?

Oooooh, oooooooh ... can I play?

And that's why no one takes Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories seriously. Like that needed explaining.

Saturday, April 18, 2009


Poor "Mahmood" -- utterly devoid of anything resembling originality. Or creativity. Or wit.

There are times I weep for humanity.

This is one of those times.

Now I need a vodka martini as big as my head to try and dull the last 2 hours spent wallowing in that horror show.

It's a matter of priorities.

Shorter Blogging Tory "Neo Conservative": "I am terribly, terribly distraught over the victims of late night violence. Dead Canadian military ... eh, not so much."

Good things come to those who aren't airheaded wankers.

Dear screechy Blogging Tories -- we'll take that apology any time now.

P.S. Feel free to imagine how much I miss that Blogging Tories search feature right about now.

AFTERSNARK: CC HQ -- when you want actual analysis.

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Mmmmmm .... coffee. I really can't stress enough how much I love it, I'm not entirely sure how people get through life without it. Especially when it's a lovely pot of Tanzanian roast from the 10,000 Villages near my office -- the perfect start on grey rainy mornings like this.

I have to admit that I've cut back on my coffee addiction. Instead of 5 or 6 cups (read mugs and big ones at that), I now have only 2 or 3 with a couple of cups of green tea later in the day. I've suffered from insomnia for years -- I'm incapable of turning my brain off at times -- and this seems to be helping.

I'm curious ... coffee or tea? Which do you prefer?

Fire the Pope

Evidently the opinions of people that aren't insane have hurt the feelings of the world's biggest, richest cult. Ayatollah Ratzinger and his band of deviant monsters aren't going to sit idly by while rational folk opine.

The Vatican on Friday denounced the criticisms of the pope's comments about condoms and AIDS during his trip to Africa...

Hear that sane people, you've been denounced by the crinolined douchelords of pompous piety. They denounce your criticisms, fie on you and your temerity. How dare you question the infallible wisdom of Benny the Rat? You are denounced! Funny how these priggish choirfuckers couldn't find it in their raisin-like hearts to denounce the pedophile rapists in their midst or the Brazilian creep that raped and impregnated his preteen daughter.

...saying they marked an unprecedented attempt to intimidate him into silence.

Awww. Poor little poopsie is gonna stamp his little red slippers and cry into the cuffs of one of his embroidered moo-moos. But he's a tough old bit of ambulatory excrement. So he fired up the steam engines of rebuttal and his automatons set to their grim work of denunciation. And p.r. spin. That too. And all this because Ratso has been busy practicing his unique brand of sexual terrorism and disinformation on a vulnerable and suffering population.

Pope Benedict XVI said last month that condoms weren't the answer to Africa's AIDS epidemic and could make the problem worse.

What a disingenuous little shit. Insisting that condoms are a bad idea is to willfully endanger the lives of thousands upon thousands of people at risk. Regardless of what emerges from his lying mouth, abstinence doesn't work. People are going to fuck because fucking is natural biology at work. These twisted fools might live in a fantasy land that denies nature but the rest of the planet is eating, sleeping, shitting and fucking. All the damn time. The rest of the planet doesn't live in a private city/palace. This medically ignorant papal potentate and his priests are divorced from nature and humanity. The very last people to be getting birth control and sexual education from is a pack of celibate old men wearing ugly dresses.

France, Germany, the UN AIDS-fighting agency as well as the British medical journal The Lancet criticized the comments as irresponsible and dangerous. The Belgian parliament passed a resolution calling them "unacceptable" and demanding that the government officially protest.
Belgium's ambassador to the Holy See lodged the formal protest April 15

My hat is off to the good people of Belgium and their parliamentarians. Would that the Canadian government had a shred of the wisdom or courage that our European friends have shown.

Criticizing the Belgian vote, the Vatican said it deplored "the fact that a parliamentary assembly should have thought it appropriate to criticize the Holy Father on the basis of an isolated extract from an interview, separated from its context."

Yet it is somehow appropriate for a fantasy peddler to offer medical advice. Render unto Caesar and shut your beer holes motherfuckers. How much context is required when the prince of misogyny rolls through in his bubble car spouting the standard idiocy? If nothing else these antisexual spite merchants are consistent in their ignorance and haughtiness. Fact is that wiser persons are criticizing the so called holy father for being a mindless fool whose antiquated fuss will directly imperil the vulnerable. Pope big mouth and his blessed stupidity will literally kill people. It is the duty of decent people to respond to such malicious ravings.

It said the remarks had been "used by some groups with a clear intent to intimidate, as if to dissuade the Pope from expressing himself on certain themes of obvious moral relevance and from teaching the Church's doctrine."

Would that it were so easy. A few retorts to the obvious failure of conscience that is church doctrine and Ratboy shuts his gob. Hah. The dude has a private city state, untold billions of dollars of real estate and plundered treasure and an international network of black cloaked lackies. I doubt he feels the least bit intimidated. After all, he's the pope and god whispers sweet doctrine in his wrinkled little ear but hey, it would be really nice if the old coot did refrain from exercising his jaw on issues he knows less than nothing about. The catholic church isn't exactly a beacon of moral purity and I can think of few less relevant voices when it comes to issues of sexual health and disease control. Hell, when it comes to silencing and intimidation how can a mere parliament compete with an extra-national cult that threatens eternal hellfire, suffering and damnation to the majority of the world's population?

In its statement, the Vatican decried what it said was an "unprecedented media campaign" in Europe that was unleashed by the pope's remarks about condoms, while ignoring Benedict's fuller message about the need to care for those suffering from AIDS.

Well isn't that special but not unpredictable. Spiritual vultures prey on the weak and the ill. So by preventing prevention, Ratso insures a steady supply of suffering. And suffering is what Benny and his church are all about, their ilk feed on suffering. That "unprecedented campaign" is long overdue and here's hoping that it continues and expands. Religious extremists are the authors of a millennia worth of bloodshed and it is high time that humanity was freed of the bonds of the intolerance and brutal ignorance that the world's major religions espouse. Yes, yes the people within the various churches do do much good but that is more than over balanced by the harm that rodents and moral vermin like Benny are responsible for.

When stupid Conservative pundits punditize.

The University of Calgary's Tom Flanagan does his "Hunter" impersonation:

Mr. Ignatieff can't force an election by himself. He needs the votes of the New Democrats and the Bloc Québécois to defeat the Conservatives on a vote of no-confidence.

Yes, that's true. Therefore?

In other words, he has to reactivate the coalition with the socialists and separatists against which Canadians reacted so strongly last fall.


The U of Calgary must be so proud. I hear that, some day, they'd like to be a real university.

Uh oh ... Mikey's pissed.

The natives are definitely getting restless. Not a good sign.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Listen To The Laughter Off Camera

Some years ago I worked in an Indian restaurant. The boss kept a small stash of ridiculously hot chili for special occasions, like masochism day. This stuff was demonically hot, so hot that a quarter of a teaspoon was enough to put a stock pot of sauce beyond the average palette. Naga jolokia is not a pepper to be toyed with and has measured beyond a million points on the chet scoville scale. I have moderated my diet in recent years but I used to eat stuff that was dangerously hot and you would never catch me doing this...

Shall we play?

You know the drill.

1) Favourite black comedy and why.

2) Favourite television show from your childhood and why.

3) And, just to change things up, favourite cookie.

Me first.

1) The oh-so delightful Fargo from the deliciously and intelligently bent Coen Brothers -- it’s the perfect blend of mayhem, murder and completely off-beat hilartity. And Frances McDormand is beyond perfect as Marge, the hugely pregnant and astonishingly smart police chief.

2) Get Smart -- for far too many reasons to possibly describe. While it’s not exactly from my childhood -- it was in repeats by the time I started watching it -- I was crazy about that show. I had the distinct pleasure of introducing my baby boy to it when it was playing on YTV a few years ago.

3) I'm going to cheat since I actually have 2 -- my Irish grandmother’s homemade molasses ginger cookies and my nonna's pizzelle. My granny's cookies are chewy and rich and more than a little bit addictive and the pizzelle are thin and crisp and the perfect accompaniment to gelato.

Hmmmm ... it’s supposed to rain tomorrow. I think I might have to make a batch or three. ;-)

Your turn.

Your Tonton Macoutes moment.

Dr. Dawg, as he is wont to do, documents another example of Canada's law enforcement, whose motto seems to be, "To serve and beat the living shit out of you whenever we feel like it."

After reading that, one is uncomfortably reminded of Haiti's Tonton Macoutes, who had a similarly cavalier attitude to, you know, law:

... personal police force of dictator Francois Duvalier (Papa Doc) of Haiti. Unpaid volunteers who were directly responsible only to Duvalier, they were given virtual license to torture, kill, and extort. They murdered hundreds of Duvalier's opponents, sometimes publicly hanging the corpses as warnings.

Lovely people, those. And whatever happened to them? Oh:

When Father Jean-Bertrand Aristide took power, the public backlash against known Macoutes was fierce. Many met Pere Lebrun, which is better known as "necklacing" -- a person is set on fire by having a burning gasoline-soaked tire thrown around his neck. Roughly 70 to 100 former Macoutes met this fate. There are some reports that a few of the Macoutes were ritually eaten by their killers, their flesh having been first sauteed in a cheap Haitian rum called Clarin.

I'm sure that kind of backlash could never happen here. At least the eating part. That would be tacky.

Holy motherfucking stupid, Batman.

Blogging Tory Paul Holmes is outraged -- outraged, I say -- over those obscenely-paid line workers:

Dear Auto Worker … Your Union is Screwing You

You people make $76 an hour! Holy crap, do you all eat caviar and smoke big fat cigars in top hats, too? I mean good for you for pulling this off for so long! Really, good job! ...

But what about the average Canadian? Do you honestly think somebody who makes 1/3rd as much money as you is going to be sympathetic, and want to share your pain? How screwed up is it to take money from the working poor to pay for your hot tubs and country cottages?

And then there's how it is on planet Earth:

Having worked at the Chrysler Brampton plant for three years as an assembly line worker, Rossi's highest pay rate was almost 36 Canadian dollars (29 U.S. dollars) an hour. Yet as a chef, he will not be making anywhere near that.

But ... but ... but ... $76 an hour! Aren't they all making $76 an hour? Oh (emphasis added for the truly fucking stupid):

Chrysler Canada estimates its hourly labor costs, which include wages, benefits and legacy costs such as pensions, are approximately 76 Canadian dollars. To be competitive with Toyota plants operating in Canada, the company says it needs to reduce those costs to 57 Canadian dollars an hour.

And that's why no one takes the Blogging Tories seriously. Because they're all retards.

Complete. Fucking. Retards.


  • Blogging Tory Paul Holmes: "They make $76 an hour!"

  • Commenter Renee: "Um, you realize that's not true, right?"

  • Paul: "Of course I do. I'm not an idiot!"

Actually, yes, Paul, you are. I believe we've established that. And then there's bonus dumbassitude from Blogging Tories co-founder Craig Smith, who is adamant that he is not going to see the point here:

Um… you do realize, of course, that $76 is the total cost, including things like WCB benefits, pensions, health premiums, EI, CPP, taxes, and insurance?

Um… you do realize, of course, that THAT IS STILL A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY!!!!!!!

Yes, Craig, but the point here was that that $76 an hour wasn't going directly to the line worker. Seriously, Craig, what part of this discussion eluded you entirely? Perhaps you can get together with Paul and finally figure that out, while simultaneously agreeing that it makes no difference to your argument whatsoever. After all, you're Blogging Tories. It's what you do.