Holy motherfucking stupid, Batman.

Blogging Tory Paul Holmes is outraged -- outraged, I say -- over those obscenely-paid line workers:

Dear Auto Worker … Your Union is Screwing You

You people make $76 an hour! Holy crap, do you all eat caviar and smoke big fat cigars in top hats, too? I mean good for you for pulling this off for so long! Really, good job! ...

But what about the average Canadian? Do you honestly think somebody who makes 1/3rd as much money as you is going to be sympathetic, and want to share your pain? How screwed up is it to take money from the working poor to pay for your hot tubs and country cottages?

And then there's how it is on planet Earth:

Having worked at the Chrysler Brampton plant for three years as an assembly line worker, Rossi's highest pay rate was almost 36 Canadian dollars (29 U.S. dollars) an hour. Yet as a chef, he will not be making anywhere near that.

But ... but ... but ... $76 an hour! Aren't they all making $76 an hour? Oh (emphasis added for the truly fucking stupid):

Chrysler Canada estimates its hourly labor costs, which include wages, benefits and legacy costs such as pensions, are approximately 76 Canadian dollars. To be competitive with Toyota plants operating in Canada, the company says it needs to reduce those costs to 57 Canadian dollars an hour.

And that's why no one takes the Blogging Tories seriously. Because they're all retards.

Complete. Fucking. Retards.

AND THE BURNING STUPID RAGES ON:

• Blogging Tory Paul Holmes: "They make $76 an hour!"


• Commenter Renee: "Um, you realize that's not true, right?"


• Paul: "Of course I do. I'm not an idiot!"

Actually, yes, Paul, you are. I believe we've established that. And then there's bonus dumbassitude from Blogging Tories co-founder Craig Smith, who is adamant that he is not going to see the point here:

Um… you do realize, of course, that $76 is the total cost, including things like WCB benefits, pensions, health premiums, EI, CPP, taxes, and insurance?

Um… you do realize, of course, that THAT IS STILL A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY!!!!!!!

Yes, Craig, but the point here was that that $76 an hour wasn't going directly to the line worker. Seriously, Craig, what part of this discussion eluded you entirely? Perhaps you can get together with Paul and finally figure that out, while simultaneously agreeing that it makes no difference to your argument whatsoever. After all, you're Blogging Tories. It's what you do.

Fellate much, Stephen?

Jesus, would someone hand Stephen Taylor a paper towel?

AFTERSNARK: You have to love Taylor's unabashed adoration of Stephen Harper's work ethic:

The Prime Ministership of Canada, by its very nature, is an all encompasing [sic] and busy job. Some note that this Prime Minister is hands on with a number of portfolios, taking ownership of a number of issues as they arise.

Yes, Steve, we've all noticed that about your hero. It's called being a narcissistic, self-absorbed, micro-managing control freak. Really, it hasn't escaped our attention.

Hope and change?

Not so much.

Barack Obama's arrival in the White House won't change one thing for at least one Canadian. Maher Arar remains banned from the United States.

"Mr. Arar is not welcome in the United States. He's not admissible," said the acting U.S. ambassador to Canada, chargé d'affairs Terry Breese.

Sure, let's talk about suicide, Kate.

Canada's Mostest Bestest Awesomest Blogger mocks the liberal MSM:

Journalistic suicide, in four easy steps.

Sure, what the hell, let's follow that link and see what Kate is fucking up spectacularly today:

When the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz reported that the Boston Globe-Democrat hadn't run a single story on the national "Boston Tea Party" movement (key word: Boston), I'll admit I was surprised. Their blatant political bias is obvious, and every rational reader knows their "news" coverage is driven by their politics. But not one story? From a journalistic standpoint, it's utterly indefensible...

To add ignorance to incompetence, the AP story spreads the canard that our Tea Party was part of some national Republican effort. They link it to FreedomWorks and the GOP--neither of whom had anything to do whatsoever with our event...though I'd be happy to send them the invoice for our expenses.

Yeah, the thought of that whole teabagging thing being driven by the political Right. Pshaw. Oh, wait:

In all seriousness, it's one thing for a news outlet to cover a political protest -- that's pretty logical. It's quite another for a news outlet to repeatedly encourage its viewers to attend a political protest. Far from practicing legitimate journalism, it's blatantly and unabashedly political.

[Glenn] Beck isn't just helping with turnout. Discussing his participation in the upcoming protest at the Alamo in San Antonio on his syndicated radio program, Beck announced, "I'm going to do a fundraiser for them" to help defray costs. "So you can come and you can have lunch with me. ... I don't know any of the details, but I've heard it's like $500 a plate or something like that." I'm guessing they won't be serving pizza with a price tag clocking in at 500 bones per ticket. The clown, on the other hand? I'm told Beck makes amazing balloon animals.

And maybe, Kate, some of the MSM got it just right, given that teabag day flopped with a resounding thud, even in the opinion of Canada's right-wing media.

Although, let's give Kate some credit -- when it comes to committing journalistic suicide, she knows of what she speaks.

And sometimes, a tea bag is just a tea bag.

That gosh-darned "liberal" media:

Turnout tepid in U.S. for modern-era 'tea parties'
Anti-tax protests elicit few 'tea-baggers'

A Fox News-hyped U.S. anti-tax movement has failed to bring about the "popular uprising" its creators had hoped for.

The day of "tea parties," pushed by Republican operatives and partisan advocacy groups such as FreedomWorks, which sought to protest U.S. President Barack Obama government's tax and stimulus policies by encouraging people to "wave tea bags," brought about only a few hundred "tea-baggers" in most parts of the U.S., despite relentless promotion by Fox News TV hosts.

And from the failed to the stupid and unprepared:

According to reports, organizers of the D.C. event were told by National Park Service officials that the "million tea bags" hauled in on the back of a pickup truck would have to be taken away, rather than be dumped as planned. They reportedly complied after realizing they didn't have the correct protest permit.

The Competitive Enterprise Institute, a local think tank, offered to provide its 12th-floor boardroom as an alternate venue to dump the tea bags.

A 68-year-old woman at the Sunbury, Penn., protest had to be rescued by police from the Susquehanna River when she fell in while trying to dump tea bags in it.

And speaking of stupid, there's always Blogging Tory "Hunter":

[The MSM] also overstepped the bounds of reporting by constantly using the term "teabagging" which only a sexual pervert would have known the meaning of, but that's your lefties for you, it's all about power, money and sex.

Yes, Hunter, that despicable, liberal, leftard MSM like, oh, Canwest Publishing? Like them?

Stephen Taylor's Blogging Tories: When you want to be fair and balanced, and need some batshit, lunatic craziness to offset the sane.

Yo, Stephen! Some political analysis, if you will.

Yes, yes, we all mocked the rather obvious wingnut welfare of Conservative propagandist and party shill Stephen Taylor getting prime online real estate over at Macleans. But perhaps we shouldn't rush to judgment.

After all, being a Conservative insider and reliable conduit (from Stephen Harper's lips to Stephen Taylor's keyboard, as they say), Taylor might occasionally have some delightful political insights on things like, oh, this:



So I, for one, encourage Macleans to give Taylor another forum, this time to explain the plummeting Conservative popularity. This should be good. Because, for once, when Taylor blames the Liberals, at least he'll be right this time.

Go Cat Go!

And here's a link to the Raymond Scott Quintet performing Scott's Powerhouse with the more trad jazz band set-up. Cool daddio.

How can we miss you if you don't, you know, fuck off?

Some folks don't take losing well:

Gov. Rick Perry: Texas Could Secede, Leave Union

Jesus, what a whiny bunch of shits. Oh, wait ... they'll have company:

Georgia Senate threatens to secede

Luckily, we Canadians are a hardier bunch, with more respect for democracy and the will of the people and ... and ... uh:

Coalition games fuel the fires of western separatism

I'm curious ... is it physically possible for today's wanks to be even more of a collection of snivelling crybabies?

Yeah, that's a bit of irony.

Shorter Blogging Tory "Christian Conservative": "Speaking as a diehard, right-wing, small government, less regulation, 'Let The Market Decide', supply-and-demand capitalist, there really should be a law against this."

I've seen this movie before.

Dr. Dawg brings us the hilarity:

Meanwhile, today we heard from RCMP Cpl. Nycki Basra, who, as a volunteer for the Employee Assistance Program, organized the debriefing session for the Four Horsemen that took place shortly after Dziekanski's death. Previously Constable William Bentley testified that the four of them talked about the killing at that meeting, although Constable Kwesi Millington couldn't remember the subject coming up at the meeting or, for that matter, at any other time, although the four of them worked together for several weeks afterwards.

Trained to listen, Cpl. Basra told the Inquiry that she couldn't remember a thing. "My focus is really on their emotions, their speed of speech and physiological symptoms. Having said that, I don't recall the exact specifics of what was said," she claimed.

Her job, she said, was "to monitor the officers' emotions, provide tissues, water and moral support."

Under cross-examination, I imagine it went something like this:

Whoop de fucking doo.

Teabag this, douchebags. And commenter Kevin has a salient observation:

If you consider the fact that Faux News publicized these events for weeks -- this turnout is awful.

Kevin's right -- Fox News was all over this like "NAMBLA" Dick Evans on a "Gap for Kids" underwear advertisement, for all the good it did them.

But thanks for trying, folks. And remember to pick up your empty Zima bottles when you leave.

AFTERSNARK: A little judicious editing never hurt.

And by "teabagger," I mean "imbecile."

Via Chet, we have the incomparable Matt Taibbi:

It’s amazing, literally amazing to me, that it wasn’t until Obama pushed through a package containing a massive public works package and significant homeowner aid that conservatives took to the streets. In other words, it wasn’t until taxes turned into construction jobs and mortgage relief that working and middle-class Americans decided to protest. I didn’t see anyone on the street when we forked over billions of dollars to help JP Morgan Chase buy Bear Stearns. And I didn’t see anyone on the street when Hank Paulson forked over $45 more billion to help Bank of America buy Merrill Lynch, a company run at the time by one of the world’s biggest assholes, John Thain. Moreover I didn’t see any street protests when the government agreed to soak up hundreds of billions in “troubled assets” from Citigroup, a company that just months later would lend out a jet furnished with pillows upholstered with Hermes scarves to former chief Sandy Weill so that he could vacation in Mexico over Christmas...

The really irritating thing about these morons is that, guaranteed, not one of them has ever taken a serious look at the federal budget. Not one has ever bothered to read an actual detailed study of what their taxes pay for. All they do is listen to one-liners doled out by tawdry Murdoch-hired mouthpieces like Michelle Malkin and then repeat them as if they’re their own opinions five seconds later. That’s what passes for political thought in this country. Teabag on, you fools.

Chet sums it up nicely:

It's not that the "teabaggers" don't mind funding Lou Gertsner's stock options et al.; it's that they don't know. They don't know anything. The reason they were out in the streets in (tiny) numbers yesterday is that the corporate groups that organized the rallies were just fine with bailouts of themselves; it's aid to ordinary people that the corporate astroturfers oppose. And, unfortunately, in a country of 300 million, it's not that hard for the astroturfers to find 100,000 dunderheads willing to go along against their own interests.

And if one needs proof of this, one need only head over to Canada's Blogging Tories, whose enthusiasm for an utterly faux "grassroots" protest can be found, say, here:

Americans are not accepting Obama's tax and spend policies lying down. They've taken to the streets in 2500 different locations in all 50 states in an amazing feat of grassroots activism by common citizens.

Chet is exactly right -- what we're hearing is hilariously uninformed bleating from people who know nothing. Truly, absolutely nothing, but what they're spoon-fed from their corporate handlers, or Michelle Malkin, or Matt Drudge, or whoever. Mindless stenographers, the lot of them, but here's the real irony:

Shouts rang out from Kentucky, which just passed tax increases on cigarettes and alcohol, to Salt Lake City, where many in the crowd booed Republican Gov. Jon Huntsman for accepting about $1.5 billion in stimulus money.

"Frankly, I'm mad as hell," said businessman Doug Burnett at a rally at the Iowa Capitol, where many of the about 1,000 people wore red shirts declaring "revolution is brewing." Burnett added: "This country has been on a spending spree for decades, a spending spree we can't afford."

That's right -- a spending spree for "decades." But, curiously, it's only a couple months after a black, Democratic president takes over that all these people suddenly decide they're "mad as hell" and aren't going to take it any more. What deliciously convenient timing, wouldn't you say?


And George W. gets a free pass. Again. I'm sure you're shocked.

PURE COMEDY GOLD. Jonathan Strong inspires pants-pissing hilarity with this gem:

When individuals are left to pursue their own interests free from government intervention, wealth is created, ingenuity flourishes, and prosperity booms.

Yes, Jonathan -- an overabundance of "government intervention" is exactly what caused the current economic catastrophe. Honestly, how is it that people like this are even capable of putting on their underwear the right way in the morning?

Stephen Taylor, not feeling the love.

Doing its part to support Canadian wingnut welfare, Macleans hands off a good chunk of online real estate to Stephen Harper Party of Canada propagandist Stephen Taylor.

I wouldn't take the article too seriously, but the comments are a total hoot.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "WINGNUT WELFARE": One of the commenters -- the amusingly misnamed "Critical Reasoning" -- brings the umbrage:

[Stephen Taylor] A paid-up propagandist? You must be confusing Mr. Taylor with paid political communications consultants like Mr. Kinsella. As far as I know Mr. Taylor has never been paid any money by the Tories.

Uh ... that's why they call it "wingnut welfare" -- because there's no obvious money trail. Taylor probably won't be cashing any cheques from the "Conservative Party of Canada," 'cuz that might be awkward and open to misinterpretation. Instead, he'll get his cash funnelled to him via prestigious appointments and internships and fellowships. You know ... like this:

In early 2007, I started a two year fellowship with the Manning Centre for Building Democracy. During my tenure at the Manning Centre, I completed research in the field of strategic political communications and was a director of policy and communications for the MCBD Centre for Science Policy and Communcations.

I’ve completed projects with Google, the National Citizens Coalition, and the Canadian Taxpayers Federation to name a few. In December of 2008, I organized Rally for Canada, a coast-to-coast set of rallies held in 24 cities to protest the coalition proposed by the Liberals, NDP and the Bloc Quebecois.

So have no fear, CR -- as long as Taylor keeps acting as a faithful conduit for Conservative talking points, the cheques will keep showing up in his mailbox. It's never clear where they're going to come from, but they'll show up all the same.

Incredible!

Swiped from Boing & Boing

Shriek! SHRIEK!! SHRIEK!!!

Blogging Tory Darryl Wolk, like so many of his BT colleagues, engages in a paroxysm of panty-tugging and hyper-ventilating:

Ignatieff admits he will raise taxes

Now that Ignatieff is revealing some of his policies, it is clear what the alternative is. Higher taxes, potential carbon tax and billions in new program spending. Clearly not the solution during these economic times.

Quite so, Darryl ... possibly raising taxes to cope with a multi-billion-dollar deficit? What outrageous silliness. Not even remotely as appealing as the Stephen Harper plan, which is to give every Canadian a magic Rainbow Sparkle pony that eats plastic bags and poops gold. That's a much better plan.

Kate, for one, welcomes her new Republican overlords.

It's April 15, which means that a corporate-controlled, fake "grassroots" movement has already sent out the relevant talking points, and slavishly loyal and obedient, right-wing flunkies are doing their part.

I wish I had a job like Kate McMillan's. You know ... stenographer.

Honesty. What a concept.

Shorter Blogging Tory "Christian Conservative": "Oh, man, can you believe some party leaders actually accept reality? I never have to worry about that. I'm a Conservative."

Dear Canada:

You suck:

No doubt this will have some repercussions from the progressive community. After all, as we all know and realize, Canada doesn’t have any values or culture worth recognizing.

Well, not since 2006.

It's April 15, so get your teabags out.

Yes, it's April 15 so one can expect a positive fest of "teabagging" over at Canada's Blogging Tories. Bonus points if you can ruminate on an orgy of excited, right-wing teabagging without thinking of Patrick Ross and Werner Patels. Or Patrick Ross and "Neo Conservative." Or Stephen Taylor and Preston Manning. Or ...

OK, I just threw up in my mouth.

Racist or misogynist? You make the call.

Oh, dear God. Brace yourself. Blogging Tory and Celestial Junk's Paul Marek would like to lecture you on the feminine form:

It's an apparent truism, that Republican female politicians who are physically attractive, are treated as bimbos or "shrill", by the MSM. After all, don't good looking women get into positions of power by assuming "certain positions?" All one needs do is recall the shameless attacks on Sarah Palin where most every MSM organ, from news to entertainment, tolerated and promoted Caribou Barbie character assasination on a stunning scale.

Um, Paul? Caribou Barbie wasn't denigrated as a moron because she was physically attractive or a Republican. She was denigrated as a moron because she was a moron:



And then the batshit craziness kicks into high gear when Marek goes after Michelle Obama:

It's one thing to engage in the lionizing of Michelle by appealing to her character. Call her articulate, intelligent, shrewd, loving, empathetic ... even that she "loves her country", but why appeal to her appearance when in reality she's .... how to put this delicately ... a mutt...

Those arms don't change the fact that they are attached to a flat homely face, legs like tree stumps, a backside 1.5 axe handles across, no chest, and a masculine stride. All the MSM Photoshop talent and meticulous photo selection being employed can't change the fact that Baby-Mama is not pretty ... nor will a full-time make-up artist.

Just to put this in the proper context, this is the pic Marek puts up to bolster his case:



For the purposes of comparison, I give you Canadian right-wing hero Kathy Shaidle:



If I were you, Paul, I'd look into that Obama Derangement Syndrome thing you have going on. I hear therapy works.

BY THE WAY, I'm going to go with racism here. Seriously, what else can one conclude about someone who refers to the First Lady as "Baby-Mama?" Really, Mr. Marek, your bigotry is showing. Even under that white sheet.