And an extra $50 if you bring back the ears and the tail.

Lord knows, I try to drag myself back to covering this wretched Canadian campaign but it's just too entertaining to watch the idiocy south of the border, like this:

UCLA alumni group targets 'radical' professors

An alumni group is offering students up to $100 per class to supply tapes and notes exposing professors who allegedly express extreme left-wing political views at the University of California, Los Angeles.

And what would constitute "extreme left-wing political views"? Ah, here we go:

The year-old Bruin Alumni Association says it is concerned about professors who use lecture time to press positions against President Bush, the military and multinational corporations, among other things. Its Web site has a list of what it calls the college's 30 "most radical professors."

Yes, I can't imagine the traitorous scumbag that might venture an opinion that 2000+ dead Americans in Iraq is, you know, a bad thing. How that person would hate America.

And given the reek of McCarthyism all over this sleazy endeavour, who do you think might be responsible for its creation? Guess. Go on, guess. You'll never guess:

"We're just trying to get people back on a professional level of things," said the group's president and founder, Andrew Jones, a 2003 UCLA graduate and former chairman of the student Bruin Republicans.

Hmmmmmmm ... 2003 UCLA graduate ... wouldn't that make Jones of military age? Gosh, with that kind of patriotic fervor spilling out of his shorts, you'd think he'd be right there, ready to take it to those insurgents over there so, you know, they don't attack his loved ones over here.

Apparently, though, Jones has other priorities. Ones that don't involve actual combat. Or physical injury. Or exertion.

MORE ON MR. JONES: Ah, here we go:

The Bruin Alumni Assn. is headed by Andrew Jones, a 24-year-old who graduated in June 2003 and was chairman of UCLA's Bruin Republicans student group.

24 years old. Someone might want to ask Mr. Jones why he's not humping his military age, sorry ass into combat. Wanker.

CANADIAN CONTENT: You have to love this part:

On one of its websites, the Bruin Alumni Group names education professor Peter McLaren as No. 1 on its "The Dirty Thirty: Ranking the Worst of the Worst." It says "this Canadian native teaches the next generation of teachers and professors how to properly indoctrinate students."

Frankly, if I were the target of a sleazy, right-wing chickenhawk like Jones, I'm pretty sure I'd be wearing that like a badge of honour. Rock on, Peter.