Friday, November 13, 2009

Justin Hoffer: Raging Chickenhawk!

Not that long ago, Blogging Tory and young, angry raging Jew Justin Hoffer was all about the heat of actual combat:

First, I’m going to get my Israeli citizenship next year. Shortly after that, I will be signing on with the Israeli military for three or four years before moving back to Canada.

Apparently, though, someone pointed out to raging Justin that being in the Israeli military might involve, um, actual fighting. And combat. And danger. So it's on to Plan B:

I am finishing my blogging for the day (despite it being rather short) with this note.

Tomorrow morning, I will begin making the necessary preparations to join the Canadian Infantry Reserves.

Excuse me? The Canadian Infantry Reserves? Wow ... that ambitious plan for a foreign military career didn't last long, did it, Justin? Lasted all of two days, as best I can tell.

And one wonders what happened to Justin's earlier philosophical position regarding the Canadian military:

I am sick of the monarchy, and will not serve in Canada's military because they swear an oath of allegiance to the crown, rather than our nation.

Join us next week when Justin announces he is enrolling in an MBA program at Western because it's what he always wanted to do. Just before he decides to fulfill his life-long dream of bicycling across Canada.

At this point, I'm guessing the Israeli military rejected Justin due to his crippling attention deficit disorder.

AFTERSNARK: Apparently, Justin still thinks he'll be entitled to his entitlements:

Tomorrow morning, I will begin making the necessary preparations to join the Canadian Infantry Reserves.

I will continue with my blogging, to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, the reason why the BS chickenhawk argument exists is because members of the military aren't allowed to have public opinions. I will attempt to find a way to work with military during the process to see if we can find a way for me to continue being a Blogging Tory and serve my country at the same time.

Because, obviously, military regulations are for other people, not Justin. I'm guessing Justin is in for a horrifically rude awakening when he learns that there are rules and, yes, he's expected to follow them as well.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Justin learns that painful lesson.


Justin Hoffer said...

Well, since you are incapable of decency and asking questions, and must immediately jump to conclusions and personal attacks, I'll do you a favour and explain to you what happened.

I did some talking over with some other conservatives, who commended me for wanting to fight on the front lines in Israel, but who took offense at me not giving up my Canadians citizenship. Since I consider myself a Canadian first, and a Jew second, I decided that I would remain in Canada.

So in about three and a half hours after this comment was posted, I will be on my way to my former high school to get a copy of my high school credit records. I will then be on my way to Minto Armoury to enlist.

I choose the reserves because they have more freedom in their opinions. I have a better chance of remaining a conservative blogger within the reserves. In the regular forces, there is no way for me to do that.

What's interesting to note is your complete inability to maintain any form of cohesive position, though. You claim all conservatives are chickenhawks for supporting the war in Afghanistan, and then when I go to do a job that you will never in your life be capable of because of your biological cowardice, you attack me for wanting to continue having an opinion.

I do have to ask; Are you stupid naturally, or do you have to work at it? People like you are much of the reason why I became conservative. I got sick of your superiority complex and complete lack of decency to those with a different opinion, and decided it would be worth while to do some research into what seemed to threaten you so much. What did I find? Moral decency, respect for differing opinions, willingness to both learn and teach, and a nearly complete absence of the superiority complex that I see in nearly all people on the left of center.

It really is a shame that you are so incapable of anything beyond vitriol and verbal diarrhea. I bet you'd have a lot of good ideas, but it seems you are biologically programmed to be incapable of anything else. You have my pity.

However, if you ever decide to shoot yourself in the face, you will have my utmost congratulations.

CC said...

Justin, Justin, Justin ... I would continue to mock you and your spectacular hypocrisy and shifting principles, but I suspect my regular commenters are going to do that more than adequately.

I wonder what Dave from "The Galloping Beaver" would have to say about someone whose obvious priority in choosing which branch of the military to join is whether it gives him the freedom to keep blogging.

Feel free to mention that selection criteria to your commanding officer, Justin. I'll bet he'll get such a kick out of it. And you'll laugh and laugh ...

Southern Quebec said...

My guess? Justin heads down to his recruitment office and explains his reason for joining the reserves. Recruitment officer takes a quick peek at Justin's blog and then Googles him. Shakes Justin's hand and says, "Don't call us, we'll call you."

After Justin leaves, the recruitment officer turns to the other guys in the office, and says, "OK, who's idea of joke was this?"

or something like that...

Frank Frink said...

Well, isn't this just timely.

So many young Canadians want to become rifle-toting soldiers in Afghanistan that the army is not accepting any new infantry recruits at the moment, according to the army's top general.

"I am 1,600 infantrymen over my establishment," Lieutenant-General Andrew Leslie said yesterday.


Canada's three infantry regiments have about 6,000 infantrymen, so these units -- which have traditionally suffered the most in battle, as has been the case in Afghanistan -- are more than 25% oversubscribed.

To correct this unusual imbalance, the military is "slowing down recruiting for regular forces infantry for the next year or two," Lieut.-Gen. Leslie said.

The army is "encouraging folks from the infantry" to transfer to military jobs where there are still shortfalls, such as vehicle technicians and fire control system technicians, the general said.

So, what's Plan C?

CC said...


You missed the part where Justin's applying to join the reserves. Not regular army. Reserves.

I joined the reserves for a summer when i was 15 years old (lied about my age to get in). So I don't think Justin's in any danger of finding himself in the middle of a firefight outside of Kabul any time soon.

I suspect that's what he was counting on.

Balbulican said...

Kid's - Justin won't be joining anything, any more than Richard Evans will be suing CC, or any sooner than my daddy will be coming over to beat up your daddy. In a feet of adolescent bravado he made a swaggering, macho commitment, at a distance too vague to actually be called on (a "couple of years". Uh huh.) Curiously, this massive, life changing decision changes in just a few hours to a somewhat less threatening commitment that is nonetheless every bit as vague. (He claims he'll be "beginning" to make "preparations". Not simply enlisting - "beginning" to make "preparations".

Nonsense, and childish nonsense at that.

Justin Hoffer said...

Yikes... The lack of logic and blind hatred continues... I feel sorry for you people... Its like G-d purposefully made you just so that I have someone to pity!

CC said...


As much as I dislike mucking around in my own comments section, I was going to make that very point. Justin is all psyched to make a multi-year commitment involving getting a foreign citizenship, then moving to serve in another country's military for, what, three or four years.

Amazingly, however, after a few brief conversations with some buds, that plan has changed completely. I'm guessing Justin has a problem with commitment. Or honesty. Possibly both.

But if I were you, I wouldn't piss him off. Apparently, he can lift lots of weight over his head.

CC said...

Here's a thought, Justin ... if people mocking you in a blog's comments section is your idea of "blind hatred," you are so not ready for actual military combat. Seriously.

Romantic Heretic said...

I, for one, thinking joining the infantry is a damned good idea for Justin.

As Bill Mauldin pointed out, "The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry." ;)

Frank Frink said...


No, I didn't miss that. Just making an inference about Justin's macho bluster. That even if he wasn't contemplating simply joining the reserves he wouldn't be getting a chance to play with the big boys anytime soon anyway.

(I guess Justin actually isn't all about bagging himself a couple Persians or three, as he was a day or so ago.)

Balbulican said...

"I feel sorry for you people."

LOL. Yes, Julian, You've told us that several times now. Now, run along now and start making plans to investigate the potential for considering enlistment in the Green Berets.

"Blind hatred"? Snort. Don't flatter yourself. Amused contempt, at most.

CC said...

I'm curious ... do they do psych evaluations before letting someone into the Canadian military? Cuz I'm thinking someone might be curious about this recent bluster by Justin:

"I don't know what you would do with a Persian's ears, either, but I'd use them to make a decoration."

I'm thinking that would give even a desperate recruiting officer some pause.

thebanana said...

I'll bet Justin could show us all a thing or two about his bravery, marksmanship, patriotism etc., but we'd all have to crowd around his X-box to see it.

Gene Rayburn said...

Does anyone besides Hoffercrite think he's mentally responsible to handle a weapon?

Balbulican said...

"Does anyone besides Hoffercrite think he's mentally responsible to handle a weapon?"

Well, apparently he does...but only barely. From his site:

"I didn't decide to join until I gained enough control over my own mental health."

Now, some would say that a making a public commitment to seek foreign citizenship and join a foreign army, followed one day later by a public reversal on the basis of advice from other bloggers, might argue a level of stability LESS than optimal - at least when it comes to giving people guns and letting them, you know, shoot at stuff.

Gene Rayburn said...

oh man I wasn't expecting it to be answered by the Hoffercrit himself.

Anonymous said...

So after all that bluster, he decides to try and be a weekend warrior?

The reserves are just a small step up from paintball...

Cosmic Navel Lint said...

Whenever reading any of Justin's whiny verbiage, I'm struck by Grouch Marx's aphorism:

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

He's 3% content and 97% ner-ner-ner-ner-ner, and whenever cornered (that'd be most of the time) takes the stock bailout of claiming to be "persecuted".

The Raging Tory: actively keeping Canada safe from Her enemies, one barstool at a time!

thwap said...

I think Justin thought twice about how sometimes the IDF has to go up against 12-year old Palestinians (with big rocks!) and decided it'd be better to stay in Canada.

Can't be too safe.

And did I read that right? Yesterday he was talking about making necklaces out of people's ears and today he's chiding us for our "blind hatred"?


It ain't random when some people choose to join the "Blogging Tories" aggregator and other bloggers don't.

liberal supporter said...

continue being a Blogging Tory and serve my country at the same time...
At least he understands that these are two completely different things. And an oxymoron.

KEvron said...

"Its like G-d purposefully made you just so that I have someone to pity!"

i was afraid he might take the lord's name in vain....


Cosmic Navel Lint said...

"Its like G-d purposefully made you just so that I have someone to pity!"

i was afraid he might take the lord's name in vain....


And why the use of a hyphen in place of the 'O' in God? Is this like Python's 'Life of Brian' sketch where people get stoned for uttering the word/name Jehovah?

KEvron said...

hey, as long as he omits that o, everything else is kosher.


KEvron said...

....for example:

"i fucked g_d in his holy arse!"

see? no o, no sin.


sooey said...

I fucked God in His holey arse, even harder!

I'm a woman, so I'll be burning in hell anyways.

Cameron Campbell said...

Cosmic Navel Lint: it's actually something that many observant jews do.. there's a convention against saying/writing the name of god. Transliterated into English you see it expressed as G_d or G-d or whatever...

KEvron said...

"it's actually something that many observant jews do"

yeah, that's our justin: observant.


Bren Tierney said...

Well, if his claims are to be believed, he'd certainly like to 'observe' joining the IDF "to fight the Iranians": the fact that any future Israeli war with Iran will certainly not be a land war, notwithstanding. And we'll ignore the fact that he wears glasses, and so couldn't hope to be a pilot in the IAF. Though he may make a good cook as a Kibbutznik.

I was in Israel for 4 of the 8 weeks of the last 'war' with Lebanon in 2006, which was an emphatic score-draw (a loss in Israeli military terms), and they could not face any prospect of a protracted war of attrition (à la the 8 years of the Iran-Iraq War) with Iran. They neither have the men noror reserves for it.

In short, I'm not sure he's thought through his wee 'Justin Wants to go to War' campaign, fully...

Which leave us with only one question: do you reckon the IDF's blogging policy for serving soldiers is more or less srict than those of the Canadian reserves?

Evil Brad said...

Actually CC, i have to take issue with your characterisation of the reserves. I'm guessing your short time in was long before the 90s. Reservists have long made up a LARGE percentage of soldiers deployed overseas, particularly in the infantry. Quite a few have been killed in combat in Afghanistan. Training deaths are also a fact of life in the reserves.
If Hoffer does join the infantry reserves,and -- this is the important part -- actually shows up after basic training, then good for him.
But he should be warned: Every reserve infantry regiment in the country has its share of Afghanistan vets. And soldiers do not take kindly to posers and blowhards and "walter mittys" in their midst.
The boy might just grow up.

CC said...

Evil Brad:

My point was not to denigrate the reserves. My point was to suggest that, if someone is yapping on about how they're going to enlist in the life military, signing up for the reserves takes a bit of the shine off of that.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're in the reserves, you're not obligated to be shipped overseas, are you? You certainly have the choice the last time I looked, but that's entirely under your control. Not so with the regular army.

In short, if you're in the reserves, you retain the option of saying, "Uh, Afghanistan? Thanks, but no thanks." But, again, feel free to set me straight if that's not true.

Evil Brad said...

Well, if a militia infantry unit actually accepts him into its ranks, he will find himself in the akward position of having to either: (a) waltz on down to the BOR to put his name down for an upcoming roto or (b) STFU with all the tough guy talk already. it's not like it will go un-noticed.

Cosmic Navel Lint said...

Evil Brad wrote: "Well, if a militia infantry unit actually accepts him into its ranks, he will find himself in the akward position of having to either: (a) waltz on down to the BOR to put his name down for an upcoming roto or (b) STFU with all the tough guy talk already. it's not like it will go un-noticed."

Amen on ALL counts. I can see some DS (directing staff) already rubbing his hands with glee at the prospect of Justin turning up for basic. All I can say is that he'd be best advised not to bother attempting to join the IDF - they'd make mincemeat of him, and they'd enjoy doing it.

Justin is, what over here (UK) we call a 'Walter Mitty', a blustering gobhsite, a wannabe-never-gonna-be, just full of piss and wind. He's the kind if runt whose mouth causes the trouble in the pub in the first place, and then legs it home to his mum when the big lads step in to do the ruck justice.

Like I said earlier, he's 3% substance and 97% ner-ner-ner-ner-ner; and he's yet to figure out that "errm..." isn't a argument.