Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Rachel Marsden watch: Jesus, is it worth it?


Once upon a time back here, I advertised a new, regular feature here at CC HQ -- the Rachel Marsden watch, devoted to critiquing the punditry of Canadian right-wing banshee Rachel Marsden. (You remember Marsden, right? She's the conservative pundit whose journalistic claims to fame include trying to look sexy by stealing Julia Roberts' body.)

Well, it's been a bit busy lately and, now that I finally got the chance to re-visit Marsden's output over at her web site, I have to admit, I really don't see much value in this exercise anymore for the simple reason that Marsden's writings are so shrill and infantile, dissecting them intellectually would be akin to sandblasting a soup cracker. Seriously, follow along here and tell me if I'm wrong.

Given that my original piece was written on June 4, it seemed only fair to pick up where I left off and check out her column in the National Post on that same date. And, Jesus Christ, what a piece of absolute crap it turned out to be, where one need only read the first paragraph to realize that total rubbish isn't far behind:

I recently moved to Toronto from the tabloid-driven metropolis of Vancouver, where everyone is far more interested in who you’re doing than in what you’re doing. Vancouver is a town full of sandal-wearing, granola-chomping lefties that doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is: Slackerville. Business is dead, and networking is virtually non-existent. And I don’t care what the government stats tell you about employment levels. They must be factoring squeegee kid jobs into those numbers. So it’s hardly a shock that many people I know from Vancouver have given up the ooh-aaah of the pretty Left Coast mountains for the booming job opportunities in Toronto.

Note first that Marsden has the same literary writing habit as so many other conservative wanks before her -- everything in her world is one of exactly two colours, and there is no middle ground or qualification whatsoever. Note how, in Vancouver, "everyone is far more interested in who you’re doing than in what you’re doing." Not most people, not many people, oh no, "everyone".

Staying in that vein, we are told that Vancouver is "a town full of sandal-wearing, granola-chomping lefties that doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is: Slackerville." It's apparently unthinkable that the city might have a variety of inhabitants with a variety of lifestyles. To Marsden, it's apparently just full of Slackerville hippies. And, naturally, business is "dead." Not slow or struggling or unimpressive or anything subtle or nuanced like that. No, just "dead." Apparently, la Marsden doesn't do subtlety or nuance, it being perhaps unpleasantly, intellectually taxing.

And if you think it gets any better, well, carry on to the second paragraph to read:

If you’re a media personality like myself and you’re living in Vancouver, you may as well be in Siberia. Vancouver media people — navel-gazers who naturally figure they’re the center of the universe — are unaware of their own backwater insignificance in much the same way that fish don’t know they’re wet.

See how that works? Not just some media people, or even perhaps most of them -- nope, it's all of them. Clearly, there's no room in Marsden's universe for anything but 100%, unqualified observations about damned near everything. There's a word to describe this type of writing: lazy. But that's just the warm-up.

Not much further down, Marsden continues to gratuitously insult entire swaths of society, writing:

Toronto has a special breed of lefty that Vancouver lacks in significant numbers: rich intellectual snoots who think they can buy their way into Club Conservative. Yes, I’m talking about you, all you Rosedale and Forest Hill elitist snobs with 20 letters after your name, who bastardize the “conservative” label. It’s time to hop aboard the Marsden Tough Talk Express.

And, oh Lord, can you believe that Marsden is so childish that she actually invents a bad-ass proper name for her writing -- the "Marsden Tough Talk Express"? Of course, there's nothing particularly original about this; loudmouth members of the right-wing wankersphere have a grand tradition of this sort of idiocy.

You have Bill O'Reilly and his "O'Reilly Factor," where one enters "The No-Spin Zone." Oooooooh. There's total dickhead Joe Scarborough who's such a stud, he hangs out in "Scarborough Country." Chris Matthews? Well, don't mess with that muthah, 'cuz he plays "Hardball". And on, and on and tediously on -- self-appointed, kick-ass names for some of the biggest wimps and whiners on the planet, now joined by Marsden and her "Tough Talk Express." Big fucking whoop.

But it's in her last paragraph that Marsden demonstrates just how incredibly childish she is:

So why did I move to Toronto and not to a more conservative town like Calgary? Toronto is where the action is. It’s the biggest possible pot of liberals and faux-cons in this country in which to raise holy hell. Apparently, fighting on behalf of the traditional values on which our society was founded is a really rebellious thing to do nowadays. Contrary to liberal conventional wisdom, it’s conservatives who really love this country — who are defending all the good things that underpin our society — while the lefties hate this country so much that they can’t change it fast enough. Now, you tell me who’s really “scary” here.

So, conservatives love Canada while left-liberals all hate it. This is so perfectly, so beautifully, Ann Coulter that it's a wonder Coulter doesn't sue Marsden for copyright infringement or something. It's been said that Marsden is just a cheap, knock-off Ann Coulter-wannabe, but who would have thought she'd be so sleazy as to just steal Coulter's whole shtick of slamming liberals in their entirety?

In the end, it's not how someone as worthless and pathetic a writer as Marsden got so famous that's such a puzzle. Rather, what's curious is why the Post decided that Marsden's shit was worth a twice-weekly column. Really, what audience is the Post going after with her? Do they really think there's a mass market for crappy, right-wing, childish dreck like Marsden's?

And, finally getting to my point, is there much point in even bothering with it?

14 comments:

Declan said...

I'd have to say no, it's not worth it.

Yeah, business in Vancouver is crumbling. That probably explains why there's cranes everywhere you look.

I imagine if you looked at the stats you'd see that Vancouver is doing fine. But like Marsden pretty much comes right out and says, facts don't move fast enough to get a berth on the tough talk express.

Tommy Steele said...

I would say yes, please god yes. You saw the pull Coulter has acquired in the states. People actually listen to her. It is scary. What we don't need in Canada is Rachel Marsden.

Jon Dursi said...

See, this is a great example of how the ever-lazy Canadian right wing's latest technique of just copy-and-pasting American right-wing talking points makes them sound even dumber.

The left wing in this country hates it and wants to change it? Change it by -- having universal health care? No, already got that. Having same-sex marriage? Already have it in most provinces.

It's the right wing who hates what this country changes for, and is pushing for radical changes. Everyone seems to know that except poor little Rachel and her ilk. It's what they get for thinking Rush Limbaugh's talking points are universal truths, and that being a dittohead here in Canada will impress people.

bruce said...

I really don't think our poor man's version of Ann Coulter is worth the time of day. Anything I’ve read of hers or watched on TV makes it clear that she literally makes stuff up as she goes along to suit her story.

The biggest problem with her in American media is that she could make us look like a nation of opinionated morons. Let’s face it, she makes Coulter look like an intellectual giant.

Canada will get tired of her nonsense soon enough

CC said...

In many ways, I tend to agree. But I might just stay on this to point out when Marsden writes things that are just flat-out, demonstrably wrong.

It's one thing to have differences of opinion or interpretation; it's quite another to simply promote falsehoods.

As someone (whose name escapes me at the moment) once said, "Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. But they're not entitles to their own facts."

Anonymous said...

Fuck her, I did.

Timmy the G said...

Anonymous - get to your local clinic immediately!

CC, you're at that tortuous point where you ask yourself "Am I giving this harpy more attention by writing about her, or am I showing her for the idiot she is?"

I have to confess I enjoy your rants, but has railing against Ann Coulter accomplished anything except to make her more notorious?

I dunno...

Thursday said...

Rachel Marsden doesn't actually exist.

Let's face it: no one could be that stupid, in the hopes of it becoming a career. "Rachel Marsden" is as real as "Ed Anger" of Weekly World News fame. She's an editors construct of the most ignorant, lazy examples of writing they've had submitted to their offices over the years, nothing more.

I only wish I was right...

Anonymous said...

Rachel Marsden is a reich-wing hatemonger. Watch as I coolly take apart the first paragraph of her article using nothing but cold hard progressive liberal facts.

I recently moved to Toronto from the tabloid-driven metropolis of Vancouver, where everyone is far more interested in who you’re doing than in what you’re doing. Vancouver is a town full of sandal-wearing, granola-chomping lefties that doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is: Slackerville. Business is dead, and networking is virtually non-existent. And I don’t care what the government stats tell you about employment levels. They must be factoring squeegee kid jobs into those numbers. So it’s hardly a shock that many people I know from Vancouver have given up the ooh-aaah of the pretty Left Coast mountains for the booming job opportunities in Toronto.

BITCH! SLUT!! WHORE!!! SKANK!!!! NEOCON!!!!!


Progressive Paul

Noel M said...

She's too easy to pick apart... like shooting fish in a barrel.

For instance, in her article of September 9, 2002 - "Oh, Cannabis! : Canada going up in smoke?", she argues aginst the legalization of marijuana, stating, "Canadian senators did the unimaginable this week when they tabled a report proposing that marijuana be legalized, taxed for government profit, and sold to anyone over the age of sixteen. Personally, I think the members of the Senate Special Committee on Illegal Drugs should put down the bong and slowly step away."

One of her arguments is that marijuana use is the gateway to hard drug use, which it appears she's in favour of, judging by this comment in her article of June 18, 2005 - "Finally, a Smart Regulation", where she states, "Look, if people want to do crack, snort cocaine or stick their head under the cheeseburger faucet, it shouldn't be the government's or anyone else's business."

Of course, she probably couldn't see the dichotomy.

Frank said...

If you want to know more about Rachel, ask the fine folks at Franksters, the unofficial Frank Magazine Board.

Rachel has a history of sending bogus lawyer's letters to people who tell the truth about her.

She even told them the Mounties were investigating the board. The site's moderator called Marsden's lawyer and - surprise! surprise! - learned that he never authored the letter and was completely unaware of Marsden's latest antics.


And you gotta hand it to Rachel "Missy Tee" Marsden. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.


http://p098.ezboard.com/ffranksters77603frm9.showMessage?topicID=1576.topic

Anonymous said...

Want a great laugh?

Check out the following article and learn why Rachel Marsden is really an "innocent victim".


http://www.torontofreepress.com/2005/cover070505.htm

Anonymous said...

http://www.cafepress.com/rachelmarsden

Anonymous said...

My understanding from one of Marsden's recent Toronto Sun columns is that she is working somewhere else outside of the Toronto area now as she announced that she had to give up a Telus cellphone contract because they didn't provide service to where she was moving. And of course she also alluded to a new job somewhere else, yet she still continues to write her dogshit columns for the Sun. Go figure. On one point I will agree with Marsden, Vancouver is not really the kind of town one can truly network in, make connections and fundamentally it's not a corporate town. She makes valid points on many fronts, however her reasons for moving to Toronto simply to stir the shit pot is b.s. Fact is Marsden left Vancouver after her radio show was cancelled and because of her notoriety stalking guys she was fucking and I'm willing to bet she hasn't gotten laid in recent years, but of course she'll tell you that's more a personal choice of hers.