And they're better looking, too.

Blogging Tory Eric channels Powerline's John Hindrocket in suggesting that conservatives have been anointed by God:

It's time for conservatives--mainstream Americans, in other words--to throw off the shackles and get aggressive. Our beliefs are correct, our values are the foundation of any society that doesn't have a death wish, and our interests, unlike those of the leftists, are legitimate. We deserve to govern this country, and before long, we will.

And if you're not convinced, those conservatives have a bullet with your name on it. It's kind of the way they handle dissension, if you hadn't noticed.

Biological evolution is a crock, too. Eric just wanted you to know that.

Really stupid Conservative women.

Not too swift, these chicks. First there's Helena of Tory:

Jaffer's wife, Tory cabinet minister Helena Guergis, reacted to news of his arrest on Thursday.

"I'm taking this very seriously," Guergis told reporters. "I don't really have enough information to give an informed comment."

Here's a suggestion, Helena: "Um ... Rahim, honey? Do you snort coke?" There you go, dear -- all the information you need.

Then there's Federal Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq, who makes Helena look positively cerebral:

Aglukkaq pledged to get to the bottom of the matter and make public the results of a departmental investigation.

A thought, Leona -- it's called a "telephone," as in, "How the $^@^&(^#$%@# did body bags end up in a shipment of hand sanitizer and face masks? Yes, I want to know right now! I'll hold."

And don't read any misogynistic crap into this post -- the men are just as stunningly incompetent as well. Like you needed me to explain that.

They really have no idea how idiotic they sound.

Shorter really stupid people: "How dare the socialized, publicly-funded transit system not be there and ready for us as we're on our way to howl about the evils of socialism!"

BONUS TRACK: Think Progress makes it even funnier. Feel free to follow the links until you wet yourselves in uncontrollable laughter.

Sure, let's talk about civility.

On the one hand, we have this. On the other hand, someone once pushed a loud-mouthed, offensive, right-wing dingbat off of his car-top platform once. So, from what I understand, that makes us even.

Is that about right?

File Under Awesome!

Batshit. Freaking. Crazy.

Ah, the entertainment value.

P.S. How stupid a Blogging Tory do you have to be to still be agonizing over this issue? About this stupid.

Stephen Taylor must be so proud.

THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK: By all means, read just the first page of the actual smackdown here. That is one seriously pissed-off judge.

Stay classy, Doc.

Even in remembrance, Blogging Tory Jabba the Roy can't resist taking a dump on someone who doesn't deserve it:

I like Peter , Paul and Mary. They are lefties but I like their songs and I think they have good hearts.

No, you don't want to know what I'm thinking right now.

Epic MASSIVE fail.

Indeed.

So ... how stupid do you have to be to intellectually idolize Glenn Beck?

Behold.

Don't be greedy.

"Hi, I'm Rahim Jaffer, and I'm here to tell you to not do drugs. Because if you do, there will be less left for me."

Helena Guergis: Blowing a little dope of her own.

Curiously, The Star is all about the weepy trauma:

Ex-Tory MP shaken by cocaine arrest

Drug and drunk driving charges 'devastating' for Rahim Jaffer and his cabinet minister wife

Well, yes, I'm sure it is, and the way The Star ledes that piece, I'm suddenly feeling sorry for the both of them. But here's the part with awesome entertainment value:

Jaffer, 37, was arrested shortly before 1 a.m. Friday after police say they spotted a grey Ford Escape speeding north through Palgrave, a village north of Brampton.

And if there is a God, he will have been doing more than 50 km/h over the limit, which officially makes it street racing, of whose savage and brutal crackdown we are told is one of the "accomplishments" of the Harperistas (at least until Sandy retardedly moves that list again and breaks all the links).

And I'm pretty sure this is going to hurt, too.

RUH ROH: I wonder if this is going to cause any problems:

[Jaffer] was born in Kampala, Uganda, and immigrated to Edmonton as a boy.

So that would make him one of those "Canadians of convenience," as Blogging Tory Adrian "Raphael Alexander" MacNair would put it. Perhaps, if Jaffer is convicted, we can revoke his citizenship, another strategy that Adrian seems comfortable with when it comes to naturalized Canadians who end up as convicted felons:

My sentence would be life imprisonment, revoked citizenship or immigration papers, followed by deportation when he gets out in 30-40 years.

I'm guessing Adrian is going to get all contexty and morally relativistic here. It's kind of what he does.

HEH. One gets visitors:

I'm sorry ... our military is dying for what?

Oh, that. Fair enough. Carry on.

SHRIEK! SHRIEK!!! SHRIEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!

Jesus, Mary, Mother of God, SHRIEEKKKKK!!!!

Oh, wait.

Never mind. Carry on.

Conservatives to get tough on crime?

Excellent ... they can start with this useless drunk and coke fiend.

I blame the Liberals.

Go.

Read. Unless you're a Conservative, since the deep thoughts there would make it pretty much a waste of your time.

Look! Barack Obama! Biting the heads off live puppies!

Nice highway system you got there ...

... be a shame if anything happened to it.

The cognitive dissonance might be uncomfortable.

Stephen the Corpulent has an excellent idea:

Tories set to unveil get-tough legislation on white collar crime

The Harper Conservatives are expected to table legislation today that would automatically send white-collar fraudsters to jail and make it harder for them to get released.

And speaking of white-collar crime, I know just where to find some. No, no, don't thank me -- exposing Conservative fraud and criminal behaviour is what I live for.

AFTERSNARK: It's moderately amusing to watch people with such flagrant contempt for the law (international and otherwise) and such dismissive hatred for Canada's judiciary constantly screeching about how they're going to get tough on lawbreakers. Really, it is to laugh.

Awwwwwwwwwwkward.

I guess they're useless, Canada-hating, treasonous "separatists" until they save the day.

The Dodo dumbth continues.

There's something truly sad-making about unabashedly idolizing someone and still not being able to spell their name correctly, don't you think?

No way! Get outta here!

And in breaking news, we learn that even other Christians think that Lifesite News is a pile of crap.

Try not to be shocked.

Arts in K/W

Kitchener/Waterloonians The Unhinged Festival of Site-Specific Theatre cometh. This is an amazing month for art and performance in the twin cities, Check out Unhinged, Impact and Cafka.