Wednesday, November 01, 2006

People That God Wants Dead -- the lighter side of Biblical intolerance.

And in honour of the recent poll that was clearly designed to lend support to Canada's wankers on the topic of same-sex marriage, we here at CC HQ are proud to announce a brand-new feature, as well as a brand-new blog to go along with it -- People That God Wants Dead. It's fun, it's educational and you can play it at home with the entire family.

As you can read here, one of the properties of the proposed "Defense of Religions Act" (or "The Dumbass Bigot Bill" as we call it around here) is to "protect the free speech of anti-gay religious leaders."

Now, it's unlikely that that freedom would extend to calling for the outright murder of homosexuals. Even for Canada's wankersphere, that might be considered just a bit beyond the pale, so what you would normally find is not so much a proclamation that gays should be killed, but rather just references to Scripture where that suggestion is made. You know ... "Hey, we're not saying gays should be snuffed, but you should check out Romans 1, know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink?"

Along those same lines, we here at CC HQ have created a new blog, People That God Wants Dead, where we will be starting a registry of Canada's right-wing wanks that, according to Scripture, should be killed.

Wait, let me rephrase that. We would never explicitly encourage any of these people to be, you know, "killed," 'cuz that would be tacky and probably illegal as well. Rather, we'll just list each wanker, along with a reference to the appropriate verse(s) in Scripture where it's clear that God would like this person rubbed out. How you choose to interpret that bit of God's Word is entirely up to you. But there will be ground rules.

First, the registry will be restricted to prominent, right-wing Canadian wankers. Fair and balanced? Fuck fair and balanced. My blog, my rules. Deal with it.

Next, submissions will be restricted to only those wankers for whom the Biblical demand for death is clear, unmistakable and unambiguous. Well, OK, maybe just really, really suggestive. All right, then, based on whatever tortured, dishonest misinterpretation of Scripture you can come up with. Whatever works.

Third, registry entries will contain as much personal information about the registrant as possible. You know, home address, phone number, place of employment, that sort of thing -- just in case God wants to take matters into His own hands, well, we're happy to help out with directions. However, we will set some limits.

It will be absolutely unacceptable to incorporate personal information that is not publicly available. Under no circumstances will we be displaying data that was obtained surreptitiously or illegally. And publishing someone's personal cell phone number? Well, that would just be an asshole thing to do. So we won't. We have standards.

And finally, to encourage participation, we'll be fairly forgiving as to what constitutes a valid submission. Of course, anyone who feels they were added to the registry incorrectly will have the right to contest their inclusion. That is, once they're in the registry, it will be up to them to make a compelling case why they should be removed. (Recent readers of this blog will appreciate the irony of this, I'm sure.)

In any event, we're still working out the details so, until we're ready to go live, I encourage you to start making a list. As you know, one of the common criticisms levelled at us unbelievers is that we just don't read the Bible enough. I'm guessing that's not going to be a problem here, as we all pore over Scripture looking for just the right chapter and verse, if you catch my drift.

And I think you do.


Phyl said...

Darnit, I was just about to submit Newt Gingrich when I re-read the rules and realized you only want Canadian wingnuts. Ah well, plenty enough of those...

shaun said...

How about the fellers over at The Canadian Alliance for Social Justice and Family Values Association.
check it out

Meaghan Walker-Williams said...

How bout all the "thou shall not bear false witness" types as one catagory....? Does god want them dead? Becausse there's this coptic family in Jersey that was STILL murdered by Radical Islamofascists according to you KKKNow who...(even though the real murderers who were not muslims at all, just local drug addict hoods looking for a score and caught on tape at an atm machine, thus tried and convicted and now serving life in prison)...

Dave said...

I wondered how long it was going to take you to activate that site. You've got a lot of daily hits from me on your site meter in anticipation.

CC said...

MWW writes:

"How bout all the "thou shall not bear false witness" types as one catagory....?"

I doubt that counts since it's not clear from Scripture that the punishment for that particular sin is death.

I'm addressing specifically those acts for which Scripture explicitly states that the transgressor shall be put to death.

DSMVWLD said...

Several months later...

*crickets chirp*