Saturday, July 29, 2006

Religious freedom, in a nutshell.

See, here's how it works. "Religious freedom" means that you have the right to hold any idiotic, asinine beliefs you want, while I have the right to tell you to fuck off because I don't want to hear them.

Are we all clear on the concept now?


Anonymous said...

I've become a "project" for the local Kingdom Hall. They've increased the number of visits exponentially over the last year. At first, they sent the sourest, dourest-looking moraliser to terrify me into conversion. Now they've brought out the big guns...happy couples with adorable children (dressed up in the cutest little suits). I'm a real challenge to them. I'm unfailingly polite and cheery as I refuse to take their literature while wishing them a very pleasant day.

I wonder what they'll show up with next? They could try cash. For 50 bucks, I'll invite them in for 15 minutes.

Anonymous said...

Nooooo, TiGuy, noooo. Pass on the 50 bucks, it's not worth it. Once, when I was younger and more naive, I let some of these folks into my home, where they proceeded to tell me that I was destined to hell unless I subscribed to their beliefs and their faith, and their magazines and their tithing. Little did they know that I already knew what hell was like, as my life was a living example. I was polite, and gently ushered them to the door. They kept up the onslaught until the day that they got me in one of my black hole periods and I leveled with them, in a polite manner but firmly and without any doubt. No more Miss Manners. Since then, they have avoided my house like the plague, and I suspect that my neighbours were less polite than I because they have stopped shopping for souls in this area.
Let them in at your own peril, because proselytation is their life's blood. Give them an inch and they will take twenty miles. You don't need the aggravation. You already have Harbour Seal and John out for your blood.

Somena Woman said...

One of my friend's grandfather's (a bit of a saucy old coot) managed to scare them off in the following fashion. Peeping out the windown one Saturday morning he saw two JNs at the doorstep. He happened to have a male friend who had stayed over the night before, and was asleep on the Lanai, which was adjacent to the hallway entrance to the door.

He took off his bathrobe, so that he was stark naked and opened the door and said "Mike, look, our prayers have been answered. Look what the good lord has provided. One for you, and one for me"

They didn't bother him again.

Anonymous said...

Nooooo, TiGuy, noooo. Pass on the 50 bucks, it's not worth it.

I've years of experience dealing with Opus Dei catholics. The JW's are a doddle.

I'm serious. I'd tell them they've got 15 minutes, and I'd set the timer:

"*Ding*...Ok, time to go. And don't resist or I'll call the police. Have a super nice day! Jesus loves you!"

Anonymous said...

I'd rather spend an evening with a life insurance salesman. The Mormons creep me out, as they're all blonde and look like they come from the same family. They gather behind the bushes before approaching the door. They're big on bushes.

Anonymous said...

Many years ago a friend who was stuck at home with her 2 little kids told me that when they came to her door she said they could only come in and talk to her if they would do her vacuuming and fold her laundry while they talked and then leave as soon as she asked them to. They agreed. Once they got the housework done she asked them to leave and reminded tham that they'd promised. They left and never came back.

Alison said...

My friend Pete, who is Jewish, was working in the goatshed on his farm when a couple of religious types walked right in and asked him if he lived there. Pete was incredulous - I mean, it was a goatshed! - so he said Yes he worked for the Joooooos up in the big house and they made him live in the goatshed. He *confided* that he tried to be a good Christian but he was persecuted by the Jooooos. The couple told him that Jesus could help him and Pete offered to sacrifice a goat in gratitude right then and there.
They haven't been back.

Unknown said...

Kind of off topic, kind of not.

I don't agree with this kind of crap.

CC said...

wayne wrote:

"I don't agree with this kind of crap."

Attaboy, Wayne. That's the way to jump whole-heartedly into an issue that's already four months old.