Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Your daily parade of cluelessness.

How many different ways are there to demonstrate pure dumbassitude? Let's count them, shall we?

Dust My Broom:

"Via Hot Air, “Green Earth = Brown Hand”: Sheryl Crow recommends reducing the number of squares of toilet paper you use to save the forest."

The Canadian Sentinel:

"One, two, or three measly little plies to get the dirty, disgusting daily job done? Is she fecking nuts?

She expects us to believe she gets by with one, two or three measly little plies? Yeah, right. And I bet her shit doesn't stink, either."

Celestial Junk:

"By now you’ve probably heard of Sheryl’s claim that all we ever need to use during potty breaks is “one square” of toilet paper."

And now, let's go to the official transcript, shall we?

Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, whose judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."

Yes, dear God, the Blogging Tories really are that fucking stupid. I'm sure you're shocked.

UPDATE: Someone who bit but eventually clued in.

: Help me out ... I need a word that's below "retarded" on the intellectual scale. Over at Celestial Junk, one commenter actually explains what's going on here:

Uh, guys - it's satire and humour! Best sarcasm I've heard in a very long time.

to which CJunk's "Paul" is too dense to back away sheepishly, preferring to continue to make a total ass of himself:

That's right Lindsay ... travel in the Dr. Albert Gore GW Parade, preach to the lesser folks, then make fun of it all ... and all while you travel in a flotilla of buses and semis.

What do you do with morons like this? That not only don't recognize satire, but still don't get it even after you spell it out for them??

Seriously, what do you do?


Rev.Paperboy said...

yeah, because one rock star speaks for all of us to the left of Karl Rove and for the entire environmental movement. If they want to play that way, can we assume that Fred Phelps speaks for the entire conservative movement? I don't hear the blogging tories or the GOP denouncing him anywhere, do you?

CC said...

Um ... you did catch that Crow was obviously joking about this, right, rev?

Ti-Guy said...

It is interesting to note that those who screech loudest about the inane Hollyweirdos are the first to take them at face value.

Heh heh. Heh heh heh...

I'm a pinko, commie-loving librul and I never listen to celebrities. They're not who I rely on to develop my social conscience.

Anonymous said...

Crow might be using satire, but it's a long way from well written or clear satire. A suggestion that people use 1 square of toilet paper to help save the forests would seem to be a satire of environmentalists; that or it's a really stupid idea from a celebrity. Both seem possible to me.

I'd assume the "dining sleeve" idea is also satire, but again, who is the target? The problem we're facing isn't an overabundance of bad ideas (which this might be making fun of), it's a lack of political will.

The whole piece suffers from bad writing, which isn't surprising, considering she's a singer/lyric writer, and depends on tone of voice/music to convey meaning a lot of the time. Which is almost entirely lost in this piece.

Mike said...

Well there are cultures where they do not in fact use toilet paper - which is why it is not always good to travel and be left handed.

But I thought it was pretty clearly a joke. Perhaps the way she said it made it more obvious than it was in print.

Ti-Guy said...

Give Sheryl a break. She's a party gal who likes a good beer buzz, early in the morning. And she told off Rove the other day, so I like her.

That's I want from the liberal use their media spotlight, not to explain reality to us (God forbid), but to tell the righties to fuck the hell off.

Or they could follow the model of activism provided by Canadian celebrities (who don't have celebrity to worry about)...get two teeth knocked out in a demonstration like Sarah Polly (*heart*).

Joanne (True Blue) said...

Sheryl Crow - Good singer; terrible comedienne.

The Seer said...

And I suppose she was kidding when she assaulted Karl Rove. I think Karl deserves a purple heart, just like George.

Rev.Paperboy said...

I got that it was a joke cc, whaddya think I am, a blogging Tory? I'm just so fucking tired of listening to conservatives bitch about "Hollywood Liberal" and how musicians and actors shouldn't express political opinions or that when they do express opinions that are stupid, they are suddenly considered to be speaking on behalf of all liberals and progressive everywhere. There are many times that I'd like Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah to STFU, but why are they any less entitled to express an opinion than Bill O'Reilly?

If a steelworker or a cowboy or a shortstop for the Houston Astros had said they were ashamed the President was from Texas, do you think they would have gotten death threats the way the Dixie Chicks did?