If you can't lie to your own friends, who can you lie to?

I can't wait for the actual hearing:

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has virtually wiped his public schedule clean to bone up for his long-awaited April 17 testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee ...

Good thinking -- it's not easy to get all your lies to mesh nicely. Sometimes, it's hard work.

But even his own closest advisers are nervous about whether he is up to the task.

So what's the problem?

At a recent "prep" for a prospective Sunday talk-show interview, Gonzales's performance was so poor that top aides scrapped any live appearances. During the March 23 session in the A.G.'s conference room, Gonzales was grilled by a team of top aides and advisers—including former Republican National Committee chair Ed Gillespie and former White House lawyer Tim Flanigan—about what he knew about the plan to fire seven U.S. attorneys last fall. But Gonzales kept contradicting himself and "getting his timeline confused," said one participant who asked not to be identified talking about a private meeting. His advisers finally got "exasperated" with him, the source added.

And remember -- Abu Gonzo made a total clusterfuck out of this while he was being questioned by people who are on his side. Stay tuned and read all about it here because, as we've established, you sure as hell won't read about it over here.

On the other hand, if you need to know all about Sandy Berger, well, ...