(CC News) - In a sweeping new FCC reform, U.S. president George W. Bush announced a crackdown on what he called "the growing disease of unwarranted hyperbole polluting our mediawaves and our airtime."
"The casual misuse of superlatives and exaggeration has to stop," said Bush. "Once this legislation is adopted, it will be much harder to just describe something or someone as 'great', 'terrific', 'unparalleled' ... that sort of thing".
Bush went on to explain that a first offense would result in a $100 fine, with increasing fines thereafter. As an example, Bush produced an annoying 2003 quote from RNC chairman Marc Racicot, with the offending naughty bits highlighted:
"I was delighted to meet with this distinguished group of young college Republicans to discuss issues of utmost importance to them. It is imperative that we as a nation engage our young people so that they may become active participants in our political process now and through out adulthood. We commend these fine students for donating hundreds of hours to work on the RNCs 72 Hour Program and our efforts to increase voter turnout among conservative republicans.
According to Bush, different superlatives would have varying financial penalties, while anyone using the word "unprecedented" inappropriately would simply be taken out and shot.
Responding to this new legislation, most of the nation's major media outlets expressed surprise that Bush actually managed to correctly pronounce "unwarranted hyperbole".
In related news, Bush once again described Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld as doing a "superb" job.