Sunday, April 09, 2023

Chronicles of Twatrick: Back to school?

(NOTE: Much of this is sheer speculation so take it for what it's worth.)

The evidence is increasingly compelling that Lloydminster's favourite undischarged bankrupt and village buffoon Patrick "Assholery Super Hyper Kid Cash Thunderbolt Mullet Boy Quintuple Threat MMA Beatdown Dragon Fire Bikini Designer" Ross is no longer employed in the wilds of northern Alberta, as my team of secret, crack, elite, crack and secret confidential informants assure me that, as of some time around March 17, Patrick bailed on his job of menial labour at Avenge Energy and high-tailed it back to Saskatchewan.

More interestingly, for someone who spends his life on the run from various law enforcement departments and collection agencies, Patrick leaves a pretty substantial trail of bread crumbs, and it appears that he is now hanging out somewhere in the vicinity of the U of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, leading one to do some surmisin' and speculatin'.

Given that (as I have heard) Patrick was originally given the boot by his father to get his pasty, 300-pound, greaseburger-infused ass off of the basement couch and go make something of himself, and that that experiment lasted for a while in the vicinity of Grande Prairie until Patrick finally tired of it, there is speculation that Patrick -- having spent seven long years at the U of Alberta failing to get a degree -- might be willing to take another crack at it by transferring whatever meaningless credits he has from the U of A and seeing if he can get this across the finish line back in Saskatchewan.

This is an entertaining image -- a 42-YO morbidly obese Lord Baron Twatrick von Loadenhosen, quite taken with his own dizzying intellect and convinced that he is still capable of hitting on 19-year-old undergrads with some chance of success. But what is more interesting to your humble scribe is the thought that, if this is actually what is happening, how exactly is Patrick going to pay for all of the associated tuition, rent, food and so on? Because if he's being subsidized under the table by Big Daddy Ross, there is at least a plausible argument that all of that dosh belongs to me.

My spies are still on the case, and if it appears that Twatrick is still hanging out in Saskatoon in another week or two, I will be giving instructions to various parties to check into whether Patrick is indeed registered at the U of S, and we will be checking into my options for collecting whatever legal tender made that possible.

Again, all of this is the wildest of speculation, but if Patrick thinks he can dig himself out from under owing me over $100,000 by simply quitting his job and going back to school, well, I'm guessing that's not going to work the way he hopes.

Stay tuned.

P.S. I am still offering a $500 reward to the first person who can hand me verifiable evidence as to where Patrick is these days and, in particular, where he is employed.

P.P.S. Patrick's adventures in Saskatoon appear to be confined to posting pictures of the obscenely unhealthy meals he is gorging on.

BONUS TRACK: I stress again that all of the above is the sheerest of speculation, but it is passing strange that Patrick would apparently bail on his work gig in northern Alberta at Avenge Energy, only to show up chowing down on 13,000-calorie plates of deep-fried grease at various slop joints adjacent to the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon.

Having been told by his father some time back to get his pasty ass off the couch and get out there and get a fucking job and make something of himself, Patrick apparently stuck it out as long as he could doing menial work as an oil patch swamper, only to finally bail and perhaps convince Daddy that he could do way better if he could finish his aborted U of A degree in (wait for it ... wait for it ...) sociology.

However, it is entirely unclear -- given Patrick's current (and possibly lifetime) status as an undischarged bankrupt, and with how much he owes me -- whether Patrick even has the right to register, as whatever money being turned over for that registration would properly belong to me. In any event, I will absolutely be contacting the U of S some time this week to inquire if one Patrick Ross has recently registered, just to cover my bases.

It's not clear how Patrick thinks this is going to end, given his undischarged bankruptcy status, his massive debt to me, and the fact that he is currently on the run from the Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy, the Saskatchewan Sheriffs, Alberta civil enforcement bailiffs and, soon, the registrar's office at the U of S.

I would recommend that Patrick get a good lawyer, but I've made that recommendation to him several times, and it never sticks.


Anonymous said...

If Twatsy really does register at the U of S, can you seize whatever money was used to pay for the registration, even if someone else paid? (I'm thinking of course of Twatsy's father.)

RossOwesDay said...

While it's true that Twatsy lacked the intelligence and work ethic to graduate from the University of Alberta over seven long years, most people are more mature in their 40's than their 20's...but then again, this is Twatsy Ross. If he is trying to go to school, this will end even worse than the first time. Twatsy is aging like milk, not wine.

MgS said...

If he is registered at UofS, I doubt many - or any - of his credits from UofA are transferrable at this point - usually once they're over a decade old, most Universities won't consider credits from another school as valid for credit towards a degree.

CC said...

MgS: Any credits from the U of A would definitely be over 10 years old so, if you are correct, he would effectively be starting from scratch. I'm guessing Patrick is nowhere *near* disciplined enough to suck it up and do that, especially if I have the right to seize his registration fees.

In any event, I will be checking with the registrar's office at the U of S some time this week to look into this.

MgS said...

Patrick's problem with "getting a good lawyer" is that the good lawyers always say things like "find a way to settle this mess", or "here are your obligations" ... and somehow that isn't what he's looking for ...

CC said...

MgS: In all the years I've been beating Patrick's pasty ass in court, he took the time to get a lawyer precisely once -- to object to my application to have him removed from the protection of bankruptcy's stay of proceedings (while nonetheless leaving him in bankruptcy, the worst of all possible worlds).

His lawyer's actual argument was that, while I had a valid argument as to how to deal with a recalcitrant, contemptuous, non-compliant bankrupt, there were *other* avenues I could have used; therefore, my choice as to which strategy to employ against Patrick was not valid because I chose Strategy A when Strategies B and C were equally plausible.

I am not joking -- the argument of his lawyer (who I'm sure charged Patrick several thousand dollars for this utterly worthless advice) was that I had so many avenues to deal with Patrick, I simply chose the wrong one and I should have picked another equally effective one.

I will post this ruling in the near future so you can appreciate the waste of money that was. Ever since, Patrick hasn't wasted any more time or money on a lawyer.

RossOwesDay said...

I'm imagining Twatsy and Ken hiring Lionel Hutz as their lawyer.

MgS said...

That’s the distinction between “a lawyer” and “a good lawyer” … Patrick sought out the latter, and ended up with the former.

CC said...

MgS: There wasn't much the lawyer could do ... Patrick had long ago buried himself past the point where a lawyer could save him.