Sunday, August 27, 2006

Northern California snark -- whoa ... chill out, dude.

Nothing meaningful to say this morning, so some humour from Mom, since everyone deserves to get dissed every so often, even the French.

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." -- Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." -- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- General Norman Schwarzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." -- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -- Jacques Chirac, President of France. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." -- Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." -- Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." -- P.J. O'Rourke

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." -- U.S. Senator John McCain

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." -- Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq after all. The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." -- David Letterman

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada." -- Ted Nugent

"War without France would be like, well, World War II." -- Unknown

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" -- Tom Brokaw

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" -- Dennis Miller

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." -- Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qaida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." -- Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day - the description was, 'Never shot, Dropped once.'" -- Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." -- Dennis Miller

"Raise your right hand if you like the French, raise both hands if you are French." -- Unknown

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000, m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? No one knows, it's never been tried." -- Rep. R. Blount, MO

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris, March 5, 2003. The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France, either." -- Jay Leno


Unknown said...

The constant mocking of the French by Americans is one thing, I expect them to be a bunch of morons completely ignorant of history beyond last week, but I'm surprised at you CC. The Battle fo Hastings and the Norman Conquest? The Hundred Years War? the Thirty Years War? Napoleon? Versengetarix and the Gauls versus that Italian dude? Do these ring any bells?
The French have a long history of warfare - admittedly not always sucessful, but man for man, I'd bet on the French over the Yanks any day. The fact that they were out gunned, out manned and out thought at the start of WWII doesn't mean they just gave up, in fact, DeGaulle the the Free French Forces fought on despite the surrender of the Vichy govt of their homeland. So fuck the Yanks and pass the Beaujoulas Nouveux

Anonymous said...

Vichy France was governed by all the right-wing "forces of order" in France. The losers in the Dreyfuss Affair, who sympathized more with the Nazis and their supporters in Germany, than they did the workers, communists, and Jews in their own country.

But what surprises and sickens me about the US disparagement of the French is that they owe their very independence to France, which was instrumental in the defeat of the British in the Revolutionary War.

What revealing ingratitude.

Unknown said...

Indeed, they have gone from the World War I slogan of "Lafayette, we are here" to "Lafayette, kiss my ass, you cheese-eating surrender monkey"

too bad the French didn't surrender in 1776.

Anonymous said...

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'" -- Tom Brokaw

Still... waiting...