Thursday, September 25, 2008

Sometimes, thinking can be such a burden.


Blogging Tory Chuckercanuck makes time to embarrass his species thusly:

Barak [sic] Obama has become my new Paul Martin. From my particular perch, the Illinois senator comes across as a blustery empty suit who says, "uh" alot. I am severely allergic to him.

Lucky for you, then, Chucker, that you're not eligible to vote for him. And I suspect he's not all that fond of you, either. But there's so much more:

Explaining why he wouldn't suspend his campaign to focus on the financial crisis and rescue package, he said, presidents have to know how to multi-task. I guess he thought that was a clever disguise of an age crack on McCain.

Or perhaps, unlike some feeble-minded Blogging Tories, Obama realized how he was being suckered by that invitation -- you know, like he explains here, and like every sane political pundit also appreciates and agrees with. And Chucker finally jumps the shark:

But his idea of multitasking is hiding away at an adult debate camp in Florida. He can't go to Washington because suspending his election campaign would mean not prepping for the debate. Who is the one who can't multi-task?

Meanwhile, John McCain will fly into a situation where his qualms about the draft solution were addressed swiftly by the President in one of W's best speeches. John McCain can triumph on Friday morning and fly out for the debate that afternoon (starting the morning, I must add, given a speech at the Clinton Global Initiative). Yeah, there's the guy who can't multi-task.

Um ... no, Chucker, McCain will not be flying in to save the day, then flying back out to the debate. He's using the financial crisis as an excuse to try to postpone the debate. But I'll understand if that detail escaped you ... it was probably down in paragraph two somewhere of the Drudge post you were reading.

So thanks for playing, Chucker, old boy. Now if you don't mind, the grown-ups will take it from here.

DELICIOUS AFTERSNARK
: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, dear God, make it stop.

Yes, Chucker, why don't you tell us all about that "multitasking" thing again. Hang on ... let me get comfortable first.

P.S. There's more, but it will have to wait until later this morning. Coffee calls.

AHHHHHHHHH ... and armed with a large cup of FrenchFreedom-pressed, Mexican, fair trade, organic coffee, we are now ready to yank out Chuckercanuck's other nad, lay it on the anvil, and pound it as flat as Stephen Harper's worthless, shriveled, kitten-devouring soul.

To recap, poor Chucker, being as intellectually-deprived as the rest of his Blogging Tory colleagues, has apparently bought into the latest GOP talking point of John McCain nobly sacrificing his campaign for the sake of his country and blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda ... you know the rest. It's a terrific story, except for the part about it being utter bullshit.

In the first place, given that McCain has openly admitted numerous times that he's not all that well-versed on the economy, it's not clear what sort of financial pearls of wisdom he'd be dropping in front of his swinish Republican colleagues. It's also not clear why he couldn't just, you know, phone it in, unless he's still trying to come to grips with those high-falutin', new telephone doodad thingies. But the most important point of this story is that John McCain is not high-tailing it back to DC because he wants to; he's moseyin' back because, quite simply, the Dems have him by the nutsack and are already squeezing.

Very early on, some of the brighter Dems and bloggy pundits suspected that the GOP were setting up the Dems for a pounding. In shrieking hysterically about how the financial sky was falling, the Republicans were trying to goad the Dems into hurriedly signing the $700 billion bail-out package while the GOP quietly stood a couple steps back, whereupon the GOP would then immediately demonize the Democrats as the party of profligate waste of hard-earned taxpayer dollars, bailing out their obscenely rich and corrupt friends on Wall Street. And it was critically important that this was done real soon now, so it could actually be used as a cudgel with which to beat Dems bloody before the election.

Mercifully, cooler heads prevailed and some Dems figured out the trap they were walking into, at which point they made it clear that they would buy into the bail-out only if the Republicans did likewise. And the kicker? John McCain had to be one of the signers. That was the deal-breaker -- he would not be allowed to remain safely on the sidelines and take a pass on this one so that he could get all pompous and sanctimonious about it later.

But hey ... let's let one of my regular commenters explain it:

They need John McCain in Washington to pass this bill.

Senate Democrats have told Dear Leader ain't nobody voting for this bill if John McCain don't vote for this bill.

House Democrats have told Dear Leader they'll give him one Democrat for each Republican vote he produces. Dear Leader can't get no House Republicans to vote for no socialist bill. Gonna take the ex-POW to do that.

Dear Leader needs McSame to pass his bill.

John McCain's self-sacrificing nobility has nothing to do with this, Chuck. Quite simply, the Dems have McCain's dick, and they're not letting either him or the GOP stick them with the tab, and the blame, for $700 billion. And the best part of this, Chuck, me lad? Why, it's that I know this because I, you know, read stuff and, even better, I have commenters who stop by who know shit and take the time to explain it to my other readers.

And now, Chucker, old boy, you'll forgive me if I drop what's left of your family jewels on the floor and move on to bigger and better challenges. But if you ever want another thorough pasting, you know where to find me.

HEH. Josh knows his Grampy McSame.

DOUBLE HEH. Game, set, match.

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Assholes.

11 comments:

Southern Quebec said...

Last week John McCain said, my friends, that the "economy was fundamentally sound", seven days later the economy is on the brink of Financial Armagedden. (And he has to rush to Washington to deal with it). I find it amazing that anyone can believe what comes out of this putz' mouth. This disaster has been building for the last 2-3 years. Anyone who watches the markets knew it. Right now, the only this left to happen is The Black Swan. May we live in interesting times...

Chuckercanuck said...

Hey, thanks for the traffic, CC.

Yup, you really emasculated me good. Did I mispell Barack? What a moron! Every child in the world should know how to spell the post-messiah Messiah's name by age 8.

Anyway, sorry to hear your boy had to quit his "multi-tasking" in debate camp and go over to DC to do his job.

ps. David Lettermen is really cool. Hip, hip guy.

Mike said...

50 states, man...Obama is going to take all 50....

CC said...

Oh, my ... Chucker drops by, attempting wit:

"Hey, thanks for the traffic, CC."

Hey, Chucker ... that vacuous comeback was moderately funny the first 500 times I read it from a Blogging Tory. Now, not so much, know what I mean?

"Yup, you really emasculated me good. Did I mispell Barack? What a moron! Every child in the world should know how to spell the post-messiah Messiah's name by age 8."

Well, given that you and your BT colleagues have been savaging Obama 24/7 for months now, I figure it's not asking too much that you have figured out how to spell his name by now. That's what we serious bloggers do, but I'll understand if that sort of thing is hard werk.

"Anyway, sorry to hear your boy had to quit his "multi-tasking" in debate camp and go over to DC to do his job."

So you didn't actually read my analysis, then. Quelle surprise. Thanks for stopping by. Say hi to Kate for me.

Ti-Guy said...

What a moron.

Stick to the attitude, Chuckie. You now what happens when you attempt actual thought.

Sheena said...

Actually, Chucker is not a moron. He's one of the few witty BT's out there. Unfortunately he jumped the shark a few weeks back with some lame abortion bullshit and seems to have fallen back to talking points instead of the usual funny independent thought I've come to appreciate over the last couple of years.

Maybe after the election is over he can ditch the groupthink.

Prole said...

Did he actually refer to Obama as your "boy"?

I see your true colours, shining through....

Ti-Guy said...

Chucker is not a moron. He's one of the few witty BT's out there.

No, he is a moron...because he's too stupid to understand that some issues require a little more than the ability to throw around snark.

I appreciate the fact that he's the only wit in an endless herd of witless bisons, but frankly that doesn't count for all that much anymore.

Remember...these people are bankrupting us.

Cameron Campbell said...

prole, I know Chucker. I have problems with virtually every one of his political views, which are usually voiced very politely and respectfully, at least face to face.

I hate that he allows his idiot flying monkey commentators run wild under the defense of "see, we on the right don't like to stifle free speech" (apparently intelligent debate, civility (oh the irony) etc they don't mind stifling). I've broken bread with him and I've known him since we were way younger and thinner.

There are many things wrong with him, racism as you are suggesting is not one of them.

Prole said...

Cameron - you coulda fooled me, but I'll take your word for it. You may want to tell "your boy" Chucker that in this day and age, calling a black man "boy" most definitely implies racism.

Cameron Campbell said...

we don't really talk any more. So you can have a go at that you're self.