This Campaign is Over Already, Let’s Begin the Revolution
Forget the faint hope that the debates will turn things around for Mme. Dion (do you really think a man who can barely speak English is going to break through there? That’s like expecting Preston Manning to pull off a win in 1997 based on his performance in the French debate).
Yes indeed, abandon hope all ye who enter here, for this campaign is not to tarry with substance or issue. Nay this is the campaign of the cult of the personality. And nothing says personality quite like Prime Minister Dress-Up reaching into his tickle trunk and pulling out a sweater vest while his minions fling pooh. And bravo to you oh valiant prince Yoshida for the scathing use of the feminine. With but one swift turn you have devastated the Liberal leader, as we all know, the sensitivities of women are unsuited to the rigours of political life. Except for Ste. Palin of the north. For her loins are girded in the steely conservative flannel of righteousness. Poor Dion, cut to the quick by the insinuation of femininity. Thank the gawds that women haven't been given the franchise.
And the debates, why prepare for those pesky rituals when one's opponent has an accent? A French one at that. Why, Steven of Large can just stand there before the cameras and smile his piggy little smile, basking in the approval of his base. The bigots and xenophobes, the ignorant and insecure, all of them armed with a vote. Fucking cakewalk. Ordinary working guy Steve. A guy so normal he's as pale as paste. A dude so average that you'd never know he had a degree in economics, the faculty that produces manly, swaggering, all-beef heroes and none of those girly, fem-faggoty, high brow artsie queer types. Aarrrr, economists, banes of the ivory tower, defenders against the fruity elite. Aarrrr. Saying their prayers and kicking ass before going to bed at a reasonable hour. And hey, nobody expected Preston Manning to pull off much of anything, except maybe the lead role in a Don Knotts tribute band.
Intrade puts the odds of a Tory win at 95%. I would put them higher than that. I would say that the odds of a Tory majority are, at this point, higher than 90%.
116% Conservative majority with no seats for homos or people with suspicious, foreign sounding names. All hail. But wait just a second... Tories? There aren't any Tories in this election. The Tories are dead and gone at the federal level, Brian Mulroney saw to that and Weepy Pete sold the corpse for nickels on the dollar. This is the Conservative Reform Alliance, not those washed out former conservative-lite pussies. You guys are like the Hannibal Lector of political parties, you've slashed the face off of the corpse of the old blue Tories and you're wearing like a mask. Still you are not Tories any more than Jack Layton is a Mullah.
Indeed, if I were asked to guess where we’ll finish up at the end of the day, I would say that we’re looking at a very large majority. I think that two hundred is a realistic figure to be talking about at the moment.
Adam Yoshida is to realistic figures as Barbie is to realistic figures.
Let’s look at the facts – the facts that I’ve mentioned repeatedly. As things stand, the left-wing vote in this country (even though that group includes a majority of the electorate) is divided three ways in English Canada and four ways in Quebec. What that means, as I outlined at the outset of this campaign, is that a “Great Silent Plurality” of small-c conservative voters can form a strong majority government that can hold onto the government in this country for as long as that split persists.
Proof by repeated assertion. Suck it Socrates. So Yoshida's point is that most Canadians don't want to be ruled by the pocket fascists that he adores. Nope. In fact the majority of Canadians will have their wishes undone and their future twisted simply because they are burdened by choice, while the gawd bothering inbred team has no such troubles. They have a choice between retrograde ideologues and retrograde ideologues. Huzzah. What possible hope is there that "small-c conservatives" might opt to vote for the light libertarian Greens or the damaged centre of the Liberals? Couldn't happen. Why, three Prime Ministers ago, the Liberals were Adscam Adscam Adscam. And the noble Conservatives under Stephen Harper haven't even been convicted of any of the crimes they committed. And besides, they hardly stole anywhere near as much money as the Liberals, with their Conservative In 'n' Out swindle they were using to scam Elections Canada.
The Liberals are done for. No one wants to make Mme. Dion the Prime Minister (including, I would hazard, Dion based upon his dispirited performance so far). And we’re not going to make Jack Layton the Prime Minister either. That means that it’s Mr. Harper by default.
Ladies and gentlemen, the first truly honest endorsement of Mr Harper I have seen to date. Stephen Harper, by default.
I think that we could sharpen it – and put further tarnish on the Liberal brand – by pinning Dion to the ground and knocking him absolutely senseless but, in the end, a win is a win.
Now if the rhetorical shoe were on the other foot, this is where the Blogging Halfwits would piddle themselves and start squeaking that the mean, awful lieberuls were planning to assault the PM. And that's why he has to use the national police force to prevent citizens from expressing their views and keep anyone that doesn't have an ideological stamp of approval from getting anywhere near the PM's appearances. Fucking courage to spare! 911, c'mon bitches, you know you want to. Why is the Prime Minister so scared of Canadians, why is so afraid?
What the Prime Minister has to ask now – and he really does have to ask it now, since he won’t have very long to do it – is whether he wants to be another Brian Mulroney, a brief interlude between long-serving Liberal Prime Ministers, or whether he really wants to change this country decisively.
Yes Mulroney, Canada's second longest reigning PM, a man who was allegedly selling access and favours to foreign business men, to line his own pockets. Nothing like noble Steve who was only bilking Canadian taxpayers to shore up his grasp for power. But Adam asked a question Steve, are you just going to be a petty crook like Lyin' Brian or are you going to step the fuck up and really punch this country in the cock, grab hold and twist?
A Conservative majority government, especially under a strong leader like Prime Minister Harper, offers a chance to transform this country beyond all recognition. The Liberals have been so successful in this country over the last four decades because they remade it in their own image, right down to the flag. They put their stamp on every institution in this country – a Maple Leaf-shaped boot stamping down across the Canadian face forever.
Yeah. Canada, a boot on the throat of, um, white supremacists and Nazis? People Adam Yoshida can relate to, like free speakers who just want their gawd given right to defame innocent foreigners and gays, oh how they suffer under that liberal boot.
With a strong majority government – one not vulnerable to a confidence vote – the Prime Minister has the power to weather minor storms of public outrage and to use his five years to change this country in ways which will prove both popular and nearly impossible to undo.
Because the set term law doesn't apply to a minority and grows by a year when the Cons get a majority. That is political science in action.
In particular, I recommend that a Conservative government focus on the following:
1) Institutional demolition: The left-wing in this country relies upon government to keep itself running. The Prime Minister has taken some vital first steps in this area by junking the Court challenges program and cutting funding to radical feminist groups but, with a majority, the best option would be to go much further.
Sell the CBC. Junk most of the cultural subsides. Get rid of the human rights Gestapo. These, in the end, are “stroke of the pen, law of the land” sort of things. If a Prime Minister with a majority government wishes them, they could be so.
Nothing says Canadian values like demolishing Canadian values. In his first paragraph, Yoshida admits that the majority of Canadians hold more liberal values, and approve of the status quo regarding the institutional structure of the nation. But fuck them. This is the big chance! This is the opportunity that they've been waiting for. Time to unleash the hidden agenda that they don't have. Time to burn the fucker down and rebuild it Con style. Human rights are for pussies, out of here. Social programs are for the weak, out of there. Culture is what we tell you it is and what we import for the television. Shut up and watch the reality TV.
Gut the CRTC. Indeed, as I recommended before, the Prime Minister should forget his own copyright bill and instead pass the most liberal, progressive, and loose copyright bill in the Western world. Yeah, that’ll hurt some people – but screw them, they’re not going to vote Tory anyways.
What does that even mean? Liberal and loose copyright law, is this fuckwit suggesting no protection for copyright holders or an enforcement regime that is liberal and loose in terms of invading individual privacy and using state policing mechanisms to round up and punish infringers? There's no telling quite what this addled loon is suggesting, I doubt he even knows what that mess means.
Do too much, rather than too little. Don’t shift these things around. Burn them down and salt the Earth. A future Liberal government won’t have the guts, the time, the wherewithal, or the money to recreate them all at once. Sell the land and the buildings. Shred the records. Disperse the staff. It’s easier to destroy than it is to create. A Tory government on a rampage could destroy in a couple of months what it took four decades to create – and what it would take another forty to recreate.
Two words: Scorched Earth!
2) Base Creation: At the same time as well tear apart the old Liberal nation, we need to create new institutions to replace the old. With the money we’ll save, we can go to work on a new grand and nation-defining enterprise – rebuilding the Canadian military and turning it into the national symbol that it should be.
The Harper Youth Movement. The Blue Shirts. Next comes the Anschluss, we'll annex Michigan because we need the elbow room and a tropical retreat. Enough of feeding poor people and caring for sick people, we need guns and lots of 'em. Big guns. Canada, one nation under a helmet, in a trench, on the fucking march.
This is important not only for nationalistic reasons, but for basic political reasons. A large-scale buildup of the Armed Forces will do more than prepare Canada to fight in an increasingly-dangerous world, but it will also create a powerful military-industrial complex that a future Liberal government would be loathe to confront.
"Nationalistic reasons" m'kay. And don't you mess with the brand new military industrial complex or there be a junta up your ass in no time.
Set as a goal that military spending should be, oh, roughly 3.5% of the GDP. On the ground, translate that into an active force of 200,000 or so men – with all of the associated family members and spin-off jobs that will be created. Buy as much equipment internally as possible, even if that makes it more expensive, because it will build an industrial base that can become a powerful lobbying force.
3.5% why... son of a bitch, that's about half of what the arts and cultural sector contributes to the economy. We'll be buying up all of those famous Canadian made weapons of war.
Build big things. Canadians, for all that they claim to be a peace-loving people, want to love their country. That’s why, in the absence of a more compelling national identity, they hold onto the things that they do. Build a pair of Aircraft Carriers – giant, expensive, deadly, and useful symbols of Canadian pride that children can hang on their walls. Name them after Wolfe and Montcalm or something like that.
Yes, Canadians want to love their country. But without giant munitions factories and tens of thousands of armed soldiers ready to pour into the streets of this or some other country, well, how can there be any love? Aircraft carriers? What the fuck is Yoshida smoking?
Oh, and well (sic) you’re at it, recreate the old individual services. Because it’s appealing – and because it’s a good and simple exercise of power.
Air Force, Army, Navy... sweet fucking Jeeziz Yoshida, now is the time to build the first dedicated Canadian Space Force. The friggin' Chinese are getting set to do it but if we can get our rockets up there we can use the mighty Canadarm to like, push them yellow fuckers off trajectory and pull off their antennas and shit. Canadian Space Fleet!
3) Crime, Crime, Crime: The Tories are campaigning on this a bit, but they should be doing it more – and they should do even more as a majority government. Few things unify more Canadians than the conviction that our justice system is horribly soft.
Public executions for all, free popcorn. Buy the kids a flogger and a blood spattered t-shirt. We can do like the Saudis and build a chop-chop square in every city.
As I’ve said countless times, nothing is better than forcing your opponent to – out of conviction – defend people who everyone hates. The Liberals the left in general really believe in our horribly deformed justice system and many of them will go to the stake defending it. What Harper needs is someone creatively evil to serve as the Justice Minister – or perhaps Deputy Minister (I’m not too busy!) to spend the next five years thinking up new ways of brutalize and humiliate criminals and which will send the left marching to the barricades time and time again to defend people who normal Canadians hate.
Aw isn't that adorable. Little Adam wants to be Canada's own Himmler when he grows up and gets his big boy jodhpurs. "Normal" Canadian people are filled with hate and want their government to practice brutality and "creative evil" on their behalf. And you do want to be normal don't you? You want to be a good Canadian... or else.
Of course, this is probably all a dream. Stephen Harper has shown himself, in his time as both Tory leader and as Prime Minister, to be a cautious man. The odds are that, winning a smashing majority; he will naturally conclude that he should go on doing exactly the same thing.
I'm sure that some Tories are reading this and saying to themselves, "for God's sake Yoshida, don't write anything like this - it'll scare people." I wish, I wish. Like I said - we're only going to get something like this, or even a tiny part of this, if we struggle for it and push for it.
Actual Tories would read your screed Yoshida and wonder whether there were a soft accommodation available for you. Some place with kindly nurses, colourful meds and a nice TV to keep you occupied in the afternoons.
To the extent that we might see anything of this sort, we have to begin talking about it now, thinking about it now, floating these ideas now, because the window of time in which a new majority might act is pretty small - a year, I'd say.
Here's a news flash for you Adam Yoshida, the cartoon left that you vilify and hate so deeply doesn't exist. There are however millions of rational Canadians that will stand up and fight your kind to the bitter end, to prevent seeing this nation turned into a tin-pot fascist state. You won't get your coup, you won't get your junta and you just plain won't get your way because the fantasy you've described here is at home on another continent, 70 years in the past. The entire world went to war to defeat that vision. Here's some news for you, we'd do it again too.
He should watch out, though, because after Dion (and remember, it was me who first told many of you that it would be Dion) is the Second Coming. Unless we burn Trudeautopia to the ground, the son will soon be here to reclaim the legacy of the father.
I'm sorry Adam, who were you aspiring to become here, Himmler or Pilate? You are one deeply fucked cat and I applaud the Western Standard for airing your maniacal ramblings. It is best to see the villains in plain terms before they can strike. You go strap on your brownest blue shirt Adam. There's a good little fella, don't forget to let us know how your schemes for brutalizing and humiliating are coming along. There's a good little psycho.