Rice offers thanks, but mixed with caution.

(CC News) -- Responding to the world's generosity in contributing to disaster relief efforts in the Gulf Coast, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice publicly issued a heartfelt thanks, but cautioned donors about expecting anything resembling actual gratitude in return.

"It's amazing to see the outpouring of aid and sympathy, particularly from poor and destitute countries that the United States has, as an imperialistic aggressor, fucked over for years. It's really quite touching. But I just want to warn them that, in the long run, nothing's actually going to change."

Referring, as an example, to a $25,000 donation from the impoverished country of Sri Lanka, Rice said, "It's so incredibly generous of them, given their lack of resources, to have made that gesture. It won't, of course, stop us from screwing them over on every possible issue, from global warming, international development, family planning or anything else, but it was a nice gesture all the same."

In unrelated news, a spokesman for U.N. ambassador John Bolton issued a press release, acknowledging the generosity of so many of the U.N.'s member countries and describing how, when it came to recognizing their sacrifices, he was going to "crush them like a fucking eggshell."