Heads, I win; tails, why don't you just piss off, OK?

Shorter Canadian conservatives: "The fact that Stephen Harper recently assured us that everything was perfectly fine, and that we are now bailing out Canadian mortgage holders to the tune of $25 billion only proves that we were right all along."

You only wish I was kidding.

P.S. I blame the Liberals.

JESUS CHRIST, I WAS JOKING. The above was clearly over-the-top satire, and yet, God help us all, here's Stephen the Putrescent:

... Mr. Harper said the [$25 billion] backstop demonstrates the Tories are taking steps to fix things.

“It shows we act in advance to deal with issues. We do not wait for the point at which we are in crisis.”

What is left to parody?

Ding ding ding ding ding!

And that adorable 25-watt light bulb finally begins to glow dimly.

Names and faces have been preserved to ridicule the guilty.

Can't make the Conservative Party convention in Winnipeg this November? No sweat -- just imagine some snow in the background and you won't be missing anything:



I'm pretty sure that was "Hunter" in there somewhere.

Civility, as she is sodomized.

And over at Kate McMillan's Delisle White Power Hair Salon and Nazi Dry Cleaning, the residents stop howling about The. Uncivility. Of. The. Left. long enough to discuss the relative cheapness of ordnance:

Someone should also remind those members that $0.16 cents is less than 1/3 the price of the round of ammunition from an AK-47 rifle that would put an end to these gay appeasers lives..
...

Posted by: Kursk at October 9, 2008 5:04 PM

Kursk moved on to start muttering something about wire cutters and brake lines but was quickly shushed with panicked whispers of, "Dude! Not out loud, fer Chrissake! People might be listening!"

YOU KNOW, you keep doing that sort of thing, and someone's going to get hurt.

Ah, the linky goodness of it all.

Yes, I'm easily amused. Deal with it.

There's MORE to that story? No way!

Blogging Tory and Boy Detective Steve "Krime Kracker Kid" Janke brings you the stories no one else can by, uh, reading the newspaper:

Crazed Liberal volunteers assault people with campaign materials

A weird story out of Windsor. Apparently at a local Zehrs, Liberal campaigners were assaulting people with pamphlets:

... details omitted ...

They think there is some sort of diplomatic immunity for campaign workers?

Wow. Rude, vicious, and stupid.

The future of the Liberal Party.

No shit! I mean, where do those Liberal candidates get off thinking they can treat the public this way, the rudeness, the dismissive contempt, the ... the ... oh, wait, what's this? ... let's read on:

The officers arrested the two individuals for trespassing.

Both were given a ticket and released to either pay their fine or attend a court date.

Oh ... so they didn't really get a free pass -- they were arrested and given tickets. But wait! There's more!

A member of Larry Horwitz's campaign staff said Horwitz wasn't available for comment on Thursday because he was recognizing the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. Calls to Horwitz's cellphone number weren't answered at press time.

Horwitz's campaign manager - who didn't want her name published - said the two individuals have been instructed that their behaviour wasn't acceptable.

"During any kind of election, you get hundreds of different volunteers coming in that want to show their support for the candidate," she said. "Sometimes it's a balancing act between the enthusiasm and what's supposed to be done."

She said the two individuals now know that when people ask them to leave, they should leave immediately.

So, in summary, the two individuals did not get away with anything; they were arrested, ticketed and chastised by their employer -- the very definition of accountability and personal responsibility when breaking the law. Something Steve Janke's precious Conservatives wouldn't know anything about.

P.S. In Janke's defense, all that additional detail was several paragraphs down in the article, and he is a Blogging Tory. I don't believe that requires any more explanation from me.

AFTERSNARK: Curiously, for someone who sees the downfall of Western society and the end of public civility in a couple of pushy idiots, Steve strangely has nothing to say about vandals who put other peoples' lives in danger by cutting their cars' brake lines.

That's some mighty selective outrage you have there, Steve. I'm just sayin'.

That's not steely control, Stephen, it's monumental disinterest. There's a difference.

Shorter Blogging Tory co-founder Stephen Taylor: "I have to agree with The Economist -- when I look at a prime minister who saw this financial crisis coming and, in response, immediately and petulantly plunged us into an unnecessary, wasteful and hypocritical federal election, the first word that comes to mind for me is 'prudence'."

This is not the open thread you're looking for ... move along.

Something on your mind?

Thank ya, thank ya very much.

Apparently, some people still recognize quality when they see it:

Canadian Cynic is a hilarious and more Canada-minded blog. The frank, sarcastic and openly anti-Conservative tone is pretty consistent, but also critically relevant. Being somewhat cynical myself, this site helps calm the nerves that certain candidates are getting on these days.

By the way, we're not "anti-Conservative" -- we're anti-ignorant dumbfuck. It's not our fault if there's so little distinction these days.

Your moment of political lucidity down south.

During which Americans finally regain their senses, and take appropriate action. Pay attention, Canada -- you should be learning something from this.

Majority versus minority is no longer the question.

In the wake of the Stephen Harper Party of Canada's recent exposure as a bunch of clownishly inept financial idiots and liars, as well as its candidates' complete and utter contempt for the normal democratic process in the sense of not even bothering to show up for numerous "All Candidates" meetings around the country, the question is no longer whether there is still a chance of them eking out a majority, or whether they can even be defeated outright.

No, in light of their catastrophically appalling bad judgment and overall swinish assholishness, the question now is whether we will even make it to next Tuesday without the citizenry rising up in revolt and tying various CPoC candidates to the bumpers of their Toyota Priuses, whereuon they will be dragged to the city gates, drawn, quartered and have their severed heads stuck on pikes in celebration.

P.S. I drive a wagon so I could probably handle two of them at once.

The $18.1B clusterfuck.

Good morning, Canadian voters!

$18.1B: Cost of Afghan war by 2011

OTTAWA - A lack of federal government "fiscal transparency" has masked the true cost of Canada's Afghanistan mission, but it could cost taxpayers at least $18.1 billion by 2011, the Parliamentary Budget Officer revealed Thursday.

"At least"? Why don't we know more exactly? Ah:

Although the report cites a range of $13.9- to $18.1-billion to 2011, several relevant departments - including Foreign Affairs and the Canadian International Development Agency, the military's two main partners in Afghanistan - refused to give Page's office additional figures...

In addition to Foreign Affairs and CIDA, the Correctional Service of Canada and Veterans Affairs all declined to share internal data with Page's office, which was established this past spring to bring a greater degree of oversight to public spending.

The Stephen Harper Party of Canada: Campaigning on a platform of transparency and accountability, then telling you that you can just fuck right off.

READ IT and weep.

Oopsie.

Oooooooh ... that's gonna leave a mark.

Stephen Harper: Not a leader. And a buttfuck stupid economist.

The Third Party Party

A better choice than either of the supposed front runners!

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

In which Jim Flaherty gets today's marching orders.

"John? Yeah, it's Jim. Look, we're seriously tanking up here so ... any ideas?"

"Well, Jim, I'd like to help but we're busy trying to spring a surprise by announcing that we'll be having an announcement that we're not going to talk about until we announce it."

"Awesome, I'm all over that."

The mavericky maverickyness of it all.

" I have a plan ... no, wait, I have another plan. What day is it? Friday? I like Friday. I get Jell-O on Friday. Has anyone seen my dog Mr. Puddles?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Hello, Fox News:

Conservative politics, Eminem style.

Slim Shady don't give a fuck what you think.

Thanks, Andrew. Now fuck off.

Macleans' Andrew Coyne just doesn't understand what all the fuss is about:

I didn’t care much for Stephen Harper’s accusation, earlier in the campaign, that the opposition were cheering for a recession. At the time, it seemed like a cheap shot. But the longer this goes on, the more I’m starting to think there’s something in it. The Liberals are now trying to make a “gaffe” of Harper’s perfectly sensible observation that the present panic on the stock markets presents a remarkable buying opportunity, for those with cooler heads.

"Perfectly sensible," indeed, Andrew. Because when you've just lost your job, or your home, or have watched your retirement savings tank, the natural reaction is, of course, to grab a copy of the Financial Post and see if you should snap up a few shares of RIM, is that it, Andrew?

But Andrew isn't through making a complete asswipe of himself:

But at some point, people have to take a little responsibility for their actions. Otherwise, we have the individual version of moral hazard: everyone has a great ride on the stock market on the way up, but comes crying to government to bail them out when things turn south.

Thanks, Andrew. We'll try to remember that the next time multi-multi-multi-millionaires come, hat in hand, to be rescued from their shrieking incompetence and corruption. And get it.

P.S. I have to wonder -- does Kady O'Malley briefly get stupider just by passing Andrew in the hall?

Dear IMF: Burst into flame and die.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Jesus Burning Stupid Christ!

I barely got through half of this before I was bleeding from various orifices.

Early Onset, My Ass... Full Blown!

The get off my lawn candidate is starting to crackle like cheap shrink wrap. My fellow prisoners! Get this man a Barcalounger... stat!



Hat tip to the naughties over at ACR

That snapping you hear ...

... is the sound of wanker necks breaking as they pivot 180 degrees in a fraction of a second, changing from, "Stephen Harper is a financial genius, what with generating all that amazing surplus for the good of all Canadians" to "Well, of course there's no surplus, what did you expect?"

It really does make you want to gouge out your eyes with a meat hook, doesn't it?

Yeah, about that "surplus" ...

I haven't had time to check this out thoroughly, but perhaps someone would like to crunch the numbers and comment on this.

The financial meltdown: Who the hell's to blame?

For those of you with sufficient intellectual horsepower and a genuine curiosity for the nuanced and complicated facts, here's a decent article in Newsweek. And for those of you who just want to blame those uppity, freeloading nigras, well, there's Mark Steyn.

You're welcome.

Snark, with a side order of Kady.

Dear wankers: Blow me.

That is all.

Oh, crap ...

... Auntie Ethel got out of the basement again:


I guess we need a bigger padlock.

Transparency! Accountability!

FCS douchebaggery!

Holy fuck, the burning stupid!

Blogging Tory and official Stephen Harper fellatrix Sandy Crux takes her normal level of batshit crazy idiocy and cranks it up to 11:

"... the notion that a minority is the best thing for this country is a fallacy."

Fuckin' A, because who in their right mind would ever argue that checks, balances and fundamental restraints on the absolute and unbridled power of a governing party could possibly be a good thing? I mean, really, who could be that indescribably, unspeakably, mind-meltingly moronic that they would seriously even think that, much less, say, mention it out loud in public, eh, Sandy? Who the fuck, indeed? Oh ... wait ...

Campaigning Tuesday [in January of 2006], [Stephen Harper] tried to assuage fears raised by the Liberals and NDP of a majority government running roughshod with power.

A majority Conservative government would not have "absolute power" to run the country because of a long history of Liberal rule that has left a legacy of appointees in the Senate, civil service and on the Supreme Court bench, Harper said Tuesday.

"I'm not sure there's such thing as a true Conservative majority in the sense of a Liberal majority," Harper said after a number of public opinion polls placed his party within striking distance of a majority government. "We will have checks on us and limits on our ability to operate that a Liberal government would not face.

"The reality is that we will have, for some time to come, a Liberal Senate, a Liberal civil service, at least at the senior levels where they've been appointed by the Liberals, and courts that have been appointed by the Liberals," he said. "These are obviously checks on the power of a Conservative government. That's why I say ... there is certainly no absolute power for a Conservative government and no real, true majority."

Now would someone please give Sandy another large bowl of pudding, and wheel her over to the corner where she can pee into her adult diaper in peace?

... and the availability of picture-in-picture cardboard boxes should be good.

Shorter Stephen Harper: "On the bright side, the market should really open up for cheap, foreclosed homes."

No VANOC Sponsors Were Harmed...

In the making of this animation

Let it load and enjoy!

"You mean not everyone is as dense as my friends and me? No way! Get outta town!"

Shorter Blogging Tory "Hunter": "It only makes sense for Stephen Harper to release his platform a week before the election. I mean, nobody I know has an attention span of more than a few hours. OK, a couple days max. What, there are some people that do? Really? Wow."

Oooh ...oooh ... Mr Kotter! Over here!

Blogging Tory "Plattytalk" presents us with what he sees as an obvious choice:

For those Canadians wondering who would be the best skipper at the helm, the best leader to navigate through what could be some rough economic waters ahead, let's look at two of the party leaders who are applying for the position.

Here's a thought, Platty -- if we need to make a choice, how about the one who didn't see the impending financial market meltdown, then responded to it by petulantly breaking his own "fixed election dates" law to throw us into a distracting federal election when we most needed steady and responsible leadership to weather the economic chaos all around us?

Was that the right answer, Platty? Do I win a prize?

AFTERSNARK: Platty is all over Stephen the Corpulent's academic credentials like Dick Evans on a "Gap for Kids" catalogue:

Stephen Harper

Qualifications

Graduated from the University of Calgary with a Bachelor's Degree and a Master's Degree in Economics.

- Economics aims to explain how economies work and how economic agents interact. Economic analysis is applied throughout society, in business and finance.

This would be the same Stephen Harper who, while he would now be "the best leader to navigate through what could be some rough economic waters ahead," less than a month ago was happily reassuring us that everything was most economically excellent.

If I was Stephen Harper, I'd be demanding all my tuition fees back.

When unbelievably stupid people blog.

In which the local newspaper's Luisa D'Amato turns out to be a complete fucking airhead, and in which Blogging Tory Aaron Lee Wudrick puts all that there high-falutin' legal education to work by not understanding the difference between having a minority and having a majority government.

P.S. So it's not just Jason Cherniak -- all lawyers really are morons.

Just suck it up and go read.

Canada's Most Absolutely Bestest Blogger Kate "Dead Jews are Hi-larious" McMillan opens the doors:

McCain - Obama, Round Two

Open thread for your predictions, commentary and reaction.

Posted by Kate at October 7, 2008 8:32 PM

Seriously, go read the comments. Just hold your nose -- it's worth the entertainment value.

P.S. When conservatives who are not addlepated imbeciles have to give their opinion.

THAT one. The nigger over there.

Sen. John McCain sets Republican race relations back about 250 years:



One wonders what the dusky-hued Blogging Tory dr. roy thinks about his John McCain fixation right about now.

P.S. I apologize for using the phrases "dr. roy" and "thinks" in the same sentence. You'll get over it.

For John McCain groupies, it's the end of the innocence.

Finally cluing in to how you've been had all these years? Man, that's gotta hurt.

Sometimes, the opening paragraph is all you need.

A lede that needs no explanation:

WASHINGTON (AFP) — US lawmakers Monday grilled the head of Lehman Brothers demanding he justify some 500 million dollars he had earned since 2000, as well as huge bonuses sought for top executives even as the bank failed.

Feel free to just make up the rest of the article on your own -- I'm sure your version will make at least as much sense.

WELL, fuck me. Who could have imagined? Sorry, Hunter, what was that again? Oh, right ... socialism sucks. Thanks for clarifying that for us. It's always nice to know what the intellectually bereft are thinking these days.

P.S. I'm sure Canada's Blogging Tories, who are fiscally prudent to the point where they're all for slashing funding for the arts, will be fumingly outraged by this egregious fraud perpetrated on the American taxpayer. Just you wait for that outrage. Yes sir, just you wait. Here it comes. It's coming, I'm telling you. Soon. Real soon.

Real soon ...

Just cuz.

Using her powers only for stupid ...

Over at Kate's White Power Takeout and Dead Jew Roadhouse, Holocaust comedienne and desperate Michelle Malkin wannabe Kate McMillan commands the hordes of "SDA Nation" to rise, to assemble, and finally to go forth and ... freep a poll.

The citizenry trembles.

P.S. Um ... Kate, honey? It occurs to me that, when you finally get to the point where you refer to your illiterate, drooling, slack-jawed, yokel readership as a "nation," maybe it's time to put down the spray can and step away from the paint fumes. I have only your best interests in mind.

SWEET JESUS ... If you have the stomach to read the comments there, you will quickly learn that there are a disturbing number of people who seriously believe that, if they can freep that survey hard enough, Sarah Palin will suddenly become qualified to be vice-president and the rest of us will therefore be forced to admit that.

This strikes me as having the same level of sanity as those folks who sit there, yelling at their radios, "You don't speak for me!", and thinking it somehow makes a difference.

Oh ... wait ...

Blind pigs and acorns: The Whackjob Chronicles.

Commenting on the MASSIVE success of an anti-choice rally in which the entire excitable congregation could have arrived in a stretch Lincoln Navigator, first commenter and raging fetus fetishist "Joanne" has a weirdly good idea:

I certainly hope momentum is on our side, although I am really concerned about Obama winning in the US, and Harper has said he wont open abortion debate, even though he has quite a few pro lifers in his caucus.

I'm grateful to have a Christian Heritage candidate in my riding, so I have a pro life candidate to vote for.

And let me be the first to suggest to Joanne that that is a wickedly brilliant plan -- throwing your protest vote from the Conservatives to the hopelessly unelectable CHP. By God, that's a stroke of genius, since I'm guessing Harper is really counting on the shrieking lunatic vote on election day, and won't he be just pissed when it mysteriously fails to materialize.

So good on you, Joanne, and feel free to recommend that strategy to your friends. Especially the ones who are too dense to understand how elections work in this country.

A Conservative cabinet minister in the making.

Quoth Blogging Tory "Splatto":

Tonight at the all candidates debate, our Liberal MP stacked about 8 of the 12 or so questioners with canned questions. “But what about arts funding?” asked one person. Right, because that’s such a big issue in York Centre, the riding that stretches a stones throw away from Jane and Finch, the notorious neighbourhood where many of Toronto’s more high profile shootings of recent years have occurred.

No, no, no ... too wordy ... let me tighten that up a bit for you, Splatto, old boy:

"Niggers and art? As if."

Yeah, that reads better, doesn't it?

The NDP wants to murder Liberals.

So concludeth NAMBLA Boy. I don't make this stuff up -- I don't have to.

It's a context thing, you know.

Shorter Blogging Tories: "The thought of someone committing political vandalism, actually cutting the brake lines of peoples' cars and threatening peoples' lives, is absolutely ... absolutely ... ummm, remind me, which party was the victim here? The Liberals? Oh, we're good, then. Carry on."

Why Stephen Harper is unfit to govern.

Having been assured less than a month ago that everything was just peachy fucking keen with respect to the economy, we are all learning -- the hard way -- that that ain't quite the situation. And, to our chagrin, we also learn that, despite what Stephen Harper told us earlier, he has seen this coming for some time:

For example, the oft-repeated assumption that the capital positions of the country's banks has not caused alarm among authorities is false.

A senior member of government said the Finance Department developed concerns about the capital base of two Canadian institutions and exerted pressure on them to shore up their position, which they did.

The concerns first arose in late 2007 as the credit crisis built, while the remedial actions supervised by the bank regulator are thought to have continued into this year.

A legislative aide said they were shocked at the disclosure, adding it appeared to contradict the public message from the Conservatives that the government did not need to take a leading role in addressing risks in the financial sector.

In other words, while the Conservatives have been campaigning on their successful stewardship of Canada's economy, they've known that whole time that they were lying to us. And how did they finally respond?

Why, in the face of an impending financial meltdown, when we most need a strong and steady hand and responsible national leadership, Stephen Harper did the only logical thing: he dissolved Parliament and threw the country into an unnecessary and controversial election -- an election even he admits probably won't change anything. But here's the best, I mean really, the best part.

While Harper would undoubtedly like to give us all the impression that he can juggle this many balls at once, this is the man who filed an emergency motion to delay his defamation lawsuit against the Liberal Party because it would fall in the middle of the election, with his lawyers arguing that "the election distracts Harper from the details of the suit he filed over an allegation that Conservatives attempted to bribe a sitting MP in 2005."

And if poor Stephen publicly admits that he can't handle an election and a defamation lawsuit at the same time, what suggests he is up to dealing with an election and a worldwide financial crisis simultaneously?

Stephen Harper: Dishonest, irresponsible, and unfit to govern.

P.S. And a total, total, total fucking douchebag.

P.P.S. FCS.

The Stephen Harper-bot strikes again.

Wind him up, and he'll regurgitate whatever you like. He's useful that way.

But ... but ... but ...

What an entertaining new development:

Listeria reporting rule dropped before crisis
Meat plants not required to tell food inspectors when bacteria found

Four months before the Maple Leaf outbreak started claiming lives, Canada's food safety agency quietly dropped its rule requiring meat-processing companies to alert the agency about listeria-tainted meat, a Toronto Star/CBC investigation has found.

Twenty people died as a result of the outbreak this past summer, and federal meat inspectors and their union say this rule change likely made the country's listeria outbreak far worse than it had to be.

I blame the Liberals.

The first rule of political campaigns ...

... know thine demographic.

Connection? WHAT logical connection?

Shorter, really stupid Blogging Tories: "We are absolutely disgusted and appalled by the recent, dangerous and potentially life-threatening vandalism targeting Liberal supporters, and the fact that we, month after month, reviled and demonized the political opposition, even suggesting they supported terrorists and reveled in the deaths of Canadian soldiers, should in no way allow anyone to conclude that we may have inspired that kind of sickening behaviour. No way whatsoever. Taliban Jack."

P.S. Please, be dumb enough to challenge me to provide an example of someone from the Right wanting to explicitly murder people he disagrees with. Go ahead ... make my day.

"But you can't prove he DOESN'T have a plan!"

Shorter Blogging Tory "Canadian Jedi": "The fact that Stephen Harper has no plan to protect the Canadian economy should in no way allow those stupid voters to conclude that Stephen Harper has no plan to protect the Canadian economy. Stupid voters. Stupid, stupid voters."

Logic, as it is mangled.

Blogging Tory "Hunter" dons her best Steve Janke Boy Detective deerstalker hat and speculum, and deduces a positively deductible deduction:

BEWARE! When PM Harper....

leans on the podium, you will get an honest answer.

I have noticed this many times, and this is only one example.

I wonder if the media have picked up on this yet? Every time PM Harper leans on the podium, it means he is about to give his truthful opinion on the question, no matter if the reporter likes the answer or not.

Watch for it from now on, and see if I'm right or not. I think I'm right.

Conversely, then (and using that very logic), when Harper does not lean on the podium, he is being a bald-faced, weaselly, lying douchebag. Hunter says so.

P.S. By the way, Hunter, do you have any video evidence either way as to what Il Douche was doing when he unloaded this whopper? I'm just curious.

Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews and advance voting.

Newly-minted lawyer and Stephane Dion youthful ward Jason "Liberal Boy!" Cherniak calls out Stephen Harper for his anti-Semitism:

Another slap in the face from Harper

So after being embarassed two nights in a row, Stephen Harper has finally set a date to release his platform. On October 7. The day after the entire Jewish Community has been encouraged to vote if they are observing Sukkot on October 14. Some friend.

In unrelated news, Stephen Harper wants to thank the Jews for that really nifty, shiny thing they gave him a while back, and could he please have another one, because he put the first one on his Luke Skywalker action figure, but he wants one for Han Solo, too, because it's not fair that Luke has one and Han doesn't since they were both heroes in blowing up the death star and it would look cooler if they were both wearing one.

Go!

Just because it makes me smile.

Now I’m off to momma and poppa’s for Sunday dinner like a good girl – and if you believe that one, I’m got a clueless Alaskan governor who thinks she should be VP to sell you.

I call dog whistle.

Looks like Caribou Barbie’s aw shucks, Joe Six-Pack, hockey mom mask has slipped just the tiniest bit.

By claiming that Democrat Barack Obama is "palling around with terrorists" and doesn't see the U.S. like other Americans, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin targeted key goals for a faltering campaign. And though she may have scored a political hit each time, her attack was unsubstantiated and carried a racially tinged subtext that John McCain himself may come to regret.

[…]

"Our opponent ... is someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect, imperfect enough, that he's palling around with terrorists who would target their own country," Palin told a group of donors in Englewood, Colo. A deliberate attempt to smear Obama, McCain's ticket-mate echoed the line at three separate events Saturday.

"This is not a man who sees America like you and I see America," she said. "We see America as a force of good in this world. We see an America of exceptionalism."

Nothing says losing campaign quite like invoking the spectre of the oh-so scary other, now does it, boys and girls?

And the worst part of all? I have no problem believing that this mouthbreathing, anti-choice, failed pageant queen with delusions of adequacy sees absolutely nothing wrong with the implied racism of her comments. After all, Obama is black ... yaaaaaahhhhh.

I need a fucking drink.

Dryden Advocates For Crimes Against Humanity

Ken Dryden, Liberal MP for the riding of York Centre is evidently so desperate that he will advocate for crimes against humanity if it equals a few extra votes. The intrepid Alison spotted this in Toronto's Now Magazine. When I was a kid and my buddies and I took shots on net in the driveway, one of us was always acting the part of the lanky goalkeeper, then a hero of Montreal's Stanley Cup winning Canadiens. I find this highly disappointing.

In front of a split audience in the sanctuary of the Beth Emeth synagogue on Wilmington (personal note: I had my bar mitzvah here), the ex-hockey guy’s eyes hardened as he advocated no truck or trade with the “terrorists” in the democratically elected Hamas government in Gaza.
 
Then he offered this shocker: “Stop all aid that flows into Gaza. While that may seem a harsh measure that will hurt Palestinian civilians… it is the right thing to do at this time.”

Hey Ken, exactly when did the collective punishment of civilian populations become the "right thing to do"? Perhaps Mr Dion can shed some light on the always contentious issue of policy toward the troubled region and in particular the militaristic over-reach of the Israeli government. Are the Liberals willing to side with the criminally excessive "measured response" that the Harper party approves of? Are crimes against humanity part of the Liberal Party of Canada platform?

We hypocrites in North America have the unfailing ability to talk out both sides of our fat faces when it comes to platitudes about democracy and freedom. When the beleaguered souls in the Palestinian Authority voted for a Hamas government our government's anti-democratic response was to decry their choice and withhold aid and support. All the while we have propped up an Israeli regime that defies human rights, UN sanctions and maintains an illegal and provocative occupation of the West Bank. In all of our privileged ignorance we sat in judgement, labelling Hamas terrorists. And we are partly right in that assessment. Hamas is responsible for terrorist acts against the state of Israel. Just as the state of Israel is responsible for ongoing terrorist acts against the Palestinians. Israel is just another bad neighbour in the region, ask the Lebanese how they feel about the contradictory folks next door.

It is in those contradictions that the problems lie. There is so much to admire about the Israeli people, their struggles and successes. The people of that land are resourceful, brilliant and inspiring. They flourish in a harsh environment, bringing life to desert. Yet within the nation there is a complex social, spiritual and political culture that weighs influence heavily toward the extreme right. They are armed to the teeth as year after year, decade on decade, the U.S. pours billions of dollars of military aid into their hands. And they have been all too willing and intemperate in the use of that massive firepower.

And just as Israel presents contradictions of positive and negative, so too does Hamas. On the one hand they are indeed responsible for carrying out terrorist acts. But they are also highly effective at bringing services and support to the people of the region. The Lebanese have been forced into the difficult position of aligning against Hamas, who have enormous influence within that nation because they are so effective at delivering food, aid and medicine to those in need. They are the ones that much of the civilian population looks to for defence. They are the ones that seem able to restore and maintain infrastructure and stability.

One of the issues of this election campaign has been that of splitting votes on the left, as though the Liberals somehow reside to the left of centre in a magical alternate universe. They are perhaps a jog to the left of the Harper Cons but until they come forward and eschew this sort of fanatical devotion to the worst elements of authoritarian, militaristic excess, they're just a softer side of the extreme right. Dryden's statement is no more constructive than if he were to declare that he supported random missile strikes into Israeli territories.

The people of Canada and the riding of York Centre deserve better than this. I call for Mr Dryden to renounce these statements or remove himself from the campaign. As Canadians, we can not afford to advocate for crimes against humanity. Whatever moral high ground we pretend to crumbles beneath us when we allow such statements as Dryden's to stand unprotested. Should Mr Dryden refuse to do the right thing, I call on the voters of York region to deliver a message by voting with their consciences and choosing another representative to serve their interests.

UPDATE: Doc Dawg has picked up on this issue as well. His post elicited a response from the Liberal Party of Canada's sycophantic attack poodle Jason Cherniak:
"You're going to go after a Canadian hero? Ok..."

Well isn't that precious. In Jason's hermetically sealed little bubble, it is just fine to advocate for crimes against humanity if you're a "hero". Well here's a news-flash Cherniak, Dryden was a goalie. That's it. Unless you want to count lawyer and we all know how heroic lawyers are. I await a statement from the grown ups of the Liberal Party of Canada. Does Stephane Dion and the Liberal Party of Canada support Mr Dryden's stated position? Does the Liberal Party of Canada support the collective punishment of civilian populations? I can see the number of choices at the ballot box shrinking... A B C (or L)

Jumped the queue here as I am interested to gather reactions to this issue. If Jason Cherniak is a mouthpiece for the Liberal Party of Canada does this reflect the position of Mr Cherniak's other heroes?

This is too easy.

The Republicans should’ve nominated Tina Fey – she's soooooooo much more believable.

Let's ask Steve!

Why is it necessary for our best and brightest men and women to be subject to this:

Canadian Soldier Injured in Explosion West of Kandahar

when the actual commanders on the ground are saying this?

Victory Impossible in Afghanistan: Senior British Commander

I guess the best thing to do would be to ask the Prime Minister that. But he isn't taking questions these days -- after all, he's got an election to win, and that's not gonna happen if he spends all his time telling Canadians what he thinks.

Okay, well, what does their platform say?

[crickets]

Huh.

I'd call him an idiot, but he's still leading in the polls, so I think we know who the real idiots are.

Sometimes the truth sneaks through …

No matter how hard the mouthbreathers tried to dance around it.

At a rally today in California, Gov. Sarah Palin offered up a rather jarring argument for supporting the Republican ticket. "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women," the Alaska Governor said, claiming she was quoting former Clinton Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.

The statement came after Palin had recounted a "providential" moment she experienced on Saturday: "I'm reading on my Starbucks mocha cup, ok? The quote of the day... It was Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State [crowd boos] and UN ambassador. ... Now she said it, I didn't. She said, 'There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women.'"

Actually, Albright didn't say that. The real quote is, "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women."

And if anyone should know about a reserved spot in Hell for not "supporting" other women, Caribou Barbie, it would probably be a jumped-up, gun-toting, Alaskan red neck who is vehemently opposed to a woman’s right to choose under virtually any circumstance.

McCain supports abortion in instances of rape or incest, but Palin, a mother of a 5-month-old infant with Down syndrome, said she would advocate abortion only if a mother's life was in danger.

"My personal opinion is that abortion [should be] allowed if the life of the mother is endangered. Please understand me on this. I do understand McCain's position on this. I do understand others who are very passionate about this issue who have a differing opinion," she said.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that she thinks it’s a great idea to take quotes incorrectly off her Starbuck’s cup – further glaring proof that this walking disaster masquerading as the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee is barely qualified to be a WalMart greeter, never mind being a heartbeat away from the presidency.

Jesus fuck, we are doomed.

Sunday Funnies.

You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

Sure, let's talk about civility.

I'm all ears. Hang on, let me make myself comfortable here. OK, then, you were saying?

The real John McCain.

Just read it. And you'll understand why the Blogging Tories worship the man.

Didn't really think that one through, did you?

dr. roy decides he’s just the man to critique Joe Biden’s choice of words.

No, I’m not kidding.

And furthermore ... maybe it’s just me but I think those who live in mudfortunate galss hooses should really restrrain from throwinj stones.

So ... how about that upcoming Canadian election? No, not that one ... the one right after that.

I mean, of course, the one that Stephen the Corpulent will call immediately after being returned to power with a minority government. What, you had no idea? Pshaw ... let me explain.

We have, naturally, been subjected to the most loathsome, weaselly logic emanating from the nether regions of one Stephen Harper and his adoring Stepford-bots, explaining that this imminent election was absolutely necessary, what with the precariousness of a minority government, and the need for "certainty" on the part of the Canadian electorate, and the fact that Parliament had "lost confidence" in the lying, festering sack of pus that is Stephen Harper and on and on and ... well, you get the idea. But say we have an election, and nothing much changes. Then what?

Then, I will assume that Stephen the Bloviating, wielding exactly the same logic and analysis as before, will -- even before bums are back in seats in Ottawa -- be oozing across the street to Rideau Hall, asking the G-G for another election. After all, why wouldn't he?

Nothing would have changed. His government would still be a minority, it would still be as precariously fragile, and the contempt for him held by members of the Opposition would be at least as palpable. So, under those circumstances, one would have to conclude that we might as well not even make ourselves comfortable since we should expect to be trudging back to the polls in a couple of months, yes?

But wait, you say! That's ridiculous, no one would inflict that on Canadians. And why not, I ask? If one takes Harper seriously that the current set of circumstances left him no choice but to dissolve Parliament and go to the polls, then the same set of circumstances should demand no less. Again. And again. And again.

And if it doesn't, then Harper should have to answer for, if the election doesn't really change the political dynamic, why he doesn't see the pressing need for another election. Because if that "logic" allegedly worked once, then it would be interesting to hear why it suddenly wasn't so compelling an argument the second time under identical circumstances. And why he wasted everyone's time and money in the first place.

And if I was the Canadian mainstream media, that's a question I'd be tempted to ask. Sadly, I am not the Canadian mainstream media. I have balls.

Yup, there they are.

Support Right To Play, Shame On VANOC and GM Canada

VANOC the walking filth that has mounted the corpse of what once was a noble movement and fucked that dead beauty into the mud, sinks to a new low. Being less honourable than whores and less generous than pimps, they have banned the Right To Play charity from the Olympic village and from the Olympics. Here are the folks that are being cut out of Vancouver...

The Lillehammer Olympic Organizing Committee (LOOC) conceived Olympic Aid (now Right To Play) in 1992 in preparation for the 1994 Olympic Winter Games in Lillehammer, Norway. The focus of Olympic Aid during these Games was to show support for people in war-torn countries and areas of distress. A partnership was formed among the Red Cross, Save the Children, Norwegian Refugee Council, Norwegian People’s Council, the Norwegian Church Fund and Olympic Aid to raise funds for and awareness of the specific initiatives each of these organizations were implementing.

As you can see, these are not the sort of people that share the vision of the VANOC. No indeed, these are people for whom ethics and morals feature in their lives and works. To the real estate speculators, masturbating lawyers and greedy swine of VANOC this is entirely alien. Obviously Right To Play presents a grave threat to the integrity of the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Games. After all, this is the sort of work that these terrifying, current and former Olympic athletes and their supporters do...

Right To Play is an international humanitarian organization that uses sport and play programs to improve health, develop life skills, and foster peace for children and communities in some of the most disadvantaged areas of the world. Working in both the humanitarian and development context, Right To Play trains local community leaders as Coaches to deliver our programs in more than 20 countries affected by war, poverty, and disease in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.
  
The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, guides our work. Right To Play programs target the most marginalized including girls, the disabled, children affected by HIV and AIDS, street children, former child combatants and refugees.

Right To Play is supported by an international team of top athletes from over 40 countries. As role models, these athletes inspire children, raise awareness and promote opportunities for funding for Right To Play projects. Currently Right To Play works in: Azerbaijan, Benin, Chad, China, Ethiopia, Ghana, Indonesia, Jordan, Lebanon, Liberia, Mali, Mozambique, Pakistan, occupied Palestinian territory, Rwanda, Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Tanzania, Thailand, Uganda, United Arab Emirates, and Zambia.

OMFG! Those horrible fiends. Not only do they give their time, expertise and star power to children in war torn and impoverished areas, they also have conflicting sponsors. They're lucky just to be excluded from the Olympic Movement (which is resembling a bowel movement more and more, day by day), I'm surprised the VANOC champions of corporate greed haven't sued the charity into dust and ashes.

Andrea Shaw, vice-president of marketing for the Vancouver Organizing Committee (VANOC), told the Star as much in an email sent late Wednesday night. That came following an interview earlier in the day when she explained Right To Play would not be allowed to set up a booth in the athletes village as it had done in the past because it has conflicting sponsors with VANOC.

"It is VANOC's (our) understanding that the IOC has raised the same concerns on conflicting sponsorships with Right To Play and has taken the position that Right To Play can no longer be associated with the Olympic Games," wrote Shaw.

Now let us be perfectly clear, the Olympic village is not a public venue and is secured exclusively for use by athletes, coaches and officials. Even with a conflict in sponsorship, it would be one that exists within the confines of the athletes' secured area and wouldn't impact the public face of the games. The purpose of Right To Play's presence would be to recruit athletes as ambassadors and offer them the opportunity to share their love of sport with children. Well the modern Olympics have blessed little to do with the love of sport or plight of children, not when there is the love of money and the worship of greed to supplant the fussy bother of athletics. So what is that deathly conflict of sponsorships?

Shaw said VANOC made the move based on contractual obligations to sponsors to give them exclusivity. One of the main sponsor conflicts between Right To Play and VANOC in Canada was in the automotive sector, where VANOC has a lucrative deal with General Motors Canada and Right To Play is supported by Mitsubishi.

Splendid, let it be known that Mitsubishi, makers of fine, efficient automobiles and some of the world's most renowned engines, have cast their lot in support of an athlete driven charity that brings joy, sport and healthy play to children in need around the globe. VANOC and General Motors Canada, makers of a failed line of unspectacular vehicles and gorging on public money to stem their losses, do not care a damn about children. VANOC and General Motors Canada have banished those that care more about children than money from their big show.

VANOC is the organization that has raped the language, claiming ownership of such words as "snow" and "winter" and has gone so far as to trademark a chunk of our national anthem. Their relentless greed and vulgar ignorance know no bounds. Now it seems quite clear to me that the Vancouver Olympic Games of 2010 is willing to build its fortune at the expense of children's misery. Way to go VANOC! Be sure to buy your over-priced, sweat shop manufactured plush toy of Quatchi the child hating mascot, exclusively for the only kids that matter, wealthy ones.

Now one would imagine that some sort of arrangement might be made. But one would be wrong.

Koss said that Mitsubishi had agreed to end the partnership if it meant VANOC would allow Right To Play into the village, but said VANOC was demanding they not have any association with any non-Olympic partner company between now and 2012. He said that would be the end of Right To Play.

"We had a choice between running our programs or being in the Olympic village," Koss said. "With that, it was very clear we cannot stop running our programs, our commitment to the kids."

Isn't that adorable? They aren't just greedy, they're greed is punitive and demands exclusivity and fealty. Nothing says charity quite like threats and conditions. Again, Mitsubishi was willing to forego their sponsorship for the greater good and for the long term benefit of children around the world. In terms of corporate stewardship and responsibility, they have set a sterling example here. General Motors of Canada and the VANOC, not so much. No wonder fat Steve Harper decided to divert millions from arts funding, within the heritage portfolio, and pour our good dollars into the guttering flames of the Olympic torch as it illuminates a shameful course across Canada. These are his kind of folks, they know what side of the filthy lucre is buttered, meanwhile the good guys, the athletes and children are toast. Victory!

"Among those disappointed is Olympic rower Silken Laumann, a past chair of Right To Play who still serves as a member at large.

I can't get in VANOC's head," Laumann said. "They've made their own statements around why it won't work as far as their Olympic sponsorship. But I can say that it's the first time that an organizing committee has tried to stop Right To Play from being in the Olympic village.

"Right To Play has always had corporate sponsorship. Every not-for-profit in the world today relies on corporate sponsorship for non-restricted funding, which is an integral part of running any of its programs."

In the 21st century Olympics, the athletes don't matter, the Olympic spirit has been sold to the highest bidder and the world's children can suffer. My hat is off to VANOC and General Motors Canada, long may you both fail.

In case you might want to show that not all Canadians are voracious assholes, here is a link to Right To Play's donations page:

Donate to Right To Play

and here is a link to the good folks at Mitsubishi Canada, in case you're considering the purchase of some wheels that aren't built on spite:

Mitsubishi Canada

(Tip of the hat to Lenny in the comments)

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Ahhh golden girl, you are ze corned beef to me
I am ze cabaaaaage to youuuuuuu

Now I ask you -- what girl wouldn't fall for a line like that? I adore Pepé Le Pew.



More coffee please. More, more, more ... yes, now.

Because Canadians generally won't vote for shrieking loons, that's why.

In which Canada's fetus-fetishiest fetus fetishist learns that, when you're trying to win an election, you really need to stop talking like a crazy person. At least temporarily.

Because I'm lazy, that's why.

That gosh-darned liberal media.

Heh, indeedy. Paging Peggy Noonan. Peggy Noonan to the cheap hooker phone.

Dear artists: Screw you.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

5 Ring Disgrace

Quatchi and Miga seen here in a pic snapped by Vancouver Sun's Ian Lindsay are now whoring tickets to the Vancouver Olympic Shames. And what ambitious whores they are!

For a sweet $285,000 each, 100 exceptionally well-heeled individuals will be guaranteed at least four tickets to all of the prestige events at the 2010 Winter Olympics, including the finals of men's and women's hockey, figure skating, speed skating, curling and snowboarding, plus the Games' opening and closing ceremonies.

As well, members of the Vancouver 2010 Club will have a spot in the cross-country Olympic torch relay, plus services of a car and driver throughout the 17-day Olympics.

You know nothing says Olympic spirit like wretched, disgusting excess and vulgar greed. I imagine a tear came to Bev Oda's eye at the thought of that car and driver. Just one more reason to say fuck the Olympics and fuck you to the VANOC pimps.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH!!

It's funny because it's true - Part II.

No, really.

Heh.

Indeed.

Yeah, that was one big "whoopsie," wasn't it?

In which Stephen the Porcine tries desperately to weasel, but Gilles has him by the grapes and isn't letting go:

"Do you realize today that you were making a huge error by supporting Bush and Australia ... and would you make the same decision today as you were proposing Canada to do in 2003?"

The prime minister initially tried to dodge the question.

"I've made it very clear Canada is not going to Iraq. Obviously you know the answer to that question," he said.

But Duceppe continued to badger him as Harper tried to steer the discussion back to Afghanistan: "This is not the question I asked. . . I want to hear it. Do you admit it was an error of George Bush and you made the same error?"

Harper finally answered: "It was absolutely an error. It's obviously clear the evaluation of weapons of mass destruction proved not to be correct. That's absolutely true and that's why we're not sending anybody to Iraq."

At which point Liz May plants one good stiletto to the happy sack for good measure:

Green Leader Elizabeth May shot back: "We're only not sending anyone to Iraq because you weren't prime minister at the time."

Opposition: 1; Stephen Harper's family jewels: 0.

AFTERSNERK: Say it, Steve. Say it! SAY IT!!

SDA: Blogging for imbeciles.

Over at Kate's Cartoonists 'r' Us and Delisle Dead Jew Emporium, Kate McMillan is forced to find a dry pair of undies after creaming herself over this:



Sure, and when you want objective, unbiased political coverage, why wouldn't you immediately turn to Magic Dolphin Lady? Mercifully, we have the clinically sane people at AmericaBlog who take the time to, like, you know, research shit and stuff.

Small Dead Animals: Canada's Mostest, Superest, Bestest Blog -- the number one choice of slack-jawed imbeciles everywhere.

HEH. KKKate knows her audience, yes, she does.

A Harper majority, you say?

Here's what you can look forward to:


Conservatives: The party of fiscal prudence. Or whatever they're calling it these days.

Does A Vote Give The Bastards Permission?

In which PSA rambles and makes a few enemies.

First, on the debates featuring the five hideous trogs being foisted off on a poor, hapless Canada, I'd rather watch a dog eat its own vomit than sit through the spectacle of these substandard leaders trying to best one another. Spin the bottle, no matter where it lands, we all lose. From this piss puddle deep pool, who would make the best PM? Duceppe, sad but true. For the leader almost sure to form the next government I feel only contempt, distrust and a creeping patina of fear, given the damage that his ideological bedmates down south have caused. And since Harper is at best a copyist, there is reason to fear. Grave dancing asshole Gerry Ritz made the prediction so I don't have to, wait 'til the Cons have their majority, then all bets are off.

Stephen Harper is the worst thing that's going to happen to this country for the next four years. He is a true believer and what he believes in is Stephen Harper. That is also the name of what he loves best and when things go against the grain of Stephen Harper, he will act with all the petty wrath of a self centered narcissist, drunk on power. Harper is a man with many swords, just ready for others to fall upon, as nothing will ever be his fault. Canada will vote for this wretched little king because we are stupid. We have allowed these creatures to gull us into believing that they are the capable, stable and secure choice to lead us in a frightening world. They achieved this conviction through a non-stop campaign of character assassination, manipulation and juvenile bull shit. And they let us pay for the millions of ten per centers that they shipped with our own money, to help do it.

And the Liberals, they stood by like a pack of wet dogs, shivering and licking their own hinds, trembling from the cold, confusion and fear. Pity poor Stephane Dion, a decent enough guy stuffed into the wrong place at the wrong time and doomed to wear the blame for the wave of failure that is rising before him. He is a smart, decent fellow. In this climate, where we are infected by the same contagious stupidity that is endemic in America, the worst thing for a party leader is to be smart and decent. That equals weakness in the new political math. A brave and powerful political ape will scream and hurl great armloads of feces and recline on a bed of enemy skulls to drink toasts to himself. Dion is a lost man waiting to discover his fate. While Stephen Harper is a scalding douche telling the biggest lie, most often until it begins to find belief in the TV thickened skulls of the electorate. Welcome children of Karl Rove, we are your dupes, victims and patsies.

Best case scenario: Harper is held to another minority. That would mean that he and his government face some of the music that this very election was engineered to obscure, hide and silence. It would also mean that his little scam of calling an election in full pout, with crocodile tears streaming down his fat cheeks, will not work a second time. No more motorcade to cross the street asshole.

What of our lady in waiting, the yet to be anointed princess of the opposition with the porn 'stache, Jack Layton. Drag a potato over his shiny pate and throw it in the fire and that spud would sizzle with the grease. The porn industry imagination ends with slack witted parodies of the creative efforts of others. Happy Jack is trying to stroke his way to second place with his recycled patter, scoffed from Obama's hopes and dreams twaddle. Yay! Smiling empty rhetoric, why, in this blissful age of vapidity none of the rubes will even notice that it isn't substantive. Gosh thanks beaming insincere guy. Here's the deal NDP, you are so desperately hungry to ascend to the lofty heights of second place, fine. Fire Jack Layton's smarmy ass because there is no way in hell that even the newly stupid nation of Canada will ever, ever let you eke more than a hair's breadth of distance past your mortal enemies the Liberals with him up front. If the NDP is to become a viable political force in this country, it has to ditch the Liberal-lite operators and invest in some authenticity. Hell the sad sack Greens are making headway, under the umbrella of the 'stache the NDP might find itself fighting to hang onto third. My advice, depose the 'stache and put your bets on Charlie Angus. The Canadians that aren't doped to the gills on stupid are anxious for somebody to emerge that isn't caked in bullshit. Charlie Angus is the future of the NDP, you read it here first.

And since I'm busily firing leaders, what about Stephane? He's damaged goods. He should never have taken the leadership, not that there were any better choices. Bob Rae is toxic. I actually kind of like Bob, but he is almost the last guy on Earth that should take the mantle of Liberal leadership. With Bob at the helm, Layton would have a legit shot at second. Bob Rae will never get out from under the cloud of suspicion and distrust that has dogged him since he shocked everyone and won for the NDP in Ontario. His government stumbled, bumbled and fucked up to the point that the voters not only elected that evil shit Mike Harris but did it more than once. That kids, is real spite. When you've fucked up bad enough that your constituents would rather give Harris more than one mandate... well, you don't get a bigger prize for that. The actual last guy on Earth who should be Liberal leader is none other than the real ivory tower elitist himself, Michael Ignatieff. If this country won't get behind the eminently more likable Stephane Dion, what in hell makes anyone think that the public would get behind Iggy. He is the other side to Stephen Harper's coin, a self loving, manipulator who is so utterly out of touch with the realities of the population that he might as well be in a lecture hall showing slides of the natives to bored undergrads. I've spent years working around academics. Most of them are generally pretty nice folks and they know everything about their field. Full stop. Leadership is about practicalities, Ignatieff is a theorist. The shitheads that gave the world the Project for a New American Century were theorists too, look how well that worked out.

If the Liberals want to continue to exist they need to rebuild in a serious way. The odour of Adscam still clings to the Liberal brand and they have to clear the decks. A youth movement wouldn't do them any harm and they could do worse than to groom Justin Trudeau for the position. If for no better reason than that his surname resonates with Canadians and makes the heads of right wing assholes explode. He's young, he's smart and idealistic and he is clean from all past Liberal scandals and shenanigans. The Liberals need to get their crap together. I don't know who they're paying to create their campaign but whoever it is sucks. They'd have been a hundred miles further ahead if they hired the canny gals from A Creative Revolution at least they would have produced something that had some teeth. But the Liberals are going to lose and they deserve to because they have been weak, ineffectual and fucking stupid for the whole of the Harper reign. They have failed to oppose the government of the day and fulfill the mandate of the official opposition. We the people, we don't deserve more Harper, but the Liberals certainly do deserve to get the thrashing they are walking into.

But but but... the Greens you say, well fuck, give them plucky kids a couple of seats in the house. They're the most popular non-entity in the country and Liz May nettles Harper and that's got to count for something. The Bloc should just set their separatist roots aside and admit that they are stuck with Canada and work within. That means they could run candidates in every region and become another national party with some actual clout, having such a strong regional base. In terms of policy they are a lot closer to what most Canadians seem to want, which is not what is being offered by the Cons or the Libs, both of whom seem to occupy the pretend centre, being only shades of corporatist, authoritarian entitlement apart from one another. When it comes time to vote, vote against the Steve Harper Party, don't let Gerry Ritz become a prophetic voice.

Shorter: The Debates

Here are the results of the considered efforts of the political leaders of North America, condensed into their purest form. You may now save yourself the discomfort of watching the liars lie and the dimwits chatter. Go drink yourself into a rage, a coma or a damp trousered rendition of Carousel translated into spontaneous Flemish by the powers of Jaegermeister.

This whole "bribery" thing doesn't seem to be working out.

Shorter Hunter: "What's the point of buying someone if they won't stay bought?"

My previous opinions are so ... so ... yesterday.

Oct 1, 2008 (emphasis leg-humpingly added):

U.S. Senate Approves $700 Billion Financial-Rescue

The two presidential nominees, Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain, returned from the campaign trail to cast votes for the plan.

Oct 2, 2008:

When pressed as to why he voted for the bailout package given all his ranting and complaining, McCain responded "This bill is putting us on the brink of economic disaster."

In other news, Canada's Blogging Tories expressed unadulaterated support and admiration for John McCain because he's such a straight talker, and because they like caramel, too.

Thank ya, thank ya very much. Whoever you are.

The New York Times science section gets into that climate change thing. But hark! And what ho! Buried down in the comments section:

... With regard to Nobel laureates, since the facts are obvious and provable, you have really put your foot in it:
http://canadiancynic.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-could-do-this-all-day.html

So where are my royalties? Someone told me there would be royalties.

Reality: still hard werk for some folks.

Conservative blogger Robert Jago is all excited:

I have joined the Western Standard’s Shotgun Blog

Thanks to Peter Jaworski for inviting me to blog at the Western Standard. It’s a solid bastion of libertarian thought in a sea of - um, things that aren’t particularly libertarian.

Quite right, Robert ... because when someone mentions Adam Yoshida, "libertarian" is the first word that leaps to mind for me.

I'm almost scared to ask Robert to define "progressive."

HEH. Amusingly, after a couple sane commenters show up at Robert's, who pops by but Twatrick, with his inevitable hideous misreading of, well, everything:

…As opposed to Mike and Stageleft and their favoured echo chambers?

Glass houses and stones, boys. Need I say more?

Let's see if we can explain this to Twatsy. On the one hand, we have The Snotgun Blog, with claims to libertarian leanings but actual tendencies more towards screeching, right-wing lunacy. On the other hand, we have CC HQ, with claims to kicking right-wing ass, and with actual tendencies to ... hey, how about that? ... kicking right-wing ass.

I'd explain the difference in more detail, but I'm guessing the normal people among you see the point I'm trying to make.

A mind is a terrible thing ... in dr. roy's case.

Document the batshit crazitude. Seriously, my early morning romp through the hinterlands of Blogging Tory dementia ended there, after which I had to go gouge out my eyes with an icepick.

I'll be back when I'm feeling better. And less nauseous.

Apparently, it's an ideological personality quirk.

What's this?

As the two shared the Senate floor tonight for the first time since they won their party nominations, [Barack] Obama stood chatting with Democrats on his side of the aisle, and [John] McCain stood on the Republican side of the aisle.

So Obama crossed over into enemy territory.

He walked over to where McCain was chatting with Republican Sen. Mel Martinez of Florida and Independent Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut. And he stretched out his arm and offered his hand to McCain.

McCain shook it, but with a “go away” look that no one could miss. He tried his best not to even look at Obama.

Finally, with a tight smile, McCain managed a greeting: “Good to see you.”

Obama got the message. He shook hands with Martinez and Lieberman — both of whom greeted him more warmly — and quickly beat a retreat back to the Democratic side.

So ... a dismissive, arrogant, insular, right-wing sociopath with no social skills whatsoever who wants to be the leader of his country. Yeah, I am so depressingly familiar with that.

OK, it just stopped being funny.

Remember what I wrote back here? Well, it suddenly became way more of an issue, as you can see in the top few posts over at John's.

Suddenly, "a heartbeat away from the presidency" just took on a whole new meaning.

The John McCain chronicles.

Dishonest or deranged? You make the call. Seriously, I have to stop reading that shit -- it makes my eyes bleed.

What he said. No, really.

In which Stephen Harper finally reveals himself to be an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with other peoples' thoughts.

Careful, kids ... there might be naughty words. Or something.

Thank you, CBC:

Coming in at number five on our top five election bloggers list is "Red Tory", a sharp witted, irreverent Liberal blogger, who has seemingly taken on the task of responding to "Angry" Steve Janke (whom Red Tory refers to sarcastically as the "Blogging Tories' super-sleuth"). This blog is not for the faint of heart.

Yes, children ... best not to go over there, lest you get a case of the vapours. Or something.

FCS.

BONUS TRACK: Premature eJankulator and the Blogging Tories' "Inspector Gadget" Steve Janke is all "aw, shucks, it weren't nothing that any other groundbreaking genius couldn't do":

It is humbling to play a part in the evolution of a new medium in Canada. And it's really cool to be on TV!

One wonders if any coverage of Janke mentions that little spat of his with David Herle. Or his obsession with dead foreign women. Or that thing he had going about Chinese toothpaste. Or, well, Cindy Sheehan's privates.

Thanks, mainstream media ... whatever would we do without you?

Canadian Cynic: Lawsuit-free since forever.