Charities, tramps and thieves. And a challenge or two.

Well, it's been an exciting day or two here at CC HQ, what with bleeding-heart conservatives weeping crocodile tears over the less fortunate that, until recently, they never even knew existed. Feel free to review recent postings and comments to get up to speed -- I'll wait.

So, if you can still stomach it, let's try to close off a couple of issues here, shall we? First, we have North American Patriot's Ms. WW, trying to take the high road here and failing rather badly, the high road being clearly unfamiliar territory for her. (Even when WW is trying to be intellectual, apparently the overwhelming temptation to post "another slutty picture of Jessica" cannot be resisted. But I digress. Onward.)

Ms. WW (and some of her more dimwitted commenters, sad to say) continue to insist that, really, they're just concerned about the children and that it's a crying shame how Jessica Simpson's obstinate, hypocritical stubbornness is costing little Abdul his chance for that life-changing reconstructive surgery and yadda yadda yadda ... more of the same crap.

Reading that swill, you'd almost believe that these people gave a fuck about Operation Smile, wouldn't you? So, surely, it wouldn't be hard for any of them to provide a single link to when any of them ever, just once, promoted that charity before it became part of the headlines. I mean, I'd hate to think that they all suddenly developed a social conscience just for the opportunity to score cheap political points. That would be so ... so ... tacky and hypocritical. So that's the first challenge -- Ms. WW or any of her groupies are welcome to provide proof that they ever gave a shit about Operation Smile before it became cool to give a shit about Operation Smile. Simple enough? But wait ... there's more.

As Ms. WW, in a stunning display of nauseating misdirection, writes:

[Simpson] cost her charity a unique and possibly fortuitous opportunity to tap into a resource that could have resulted in a financial windfall for a worthy cause...

As I am now explaining for the third time, Simpson did no such thing. As even the severely brain-damaged should be able to appreciate, this is what a Simpson insider said:

“She would love to meet the president and talk about Operation Smile ... but she can’t do it at a fund-raiser for the Republican Party.”

Now, who among you is too stupid to understand that? (Besides WW, that is.) Simpson would love to meet the President with respect to her charity, she just prefers not to do it in the context of a political fundraiser. And what implication does this have? I'm glad you asked.

Given Simpson's position, it would seem that there are two possible responses from the Bush administration. On the one hand, they can publicly state that they appreciate Simpson's concern and that they'll be happy to set up another meeting to accommodate her since they truly and deeply appreciate the work she's doing and they're more than happy to do what they can to help. That would be taking the high road and it would mean Simpson still gets the chance to raise money for her cause so absolutely nothing would have been lost and that right-wing talking point would have bitten the dust.

Or, on the other hand, George W. McTantrum can throw a fit along the lines of, "Whaddya mean she said 'no'? NO? I'm the fucking President, nobody says no to me, goddamnit, cause I'm the President! No, I'm not going to set up another meeting with that little tramp, nobody says no to George W. Bush! I want you to ruin that little bitch, I want all of her albums the hell out of here, and I want you to fuck her over like what we did to those Dixie Chick sluts, that's what I want. I want to make sure she never works in this town again, you hear me? Ever!!"

Now, based on experience, how do you think this is going to play out? If we get scenario one, then I expect Ms. WW and her adoring fans to publicly apologize and admit that, in fact, nothing was ever lost in terms of opportunity and Simpson got her chance to fundraise after all.

On the other hand, if we get scenario two, then I conversely expect Ms. WW and company to publicly apologize and admit that this was nothing more than a cheap, opportunistic, GOP stunt the whole time and Simpson was, in retrospect, correct in walking away from the fundraiser.

Life doesn't get much better than this, does it? Heads, I win. Tails, I win. How often does that happen?

AFTERSNARK: A couple more points that I think you might find amusing. Back here in part one, I took a whack at Ms. WW for misspelling "cleft palate" as "cleft pallet," to which she takes what would normally be reasonable umbrage at someone picking on a simple spelling error. But it's not a simple spelling error, is it?

WW is a woman who is claiming to be terribly concerned about the priceless opportunity being squandered by that hypocritical bimbo Simpson, yet she has clearly never bothered to do enough research into Simpson's charity to even be able to spell the name of one of the most common conditions that charity is meant to address. How much more evidence do you need that WW has never spent five minutes reading Operation Smile's web page and clearly doesn't give a crap about any of its work? And WW is accusing others of hypocrisy? Man, that takes some fucking gall, don't it? But that's not all.

I'm starting to think that Ms. Simpson might be more of a freaking genius than anyone is giving her credit for. If she had accepted that invitation, chances are it would have made minor headlines for a day or two, Simpson would have got next to nothing for her efforts and the whole issue would have sunk quietly out of sight, leaving nary a ripple to mark its passing.

But now? Holy crap, you can't swing a corrupt Republican over your head without whacking into a story about this. Now everybody knows about Operation Smile, and Simpson has more publicity than she knows what to do with, to the point where even right-wing, conscienceless hacks like Ms. WW are publicly falling over themselves to say nice things about that charity and how it's a worthwhile cause and, oh, those poor children, we have to do something for them.

Is Simpson really this clever? Hard to say but, given the end result, I'd say she played her cards perfectly, wouldn't you?

THE SELECTIVITY OF COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM: And while we're on the subject, has anyone else noticed the suspicious timing of various conservative causes?

It wasn't that long ago that numerous right-wing blowhards who had never expressed even the slightest interest in terminally ill or comatose individuals were suddenly rending their garments over Terri Schiavo and, as soon as that outburst of raw emotion had come, it was gone. And now, those same folks who have never given a rat's ass about the less privileged can't wait to give advice on how best to help facially-deformed children overseas.

One can only wonder what the next politically-motivated, opportunistic and short-lived right-wing cause du jour will be.

OH, LORD, THERE'S MORE: Well, here are a couple of gems to ponder. First, perhaps there was a good reason that Jessica Simpson took a pass on a GOP fundraiser, given what they typically turn into:

President Bush went on a whirlwind money-making extravaganza yesterday, first raising $1.5 million at a fundraiser in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, then speaking at a convention of the Pennsylvania Future Farmers of America before heading down to Washington, D.C. for an event that produced $23 million for the Republican House and Senate campaign committees.

But the news is not just the big money he brought in -- it's the harsh words he spat out.

In a line already headed into sound bite history, Bush accused Democratic leaders of embracing "the philosophy of the stop sign, the agenda of the road block." From there, he piled it on, with further attacks on what he likes to call "the other party," criticizing Democrats for always saying "no" to his ideas without offering up alternative proposals of their own.

Well, isn't that special? Now, given that Simpson might have supporters and benefactors across the ideological spectrum, perhaps it's not surprising that she might take a pass on an evening that would almost certainly involve constant slagging and denigration of some of those supporters. But it gets better.

Maybe Simpson is bright enough to know what a promise of financial support from these lying weasels is worth:

Bush Backtracking on AIDS a Slap in the Face for Bono

So this is the thanks Bono gets?...

The President expects his project to prevent nearly 150,000 infant infections over the next five years. The problem is, there are about 800,000 children born with AIDS each year, according to the United Nations. That means the Bush initiative is aiming at helping less than 4 percent of this population. Moreover, $200 million of this supposedly "new" initiative was approved for use this year by Congress days before Bush's announcement. What he added was $300 million for this type of AIDS prevention in the following two years. Which averages out to $150 million a year - a cut from the current level.

It gets worse. At the start of June, several Republicans - notably, Sens. Bill Frist and Jesse Helms - were trying to raise overseas AIDS funding this year by $500 million. But the White House leaned on Frist and Helms and got the pair to slice that to $200 million...

Go on ... tell me again what a priceless, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity Simpson passed on. Please. I just don't get enough irony in my life.