Guess the goalpost-moving rationale! Win valuable prizes!

First, there's this. Then, there's this.

Be the first to correctly guess the eye-rolling, wankerific, weaselly rationale that will be used to ignore simple reality. Only one entry per entrant. No purchase necessary. Offer void where prohibited and prohibited where void. Entries may be rejected on the grounds of wankery, dumbfuckery and overwhelming assholitude.

HOW TIMELY: The first entrant. (H/T to the adorable Ms. Z.)