Gosh darn those pesky Republican family values.

Sometimes, a back rub is just a back rub. Other times, well ...

Three days after it was reported he was involved in a domestic dispute that triggered a 911 call from a 29-year-old woman in his Washington apartment, U.S. Rep. Don Sherwood (R - Strictly Platonic) apologized for causing his family and supporters “pain and embarrassment.”...

Sherwood, 64, did not explain his relationship with the woman or say why she was in his apartment. He has called her a “casual acquaintance.”

Which, as we all know, explains everything, since Republicans make a point of never choking much younger women they're actually having extramarital affairs with. Strangely, the woman, Cynthia Ore, didn't quite see it in the same platonic way:

“When I met him he told me he was getting a divorce,” Ore has said.

Yes, and I'm sure you believed it when he told you he wouldn't cum in your mouth, either. But just how does Sherwood rate when it comes to those infamous conservative family values? Pretty darned well, it seems.

As a congressman, Sherwood has been a loyal supporter of conservative family values since he was first elected to the 10th Congressional District seat in 1998.

While the Tunkhannock Republican has hardly led the conservative charge on social issues, GOP leaders in the House have come to rely upon his vote when bills pertaining to “traditional family values” come to the floor.

The Christian Coalition of America, which touts itself as “the largest and most active conservative grassroots political organization in America,” gives Sherwood an 84 percent rating for voting with the coalition’s positions on legislative issues. The American Conservative Union rates him at 88 percent.

The American Family Association gives Sherwood a perfect 100-percent rating. The organization’s Web site claims to be “America’s largest pro-family action site” with nearly 2.2 million members...

Among the votes that helped earn Sherwood his 100 percent rating with the family association was his support of the Marriage Protection Act of 2004, which would limit the federal courts’ jurisdiction over the issue of whether a ban on same-sex marriage is constitutional. Sherwood also voted in favor of a failed proposal to amend the U.S. Constitution to define marriage as an institution between a man and a woman.

Regardless of whether or not that woman is his actual, you know, wife. Sort of like this.