Saturday, November 08, 2008

Pardon my giggles.


As God is my witness, I have no idea where to even begin mocking this ... it’s too easy.

Fair warning boys and girls, I could actually feel my IQ dropping while reading Chapter One.

25 comments:

CC said...

If God is merciful, a red F-150 pickup truck will be involved at some point.

Ti-Guy said...

This is very momentous for me, as I'd not done any serious fiction writing in many years.

Bwahahahahaha! Her whole life is a fiction. A penny dreadful, to be sure, but still.

sooey said...

My friend was at the library the other day with her daughter and a middle-aged man was watching porn on one of the computers - which she found out when her daughter came and got her and said, "Mom, a man like dad is watching sex on the computer". So she checks it out and sure enough... Anyway, she found the volunteer shelf stocker and they went over and asked him to leave, which he did, apologizing profusely and bowing over and over until my friend realized he was ENJOYING having been caught watching porn at the library. So she told him to "get the fuck out of the library before I call the cops!" and he scampered off, chastened but probably really excited, too.

chris said...

Ow! Please, Mistress LuLu, no more!

"For the past several weeks, I've been working on a novel"

Obviously only on dark and stormy nights.

Lindsay Stewart said...

good grief. i almost never click on the links over to the low wattage bulbs. so i make an exception because, well, an all-caps novel, i mean c'mon. i told myself i would stop reading when i saw the word "abortion". thankfully it was a short read. but i think SUZAREAN summed it up well when she suggested her writing was excrement.

Anonymous said...

My head hurts -- why would you link something like that?

LuLu said...

Bitch, bitch, bitch ... If I have to go into the Fire Swamp, I'm taking you all with me.

Seraphic Slayer said...

I love how she says she doesn't mind portraying "coarse language" inher writing, yet bends over backwards to avoid using Hemingway's direct quote: "The first draft of anything is shit." Hmm.

Balbulican said...

As an editor, I am going to offer my services to improve what we should, in charity, agree to view as a work in progress.

Proposed new first paragraph:

"Space ranger Crag Crandall gritted flintily as the Xzhhgjr Grombeast lurched with seething menace toward the bound figure of space librarian Lulu Lucky, whose bosoms heaved mightily against the naughtily tight confinement of her crisp Space Corps Uniform."

Romantic Heretic said...

Just the title showed the level of writing ability. I lost all interest on reading that.

Seriously, take it from a pro, if the title is dull, insipid and silly the story itself is unlikely to be much better.

Ti-Guy said...

Gosh, we're so mean to the poor little Nitouche. She puts a lot of effort into her cause, I'll say that much.

Balb...how about impudently tight?

thwap said...

wotta peace o crap!

Balbulican said...

I give you "impudently" if we agree the bosoms can be "ample". Fair?

LuLu said...

Don't forget to mention my new boots, Balby. A Space Librarian's impudently tight uniform just can't be complete without them.

Romantic Heretic said...

I've never understood. Why do Grombeasts always get the librarians?

It's so unfair!

deBeauxOs said...

That was mean, LuLu. It put me to sleep after the fourth paragraph and my forehead bounced off the keyboard. Ouch.

Alison said...

I thought the story was rather good actually but the accompanying illustrations are a bit of a puzzle. Why are all three main characters sea monkeys, for instance, and what's the significance of the S&M scene with the whip?

sooey said...

I'm starting to think my library story might not have anything to do with whatever Lulu linked to...

Red Tory said...

How'd they get 10,000 people into that library?

KEvron said...

iuf allcaps had a day job, she'd have to keep it.

KEvron

KEvron said...

"Xzhhgjr Grombeast"

what're you, cormac mccarthy?!

KEvron

CC said...

Speaking of Crag Crandall and the Xzhhgjr Grombeast ...

Balbulican said...

See, THAT'S what I'm talkin' about, CC. Art.

MgS said...

*ugh* - methinks someone has spent far too much time listening to Better-Than-Thou Ezra, and she's started to hallucinate his ravings.

Beijing York said...

OMG that was bad, really bad.

No "elite" Giller prize for you.