Attention Liberals

Dear Liberal Party of Canada,

I'm sitting here looking over the meagre offerings you've presented for the leadership of your sad and failing party. Essentially it comes down to a race between Count Iggy and Bob (please don't hate me any more Ontario) Rae with some other son of a Governor General providing relief. I'm sorry but since it seems that Leblanc is hell's snowball in this contest, I'm supposed to think that either Rae or Ignatieff are serviceable choices to oppose Fat Steve and the CRAPs. Well forgive me for being blunt but fuck off, you monumental losers. In this day and age we have seen the power of the politics of personality come to the fore. I might not approve of such a development but I do understand that one can't push a river back uphill.

So here we are with the Liberal frontrunners being a man whose name is synonymous with failed leadership. A man who is roundly detested and distrusted throughout much of the country's largest province and pointed out as the posterboy for fail from sea to sea, versus a guy who is the very picture of the academic elitist. A man whose entire career took place elsewhere, whose every success was out of country and who did not return to Canada until his naked ambition made the possibility of adding Prime Minister to his CV resonate in his grubby little soul. Ignatieff has all the charisma of Bob Stanfield and Rae has less chin than Joe Clark, how are either of these two goofs supposed to re-invigorate a party that is doing a slow motion Brian Mulroney/Kim Campbell dive into the pits of obscurity?

Ignatieff can try and paint his apologia about his being utterly, dismally wrong about Iraq as some kind of humanitarian lapse but the fact remains, had he been at the helm, we'd have been burying Canadian forces flown home from George Bush's murderous fraud in the sand. That is not judgement I trust. And Bob Rae is still trying to get past his past. Sure he was handed a plate of shit at the all feces buffet when he took the reigns in Ontario but he floundered and wallowed and lost the faith of business, labour and the general public in record time. He toasted that shit with laxatives and it is not forgotten. His legacy will haunt the NDP in this province for the foreseeable future. Canada will not rally behind either of these men. I will not rally behind either of these men. They do not present any sort of positive alternative to the CRAP Prime Minister we have now. Jeezis, I'd vote for that puffed up, ego masturbating clown Jack Layton before I'd ink a ballot for these Liberal prospects.

Here's the deal Liberals, you are in the midst of a Thelma and Louise dash to hit the lip of the cliff and there's not much anyone can do about it so just get it over with. Roll the hell over and die already. In the mean time, I'm going to say my prayers that out of the ashes of your blazing stupidity some hope might arise, phoenix like, to cleanse the last of the bad taste of this political silly season from our mouthes. I fully expect to see the grand old Liberal Party of Canada crash and burn and when that comes to pass, it is high time that a new party be born. A coalition of centre left progressive interests that unites the Bloc with the remnants of the Liberals, Greens and those Dippers that don't see an improved 4th place as a victory. I'd like to celebrate the birth of the Bloc Canada, led by the likes of Gilles Duceppe and Charlie Angus and I'd like to raise a glass to them when they unseat the inevitable and disastrous, first and only Harper majority, brought to you by today's failing Liberals.