Apparently, it's never their fault -- part deux.

Obvious tragedy aside, it's amusing to watch the usual "We're all about the law and order" suspects spinning furiously to defend a deranged racist who shot up a car dealership. Here's Free Dominion's "RedDog", starting things off by sympathizing with some poor sumbitch who clearly couldn't handle the unbearable strain of ... whatever:

It's a very tragic situation involving a good person who seemed to have "snapped".

Not to be outdone, "styky" weeps buckets of crocodile tears without actually managing to pin the blame on anyone:

This story is tragic that ended with a totally unnecessary loss of life. My prayers go out to the families who may never know why this happened.

Yeah, tragedies happen, whatcha gonna do? Subsequent commenter "First Lady" is similarly grief-stricken, without actually managing to blame anyone:

I too knew Dave. I first met him in 1999 at Jeep Jamboree in Rocky Mountain House. At the end of the weekend he asked me to come back the following year as a trail guide. Which I did; becoming the first female one in Alberts. This is how I got my online moniker.

Over the next several years our family participated in several Jamborees, including Apex, BC. I too have done the Ruby Falls run with Dave and the Eco Four Wheeling Society.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone impacted by this horrid event.

After which "RedDog" obviously feels that we might be getting dangerously close to, you know, assigning the responsibility where it belongs, so it's time to nip this baby in the bud:

It pretty much illustrates my point that it's a pretty close knit community and most people know each other. It's a pretty somber weekend and we've had to close our posting forum to any discussion of the incident.

Good thinking, RedDog ... you allow free speech in a forum and who the fuck knows what someone might say. But, curiously, it ain't over, and that's when FD dominatrix Connie Fournier drops by to defend her buddy Dave:

So, it sounds like most people who actually knew him thought the shooter was a pretty normal guy. However, someone decided he was a "racist", and he was suspended from his job and his reputation was ruined.

Then they wonder why the guy snapped and started shooting people!

Well, all I can say is that I'm surprised that more victims of the "racist" witch hunt haven't done similar things.

Punishing people for their political beliefs is a lose-lose proposition. It does nothing to eliminate hate (it increases it), and, every once in awhile, the wrong guy is put in the position where he feels he has nothing left to lose.

I would like to think that people might learn something from this tragedy, but I don't really see it happening.

Good thinking, Connie, because if there's one thing racist, swastika-tattooed, gun-wielding white supremacists have in common, it's that they're terribly, terribly sensitive and apt to get their feelings hurt and then, Whoa Nelly!! And then the truly batshit crazy kicks in as "Hailey" drops by with the tidbit that Connie's BFF Dave actually has an ugly history:

Alleged Edmonton gunman had former conviction in Winnipeg

Dale [Inglis] was only 18-years-old when he was stabbed to death after a fight outside a Winnipeg social in 1974.

The 18-year-old who pleaded guilty to manslaughter served less than two years in prison for Dale's death.

"They used whatever they could to lower his charges, rather than really look at what would cause someone to literally get a knife and stab somebody," says Arla. She explains that the fight reportedly broke out over a spilled beer and a ripped shirt.

The man who served time for the crime was David Burns. After his release, he reportedly started a new life in Edmonton. Meanwhile, Dale's parents and five siblings continued to reel from his tragic death in Winnipeg.

Reportedly, Burns went on to get married, start a family and work as a mechanic.

Decades later, it seems history would repeat itself.

And if you have the brains God gave a sack of soup, you can guess where this is going. Here's "Fabulous Fred," being curiously vague:

That is a good find Hailey, that is very important information.

Really? In what way? Ah, there we go:

Another case of where the injustice ( no capital punishment for a capital crime ) decades ago comes back to bite society again.

And there you have it, where the namby-pamby, bleeding heart, liberal criminal justice system is clearly to blame for not having dealt with Mr. Burns years ago. Fucking liberals. To sum up then, it's the fault of, um, mean people and liberals. Certainly not the racist neo-Nazi with the gun. But let's give Connie F. the last word (again):

So, it sounds like most people who actually knew him thought the shooter was a pretty normal guy.

You know, I'm actually willing to believe that since, given the social circles Connie moves in, I can accept that a swastika-sporting neo-Nazi white supremacist with anger management issues who once served time for manslaughter really doesn't stand out in that crowd.

I'd always suspected as much, but it's nice to have Connie confirm it.

THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE, as Canada's wankers:



work desperately to come up with an angle. If whoever died was black, I'm guessing Blogging Tory "Neo Conservative"s angle will be "unending hilarity." But that's just a guess.

CONNIE, MEET REALITY. REALITY, CONNIE. Really, this whole incident is the gift that keeps on giving us an ugly peephole into the Canadian right-wing mind. Let's recap (all emphasis added):

Co-workers say the alleged gunman in a fatal shooting at an Edmonton car dealership on Friday was recently suspended for making racial comments...

Sources have identified the shooter as Dave Burns, 55, an employee who was recently suspended for making racial comments...

Co-workers say he didn't get along well with visible minorities, and some went as far as to describe him as a white supremacist.

They also tell CBC News that Burns had a swastika tattooed on his body and had a very hot temper.

So, in conclusion, we have credible reports that Mr. Burns was a racist, white supremacist with a swastika tattoo, an anger management problem, and who was recently suspended for overt racist behaviour. And how does Connie Fournier describe this cornucopia of creepy and disturbing symptoms? Oh, right:

So, it sounds like most people who actually knew him thought the shooter was a pretty normal guy. However, someone decided he was a "racist", and he was suspended from his job and his reputation was ruined.

Um, yeah ... out of the blue, for no apparent reason, someone "decided" that. Where do these people get such wacky ideas?

OH, MY: Always the skeptics, these folks:



Read the whole thread. Seriously, there just isn't enough tin foil to do it justice.

OH, DEAR, CONNIE ISN'T GOING TO LIKE THIS: How did Connie Fournier rationalize this away? Oh, right:

So, it sounds like most people who actually knew him thought the shooter was a pretty normal guy. However, someone decided he was a "racist", and he was suspended from his job and his reputation was ruined.

And what was that suspension thing all about? Ah, here we go:

Staff say Burns was to return to work Friday after being suspended for two weeks from the service department for racial comments.

Colleagues say he was suspended for posting photos on the staff bulletin board that were sexually explicit and meant to embarrass a non-white co-worker.

I'm sure it still wasn't his fault, though. I blame the Liberals. Or maybe David Suzuki. Whichever choice is stupider.

Apparently, it's never their fault. Ever.

Stay classy, Connie:

So, it sounds like most people who actually knew him thought the shooter was a pretty normal guy. However, someone decided he was a "racist", and he was suspended from his job and his reputation was ruined.

Then they wonder why the guy snapped and started shooting people!

Well, all I can say is that I'm surprised that more victims of the "racist" witch hunt haven't done similar things.

Punishing people for their political beliefs is a lose-lose proposition. It does nothing to eliminate hate (it increases it), and, every once in awhile, the wrong guy is put in the position where he feels he has nothing left to lose.

I would like to think that people might learn something from this tragedy, but I don't really see it happening.

So a guy opened fire, killed one person and seriously wounded another one. I told you not to hassle him. You just had it coming.

P.S. Um, Connie? "Pretty normal guys" don't typically have this kind of history. But I'm sure it's still everyone else's fault.

Happy Pi Day!

Apparently, persistence has its rewards.

Well, I do consider myself an authority on the subject.

Mind if we change the subject?

Regarding the aforementioned "white supremacist" shootings in Edmonton, the folks at Free Dominion figure that five posts on the topic is quiet enough, thank you very much:



"It's a pretty somber weekend and we've had to close our posting forum to any discussion of the incident."

Quite so since, when violent death is involved, it's only appropriate to go on and on and on and tediously, relentlessly, mind-numbingly, thigh-suckingly on for month after month after month when a Muslim is involved. But you knew that, right?

Mea culpa, mea media culpa.

Picking on David Warren is almost cruel. Almost.

So ... how's that "white supremacy" thing working out for you?

Oh, dear ... not so well, I see:

Edmonton shooting suspect a racist: co-workers

Co-workers say the alleged gunman in a fatal shooting at an Edmonton car dealership on Friday was recently suspended for making racial comments.

Police say a man with a gun walked into Great West Chrysler near Stony Plain Road and 178th Street at about 7:50 a.m. MT and started shooting.

It's believed he shot and killed one man, shot and wounded another and then turned the gun on himself.

Sources have identified the shooter as Dave Burns, 55, an employee who was recently suspended for making racial comments.

Co-workers say he didn't get along well with visible minorities, and some went as far as to describe him as a white supremacist.

"Didn't get along well with visible minorities?" Huh. I'm thinking that there's a Canadian blogging aggregator at which he'd feel right at home.

So, Catholics ... how's that new Pope working out for you?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Here's why no one should care what the Blogging Tories think.

Here's "Iceman," attempting to be intellectual and pundity and failing spectacularly:

Former Supreme Court Justice Iacobucci is one of the most respected jurists in our country across partisan lines. Stephen Harper selected a man of the highest unbiased integrity to review all the Government's documents regarding the transfer of Afghan prisoners. He will decide what can be made public and what poses a potential threat to national security.

Dear Iceman: Let me type this slowly so that even you can grok it. No one with any actual sanity gives a flying fuck what Frank Iacobucci thinks. He's retired. He is a private citizen. His (non-existent) authority can in no way replace that of Canada's elected Parliament.

Now, what part of that are you simply too mind-crushingly retarded to understand?

When snark seems inadequate.

Blogging Tory "Spin Assassin" has a problem:

Socialism is like a burning building. We are in the building and we want to get out.

Dear Spin Assassin: Here's a thought. You can buy an international plane ticket. And you can find an airport. And you can, like, totally fuck right off and take that compost heap of a blog with you.

I'm glad I could be of assistance.

Dear Frank:

Does all that authority come with a free John Baird reacharound?

I propose the word "blatch" be used as a verb.

As in, "Oh, for fuck's sake, she blatched up another one."

Sometimes, these people frighten me.

Oh, my:

An unknown person at a discussion forum has hit the nail on the head so furiously and so precisely that his words are now echoing all over political discussion forums.... according to my friend Irene.

“The danger to America is not Barack Obama, but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the presidency."

That's kind of creepy, coming from a woman who mindlessly worships Sarah Palin. I'm just sayin'.

I just wet myself again.

Wag of the tail to earlier commenter CWTF for this gem:

How can Parliament work if the Liberals don't show up?

I got nuthin'.

And CWTF is on a roll, as he draws our attention to the irrepressible Kady O'Malley, trying to educate Adrian MacNair. I'm guessing the effort is going to be lost on him.

Let the Canadian Wankerville shrieking begin.

That would be Canada's conservatives, in full dudgeon, frothing furiously over the hilariously blatant conflict-of-interest here, during which a sitting Prime Minister teams with a registered lobbyist to be delightfully selective in what makes it to air and ... and ...

Oh, wait, my bad. It's a Conservative PM that is the recipient of this delicious lobbyist largesse. Sorry. I was just imagining what the reaction would have been if it had been a Liberal Prime Minister. As it is, Canada's wanks are good with that. No problem, nothing to see here, move along.

There's "Official" Jews ... and there's the other kind.

Always good for a chuckle, that Ezra:

Here's a story in today's National Post about Richard Warman's nuisance lawsuits against me -- part of the larger lawfare campaign waged against me by radical Muslim activists, their Canadian Human Rights Commission collaborators, and even some Official Jews like Bernie "Burny" Farber of the Canadian Jewish Congress:

The "Official" Ezra Levant stamp of "Official" Jewishness -- but only if you call in the next 15 minutes. Have your credit card handy.

Rule number one: Know thine audience.

It's a lucky man who's finally pegged his readership and can give them the screaming ignorance and howling misrepresentation that they so desperately crave.

AFTERSNARK: It's a bad sign for your argument when you have to make up idiotic shit and pretend it's an actual issue. Here's Adrian, making up idiotic shit:

What would make people happy? Take no prisoners? Inhuman. Hand prisoners over to their own legal authority? Inhumane. Build our own prisons? Well, then you get the complaints that it’s too expensive, or it’s an extra-judicial gulag, or it’s a sign of colonialism. And before long you can be sure Amir Attaran would find a document which proved that a detainee slipped in the shower and cut himself, and we’d be back in permanent scandal mode anyway.

Yes, Adrian, that's the heart of the matter here -- whether a detainee slips in the shower. That's the burning nub of the issue for sure. It's not like we've brought up anything more serious than slipping in the shower. That's what's keeping us awake at nights.

And the majority of commenters over there fall over themselves, competing for the chance to give Adrian a proper good fluffing. Why am I not surprised?

OK, that's gonna leave a mark.

During which the Saskatchewan Party gets spanked soundly in public for being douchebags. I'll bet they learned their lesson. Next time, they'll use dead Canadian soldiers. That would be much more tasteful in advertising their pig roast fundraiser.

In which I fear for the safety of my new kitteh.

Blogging Tory "Springer" doesn't much care for getting spanked in public, and proceeds to go all Google Analyticy and stalky:

Cynic...

I see you finally made it around to slagging me.

I simply follow the stench of stupid, Springer, old man ... I guess ending up on your doorstep was just a matter of time.

Curiosity led me to backtrack a while ago (darned Google Analytics, eh?), see what you're all about.

And in return, I can safely say that I didn't return the favour because, well, I really don't give a crap who you are, Springy. I read, I mock, I move on. I'm a big fan of simplicity and time management. But do tell ... whatever did you discover, all decked out in your deerstalker cap and everything?

Not surprisingly, clearly not a helluva lot.

I'm sorry to disappoint. I'll try to do better next time. Are we done here? Apparently not:

Indeed, if one left out all the slandering of Blogging Tories, along with the remarkably shallow use of vulgarity...

Probably not enough letters left to make a half decent alphabet soup out of, ya think?

Just sayin'...

Yea, dear ... as a member of the Blogging Tories, you feel free to lecture the rest of on civility and decorum. Really, this should be good. Can't wait. Parting thoughts, Springy?

BTW, no need to post anonymously on my blog. Share who you really are with us, sport.

In the first place, as regular readers here at CC HQ are well aware, I rarely participate in discussions at other blogs. But if I did, rest assured I would not (as is an ugly habit with some right-wing Canadian bloggers) do it anonymously or under another identity. If I leave a comment, I make it clear it's from me, thank you very much.

Oh, and about "sharing" with you, well, here's a thought, Springy. You're a bright boy, what with your Googly Analytics and all. You get to work and, in time, I'll just bet you can figure out all sorts of nifty and neat-o things about me. Maybe my name, where I live, that sort of thing. And then you can announce that victoriously at your place, and see what kind of reaction you get. No, really, if you're well and truly determined and you put your mind to it, who knows what you'll discover? By God, you'll be an absolute hero in the Canadian Dumbass-o-sphere, a veritable god among retards.

In the meantime, I'll make sure my new kitteh isn't allowed to run loose at night, and I'll check regularly for suspicious footprints in the bushes outside my window. Does that sound about right, Springer, old chap?

Thanks for stopping by. Drop in again sometime, but leave the creepy implications of stalking at home. They just make you sound, well, creepy.

BY THE WAY, Springer, if you end up skulking around my place while I'm not home, I'm not worried -- CC HQ is in good hands:



Just so you know.

Geek humour.

Pretty much a niche market for that one.

Tweets for twats.

What a twit.

Dear Canadian military: Remember, this is what you're dying for.

140+ Canadian dead in Afghanistan ... for this? Oh, but we're rebuilding schools and stuff. Quite right. Carry on.

And here's where we juxtapose, part deux.

• On the one hand, Canada's wankers shriek incessantly about how Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff is insufficiently Canadian, bitching and moaning about how he is "just visiting."


• On the other hand, the right-wing Saskatchewan Party, looking to suck in the yokels for a fundraiser, apparently can't find anything Canadian suitably appealing and are reduced to leeching off of American tragedy and an American guest speaker as a hook.

Canada's conservatives: Let's face it, they're just assholes.

And here's where we juxtapose ...

• On the one hand, careful, meticulous nuance and detail.


• On the other hand, blithering, fucking stupid.

You're welcome.

OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD!!1!!1!1!1! You'll never guess who else is creaming herself in ecstasy over this new "revelation." Go on, guess. You'll never guess.

ALL RIGHT, SQ, HERE YOU GO. Commenter "Southern Quebec" reminds us that Mel Brooks is intimately familiar with the mind of a Blogging Tory:

Values!

Shorter Vic Toews: "Your coke snorting is interfering with my philandering."

In which I blow the chance to be absolutely right about absolutely everything absolutely all of the time.

When I first heard of the alleged federal government matching funds for Haiti charitable contributions, my immediate first reaction was, "The Harpercons will never cough up a penny of that. It's all PR." Sadly, I failed to blog as such at the time and therefore missed a golden opportunity to crow, "Told ya so! Told ya so! Told ya so!":

I asked how much of the money raised through the Haiti Earthquake Relief Fund has been spent. CIDA’s response included a paragraph about where Canada has spent money that doesn’t come from the Haiti Earthquake Relief Fund, before adding the line: “Funds from the Haiti Earthquake Relief Fund will be disbursed in the near future.”

In other words, they haven’t spent a penny.

Yes, I saw that coming. You'll just have to take my word for it.

CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG BUT, as I read it, the Harpercons are not just hanging on to what they promised were matching federal funds, but are also sitting on donated funds! That is, they haven't even put to use that cash that's come in from Canadian donors!! Do I have that right?

Upbraided, I am.

Over at Maria "Dodo is a Retard" S's, one of Maria's new BFFs rushes to her side to comfort her emotionally:



Just soak in the irony.

Are you shitting me?

No, seriously, what the fuck?

I know nuthink!

With respect to Rahim Jaffer, those "Law and Order" Blogging Tories are an amazingly understanding and forgiving bunch:

Next the cocaine charge along with the impaired driving charges were dropped by the Ontario Crown Prosecutor. Why, we don't know, but the charges were dropped and the matter is settled as far as the law is concerned.

Nothing to see here, kids ... come on, move along, move along.

The dumbc**titude of Maria S. Nunes.

In deference to my more civilized co-bloggers, I will refrain from describing Blogging Tory Maria "Dodo Can Spell" Nunes as one of the most hideous, vile, useless c**ts on the planet. But she is. I give you Exhibit A:

Canadian Liberals and NDP bloggers do not care about Nigerians hacked to death

You don't believe me? Go check their aggregates: Liblogs Progressive bloggers breadnroses

As at 12:15 PM, March 9, I could find nothing but blogs about Afghan detainees, Kadr and as usual brainless ones about Palin. The difference between the Conservative bloggers and all these others should be is as clear as a summer's day. Conservatives care about all human beings. The others care only about winning elections and NOTHING else, absolutely nothing else. How can these people live with themselves?

Out of curiosity, shortly after that was posted, your humble scribe (that would be me) hied myself hence to Stephen Taylor's "Blogging Tories" to catalogue the Nigerian-flavoured outrage, whereupon I found ... two bloggers who had written on the topic. Two. Maria, of course, and one Craig Smith. No others. None. Nada. Squat. Zippo.

One would think that Maria would have the sense God gave a urinal deodorizer disc to shut the fuck up and not embarrass herself thusly, but she has never had an abundance of sense. In any event, against all better judgment, some commenters show up to explain Maria's stupidity:

Ted Betts said...

Um, I looked and saw only one single post on the Blogging Tories aggregator about the massacre.

Does that mean, aside from Craig Smith, that Conservative bloggers don't care about Nigerians hacked to death? Does that mean that conservatives don't care about all human beings? Does that mean that conservatives only care about winning elections and NOTHING else, absolutely nothing else.

How can these conservatives live with themselves? I am sure you are asking that because otherwise you would be a complete hypocrite.

Mr. Betts is exactly correct, and his observation squares precisely with mine. Curiously, Maria tries to bullshit her way out of it:

Ted Betts - oh really?! Only Craig Smith? Maybe you need to keep an appointment with your optometrist .... time to change that prescription on those glasses.

Look again buster and do a proper search of all the pages.

I have done exactly that. I have scanned the pages at the Blogging Tories over the last three days, and have uncovered precisely three posts on the topic -- two by that vapid airhead Maria, and one by Craig Smith. There are no others. See for yourself. Start on that main page and scan for the keyword "Nigeria." Move on to older pages. Keep track of the hits. Tell me I'm wrong. So Maria is, unsurprisingly, full of shit. But you won't believe what she does next. Seriously, you will not believe this:

And one more bit of info for you two morons, Lenny and Ted Betts:

When we the Conservative bloggers see that one or more of our fellow bloggers have spoken on a certain topic, we turn to other things to write about instead of clogging the BT board with the same story.

Was that easy to understand or should I spell it out further for you numbskulls ?

Pause.

Long pause.

Very, very long pause to appreciate the mind-crushing dumbc**titude of what Maria S. Nunes has just done.

Having savaged Canada's progressives for not jumping on her little hobby horse of a topic, Maria suggests that of course other Blogging Tories won't write about this. Why would they? They wouldn't want to step on each other's turf, ya know.

I am seriously still trying to come to terms with someone that awesomely retarded. If you come upon me with my head on the desk, weeping quietly, you'll know why.

AFTERSNARK: It's amusing to watch Maria completely contradict herself in the space of 20 minutes. At 4:46 PM, she challenges Mr. Betts to do a more methodical search of the BT aggregator, obviously implying that he wasn't very thorough and will find more evidence if only he puts his mind to it.

Curiously, shortly thereafter at 5:05 PM, Maria changes direction entirely and explains why any further search would naturally be futile since BTs work very hard at avoiding redundancy.

Does Stephen Taylor deliberately look for the stupidest people in Canada for his Blogging Tories, or is he just on a massive run of bad luck?

AND NOW, WE WAIT ... Yes, yes, it's cruel to pick on Maria since she's easily one of the stupidest and most malignant human beings in history, but given how eye-rollingly hypocritical she's being in that particular post, it will be interesting to see if a single member of her BT circle jerk points out her awkward double standard.

No, seriously, will even one of her adoring groupies have the decency to comment along the lines of, "Uh, Maria ... you're really being a bit inconsistent there."

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Unspeakably asinine quote of the day.

Who else? Blogging Tory Brenda/"Hunter":

We don't need 308 MP's going to Ottawa to argue about this bill or that.

One begins to sympathize with Brenda's long-suffering MP:

Don’t worry too much, my MP wanted me to stop blogging because it might reflect back on him, ...

I can't imagine why.

Tell me about "law and order" stuff again.

Cocaine? What cocaine? Drunk driving? What drunk driving? I await the inevitable outrage from Canada's staunch defenders of accountability.

Canada's Conservatives: Because laws are for other people.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Run away, run away!

No! Really?

Pretty much figured that out on our own, thanks.

OFFS!

Official Sarah Palin fluffer "Hunter" must be positively creaming herself over this:

Palin Defends Writing On Hand: God Did It Too

What a hideous imbecile. And Palin, too.

Ah, the joy of duplicitous editing.

To recap, here's Blogging Tory Jonathon Narvey, bitching and moaning about how the Canadian justice system doesn't flog someone to his satisfaction.

Here's your humble scribe, dragging Jonathon outside, yanking down his panties, and giving him a good, sound spanking, all the while realizing that it would be an utter waste of time trying to actually engage Jonathon on the topic since, well, he's a Blogging Tory and 'nuff said.

Amusingly, here's a commenter who goes by the name of "Bull Caller" who, against all odds, thinks that maybe Jonathon is capable of actual thought, and therefore points out the error in his logic:

Jonathon. Ouch!

Maybe you should stick to topics you know such as how Ezra Levant is so dreamy, or maybe how much you support propping up a corrupt and increasingly theocratic government that is sucking taxpayer dollars faster than your other conservative canard, the gun registry.

Ug. Take up baking or something.

To which Jonathon intellectually snaps back:

A comment from a Canadian Cynic sock puppet? I’m touched.

If that rebuttal mystifies you, you're in good company, since regular readers of CC HQ have probably never run across "Bull Caller." I know that handle is unfamiliar to me, so it's hard to see how someone who simply calls Jonathon out on his douchebaggery is suddenly a "Canadian Cynic sock puppet."

Of course, it would help to know that Bull Caller's original comment contained a hyperlink back to my original post, and by quietly removing that link, Narvey has dishonestly misrepresented BC's comment, although at the cost of making his own comeback look supremely fucking off-point and retarded.

Good job, Jonathon. At all costs, it's critically important to not allow anyone to link back to me so they can learn what sort of dumbass you are. Even if it makes you look like a total twatwaffle, I guess that was a small price to pay.

Oh, and Jon? Just because someone appreciates my logic, keen critical eye and rapier-like wit does not mean they're one of my sock puppets. It does mean they have impeccable taste and clearly recognize genius when they see it but, technically, that's not the same thing.

The unbearable inconvenience of dissenting viewpoints.

The ubiquitous MaryT writes what everyone else is Wankerville is merely thinking:

We need an election to get rid of most of the opposition, non party status for the libs would be nice.

Can the phrase "internment camps" be long in coming?

SPEAKING OF MARYT, anyone remember this little gem? Yeah, that was MaryT, making sure everyone knew she doesn't much care for those faggy little faggots. Unsurprisingly, all evidence of MaryT's douchebagitude has long since been chucked down the memory hole.

Luckily, we here at CC HQ remember.

This is what straying off the reservation looks like.

Uh oh ... I'm guessing that when Blogging Tory "moose and squirrel" shows up at BT get-togethers, there's going to be some awkward silence because of this.

BUT ... BUT ... BUT ... THE LIBRULS!!! Oh, look ... an adorable new wanking point in that comments section:

We are in Afghanistan simply because of our NATO commitment.
It is the pound of flesh we must pay for American protection.
I’m sure the troops know that and are just trying to make the best of a bad situation.
We’d have fewer casualties if Paul Martin hadn’t dithered while all of the safest assignments were taken by more decisive countries.

So even though the Harperjugend explicitly extended Canada's mission in Afghanistan, it's Paul Martin's fault. And that Georgian luger who died at the Vancouver Olympics? Yeah, that was Martin, too. He's such a prick.

ALLRIGHTY, THEN: That comments section really is the gift that keeps on giving:

After 9-11 the USA should have went in and leveled the islamic portion of the ME. They didn’t ,and that is why we are there. They could end it tomorrow, all they have do is make iran a sheet of glass. The only thing these followers of the evil allah understand is brute force, we do have it, and we should use it.

islam is not compatible with democracy and freedom, it can’t coexist in civilized countries.

"MaryT" would feel right at home.

Talking points! Get yer wanker talking points here!

Blogging Tory Adrian MacNair rips the morning's output from the fax machine and dutifully goes to work. I hope you're getting paid for this, Adrian -- it's a really dumb hooker who doesn't insist on compensation.

The rich live by a different set of rules.

The plot thickens:

OTTAWA — The finance minister's office says Jim Flaherty flew on a government jet for a photo-op at a Tim Horton's in London, Ont., last Friday, but the plane wasn't a Challenger jet that ministers use when commercial flights are not available.

Flaherty's communications director Mike Storeshaw told CTV News the minister commandeered a Transport Canada jet that is not usually available for the use of cabinet ministers.

The minister's office has not responded to requests from CTV News to identify the type of aircraft and the cost per hour to Canadian taxpayers.

But ... but ... but ... the Liberals!!!

Speaking with CTV's Question Period from Calgary, Stockwell Day said Flaherty needed to take a late-night flight from Ottawa to arrive in London in time to make a "whole line-up of back-to-back meetings."

Day also said that the Conservatives have used fewer private flights that the previous Liberal government.

In unrelated news, the Catholic Church responded to accusations of sexual abuse of children by pointing out that sodomy of altar boys was down a full 35 per cent so that should count for something, right?

Norman Spector: Lying douchebag?

In order to give this issue the attention it warrants, let's fire up a new blog post and recap the Globe's Norman Spector:

On CBC radio last week, Liberal MP Derek Lee argued strenuously that he and any of his colleagues had the right to obtain any Afghan detainee document, and that MPs also had the right to make the documents public. No ifs, no doubts and no restrictions, according to Mr. Lee.

The question is simple: Did Lee really make those claims? Lines are open, and operators are standing by to describe Norman Spector as a douchebag.

AND IN CONCLUSION, I think we've safely established that Norman Spector is, in fact, a lying douchebag and, as "liberal supporter" suggests and as we've used as analogy a number of times here at CC HQ, he is playing the part of Dilbert's "Bizarre Absolute Guy":

Sane person: "I think Parliament has the right to request any unredacted documents it wants, and have those documents examined by a select committee with the proper security clearance."

Norman Sphincter: "Oh, so you think any MP has the right to see whatever he wants and show it to the public?"

Sane person: "Um, you just took what I said and changed it into a really stupid, bizarre absolute."

Norman Sphincter: "Oh, so I change everything you say!?!?"

Sadly, I suspect that's pretty much what happened.

Journamalism!

When truly stupid people put forehead to keyboard, it ends up looking like this.

(Wag of the tail to Eugene Forsey Liberal.)

Irony.

Whoopsie:

The vocal opponent of health care reform in the U.S. steered largely clear of the topic except to reveal a tidbit about her life growing up not far from Whitehorse.

"We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada," [Sarah Palin] said. "And I think now, isn't that ironic."

Ironic? No. Really, really fucking hypocritical? Yeah, more like that.

Ah, the glory days of academia.

You go, Greg.

The Ottawa Sun's Greg Weston puts the hobnailed boots to Stephen Harper's happy sack. By way of rebuttal, Blogging Tory Steve Janke will accuse Greg Weston as once having been seen on the same transit bus as Michael Ignatieff, nudge nudge, wink wink, end of discussion, eh, eh?

Dear BTs: Let me explain ad hominem.

A particularly stupid Blogging Tory:

Torture claiming professor owed Iffy huge debt

Steve Janke digs into the background of Dr Amir Attaran who alleges that detainees in Afghanistan were deliberately transferred so that torture could be used to extract information and that he has uncensored documents proving it...

Janke finds out that the good doctor just happens to owe Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff a big favour for defending him when he was about to be kicked out of the Carr Center

A definition:

Translated from Latin to English, "Ad Hominem" means "against the man" or "against the person."

An Ad Hominem is a general category of fallacies in which a claim or argument is rejected on the basis of some irrelevant fact about the author of or the person presenting the claim or argument.

Are we done here? Yeah, I think we're done here.

HAHAHAHAHAHA ... oh, crap, I just wet myself.

This is funny enough, but you have to delve into the comments section there to find the keeper:

Hunter says:
March 6, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Don’t worry too much, my MP wanted me to stop blogging because it might reflect back on him, I refused. They don’t seem to understand the power of blogging.

Actually, Brenda, I suspect they do understand exactly that, and they'd rather not be associated with shrieking loons and racists like you.

But that's just a guess.

Know your wingnuts.

Convicted felon Conrad Black, a hooker ... and some chick I don't recognize.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Canada's Blogging Tories: When you absolutely, positively need to be as screechingly ignorant as a sack of soup:



At the moment, that is the only occurrence of that name on the entire main page at the BTs. Geez, kids, avert your eyes much?

The Premature eJankulator gets his marching orders ...

... and the marching begins. Attaboy, Steve ... not as exciting as rooting around in Cindy Sheehan's vagina but, hey, what is?

HONESTLY, THE STUPID IS CRIPPLING. How fucking retarded must you be to pen the following?

Funny how Attaran criticizes Guantanamo Bay but then demands that Canada build its own internment centre.

Yes, Steve, that's hilarious. I mean, it's not as if Attaran is suggesting Canada build its own internment centre so we could, you know, control and protect detainees, to ensure that they aren't abused by their Afghan captors. As in, it would be for their own protection.

It's physically painful to read Steve Janke. That's why I don't do it often. You better be grateful.

OH, DEAR: Is her name really "Judy Mooring"?

The Coalition Dictatorship "school yard bullies" have already proven their ability to pull
dirty rotten low down tricks, and have proved this many times by their words and actions......what a disgrace they are to Canadians.
Atty, Iggy, and Bam Bam should be banned from planet earth.
They do not have the best interests of the people they represent at heart and are nothing but traitorous troublemakers in my opinion, and that of many others.
Stephen Harper is the best Prime Minister this country has ever had,
and for you two to try to discredit him, and our soldiers is disgraceful...

If there was any justice in the world, Judy Mooring would find herself shunned by, well, anyone who wasn't a batshit crazy, gibbering psychopath. And even some psychopaths might find her hard to take.

INTO THE WAYBACK MACHINE, SHERMAN: As Dr. Dawg points out, that post of the Wankulator's is from back in 2007 and, no, I hadn't noticed that, I'd just followed a recent link from another of Wanke's BT colleagues so I simply assumed it was new. In any event, it's still buttplug-level stupid.

Every man has his price, Frank ...

So the Stephen Harper Brownshirt Party of Canada wants to defuse the situation by getting retired judge Frank Iacobucci to, well, be the judge:

The federal government is tapping retired Supreme Court justice Frank Iacobucci to decide just how much of the government’s documents on Afghan detainees should be released to opposition MPs.

And at this point, it's safe to say we're about to learn just how much of a cheap hooker Mr. Iacobucci really is. Because if he had even the smallest shred of self-respect and cared about his reputation, what he'd say publicly is something along the lines of:

"I appreciate the offer but, given that this has been an ongoing and combative issue in Parliament for quite some time now, it would be highly inappropriate for me to get involved. This is properly a Parliamentary issue, and that's where it should be settled -- by Parliament, and not based on the opinion of a private citizen."

That's what Iacobucci should say, so let's see what happens. But all this brings up a bigger issue.

How long has this sleazy backroom deal been in the works? When did Stephen the Large or his greasy underling Justice Minister Rob Nicholson first approach Iacobucci? Is this already a done deal? Because if it is, that would mean that the Harperjugend was actively soliciting a private citizen to examine the Afghan detainee documents while simultaneously telling the Opposition that they weren't reliable enough to be trusted with those same documents.

This screams to be addressed during Question Period -- asking Rob Nicholson point-blank when the Cons first considered asking an outside source to vet the documents, when Iacobucci specifically was approached, and whether Iacobucci had already agreed when that announcement was first made public. I think the timeline here needs to be established.

P.S. Personally, if I was a high-ranking member of the Opposition, I'd publicly announce that if Iacobucci received any of those documents, I would immediately have him arrested for possessing material that was classified and high security. Or something to that effect. Put the fear of God into him.

M@ here: Neil Morrison has some interesting background on a previous decision signed by Iacobucci.

AFTERSNARK: The Disaffected Lib also suggests that Iacobucci is in an awkward place.

Lulu here: As fun as it might be, Iacobucci can't actually be arrested for possessing classified documents if the government has approved their release to him.

Johnny's Freakin' Camaro.

Inspired by my years of living down south.



Enjoy.

BONUS TRACK: Identifying the following artist is left as an exercise for the reader.

OMFG! The whole David Wilcox album online. I recommend "East Asheville Hardware" and "Roadside Art." Oh, hell, they're all good.

Buh Buh Buh Benny & The Gents

Oh but they're weird and their wonderful
And Benny he's really mean
They're wearing Prada shoes
All their illicit screws
You know I read it in a magazine oh, oh
Buh buh buh Benny & the Gents


Here we see a row of gowned men, apparently all called Bob, introducing themselves to the objet du fluff. Seems the cassocked crusaders just can't keep it in their pant... um, up their skirts... well, you know what I mean. Turns out the Pope's palace is popping with papal perps petting paid players to practice poking not prayers.

The Vatican was today rocked by a sex scandal reaching into Pope Benedict's household after a chorister was sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a papal gentleman-in-waiting.

Angelo Balducci, a Gentleman of His Holiness, was caught by police on a wiretap allegedly negotiating with Thomas Chinedu Ehiem, a 29-year-old Vatican chorister, over the specific physical details of men he wanted brought to him. Transcripts in the possession of the Guardian suggest that numerous men may have been procured for Balducci, at least one of whom was studying for the priesthood.

I guess that makes Benny the Rat the real King of Queens. Well, I'll call this progress. If nothing else, at least the "Gentleman in Waiting" was getting it on with adults. Makes a nice change from the less consensual fun these freaks often seem to prefer. Nice that they decided to fire the poor nobody that was running errands for Balducci, the Gentleman of His Holiness instead of the guy paying for gentlemen's holes. Alright. Ew.

Yeah, the optics on that one really suck.

Belt-tightening for thee, but not for me:

Flaherty's pricey budget flight irks critics

Finance Minister Jim Flaherty is facing the ire of opposition critics who say the minister isn't leading by example, after it was revealed that he used a private jet to sell his belt-tightening budget Friday.

The day after he unveiled the government's new budget, the finance minister flew from Ottawa to London, Ont., on a Challenger jet so he could do media interviews at Tim a Horton's [sic] coffee shop.

The opposition says the flight cost taxpayers $9,000, compared to a commercial flight, which runs about $800.

But here's the pants-pissingly best part:

Flaherty's office told CTV Ottawa Bureau Chief Robert Fife that the private flight was necessary because of scheduling. The office said that Flaherty would be returning to Ottawa on a commercial flight.

However, it costs another $9,000 just for the jet to return, Fife added.

In other words, the damage had already been done, but Flaherty proceeded to ding taxpayers for yet another air fare while the Challenger returned to Ottawa empty. Is it even physically possible for a human being to be stupider than Finance Minister Jim Flaherty?

No. The answer to that would be no. I just thought I'd save you the time.

The pants-peeing hilarity of Adrian MacNair.

Yes, dear:

There are precious few real feminists left in the western world.

And that's where I stopped reading. Seriously. Let me know if I missed anything important.

The unbearable flufferiness of Stephen Taylor.

It's comforting to know that, whatever else changes, Stephen Taylor will always be there to give Stephen Harper a reacharound.

Who is Frank Iacobucci ...

... and why should I give a fuck what he thinks? Because, well, ...

It's not clear whether the government will make Iacobucci's advice public. Moreover, he is not a sitting judge and can't legally rule or force the government to do anything.

In other words, and with all respect to Mr. Iacobucci, his opinion on this matter doesn't mean shit.

On the other hand, higher up at that second link, life promises to get more exciting real soon now:

Canada wanted Afghan prisoners tortured: lawyer
Unredacted documents show officials hoped to gather intelligence, expert says

Federal government documents on Afghan detainees suggest that Canadian officials intended some prisoners to be tortured in order to gather intelligence, according to a legal expert.

If the allegation is true, such actions would constitute a war crime, said University of Ottawa law professor Amir Attaran, who has been digging deep into the issue and told CBC News he has seen uncensored versions of government documents released last year.

"If these documents were released [in full], what they will show is that Canada partnered deliberately with the torturers in Afghanistan for the interrogation of detainees," he said.

"There would be a question of rendition and a question of war crimes on the part of certain Canadian officials. That's what's in these documents, and that's why the government is covering up as hard as it can."

If I have wet dreams of Stephen Harper, Peter MacKay and a whole passel of those sleazy, unprincipled cretins spending the rest of their lives behind bars for war crimes, does that make me a bad person?

No, it does not.

Virtues! Morals! Family values!

Or maybe not.

OMFG, BRIGHT SHINY THING!!1!!11!!1!

Whoops, never mind, carry on.

Shorter Mike Ignatieff

We don't approve of the budget but we have no balls, no agenda, no direction and hell, we're barely discernible from the Cons anyway. So we'll express that disapproval by doing squat. Your Liberal Party, the not much lesser of evils!

What the fuck is Jason Kenney babbling about?

Can anyone parse this utter bullshit?

OTTAWA - Canada's immigration minister says he takes "full responsibility" for a citizenship study guide that had all references to gay rights removed.

Ah, so he did it, right? Oh, wait ...

But Jason Kenney's response to questions in the House of Commons on Thursday shed no light on who ordered the material cut from the document - whether it was the minister himself or an aide in his office.

Oh ... so we're not sure who did it. But wait ...

"I take full responsibility for the content of that document," Kenney said after the issue was raised by opposition MPs.

So he did it. Hold on ...

Records obtained by The Canadian Press show that an early draft of the guide, meant to prepare immigrants for citizenship tests starting March 15, contained sections citing milestones in gay rights, including decriminalization of homosexuality in 1969 and the same-sex marriage law of 2005.

But Kenney's office ordered those sections removed from the draft, and rebuffed an effort by bureaucrats to have them re-inserted last August. The new guide was released with fanfare in November.

So he didn't do it, but his office did it. Bad office. Baaaaaad office. Whoa ...

A spokesman for Kenney said last week the minister made the edit because the booklet, which reviews Canadian culture, politics and history, could not be "encyclopedic."

So he did it. Oh, for fuck's sake ...

On Wednesday, though, Kenney denied ordering the cut, providing no explanation of who in his office was responsible.

So he didn't do it. Wait ...

Kenney's acknowledgment of "full responsibility" Thursday was again without explanation, though he said the document was far more comprehensive than the previous version published in 1995.

So he did it, and he didn't do it, but he'll take full responsibility even though he didn't do it and didn't know anything about it.

Your Stephen Harper Party of Canada: Redefining "accountability" to mean, well, shit.

P.S. If that worthless, lying turd Kenney wants to pass the buck like that, someone should introduce him to the principle of "ministerial responsibility":

Definition: Ministerial responsibility in Canada means that as well as the individual responsibilities set out in Canadian legislation, cabinet ministers have a collective responsibility to carry out government policies decided by cabinet. Federal cabinet ministers are responsible to the House of Commons for their actions and the actions of officials in their departments.

Don't you just love it when people accept "full responsibility" when what they really mean is, you know, none whatsoever?

THE JOY OF HEADLINES: Heh, indeed:



I stopped reading after the "deeply disturbed" part. It seemed pointless to continue.

But ... but ... but ... those goddamned Liberals!

It's safe to say that the meltdown of the unfuckable Jason Kenney is well underway:

“The Liberals need to stop trying to politicize the [citizenship] guide,” Mr. Kenney’s spokesman, Alykhan Velshi, told The Globe.

“Brison shouldn’t ask for a guide on Canadian citizenship to really be a guide about the Liberal Party’s role in Canadian history, because then we’d have to mention of MacKenzie King’s rejection of Jewish refugees escaping Nazi persecution or endorsement of Japanese internment, or Pierre Trudeau’s adoption of martial law, or the Liberal sponsorship scandal from the government of which he was a part.”

A suggestion, Jason -- stop letting Blogging Tory "Hunter" help you write your rebuttals. That's just going to end badly. Really, really badly.

BY THE WAY, to suggest that the legalization of same-sex marriage and gay rights in Canada in general is somehow a "Liberal" concoction is to openly admit that the Conservatives want very badly to distance themselves from such nefarious developments in Canadian human rights. Perhaps someone should ask Stephen Harper whether he agrees with Kenney that gay rights are strictly a "Liberal" thing and that he wants nothing to do with them. I suspect the inevitable tap dancing would be spectacular. But not in a good way.

BY THE WAY(2), you know what else was a nefarious Liberal concoction? That fucking Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Yeah, that Charter:

The British Parliament formally enacted the Charter as a part of the Canada Act 1982 at the request of the Parliament of Canada in 1982, the result of the efforts of the Government of Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau.

Well, holy creeping shit! Just another disgusting Lieberal scam, that Charter! And yet ... and yet ... if one consults the brand spanking new Jason Kenney-approved citizenship guide, one curiously discovers:

The Constitution of Canada was amended in 1982 to entrench the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which begins with the words, “Whereas Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law.” This phrase underlines the importance of religious traditions to Canadian society and the dignity and worth of the human person.

The Charter attempts to summarize fundamental freedoms while also setting out additional rights.

Oddly, Kenney seems to have no problem extolling the virtues of that "Liberal" Charter of Rights. Methinks the unfuckable one has a wee problem with consistency.

The NP's Kelly McParland: Defending the indefensible.

Attaboy, Kelly, good doggie. Have a biscuit.

AH, THE COMMENTERS: Commenter "AKTor" (and why the fuck doesn't the NP support direct links to comments?) slowly and lovingly eviscerates drooling suckup McParland:

Mr McParland writes, "She was late for her flight. She was in a rush. She was tired. She just wanted to get on the plane. But you're not allowed to do that in Canada."

Um, you're not allowed to "just get on the plane" in virtually every self-respecting airport in the world.

"Nope. Her bag was too big for carry-on."

And yet requiring that any luggage that literally WILL NOT FIT safely in the plane's passenger seating area be stored instead in the plane's cargo hold, where it will fit easily, somehow in your mind constitutes "mindless, soul-destroying bureaucracy" rather than, say, an entirely reasonable request based on elementary laws of physics.

"She had to stuff [her coat and boots] in a little bin so the could be X-rayed for nuclear explosives, wandering around the security area in winter in her stockings."

Oh my! In her stockings, you say? In winter!? For all of TEN or so seconds? WHILST INDOORS!? The horror...

What you consider "pointless government harassment"--passing through a metal detector, having your carry-on items x-rayed--most of your fellow members of society consider "reasonable precautions."

You also forgot to mention that Ms. Guergis reportedly dashed through the metal detector unbeckoned and without first removing the metal items on her possession, thus setting off the machine's security alarms, thus needlessly delaying her screening even further.

"She got a little lecture on being late...Because the whole world has nothing else to do but hang around the airport waiting to be patted down and have their boots examined."

No, because if the whole world showed up at the airport 15 minutes before their scheduled departure, as Ms. Guergis and her aide reportedly did, no flight would ever leave on time.

"Once she was cleared, she couldn't get through the glass door to the apron. The Air Canada representative wasn't there. Could anyone contact her? Of course not..."

The Air Canada representative wasn't manning the door because she had been summoned to find the tardy Ms Guergis and her aide. Who would be the one's who reportedly kicked, hit, and tried to force open said security door with their bare hands. That would be the door that separates the airport from the plane that was scheduled to have already left by then. And that would be the plane with its 40 or so passenger whose departure was delayed to order to accommodate your medal-deserving Ms. Guergis and her aide.

Then there's drooling buttwipe "MikeMurphy", who goes for the Ann Coulter defense:

All you lefties. Please look up the term SATIRE before you choke yourself or get tennis elbow from pounding your keys too hard in anger at neo-cons, cons, harper-cons, reformers, alliancers, tories, right wingers ad-Nausea-nerdeum. Did I miss any? :)

Here's how it works, Mike: If you have to explain to everyone that it was satire ... it wasn't.

True Facts of Truth!

Canada's untouched by human hands, Minister of Extra Cookies, the man in the hermetic trousers, the one, the only (more than one would be an insult to nature), the unfuckable Jason Kenney has had his Wikipedia entry repaired by a mysterious samaritan. Canada salutes you and... oh, some poop has set it back to its original noxiousness already. Well it is a damn fine thing that there happens to be a screen cap to refer to...



Tip of the cranial implant to the mighty Antonia and the effervescent Pale. Good catch!

A Sad Farewell

Tragic news for the blogospherians, via Sadly, No andTom Watson it's been reported that Jon Swift has passed away. Evidently he suffered a massive stroke in the wake of two aortic aneurisms. The brilliant parodic flair that he brought to his work set him in the uppermost tier of political thinkerers. Farewell Mr Swift, you'll be missed.

Billy Can't Think Straight...

... when Jon comes over to play.

It never ceases to frighten me that the most rational and reasoned "news" person in today's America is a comedian making fun of the news. Olberman has his moments of top notch ranting but he's a little too much in love with the idea of himself as the reincarnation of Edward R. Murrow. And while I pretty much agree with Rachel Maddow on most issues, she's certainly not what I would call non-partisan. I would argue that the more left leaning news programs are much less bombastic and sensationalist than the Fox style maniacs with their screaming tabloid idiocy. But bias is bias, even when it is smartly presented. Here Jon Stewart, in the clips that Bill-o cut from his show, does what few personalities have done. He stated his case without raising his voice, he made pretty good sense and put Bill back on his heels. I think cyclonic is a bit of a silly term but he managed to make himself heard without falling into the stupid trap that O'Reilly lives by, the shouting match.

Clip from the clever kids over at Crooks & Liars

Ah, irony, where is thy towel snap to the nads?

Oh, dear:

Throne speech to tackle lack of skilled workers

The speech from the throne on Wednesday will not just promise more jobs, it will address a lack of skilled workers that has left some Canadian jobs going begging, government sources say.

That would be the Stephen Harper Party of Canada, complaining that Canada desperately needs far more intellectually advanced and educated residents.

Really, what possible punchline could there be?

... and you don't fuck with Jim Prentice.

This is what we call "foreshadowing."

Please do not let conservatives handle money.

They will fuck it up every time.

Jason Kenney: Still not down with the homos.

Apparently, Citizenship and Immigration Minister Jason Kenney still doesn't much care for the faggots:

Gay rights section nixed for immigrants' guide

Citizenship and Immigration Minister Jason Kenney blocked any reference to gay rights in a new study guide for immigrants applying for Canadian citizenship, the Canadian Press has learned.

Internal documents show an early draft of the guide contained sections noting that homosexuality was decriminalized in 1969; that the Charter of Rights and Freedoms forbids discrimination based on sexual orientation; and that same-sex marriage was legalized nationally in 2005.

But Kenney, who fought same-sex marriage when it was debated in Parliament, ordered those key sections removed when his office sent its comments to the department last June.

In Kenney's world, I'm sure homos are bad enough, but foreigner homos? Perhaps with dark skin? That must just give Kenney the late night sweats. And not in a good way, if you catch my drift.

AFTERSNARK: Curiously (or maybe not), it appears Canada's Blogging Tories are entirely missing in action on this story. Even Blogging Tory Fred "Gay and Right" Litwin can't seem to tear himself away from what must surely be foremost on the mind of every gay person in Canada these days: Israel.

Here's a suggestion, Fred: Change the name of your blog to something like "Gay and Don't Really Give a Shit About Any of That Gay Stuff." Maybe throw in the word "Israel" once or twice. Think of it as your first baby step towards accuracy. I mean, it's not like you have any interest in gay issues or anything, right?

And here's where we juxtapose -- Canadian wanker style.

In the heat of celebrating Canada's winning mens' Olympic hockey goal, NDP leader Jack Layton quietly moves a woman's arm out of the way so he can keep watching the festivities on a bar TV:

"OMFG, did you see what Jack Layton did? What a narcissist! What an unbelievable, preening, full of himself, ego-filled prick!! God, can you believe someone could be that horribly self-absorbed and desperate for attention?!?! Jesus freakin' Christ, how pompous and pretentious can one human being be?!?!?!?!1!!1!!11!!!"

On the other hand, Conservative cabinet minister Helena Guergis shows up late for a flight at Charlottetown airport, then proceeds to pitch a fit when told to remove her shoes, screaming at various people, insulting workers who are only trying to do their jobs, then describing either the airport or Charlottetown as a "hell-hole":

"Meh, whatever. Slow news day, get over it. Nothing to see here, move along."

And that's why we here at CC HQ refer to Canada's Right as useless, irredeemable retards. I don't believe that requires any further explanation.

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, this is what all the screeching panic is about:



If you missed it the first time, don't feel bad -- so did most people. The ones who are currently shitting themselves over it are the same ones locked away in their mom's basements, playing Van Halen records backwards and listening for references to Satan.

Yeah, those useless tools.

It's called "reading," Jonathon. You should try it sometime.

Blogging Tory Jonathon Narvey pulls a "Hunter," by which I mean he posts something really, really fucking stupid:

Am I crazy, or did a convicted terrorist just walk free for no good reason?

Me, I'd go with "crazy" but let's keep reading to see what's yanking Jon's panties:

Just a few days ago, we had this story about how criminals could no longer take advantage of a legal loophole to avoid hard-time behind bars:

Criminals convicted in Canada will no longer be able to receive double credit for time served before trial unless there are exceptional circumstances.

Justice Minister Rob Nicholson will announce in a news conference on Parliament Hill Tuesday afternoon he is enacting the legislation which eliminates the common practice of two-for-one credit for pre-trial custody…

“It’s going to go a long way to giving people confidence in the justice system,” said Manitoba Justice Minister Andrew Swan.

And today, a man who entered a plea of guilty of involvement in a terrorist plot goes free the same day as a result of the old rules about two-for-one credit: ...

And now, we follow said link to discover what Jonathon managed to miss (all emphasis nad-grindingly added):

[Manitoba Justice Minister Andrew] Swan said the bill will affect only those convicted after it takes effect and he expects it will take time to see the impact of the bill.

Yeah, the devil's in the details, isn't it, Jon? Or, more precisely, it's in the parts of the article you were incapable of reading. But speaking of Bill C-25, how's that coming along? Well, shit:

"I was particularly surprised that you referred to Bill C-25 during your press conference. That bill, which dealt with limiting credit for time spent in pre-sentencing custody, passed the Senate without any amendments on October 21, 2009, yet as of this writing, according to the Library of Parliament and the Privy Council Office, the bill has still not been brought into force by your Government – more than three months later. One is left to wonder whether you simply forgot to bring it into force? Or was the bill more about the appearance of being “tough on crime” than actually taking action? Certainly we now know that bill was not as urgent a priority for the Harper Government as was initially represented."

Some advice, Jon -- find another hobby. Blogging isn't for you. It typically requires an ability to, you know, read. And stuff like that.

I'm just sayin'.

BY THE WAY, JON, when you're reading stuff like news, let me emphasize the parts that you might pay particularly close attention to:

Justice Minister Rob Nicholson will announce in a news conference on Parliament Hill Tuesday afternoon he is enacting the legislation which eliminates the common practice of two-for-one credit for pre-trial custody...

The bill will mean ...

See that highlighted stuff, Jon? That's what we in Literateville refer to as "the future tense." It's kind of a giveaway.

At Alberta Ardvark's, the douchebagitude never ends.

Jesus, it's like that guy's an idiot magnet. Here's commenter "Enkidu," announcing his doucheitude to all and sundry (emphasis douchebaggily added):

Proroguing was necessary because without it, the Senate appointments he made would not affect the makeup of the Senate committees, and the Gliberals would continue to stall Conservative legislation. Now, when Parliament reconvenes, the Senate committees will be reformed to reflect the new balance of power in the Senate, and perhaps the Conservatives can start to move forward with their agenda, like Senate reform, and gun registration reform, and getting tough on crime, and all those things that are music to my ears and anathema to the left.

And then there's reality, by which I mean us.

And that's why you read Canadian Cynic -- because we're not retarded douchebags.

Secret Revealed

This is how blogging tories disseminate the vital talking points. Take it away Hunter...

Holy freaking Mother of God, the retarditude!

Over at Blogging Tory Alberta Ardvark's, right-wing attack poodle and intellectual cripple "maryT" writes something incredibly fucking stupid:

... canwest poll says 4 out of 10 have lost support for the PM, at 38%, but that means 6 out of 10-62% still support the PM.
Why isn't that the headline.

Um ... what the hell? Jesus freakin' Christ, how stupid can one person be? The fact that 4 out of 10 people have lost support for Stephen the Large does not translate to 6 out of 10 people still supporting him. For fuck's sake, let's go to the actual news piece, shall we?

Harper's personal numbers, though, have suffered over the last three months. When survey respondents were asked if their impression of the prime minister had improved over the last three months, about one in 10 (12 per cent) said it had but four in 10 (38 per cent) said their impression of Harper had worsened.

Huh. You know, that doesn't really resemble what that yappy gasbag maryT is claiming, does it? Almost 4 in 10 people now think less of Harper than they did before, but that says nothing about how many people support him outright. To learn that, we need only read further down that very article:

But despite the fact that the prorogation period caused many Canadians to change their view of Harper for the worse, nearly half of voters — 46 per cent — still say he's the right man for the job he has.

And there you go. 46 per cent, not 62 per cent. And that's why I have no interest in intellectually engaging these people: They're mental vegetables.

I'm sure you see my point.

BREAKING NEWS: Blogging Tories being total douchebags as usual.

Ah, the Special Ed kids will have their fun (all subsequent emphasis thigh-suckingly added):

Jack Layton, 2 minutes for interference.

Compare and contrast.

While PM Harper was sitting in the stands beside Wayne Gretzky cheering on our men's hockey team during the gold medal game at the Olympics, Jack Layton was in Gretzky's Bar in Toronto waiting for the camera to go live so he could get his face on national television; and he was not going to let anyone get in his way as you can see from the following.

And then there's reality:

In a clip broadcast between periods Mr. Layton, who was joined by his wife and fellow MP Olivia Chow, raises his arms in celebration as Canada nets its second goal. He also reaches out and lowers the arms of another bar patron. Some suggest this was an intentional bid to stay in the shot; the NDP Leader's press secretary says otherwise.

"The TV screen was up there, he moved her arm to be able to see," Karl Bélanger told The Globe. "She was clearly not upset or anything like that. She is a friend of a former NDP candidate who happened to sit beside them for the game. They shared a great Canadian moment and enjoyed a few beers together."

And Stephen Harper? Oh, right:

The Prime Minister and his son Ben took in Sunday's gripping men's final with the hockey legend in Vancouver. Having brought along his official photographer, Mr. Harper managed to capture for posterity his reaction to the heartbreaking U.S. equalizer, the moment of victory in overtime and even his trip to the locker room to congratulate the champions.

Haha! Man, I'll bet Alberta Ardvark feels like a total buttwipe now. Or he would, if he had any shame. Or sense. Or decency.

I'm sure you see where I'm going with this.

Apparently, pathological narcissism is in the eye of the beholder.

Shorter, stupid Blogging Tories: "As sycophantic, brown-nosing, Harper-worshipping suckups who have absolutely no problem with Stephen's personal portrait gallery or his desperate need for attention and adoration, can you believe that gloryhound Jack Layton?"

The (impending) assholishness of Stephen Harper.

With the resumption of Parliamentary hilarity just around the corner, let's predict how much of a total dick Stephen Harper will be. How arrogant will he be? How contemptuous? How hypocritical? Will he try to abolish public funding for political parties as he did in 2008, a move which backfired in a spectacular manner? Maybe he'll just bash out a worthless throne speech, give Michael Ignatieff the finger and prorogue Parliament again. Who the hell knows?

Come on, let your imagination run wild -- nothing's too asinine or jaw-dropping to not imagine Stephen Harper actually trying it. The lines are open, and operators are standing by to not give a crap what you think.

HERE'S A NO-BRAINER: Former Harper communications director Kory Teneycke would be a total buttplug:

The government has so far refused to comply, risking being found in contempt of Parliament and potentially sparking a constitutional crisis. However, opposition parties are treading carefully, refusing to speculate on their next move should the government continue to thumb its nose at the will of Parliament.

Teneycke predicted the opposition will ultimately back down because Canadians "by and large do not care" about "a four-year-old story about Taliban prisoners."

Here's a suggestion, Kory, you greasy little weasel. You can either claim that no one gives a crap about Afghan detainees, or you can defend Stephen Harper's blatant contempt for Parliament in refusing to turn over documents related to that issue, thereby risking an actual constitutional crisis. You can't do both. Deal with it.

God, what an ass.

Thank Christ that's over.

If I ever hear that wretched paean to juvenile emotionalism and shallow, heart-tugging vacuity, "I Believe," again, it will be about 50 billion years too soon.

Now shut up and put on some "Talking Heads."

P.S. Please, for the love of Mutt, stop telling me about how we won a "record" number of medals. Of course we did, given the recent introduction of such faux competitions as the mixed, giant, halfpipe, aerial, slalom sno-ski-cross team relay and ridiculous rubbish like that.

It's not a real sport unless the winners get to kill and eat the losers. Which explains why I'm so intrigued by the biathlon. Hey ...