Oh, dear ... not so well. Feel free to continue lecturing us on morals and values, though. We need the amusement.
A Catholic man finishes seeking absolution and is about to leave the confessional when his Priest asks him to fill in as confessor for a few minutes while he goes to the bathroom.
“I don’t know Father. What sort of punishments should I hand out?”, he asks nervously.
“It’s very simple”, says the Priest, “Just use the chart on the wall. It lists the various sins and their appropriate atonements. You’ll do fine.”
“Okay, Father”, the man agrees reluctantly.
He takes the Priest’s place in the confessional and waits.
The first person enters and admits to lying.
The man looks on the chart and says, “Say twenty Hail Marys.”
The next person confesses to feelings of pride and envy.
“That’ll be forty Hail Marys”, says the ersatz priest.
He smiles. He’s beginning to enjoy his new role.
Just then, a woman enters the booth and says, “Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I performed oral sex on a man in a bathroom.”
He looks on the chart but cannot find anything relating to fellatio. He begins to panic. He slips out of the confessional and grabs an altar boy.
Shaking the youth, he asks, “What do you get for a blowjob?”
“Father Tim usually gives me a Snickers!”, the boy replies enthusiastically.
"One cannot really be a Catholic and grown up."
-- George Orwell