Tough love, Canadian style.

The time: Not long before the previous Canadian federal election.

The place: The final leaders' debate -- perhaps the last chance for the leaders to sway the undecided.

And ... fade in ...

Moderator: All right, then, now that the leaders have wrapped up their presentations, we're going to the public participation segment of the evening. Our first questioner from the audience is John, who's a second year political science student at the University of Toronto. Go ahead, John.

John: Um, thanks. I have, um, not so much a question as a comment for Prime Minister Martin. I think a lot of us are upset with all the Liberal corruption and that's why I think Canada is going to vote the Liberals out, and vote in a Conservative government. But I also think it's going to be a minority government to, you know, strike a balance and not give them unlimited power, which I think is a good idea.

Moderator: Mr. Martin? Your response?

Martin: You know, John, I've been hearing just that notion a lot lately and, let me tell you, I'm thoroughly fucking sick of it. "Let's punish the Liberals by voting them out of power," they say. "But let's not punish them so much that they can't act as a brake on the Tories," they say.

So, John, what you want is to put on this air of high morals and principles and say that you just cannot abide the current problems with the Liberal government. But at the same time, you damned well want to make sure we're still around to protect you from the dumbfuck agenda that Steve and his lunatic buddies have lined up for you and the rest of this country. Well, that's mighty principled of you, John, but let me tell you how this is going to go down.

If, in fact, this country decides to punish the Liberals by voting in a CPC minority governent, I'm going to damn well punish this country right back by giving it a CPC majority government. If the voters think it's acceptable to pull that sort of juvenile crap, what I'm going to do as leader of the opposition is get all of my MPs to sign on to every piece of ridiculous, asinine legislation that comes across our desks. Every one of them.

You following me, John, you snot-nosed little twerp? You think this election is your chance to tweak a few noses, is that how you see this? Let me make it clear -- if this country votes for a Conservative government, I'm going to make damned sure it gets a Conservative government. No limits, no brakes. I'm going to let them do whatever the hell they want, and then you'll see just what democracy is like, CPC-style.

John: Wait a minute -- that's not fair!

Martin: Fair? Who the fuck are you to be lecturing me about fair? You yap on about kicking my party out of power, but still being there to save your sorry ass from the same people you're talking about voting into power. Don't you be lecturing me about fair, you little pissant.

Moderator: Um ... uh ... Mr. Harper?

Stephen Harper: Well, I think this shows just how low the Liberal party has finally sunk -- for the Prime Minister to be standing up in front of the entire nation and threatening it with a promise to implement all of my party's policies.

(Pause.)

Wait, hang on ... that didn't come out the way I wanted.

Moderator: Uh ... Mr. Layton? Your thoughts? Please?

Jack Layton: Oh, bugger off, I'm just sitting here enjoying myself. Man, I can't wait to see tomorrow's polls. Hey, Paul! Let's grab a beer after this. I'm buying.

Mercifully ... fade to black ...