There's insufferably pompous imbeciles ...

... and then there's sanctimonious fetus fetishist SUZANNE:

Personally, I find eugenics repugnant. But the elimination of “undesirables” is done everyday in this country– through abortion. 85-90% of Down Syndrome’s fetuses are aborted. People refuse to parent children who are genetically undesirable.

Quite so, SUZANNE ... because only conservatives have the self-sacrificing nobility to nobly self-sacrifice for the damaged children. Oh, wait ... no, they don't:

Consider, too, that the children currently available for adoption in Canada are disproportionately burdened with problems of one kind or another. Many suffer from physical problems such as fetal alcohol syndrome. Many are toddlers, or even older children, not infants, who have been seized from abusive homes by Children’s Aid Societies and made wards of the state by the courts. Would-be parents may be unwilling to take on the extra challenges that such children pose, but would happily take on the care of an uninjured, pre-born baby without undesirable psychological baggage.

If that intelligence-based eugenics program ever came to pass, SUZANNE should be the first one in line never allowed to have children again. But I'm guessing you didn't need me to explain that.

HOLY FUCK, the overwhelming irony.

We mock them because they're retards.

This whole "fixed" election date fiasco is generating just buckets of entertainment, and no one is more entertaining than official Stephen Harper fluffer Sandy Crux, who is adamant that the new rule clearly doesn't apply to Yo, Harper! because, well, something to do with having a minority or something.

In any event, Sandy reasons thusly:

(16) Fixed Election Dates — An Act to Amend the Canada Elections Act (Bill C-16), passed May 3, 2007 (Link) is an Act primarily for majority governments since minority governments can fall at almost any time when the opposition express a lack of confidence in the government. (Revised August 24, 2008)

Pause.

What the fuck does that drivel even mean?

So Sandy wants to claim first that the new law applies only "primarily" to majority governments? But that obviously means that it does not apply exclusively to majority governments -- as in, it also applies (even if not "primarily") to minority governments as well. In other words, it applies (and try to follow me here) to all Canadian governments.

See how that works? Did you follow that? Please tell me you followed that because I really don't want to have to explain it a second time. In short, using Sandy's own prose, we can conclude that the vaunted Fixed Election Law applies to, well, everyone.

But wait. That can't be right.

Because, as you can see, Sandy links to the National Post, which takes the position that the legislation is, in fact, not binding at all. And why is Sandy doing this? Because, Sandy, being one of the stupidest Ph.Ds on the planet, is desperately trying to defend Dear Leader from the accusation of breaking his promise, and the only way she can do this is to contend that that legislation does not, in fact, stop Stephen Harper from calling a snap election.

Which means (and we're almost there) that Sandy, in leaping from Stephen Harper's genitals to his defense, must (and let me stress this, must) take the position that the legislation has no actual power. And yet, having now clearly staked her entire argument on the claim that the legislation is, in fact, non-binding, she continues to claim that it still represents an "accomplishment." Go figure.

Sandy Crux, boys and girls: When Ph.D.s go horribly, horribly wrong.

Isn’t this interesting?

If you know, by interesting, I mean incredibly fucking creepy.


You read that right, boys and girls — Stephen Taylor’s co-admin Craig Smith thinks promoting eugenics via a points system, which he oh-so-helpfully lays out along with suggested financial bonuses, is just what society needs.

You only wish I was kidding.

Sunday Funnies.

A little Benny Hill with your coffee this morning?

Dear mouth-breathing wankers: A simple question, if I may.

Not surprisingly, the latest Canadian wanky meme is that Stephen the Rotund does too have the legal right to call an election, as long as you allow an excruciating and mind-numbing parsing of the actual legislation. And while there is so much more that can (and will) be written on this topic, all of this weaselly, right-wing dodging, weaving and tap dancing does bring up a simple question. To wit:

If Stephen Harper does, in fact, have the legal right to call an election, does Governor-General Michaelle Jean have a similar and legal right to say "no"?

It really is a simple yes/no question, isn't it? And I have already pointed out how the very same legislation that Canada's wanks are currently jerking off to very clearly uses the word "discretion" with respect to the Governor-General.

So, wankers, your opinions, if you would. As I have already made clear, this is a simple yes-or-no question based on nothing more than a careful examination of the very same legislation you are all currently drooling over. And it would be ever so delightful if you could answer it with a simple "yes" or "no", and not with an outraged, illogical diatribe involving phrases such as "unusual", "shocking", "unprecedented", or "that fucking, Haitian voodoo princess black bitch nigger who should go back where she came from." Or anything of the sort -- I think you get my drift.

Well? Yes or no? Here at CC HQ, the lines are open and operators are standing by to call Patrick Ross a dink.

And this is why we mock them.

Zorpheous: "Harper promised fixed election dates. So he's breaking his promise."

Alberta Girl: "He hasn't actually called an election, so there's no broken promise."

Zorph: "He did promise fixed election dates, AG."

AG: "He hasn't actually called an election, so there's no broken promise."

Zorph: "Harper made the promise, now he's breaking it."

AG: "Once again, he hasn't called an election, so he can't possibly have broken any promise."

Zorph: "OK, so if he does call an election, will you then admit that he broke his promise?"

AG: "No."

And this is why we mock them for being the insufferably ignorant, hypocritical douchebags they are. But you knew that already.

All in all, it's just another boot to the nads.

Dear CFAC wankers: When even the National Post thinks you're a bunch of shrieking, retarded loons, well, that's a bad sign.

Deficits and Tumbling Projections, Jim Flaherty Fails Again

Our precious Cons like to beep and squeak with mighty gusts from their hindward breezers about the power and certitude of the free market, solution to all of life's troubles. Anyone who has the will to look, has seen that indeed the market does act swiftly and surely when confronted with economic news, either dire or delighting. When a company exceeds projections there are bonuses and dividends, celebration and a commensurate increase in share value. Conversely, when a company fails to meet projections, loses ground and stumbles, well, that is when the heads roll, stock values tumble and the wolves begin to circle. That is when those that pilot the ship of commerce are vulnerable and likely to be tossed overboard.

Finance Minister Jim Flaherty fell in line with private economists Friday and cut his outlook for economic growth this year.
Mr. Flaherty used his department's monthly fiscal update to announce that the federal government has revised its working estimate for growth to 1.1 per cent from the 1.7 per cent forecast in the February budget.

In the actual free market, a drop of that scale in projections would be a flaming disaster. Flaherty has played at cutting taxes, thus diminishing revenues all as the American and global economies turned sour. Difficult to practice foresight with one's head tucked up the nether tube. That's the trouble with blinkered ideologues like Flaherty. All evidence to the contrary they will do what will not work because they are believers. Faith has never been kind to the foolish. Canada is now likely to record a budgetary deficit for the first time in over ten years. Any self respecting CEO would have tossed the ambulance chasing fool out onto the sidewalk and beaten him with a stapler for screwing the simple shit up, spend less than you bring in.

Mike Harris failed Ontario, a failure in which Jim Flaherty was instrumental. He proved to be a shifty, miniature suckweasel during that ugly reign and now Flaherty has moved onward and upward to suck and to fail on the big stage. Flaherty was among the furthest right of Harris's gang of used car salesmen. He seems right at home among Harper's pack of Canada hating miscreants. Flaherty was behind the scheme to give tax credits to Ontario parents for sending their little Bobbies and Betties to private and religious schools. He was only too happy to undermine his own provincial government's education policies and give the shank to then Ontario  Minister of Education Janet Ecker.

Flaherty is a theocon loon. Among his past clever plans, making homelessness illegal. As Harris's financial wizard, he wanted to privatize the LCBO, one of the province's success stories. Not only are alcohol products highly profitable, the provincial monopoly helps fill the coffers and allows for better enforcement of sales restrictions at the retail level. He couldn't be a true Con if he weren't trying to fix the unbroken. Flaherty is also in bed (so to speak) with the fetus fetishists and is a vocal supporter of anti-choice. As a socon fundie bastard, Flaherty is not a friend of sex but that didn't stop him from boning income trust investors. How is it that a guy this wrong, this often is in one of the most important portfolios in government? It really is okay to be an utterly helpless fuckwit if you're a Con.

No, Stephen, you CAN'T have an election.

Let's all read carefully:

56.1 (1) Nothing in this section affects the powers of the Governor General, including the power to dissolve Parliament at the Governor General’s discretion.

Discretion:

–noun
1. the power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgment; freedom of judgment or choice: It is entirely within my discretion whether I will go or stay.

Yo, Harper: "Madame Governor General, I would like to call an election."

Madame Governor General: "No. Now piss off, you pompous little git."

HEH. Indeed.

Yes, Stephen. Whatever you say, Stephen.

Blogging Tory co-founder Stephen Taylor would like to put a stop to all this awkward speculation:

In 2005, Stephen Harper stated his views on legislation and abortion at the CPC policy convention:

“And, while I’m at it, I will tell you that, as prime minister, I will not bring forth legislation on the issue of abortion.”

And when Stephen Harper makes a promise, you can take that baby to the bank. Or not. Whatever.

Document the douchebagitude.

Apparently, this is what passes for Blogging Tory humour these days. I'm particularly amused by chuckercanuck's observation in the comments:

... trying to bring this discussion [of abortion] to the national table when we have relative quiet on this front is disgusting.

Yes, Chucker. "Relative quiet." Now why don't you get the nice lady to wheel you back to your room, and we grown-ups will be happy to take over here. There's a good boy.

Move those goalposts, baby. MOVE THEM!

Blogging Tory "splatto" comes perilously close to logical thought:

Election Dates - Fixed, or “Fixed”?

I’ll admit I raised an eyebrow when I read that the Tories may be thinking of initiating an election before the now infamous October 2009 date. It seemed to me that doing so would be going against the fixed election date law that had been passed very early on in their mandate.

And, yes, that is what we sane people are actually thinking. Fortunately, right-wing reasoning steps in and saves the day:

However, I’ve since realized something.

And that's when I stopped reading. No, seriously, that's when I stopped reading.

HEH. Indeed.

(Wag of the tail to commenter Stimpson.)

About Those Hearts & Minds...

78 civilians are reported dead following joint operations by American and Afghan National Army commandos. As with any such news there are questions, denials and counter claims. American spokespeople tried to diminish and dismiss the claim.

Originally the coalition said the battle killed 30 militants, but U.S. coalition spokeswoman Rumi Nielson-Green said Saturday that five civilians — two women and three children connected to the militants — were among the dead.

"Obviously there's allegations and a disconnect here. The sooner we can get that cleared up and get it official, the better off we'll all be," said U.S. coalition spokesman 1st Lt. Nathan Perry. "We had people on the ground."

Given the American failure of credibility over the last few years of ill considered warfare, friendly fire casualties, torture and administration lies, I am somewhat more receptive to the claims of the folk cleaning up the mess.

Ghulam Azrat, 50, the director of the middle school in Azizabad, said he collected 60 bodies Friday morning after the bombing.

"We put the bodies in the main mosque," he told The Associated Press by phone, sometimes pausing to collect himself in between tears. "Most of these dead bodies were children and women. It took all morning to collect them."

Azrat said villagers on Saturday threw stones at Afghan soldiers who tried to give food and clothes to them. He said the soldiers fired into the crowd and wounded eight people, including one child critically wounded.

What a sad mess.

Sweet dancing Jesus …

A girl gets parachuted in to help save a bid and ends up working three straight weeks of 16+ hour days and for what? So Big Daddy and his merry band of in-and-out fuckwits could dump the announcement that the project had been scuttled late Friday night in the futile hope that no one would notice? Nice try, you smug, arrogant, accountability for me but not for thee jackass.

The Conservative government has quietly scuttled the navy's $2.9 billion project to replace its aging supply ships, saying bids from the shipbuilding industry were "significantly" higher than the money set aside for the program.

It has also cancelled a tender call for the purchase of 12 mid-shore patrol ships for the coast guard.

The decisions were announced in a statement issued at 8:30 Friday night by Public Works Minister Christian Paradis.

"These vessels are a key priority of the Government of Canada," Paradis said in the release. "However, the government must ensure that Canadian taxpayers receive the best value for their money."

And would you like to know why they weren’t receiving "best value for their money"? Probably because they completely ignored the suggested budget after their consultations with industry. After all, who knows better — those fools who build ships or Big Daddy?

Almost right from the beginning the plan ran into trouble as designers tried to incorporate everything into the ships that naval planners had requested.

The ships were expected to function as resupply vessels, cargo carriers for the army, a floating headquarters and possibly a hospital ship, depending upon the mission assigned.

Defence sources say the two consortiums that were bidding basically determined the ships could not be built for the amount of money the Conservative government had set aside.

Within the navy proposals were kicked around to cut the number of ships to two, but it was ultimately determined not to be practical from an operational point of view, said the sources who spoke on background.

Canada's Back, boys and girls.

CC HERE: Yo, Sandy! How are those Harper government "accomplishments" coming? Like, oh, this one:

(33) Military spending increased to a post-war peak, including the delivery of four C-17 Globe Master strategic airlift aircraft (Link) (Link) (Link)

Hey, I know ... let's follow that first link, where we read:

Harper set to announce $15B in military spending
Last Updated: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 | 8:42 PM ET

... On Monday, Prime Minister Stephen Harper is set to announce in Halifax that the Conservative government will fund the building of three new supply ships at an expected cost of about $2.1 billion.

You can expect Harper propagandist and loving fellatrix Sandy to correct the public record the day Satan starts ice skating to work.

BONUS CC READER CHALLENGE: Is it worth checking to see if a single Blogging Tory makes note of this recent (and clearly embarrassing) development?

Preznit McCain Would Like To Thank...

Well, barring any alternate reality imposing itself, Joe Biden would appear to be the older, whiter half of the Democratical ticket that is busily scrambling toward the imaginary centre in the current American preznitial election. I've had a quick jog through some of the bigger political sites from our southern pals on the left and the consensus seems to be that at least it wasn't Satan. He didn't pick Satan. It could have been Satan. Or Joe Lieberman. Biden appears to be receiving a welcome worthy of a desperate compromise at best and a drunken night of regret at worst.

Some of the same folks that screamed at me for questioning the ascendance of Barack Obama are now kicking their toes in the dirt and rationalizing the choice of Biden as his running mate. He's the attack dog, he was mean to Giuliani, he's older and whiter and Catholic. A lot of the commentariat appear to be trying to convince themselves that it isn't a sell out, crap waffle of a choice and more than a few are spitting in disgust. Way to go hopes, dreams and ponies ticket!

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Hassan? Hassan? That sounds suspiciously like a ... a ... Mooozzllliimmmm name!!!11!!!111! Someone better let KKKate and Neo and Five Feet of Scary Brown People™ know that nothing, nothing I tell you, is sacred anymore.



Mmmmmmmmmm ... I love coffee, really I do. I just thought you needed to know that.

Ha ha ... your daily Neo.

Yes, Red, it's pointless and juvenile but, what the hell, it's just another data point in why we never engage them, we only mock them.

First, there's the setup. Then, the polite and perfectly reasonable objection. Followed, finally, by the pinnacle of intellectual rebuttal of which Neo is capable.

Congratulations, Stephen Taylor. When folks get around to discussing Canadian political legacies, I'm fairly sure yours has already been cemented nicely.

P.S. And, no, we're not quite done with Neo yet. There's more going on here than you realize.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Another commenter drops by and gives Neo a sound spanking for being a) a lying douche, and b) an uncultured boor.

That kind of smackdown would normally leave a mark, if Neo wasn't too braindead to realize when he's been paddled soundly.

Homemade

This is my old friend Danny. He's a treasure.



Be about 22 years ago that his high school band was opening for me after we snuck them into the Level 21. He had all the talent in the world and he's matured into a truly superb songwriter and performer. Buy some of his records or go dig his show live, you will not be disappointed.

When really stupid Blogging Tories blog.

Submitted without comment.

Shall we play?

We haven’t done one of these in a while, so just in case you’ve forgotten the rules, your answers in the comments if you please.

1) Favourite Marilyn Monroe film and why.

2) Favourite science fiction film and why.

3) And, just to change things up, name your favourite song from a musical.

Me first.

1) I’m going to break my own rule and name two — Bus Stop and How to Marry a Millionaire. The first because her portrayal of Cherie, the hillbilly, wanna-be showgirl, was so very sad in some ways. And the second because her portrayal of ditsy, nearsighted, model Pola was just hilarious

2) While some would argue that it’s not "classic sci-fi", I’m going to say Blade Runner — Ridley Scott’s dark, dystopian and somewhat prophetic view of the future. With its overcrowded street scenes and neverending rain, a by-product of pollution and global warming, it’s almost oppressively claustrophobic and is, without doubt, one of the most interesting and clever films I’ve ever seen. Harrison Ford’s portrayal of Rick Deckard was such a dramatic departure from Han Solo that at times it almost felt like it wasn’t the same actor. And Rutger Hauer was just brilliant as Roy Batty, the violently intelligent, "more human than human" leader of the renegade replicants trying desperately to live just a little longer.

3) While I’ve never been a huge fan of the musical genre (it’s just too weird), this song from Funny Girl has always appealed to me since the first time I heard it years ago.



Your turn.