Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Where's Twatsy? Tracking the elusive Patrick Rossosaurus.



If you've followed the six-part series, The Saga of Patrick Ross (A study in Pathological Douchebagitude), then it's time for you to show your appreciation for all that pants-peeing entertainment value by helping me, my lawyers and children and small animals everywhere to locate and spank Mr. Ross to the extent that the legal system will allow:



So here's what we know about Patrick Ross. First, this would be what we in the biz jovially refer to as "The Twatster" or "Twatsy" for short:



(I'm guessing the fetching creature draped all over him would be his date, which should be a warning to you youngsters everywhere of the danger of "roofies".)

This is a list of everything we're pretty sure we know about Patrick Ross:



In addition, Patrick Ross appears to be a regular contributor of right-wing ravings to a couple of useless online rags:



Finally, rumour has it that Patrick Ross is still a regular around the University of Alberta where he hangs out with campus conservatives and brags to cute undergrad chicks about his replica WWE championship belt and set of Edmonton Oilers collectable beer mugs.
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What we're after is a reliable and verified address/location for Patrick Ross, so we can politely gift him with one more legal document, after which his running days are over. So drop any hints in the comments section, and me and my crack legal team of top men will take it from there.

UPPITY DATE: Oh, dear:



Twitmeister should really ask Patrick "Outlaw Tory" Ross whether Ross thinks his last 12 months have been "well played."

P.S. Just so you know ...

P.P.S. Here's the aforementioned Patrick Ross, doing his screen test for the part of a bookstore clerk while choking back the depression of knowing he owes me over $85,000 (his eminence bursts onto the screen at around 1:08):



2 comments:

Carmichael said...

Maybe your lawyer should subpoena McKay as to Ross' whereabouts.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=428602551232&set=t.508906366&type=1

Then again he could be on McKay's staff.

Omar said...

How the fuck can anyone born in 1981 be sporting a 'parted in the middle and feathered back' hairdo? This alone disqualifies him from any respectability whatsoever.