Soldier in Iraq press event admits it was staged.

Apparently, a number of Wankerville bloggers (such as everyone's favourite Crazy-Assed Bitch Michelle Malkin) are pointing at the online writings of one of the soldiers in the Commander Chimpy Iraq press event as proof that it was in no way scripted.

OK, fine, let's see what Sgt. Ron Long has to say, shall we, keeping in mind that, if he's looking to make a case, his best approach is to be as dispassionate and methodical as possible, and just lay out the facts with a minimum of flag waving and cock sucking. (Whoops, did I say that last part out loud?)

Take it away, Sgt. Long:

... The interview went well, but I would like to respond to what most of the mass-media has dubbed as, "A Staged Event."

You do that.

First of all, we were told that we would be speaking with the President of the United States, our Commander-in-Chief, President Bush, ...

Ignore, if you will, the slightly nauseating hero worship here, and let's continue:

... so I believe that it would have been totally irresponsible for us NOT to prepare some ideas, facts or comments that we wanted to share with the President.

Um ... OK. This little get-together was in no way scripted or staged, we just, you know, got together ahead of time to discuss, like, stuff that might come up in conversation.

We were given an idea as to what topics he may discuss with us, but it's the President of the United States; He will choose which way his conversation with us may go.

Uh ... sure, we wanted to keep it light and breezy but, you know, having an idea of the topics beforehand does help things flow a little more smoothly. If you catch my drift. (And pay no attention to the deification of George W. McFlightSuit with the capitalized reference to "He" in mid-sentence -- I'm sure that's just a typo.)

We practiced passing the microphone around to one another, so we wouldn't choke someone on live TV.

That makes sense; it's only natural that crack combat troops -- walking that fine line, ever alert to the slightest danger or terrorist threat, part of the finest fighting force the world has ever seen -- would be so breathtakingly incompetent that they need to make a dry run at handing a microphone around without strangling one another. Sure, I'll buy that. (Hint: consider wireless.)

We had an idea as to who we thought should answer what types of questions, unless President Bush called on one of us specifically.

And assigning types of questions to particular people was in no way an attempt at staging or scripting. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Note to Sgt. Long: The next time you want to suck someone's dick in public, you might as well call this guy. He probably wouldn't say no.

NOT TO PILE ON BUT ... the good sergeant is clearly a blatant liar about the lack of scripting, as we have already established. That sort of lessens the impact of his presidential fellatio as well.