Steve Won't Teabag Brian No More

Dear Blogging Tories,

Please take a moment to review the many, many instances where you trotted out the dusty adscam scandal to make blanket assertions about how corrupt the Liberals are/were. Evidently, it was perfectly fair game to cast your many aspersions upon the reputations of any and all Liberals as crooked, corrupt and rotten. You made it work for yourselves in a campaign of constant mud flinging and as we all know, the ends justify the meanies. Or something like that. Unfortunately, tables have a funny habit of turning, goose meet gander.

I recall an Airfarce joke I heard on the radio one sunny day, what's 12 inches long and hangs between Ronald Reagan's legs? Brian Mulroney's tie. Parumpum! See, there was a certain, let's call it greasy quality about Mulroney. The tag Lyin' Brian got used and stuck for a reason. The dude just seems shifty. He's a veritable sincerity vacuum, he can suck the integrity out of a room just by lifting that shovel of a face and blinking. He was the sort of lad that would french a pit bull's arse if he thought there was a nickel poked up inside.

He was the hate part of this nation's love/hate relationship with Pierre Trudeau. PET cast such a long shadow that Mulroney spent his entire career in eclipse and he resented the hell out of that. Where Trudeau was brash and charming, Mulroney was merely smarmy. Where Trudeau had vision and passion, Mulroney had avarice and ambition. Trudeau knew his own mind and right or wrong, was a fearless statesman, Mulroney always recognized power and curried favour. Neither man was ever short on arrogance. I don't recall any tales of Trudeau being crooked. Mulroney on the other hand continues to be haunted by tales of his dubious dealings.

Once upon a time, Mulroney accepted $300,000 in cash money from a man named Karlheinz Schreiber. This rather grand sum was somehow connected to a deal for Airbus planes going to Air Canada. Mulroney has lied about these dealings on numerous occasions and to his credit he has fibbed with gusto. Up until this week our good buddy Stevie was willing and eager to help cover the tracks of his pal Brian,

"Because Mulroney won't talk, Prime Minister Stephen Harper should create an independent public inquiry to get to the bottom of these questions. But Harper has rejected all demands for such a probe.
"This is not a route that I want to go down, and I don't think that if the Liberal party thought twice about it, it is a power they would want to give me," Harper said defiantly last week. Those words were a blatant threat to the Liberals, who along with the NDP have been demanding an inquiry, that he would launch probes into business dealings by Chrétien and former prime minister Paul Martin."

Isn't that adorable. Stevie won't do the right thing because if they make him, he'll just have to go on a vengeance hunt across the aisle. You see kids, it really is all about getting tough on crime. Hell, if you have the audacity to smoke a joint, be it for a mellow buzz or for analgesia, well you belong in jail you rotten fuck. And if you accept big money under the table from foreign business associates, lie about those dealings, put off filing the money as income for a few years, withhold pertinent details from investigators and then sue and collect a large award based on the flawed findings of those investigations, well what's the problem? That's just business as usual down at con central station.

Let's be clear, Harper refused to even look into this issue and when pressured, he responded with purely partisan threats. That is because it's only wrong when the other team does it. But what happens when the pressure doesn't diminish but increases, despite some of that old vitriol? Why you start hiding the bodies and covering up, that's what happens silly,

"Internal federal documents reveal the secrecy and sensitivity with which the Conservative government is handling allegations involving Brian Mulroney and the Airbus affair.
Briefing notes obtained by The Canadian Press advise two cabinet ministers to say that they were never briefed about the matter.
The notes were prepared for Justice Minister Rob Nicholson and his predecessor, Vic Toews.
Correspondence records show that one bureaucrat suggested to his political bosses that they remain silent to avoid fuelling the scandal."

Of course it looks a little shitty when the Canadian Press gets hold of documents like that. 'Cos gosh if that doesn't just smack of active complicity after the fact. Trust the cons to prove that old saw, there's honour among thieves. So the pressure stays on and whattayaknow somewhere in Conville there's a dry drunk ex-PM under a bus,

"In an abrupt about-face, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced a review of Brian Mulroney's dealings with a controversial businessman and cut off contact with the man he valued as a political adviser.
Friday's reversal came just a day after new allegations from Karlheinz Schreiber threatened to draw Harper himself into the tangled Mulroney-Schreiber-Airbus affair."

As Gomer Pyle famously observed, "Surprise, surprise, surprise." Harper, perhaps the most selfish twat to waddle onto the Canadian political stage in many decades, is loyal to a fault. That is to say, he's loyal until it starts to look like the wrong doings he turns a blind eye to, start reflecting on him.

"For days Harper had repeatedly dismissed Liberal demands for a probe into allegations involving $300,000 in cash payments to Mulroney by Schreiber.
But the same prime minister who had responded with taunts and threats to counter-investigate former Liberal prime ministers delivered a bolt out of the blue on Friday afternoon."

Because when your fat ass is slipping into the fire you can always pull a 180 and try to beat the news cycle,

"Schreiber's affidavit alleges that Mulroney was still serving as prime minister in June 1993 when he agreed to enter into a business arrangement.
It says a Mulroney adviser once asked him to transfer funds, in connection with Air Canada's 1988 purchase of Airbus planes, to Mulroney's lawyer in Switzerland.
As for Harper, the affidavit claims that Mulroney told Schreiber about an upcoming visit to the current prime minister's country estate in July 2006. It alleges that Mulroney promised to discuss Airbus with the prime minister at his retreat in Harrington Lake, Que."

And what does a tubby, selfish fuck do when it looks bad? He tucks tail and runs because there's nothing more important than self preservation,

"But Harper said the allegations are serious enough to threaten the integrity of the prime minister's office.
He announced that he will appoint an independent arbiter to look into the matter and recommend what the government should do."

It remains to be seen what sort of bullshit, sneaky closed-door charade Harper tries to set up.

"Liberal Leader Stephane Dion told reporters that Harper's appointment of an independent adviser to look into the matter doesn't go far enough and that he wants a public inquiry.
He said now that Schreiber's affidavit has been made public and names Harper that Harper seemed "desperate to look like he is still taking action when he actually offers nothing but delay."
Dion says the allegation raises troubling questions such as why the Justice Department's investigation into the matter was stopped.
"He (Harper) is saddled with the appearance of conflict of interest," Dion said. "As such, his impartiality could come under question as further decisions on how to proceed are taken."

But nothing says serious to Stevie Harper like a threat to his own soft set-up. And if his BFF (Sorry Stockie, he just doesn't love you that way) becomes a political liability then it's under the bus with him.

"He bluntly declared that he had not spoken with Mulroney in advance of his announcement, and warned members of his government to follow his lead.
"I think it will be incumbent on me and also upon members of the government not to have dealings with Mr. Mulroney until this issue is resolved," he said.
It was a far cry from last spring, when Harper was toasting Mulroney at a public gala and comparing him to Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II as historic figures in the fight against communism."

I'm willing to guess that Stevie and Brian won't be sharing fluids again for the next little while. But I'm just going to take solace in the fact that the Gomery enquiry can now be put to rest. There's a new scandal in town and it even has fat Stevie's name on it. And that just lets me say that I've had enough of the Cons and their culture of corruption and white collar crime. Ain't it a shame that these two Conservative Prime Ministers are now tainted in scandal involving vast sums of money and cover ups.

So Blogging Tories, you can now take all of your pious sanctimony and roll it up tight and poke it where the sun don't shine. Oh and if there is any cosmic justice the sins of the father will be visited upon the son and Ben Mulroney will spontaneously combust on camera. That would be the only footage of that plastic booger worth seeing. I hope there's some jail time in Brian's future.

Lots more fun reading to be had on the Google news.