Wednesday, October 05, 2005

America's Dumbest Wanker™. Patent pending.


Every self-respecting, lefty blogger needs a regular foil, a nemesis, a right-wing archenemy to whom one can reliably turn for guaranteed stupidity whenever one needs a topic on which to blog. Think of it as one-stop shopping -- all the boneheaded wankerishness you need in a single place that you can hold up to absolute scorn and richly-deserved ridicule.

Middle East authority Juan Cole has Jonah "Doughy Pantload" Goldberg; Holden over at First Draft regularly takes an axe handle to White House Press Weasel Scott McClellan and his gaggles; TBogg has, of course, America's Worst Mother™; every Canadian left-wing, liberal-leaning blogger has Pete Rempel.

And me? I'm making it official that I've adopted the sanctimonious pomposity that I've designated as America's Dumbest Wanker™ -- that would, of course, be none other than this complete prat, Weasel Boy, who can always be counted on to say the most breathtakingly inane things in the service of his master, George W. Bush. Or God. Whichever -- I'm pretty sure WB doesn't take the trouble to distinguish between the two a whole lot. And what has ADW™ done lately to distinguish himself? Oh, I'm so glad you asked.

As have many other denizens of Wankerville, Weasel Boy has jumped on the Bill Bennett defense bandwagon, expressing outrage -- shock and outrage, I say -- that anyone would consider gambling addict Bennett to be even remotely racist for having suggested one could reduce the crime rate by aborting all black fetuses. Not that Bennett was advocating such a harsh measure, of course, he was just, you know, sayin'.

What the above proves is that WB is as clueless as ever since Bennett's racism wasn't in the mention of abortion, oh no, not at all. The racism was tied inextricably to the claim (that WB openly embraces) that blacks are simply more criminal than the general population.

Note WB's reference to conservative blogger La Shawn Barber, who he quotes with much approval:

Third, Bennett’s hypothetical is based on fact. Blacks are 12.3 percent of the population, and about half are black men, which means black men are approximately 6 percent of the U.S. population. [Note: Until I remember where I got a certain statistic and link to the source, I’m deleting it. Look for an update tomorrow. In the meantime, the stats found at BJS are still alarming.] (see Bureau of Justice Statistics). Why aren’t you outraged over those shameful statistics?

Now, I'm going to take a wild guess at the certain statistic that's been redacted here, and suggest it shows that, while blacks make up only 12.3 per cent of the general U.S. population, they make up a far greater percentage of the American prison population. (This is, in fact, a well-known stat and almost certainly what Barber was going for.)

This would, naturally, lead Barber, Weasel Boy and numerous other imbeciles to conclude that blacks, proportionately, commit more crimes. It would never occur to them that one could also interpret this statistic to show that blacks are far more likely to receive harsh prison sentences for the same crimes that whites are allowed to walk from. I'm sorry, you asked for an example? How about this one, dealing with serial drug abuser and presidential niece Noelle Bush:

January 29, 2002: Noelle Bush was arrested at Walgreens on a charge of prescription fraud, attempting to obtain Xanax. She was sent to rehabilitation. If the woman involved in the Arizona shoplifting incident was this Noelle, the prior criminal record would have made her subject to harsh sentencing under Florida's drug laws.

September 9, 2002: The Orlando Police Department received an anonymous call from within the Center for Drug-Free Living, where Noelle Bush resided. The transcript reads:

"One of the women here was caught buying crack cocaine tonight. And a lot of the women are upset because she's been caught about five times. And we want something done because our children are here, and they just keep letting it slip under the counter and carpet... She does this all the time and she gets out of it because she's the governor's daughter. But we're sick of it here 'cause we have to do what's right, but she gets treated like some kind of princess. And everybody's tired of it, you know. We're just trying to get our lives together, and this girl's bringing drugs on property."

September 9, 2002: Employee Julia Elias discovers 0.2g crack cocaine hidden in Noelle Bush's shoe, while Bush is a patient at the Center for Drug-Free Living. Elias prepares a written statement to this effect, but supervisor Vilma Accison orders her to stop talking to police, and to destroy the document. Lacking the document or cooperation, police were unable to make an arrest.

September 16, 2002
: "While Noelle has been given every break in the book -- and then some -- her father has made it harder for others in her position to get the help they need by cutting the budgets of drug treatment and drug court programs in his state. He has also actively opposed a proposed ballot initiative that would send an estimated 10,000 non-violent drug offenders into treatment instead of jail." Arianna Huffington.

September 30, 2002: A judge blocks police from questioning employees that found the crack cocaine in Noelle's shoe earlier in the month, citing privacy laws. Father Jeb Bush expresses pleasure at the court's decision.

October 8, 2002: Noelle Bush asks that drug court records be closed on her case, citing a theory involving "expectation of privacy." One reason given was that her celebrity status was drawing attention to her.

October 15, 2002: A judge denied Bush's request to seal drug court records.

October 17, 2002: Noelle Bush was sentenced to ten days in Orange County jail for contempt, because of the crack cocaine.

August 8, 2003: Noelle Bush was released from rehabilitation to the custody of her parents. A judge dismissed the drug charges against her.

So here's a thought experiment -- does anyone seriously think that, if Ms. Bush had been a young, black man, she wouldn't now be languishing behind bars for the next several years for multiple drug violations? Luckily for ADW™, the extremely well-connected (and extremely white) Noelle has the drug charges against her ultimately dismissed, leaving him free to rail against the unnatural criminality of all dem darkies. Whew. Talk about lucky.

But all this talk about crime should inspire one to ask -- what exactly is Weasel Boy talking about when he uses the word "crime"? There's lots of different kinds of crime, but one gets the distinct impression that WB is most concerned with the kind of crime that makes him lock his doors at night, so that all those black criminals don't break in, terrify his family at gunpoint and have their way with his woman.

All right, then, just for the sake of argument, let's accept WB's premise -- that blacks proportionately commit more crimes along the lines of, say, drug-related offenses, vandalism, break-and-enter and even armed robbery. But what about all of those other violations of the criminal code?

I'm just guessing that, while blacks may be more likely to, say, smoke crack, they're probably a lot less likely to engage in corporate crime like, oh, insider trading. Or get caught up in charges of conspiracy and money laundering. And I'm pretty sure that, on a proportional basis, they're a lot less likely to commit numerous violations of the Geneva Conventions or international war crimes, know what I'm saying?

These are, of course, to folks like Weasel Boy just irrelevant details. See, when poor blacks are convicted of crime, that just proves that poor blacks are more likely to be criminals. On the other hand, when wealthy, well-connected, powerful (white) Republicans are indicted, well, in WB's mind, that just proves how nasty and partisan politics can be. And how all those blacks are still criminals.

See how that works?

AFTERSNARK: Using Weasel Boy's own logic, I could safely claim that you could reduce corporate crime in the United States by aborting all the children of rich, white conservatives. Not that I'm advocating such a position, Lord, no, I'm just making an observation.

And, while we're at it, is there any doubt that we could take a big bite out of narrow-minded, hate-filled intolerance and homophobia by aborting all children of fundamentalist Christians? Just sayin'.

Oh, Christ: Talk about exquisite timing, as TBogg brings us the the God-fearing Duggar family, no doubt soon to be a passel of fundamentalist, homo-bashing, money-laundering corporate criminals looking for a place to happen. Hey, as long as no crack smoking is involved, I guess it's all good.

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