Canadian Cynic

Hommage to the rude pundit -- part deux

And in the vein of the rude pundit once again, here's a snippet from Jon Stewart on Crossfire, where right-wing host and total dipshit Tucker Carlson makes it clear early on he's going to be a complete jerk:

CARLSON: You have a chance to interview the Democratic nominee. You asked him questions such as -- quote -- "How are you holding up? Is it hard not to take the attacks personally?"

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: "Have you ever flip-flopped?" et cetera, et cetera.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: Didn't you feel like -- you got the chance to interview the guy. Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him?

I fantasize, instead, about the following kind of exchange:

CARLSON: Didn't you feel like -- you got the chance to interview the guy. Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him? I mean, with softball questions like that, it's no wonder he'd rather come on your program than come here for some real debate.

STEWART: You know, Tucker, you worthless little shit, that's not why he comes on my program. He comes on my program because I treat him like a gentleman, because I'm genuinely glad that he's taken the time out of his insanely busy schedule to show up, and mostly because, unlike you, you simpering little right-wing kiss ass, I actually let him talk about the things he wants to talk about, like his plans for the economy, and Social Security, and Medicare and anything else that happens to come to mind.

He doesn't come on your trashy, insulting excuse for a "news" program because he knows that, the instant he sat down, you'd be haranguing him about being a flip-flopper, and about his vote on the funding of the Iraqi invasion -- yeah, that's right, it was an "invasion", don't sit there with that stupid, condescending little smirk dissing me, bowtie-boy -- and that absolute bullshit with the Swift Boats Liars for Bush crap and the rest of that stuff that's just been made up out of thin air by Bush and Rove.

He comes on my show because I treat him with the respect you give to someone who's a decorated Vietnam veteran and a 20-year member of the U.S. Senate. And I can't imagine why he'd give a flying fuck about coming on your show when all it means is that he'd have to sit here, listening to bullshit insults and lies from some 35-year-old, badly-dressed, patronizing little twerp. That's why he comes on my show."

Sigh. If only ...