Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sure, I can handle that. Do I get a car?

A job posting from Craigs List, Toronto:

At least 20 years experience in shell scripting
-Strong motorola 68k assembler skills (we're looking to code a TCP/IP stack)
-24+ years Linux experience
-C/C++ programming in a Linux environment (preferably for the X11 environment) - preferably 30+ years experience
-Must be an expert at socket programming (raw, multicast, blocking, non-blocking - must be all four, cannot include synchronous)
-Strong .NET Skills - preferably C++, C#, VB master
-Database: Oracle, PL/SQL, MySQL (from an administration and development view), Must know how to do reports with Crystal Reports, web pages with PHP and ASP.NET
-IP: Ability to partition blocks of IPs for our specific subnets, configuring IGP routing protocols (OSPF, EIGRP), as well as BGP
-IPX: Must be comfortable with routing IPX packets using EIGRP, Tunneling inside GRE
-Netware: Some netware experience needed - 25+ years, CNA certification.
-WAN: MPLS, VPN (MUST have at least 10 years experience with IPSEC, PPTP, L2TP using Cisco, Juniper, Nortel, Routing and Remote Access, SonicWall)
-LAN: At least 15 years setting up switched networks - STRONG understanding of STP and its variants, VTP, VLANS, DSCP, 802.1p, 802.1q, and layer 3 switching/inter-vlan, trunking, etherchannel
-LAN Services: Must be comfortable with the following: DNS server and client issues, FTP, OpenSSH (must know chroot, tunnel config), DHCP (Linux and Windows), CIFS, SAMBA, NFS, Ghost, RIS, RAS, Volume Shadow Copy, RADIUS/TACACS+ (Cisco ACS, Windows IAS), IIS and Apache (perferably the Linux version of IIS)
-Cabling: Must be able to cable and test cables in accordance with EIA/TIA coloring codes
-Email: MUST have Exchange Certification, Administration of Sendmail is a bonus too!
-Project Management: Must have some experience with working on a project as a player or leader. Leaders are expected to have PMBOK certification, as well as 30 years experience
-VOIP: Must have a strong understanding of SIP, Codecs, QoS, traffic shaping - preferably 15 years experience with Asterisk, design and soldering of FXS/FXO modules is a must
-Laptop: Must be a comfortable with laptop repair
-Taxes/Acct: ACCPAC, Quicken, Excel skills are a must (20+ years experience)
-Linux: Strong linux skills. Must have experience modifying kernel and package source code. Experience in security, IPTables, SELinux, Backups, Task scheduling, Users, chroot, tripwire.
-Languages: Must speak English, French (Parisienne, not quebecois), Urdu, Hindi, Mandarin and Russian

-Education: Must have University Degree in Computer Science, preferably masters or doctor. Must be a notable university, such as MIT.
-Vehicle: We're looking for someone with a nice vehicle, preferably something in the 50-60k range. Fully licensed and insured. Must pay over $200 insurance each month.
-Extra Curricular: Must have 20+ years MMA fighting experience

Posted under "Junior Network Administrator".


Zorpheous said...

betcha their offer something like 38k,...

LOL, either it is joke or it was put together by some no-mind HR person,...

Languages: Must speak English, French (Parisienne, not quebecois), Urdu, Hindi, Mandarin and Russian

I don't swearing in those languages counts CC ;-)

CC said...

It's pretty clearly a spoof, Zorph. Then again, based on what I know of HR folks, maybe not.

Cherniak_WTF said...

You know, the Boring Tories will be in glee after you post a want ad.....

Just saying...

liberal supporter said...

-24+ years Linux experience.
Linus Torvalds has 18 years since he wrote it, though I suppose it could have been a twinkle in his eye for an additional six years before.

Must have 20+ years MMA fighting experience.
Maybe Tove Torvalds would qualify as six-time Finnish national karate champion?

Cameron Campbell said...

Funny.. but just not funny enough to almost believable.

Here in Dunedin you see job ads sometimes: I amuse myself by counting the number of people who should be hired to do the job...

Mark Francis said...

The joke aside, headhunters often post sprawling job descriptions for non-jobs in order to pad their resource files.

Mike said...

Hey, don't laugh...I worked at a place in 2001 that posted a job requiring 15 years of java experience....

HR folks aren't the brightest bulbs in the sign...